It’s really tough being Rampage Jackson these days, you guys. Sure, the boatloads of cash, the film and rap “careers,” and the endless string of Bengal tigers just waiting to be dry-humped are nice and all, but they don’t come close to filling the bottomless chasm left behind in Page’s soul by the swindlers and snake oil salesmen over at the UFC. Because beneath Rampage’s tuff (we imagine that is how he would prefer we spell it) exterior lies a kind, sensitive mixed martial artist that just wants his boss to pat him on the head and tell him that he’s proud of what he’s done. And then stop matching him up against fighters who utilize “gameplans,” “strategies,” “takedowns,” and other facets of modern MMA that are best left for trifling bitches.

And even though we haven’t been covering it as extensively as some, Jackson has been vehemently venting his feelings lately. Like, a lot. And by lately, we mean the past two years or so. And wouldn’t you know it, just a couple weeks out from his final contractually obligated fight at UFC on FOX: Johnson vs. Dodson, the UFC is still screwing with the poor guy. Jackson’s most recent lament was passed along by 5thround:

I’m sponsored by Reebok now and the UFC said I’m not allowed to wear Reebok in the cage, when the other fighters are sponsored by Nike and stuff. Why can’t I have Reebok?

[Reebok] support me. They know that I’m probably gonna be doing more movies and stuff in the future. Who knows, I might go into boxing or somewhere else. They’ll still hang out with me. They’re not worried about the UFC. They don’t care. They’re not upset. 

When assessing the troubled life of Rampage, I am oft reminded of Sisyphus, who was condemned to roll the same boulder up a hill for all eternity, only to have it come rolling back down when he had made it to the top. Except instead of boulders, Page is forced to express the same complaints over and over again, only to injure himself and be forced to remain under his UFC contract until the day his osteoporosis-ridden body can no longer support the oversized bike chains that dangle from his neck. It almost makes me want to cry.

Jackson has also taken aim at his upcoming opponent at UFC on FOX, Glover Teixeira, and how he is being a two-faced doo-doo liarpants in his interviews leading up to their clash:

Glover is a guy who is just like everybody else, they say they are going to stand with me when most of his training camp is taking me down and fighting me on the ground just like the other guys. These cowards needs to do what they say they’re going to do and stop trying to confuse me and have me training in other areas but I’m smarter than that now. Now I see his game plan.

Good for you, Rampage. It has only taken you 10+ years in the business to figure out what the average child could piece together before their first ever dodgeball match at gym class. My opponents might use deception to mess with me? SHOW ME WHERE THE MAGIC BEANS ARE, WIZARD.

This of course brings us to the age-old question: If Rampage complains in the forest (or about him, amiright?) and no one is around to hear it, should we continue to give a fuck?

-J. Jones