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The UFC is Still Screwing With Rampage Jackson, According to Rampage Jackson [SAD STORY BRO]

It’s really tough being Rampage Jackson these days, you guys. Sure, the boatloads of cash, the film and rap “careers,” and the endless string of Bengal tigers just waiting to be dry-humped are nice and all, but they don’t come close to filling the bottomless chasm left behind in Page’s soul by the swindlers and snake oil salesmen over at the UFC. Because beneath Rampage’s tuff (we imagine that is how he would prefer we spell it) exterior lies a kind, sensitive mixed martial artist that just wants his boss to pat him on the head and tell him that he’s proud of what he’s done. And then stop matching him up against fighters who utilize “gameplans,” “strategies,” “takedowns,” and other facets of modern MMA that are best left for trifling bitches.

And even though we haven’t been covering it as extensively as some, Jackson has been vehemently venting his feelings lately. Like, a lot. And by lately, we mean the past two years or so. And wouldn’t you know it, just a couple weeks out from his final contractually obligated fight at UFC on FOX: Johnson vs. Dodson, the UFC is still screwing with the poor guy. Jackson’s most recent lament was passed along by 5thround:

I’m sponsored by Reebok now and the UFC said I’m not allowed to wear Reebok in the cage, when the other fighters are sponsored by Nike and stuff. Why can’t I have Reebok?

[Reebok] support me. They know that I’m probably gonna be doing more movies and stuff in the future. Who knows, I might go into boxing or somewhere else. They’ll still hang out with me. They’re not worried about the UFC. They don’t care. They’re not upset. 

When assessing the troubled life of Rampage, I am oft reminded of Sisyphus, who was condemned to roll the same boulder up a hill for all eternity, only to have it come rolling back down when he had made it to the top. Except instead of boulders, Page is forced to express the same complaints over and over again, only to injure himself and be forced to remain under his UFC contract until the day his osteoporosis-ridden body can no longer support the oversized bike chains that dangle from his neck. It almost makes me want to cry.

Jackson has also taken aim at his upcoming opponent at UFC on FOX, Glover Teixeira, and how he is being a two-faced doo-doo liarpants in his interviews leading up to their clash:

Glover is a guy who is just like everybody else, they say they are going to stand with me when most of his training camp is taking me down and fighting me on the ground just like the other guys. These cowards needs to do what they say they’re going to do and stop trying to confuse me and have me training in other areas but I’m smarter than that now. Now I see his game plan.

Good for you, Rampage. It has only taken you 10+ years in the business to figure out what the average child could piece together before their first ever dodgeball match at gym class. My opponents might use deception to mess with me? SHOW ME WHERE THE MAGIC BEANS ARE, WIZARD.

This of course brings us to the age-old question: If Rampage complains in the forest (or about him, amiright?) and no one is around to hear it, should we continue to give a fuck?

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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mma4ever- January 19, 2013 at 5:39 am
I hate reebok
mma4ever- January 18, 2013 at 5:22 pm
He also hates flying .
Buster Hyman- January 18, 2013 at 2:05 pm
pleasssse one of you nerds make a meme involving rampage looking confused as his opponent takes/tries to take him down. that quote alone is fucking gold.
Mr_Misanthropy- January 18, 2013 at 12:48 pm
Zees crab- ee should be sad! Zomebodee 'as stoh-len zee othzer alf of ees moustache!
ArmFarmer- January 18, 2013 at 11:15 am
@dirteh Complaining about Jones and Mcd in 15 years? Where have you been.. we've been ripping on those guys for quite a while. Rampage deserves no respect. He has done nothing but tarnish the image of this sport for his entire career. So he had some enjoyable slams and ko's.. like almost every fighter in the sport.. that doesn't give him a pass to hump random people/animals/objects, disrespect others, plow through traffic in his truck, or whine and cry every time his fat, slow, one dimensional ass gets kicked by someone that actually trains and utilizes strategy. If you don't like fighter bashing go to mmajunkie, but that's exactly why I left that boring PC site.
Enricho Palazzo- January 18, 2013 at 6:47 am
"These cowards needs to do what they say they’re going to do and stop trying to confuse me..."

He SAID THAT?!?!?!??!
dranokills- January 18, 2013 at 6:36 am
and on this day in the forest, not one fuck was given.
masterbaitntackle- January 18, 2013 at 6:23 am
@karma: Wait...cage potato is a satirical website that sometimes reports news in a sarcastic manner? No fuckin way!!!! Get the fuck outta here....
KarmaAteMyCat- January 17, 2013 at 8:50 pm

Welcome to Cagepotato A SATIRICAL WEBSITE that sometimes reports news in a sarcastic manner. Might I suggest fucking yourself with a broom handle?

