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The UFC 156 Post-Fight Media Scrum Video In Which Dana White Basically Bans Randy Couture From the UFC

Wow. We all knew that the fallout from Randy Couture’s deal with Bellator would be swift and harsh, but if Dana White’s words during the UFC 156 post-fight media scrum were any indication, the UFC HOFer might find himself SOL (Author’s note: I get paid by the acrostic) when his son makes his promotional debut as well.

But before we get into that, lets talk about what went down during the UFC 156 post-fight press conference first (video above). Following his parlay-destroying victory over Alistair Overeem earlier in the evening, Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva was not afraid to add insult to injury when questioned on his strategy heading into the third round, stating almost matter-of-factly that Overeem lacked heart:

I work a lot in the gym and I had a good strategy, because we know Overeem [doesn't] have good cardio and no heart. When he punches, he’s a lion, but when [you] punch him, he’s a cat, you know? 

That’s right, Antonio freaking Silva just used the power of metaphor in English to call Ubereem a pussy. Might I direct you to this Scanners gif?

For obvious reasons, Dana White remained noncommittal to the idea of a Silva/Velasquez rematch, but simply stated that he “wouldn’t be opposed to that.” While it’s a decent idea in theory considering Silva’s most recent win, putting a guy who got taken down by Overeem on multiple occasions against the best wrestler in the division — one who practically killed Silva when they first fought, by the way — does not exactly scream “necessary matchup.” Then again, crazier things have happened in heavyweight rematches.

Now, let’s move on to Dana White pretty much banishing Randy Couture from all future UFC events…

To be fair, Dana White was forced to wade through a shitty selection of topics in the post-fight scrum — everything from Vitor Belfort’s positive test rumor to Stephan Bonnar’s totally positive UFC 153 test was covered — but to see the look that comes across DW’s face when he’s asked about Randy Couture at the 8:43 mark is downright hilarious. You can literally see the gears of war turning in The Baldfather’s head, as if he’s trying to express all his pent up rage and frustration by forming a completely new curse word (Cuntangular-pumpionfucker!), before calming down and declaring that Couture “is only a man when he steps into the octagon.” And if Dana White isn’t completely bullshitting the details of Couture’s signing with Bellator (and that’s an Emmanuel Yarborough-sized “if”), then it seems our beloved Captain America is a little more like Two-Face than we’d like to imagine. I’m not great with superhero puns.

However, it wasn’t until the subject of Randy’s son, Strikeforce veteran Ryan Couture, came up that things really got interesting (emphasis mine):

Interviewer: So how might this affect Ryan’s future?

Dana: So (sighs)…the day after I talked to you guys, I called Ryan Couture and I said ‘Ryan, let me put it to you this way, this is probably the weirdest conversation you’re ever going to have. [Author's note: Oh God, I know how this ends.] You signed a deal with us in the UFC. I want you to be here. But I need you to understand this: me and your dad are not good, me and your dad are never going to be good, ever, ever again, as long as I walk this fucking planet.

[Randy's] not cornering him. Randy Couture can’t buy a ticket to this motherfucking event. So I said, ‘He’s not going to be around and I just want to be upfront with you’…and he said to me, ‘Every kid who’s ever strapped on a pair of gloves is dreaming about fighting in the UFC, and if they say they’re not than they’re either lying or stupid.’ He said, ‘This is my dream. I want to fight with you guys.’ 

We’re not exactly sure which “motherfucking event” White was talking about, but there you have it: the most literal case of “out with the old, in with the new” that MMA has ever witnessed. No pressure, Ryan.

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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Kintamachikara- February 5, 2013 at 9:41 am
"wakttffrcdwbwbsahbidwwdtu1pfmswaituhmfhswhsmhpdaw." Is the acrostic for the first full sentence after "Wow."
Did you mean you get paid by the acronym?
Kimbo Lesnar- February 5, 2013 at 12:43 pm
Ugh. Is this how I sound? Sorry Danga.
halfbreed23- February 5, 2013 at 7:49 am
Sure Silva was whooped by Cain in their first fight but how much of that was due that horrendous cut that was opened? Is it possible the fight would have been a little better had Cain not spilled a couple of gallons of Silva's plasma? Nothing wrong with setting this rematch up. It wasn't anymore lopsided than Cain vs JDS II.
Kimbo Lesnar- February 5, 2013 at 6:35 am
"Author’s note: I get paid by the acrostic"

*Sigh* Do you mean acronym? Acrostics spell something out and are considered lyrical. HOF and SOL don't exactly fit that description.
Steve W- February 4, 2013 at 7:10 pm
Honestly, Dana came at Ryan Couture and made him the most gentlemanly offer he ever could have made.

Much respect to DW for handling this shit like a man. He gave the son an offer and he took it. Granted, Ryan ain't exactly going to be at easter dinner next. But he'll be "UFC Superstar" Ryan Couture that's not welcome to Easter dinner!

In the end, I'm not surprised. Randy Couture has always been about money over all. You can't fault him for that. Many a great men have been driven solely by greed. But, we can't lament when his all blows up in Randy's face, either. He chose fast cash to represent a third rate promotion on a second rate cable network. Don't cry when shit doesn't work and your adult son loves your former boss, who pays him, more than you.
dranokills- February 4, 2013 at 6:23 pm
definition of complete fucking dumbass: TEEP.
mma4ever- February 4, 2013 at 3:57 pm
Fuck randy there is no room for dissloylty pluss listening to him speak on fox was painfull the scorpion king still pisses me off to this day.
Duh Ogre- February 4, 2013 at 12:56 pm
And people wonder why Dana gets such a bad rap (psst, it's due to childish BS like this).
Fried Taco- February 4, 2013 at 12:06 pm
Don't be surprised if Ryan shows up for his first UFC fight with a very manly looking "mother".
teep- February 4, 2013 at 11:57 am
He's back - the king of holding grudges and having a beef with anyone! This is not the mob and Randy is not a made guy! Dana is a real dick to keep someone from ever being ringside for their son. Plus, how is Randy supposed to make a living besides having a gym? I guess the dick is in control of that too.