Happy New Year
and welcome to the family kid.
google- January 17, 2013 at 7:44 pm

you must be new here. welcome.
painvelasquez- January 17, 2013 at 5:50 pm
rampage zhould chillax ive seen people complain less when theyve been shot. Its MMA (MIXED martial arts) if you dont like that then go box after glover teaches you a lesson on the finer points of MMA.
DirtehSneakehs- January 17, 2013 at 4:09 pm
so fighter bashing is considered a acceptable job now? no wonder this site sucks so hard. The only thing that could be more annoying than rampages complaints are your sad attempts to pass this ass of a article off as legit. He is a fighter, He fights for money, not for some asshole with a laptop and a cup of coffee. for all that he has done for the mma, good or bad, this is how "knowledgable" mma journalist or bloggers or whatever the fuck you are treat him? with no respect? if you don't like him, don't watch him fight. haha man I cant wait for like 15 years from now when your bitching about Jon Jones or Rory Macdonald for their habits and behavior while overlooking their achievements. eat shit and die.

Mr_Misanthropy- January 18, 2013 at 4:23 pm
Ppppffffftttt Queif
google- January 17, 2013 at 7:29 pm

You must be new around here.Welcome to Cagepotato
SethF- January 17, 2013 at 4:25 pm

First off, how have you been here long enough to know what people have been complaining about for a year, yet not realize that when someone acts like a whiney douche, we'll call them out for it?

Second, you're so sad that we aren't constantly jerking him off over what he did eight years ago instead of focusing on what he's doing _right now_? That's life in general for you, bro. Things aren't "What have you done for me," so much as they're "What have you done for me lately." The same way your boss would fire you for skipping work for three weeks instead of saying "But you used to show up so I should focus on that," we focus on things as they currently are. We aren't a history site, we're a topical MMA site. If you don't like how no one here will let you coast on shit you did almost a decade ago, seek therapy, because that's life.
HandsofGold- January 17, 2013 at 3:18 pm
I’m smarter than that now. Now I see his game plan

You have been in the fight game how long, and you just now figured it out...... smh seriously
ArmFarmer- January 17, 2013 at 1:48 pm
This is one of those articles where you could make fun of just about every aspect of everything about it.. but then you wonder.. is it even worth the effort to make fun of Rampage anymore, and why are we still talking about him to begin with? The guy has 0 redeeming qualities and has spent his entire career reinforcing every negative stereotype I've ever heard about mma.
ArmFarmer- January 17, 2013 at 1:44 pm
I'm a little offended by the implication that we give a fuck if we ARE around to hear Rampage complain...
Big Daddy Duker- January 17, 2013 at 1:22 pm
Rampage's schtick is pretty tired. That said, it is a clever way to get your sponsor's name out there (to some extent anyway) in spite of the ban.
intercept440- January 17, 2013 at 1:18 pm
NomadRip- January 17, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Wait, Rampage is still relevant?
knucklesamitch- January 17, 2013 at 12:50 pm
This article is missing facts from the ACTUAL article which was on MMAJunkie a few days ago. Rampage is just bitching for the sake of bitching. He's not following the rules. Even if the rules are stupid, rules are rules. Every fighter gets a list of approved sponsors, and their have to get any sponsors they plan to wear in the cage pre-approved. Rampage did not get approval to wear Reebok because they have yet to approach the UFC on Rampage's behalf, and if they really wanted Rampage to be able to wear Reebok into the cage, then they'd pay the sponsorship tax (or whatever the hell UFC calls it), and then everything would be fine. Typical Rampage bullshit about how he's black and being held down by the "Man". Get the fuck outta here. So glad this guy will be falling off the face of the earth soon.
rudedude- January 17, 2013 at 12:45 pm
His crying is annoying but when u have a very marketable fighter that is at the tale end of his career u should b making fun fights for the fans not opponents that are going to hold him down and bore me to death. Wanderlai silva isn't getting those match ups . How would pat berry fans like to watch him get leg humped by a wrestler every fight out ? We all know rampage has bin past his prime and time for a coupl years now just saying he could have bin better utilized by zuffa by matching him up with vitor belfort , catch weight with pat berry and or Dan Henderson part2 fights like that would have bin fun to watch and made more $
SethF- January 17, 2013 at 4:17 pm
Assuming would Rampage have even accepted those fights. Something tells me he'd have wanted nothing to do with Hando or Barry, and it'd depend on how out of shape Belfort looked at the time if Rampage wanted him. And even then, Rampage would find something to bitch about.
El Guapo- January 17, 2013 at 12:44 pm
Page just wants to bang, bro. Coward wrestlers, Dana White, Asian bitches... It's 2013; Can't a nigga bang no mo'?
Darkside- January 17, 2013 at 12:31 pm
Wasn't there a CP ban on the "you guys" thing? I swear I think I remember that.
Fried Taco- January 17, 2013 at 12:19 pm
Answer IV, ZigKick, RealFlex, ZigNano, Club C, Dash Runner, Pump Omni, Sermon... nope, I just can't find the new Reebok Complainer shoe on their web site.