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The Unsupportable Opinions: UFC 137 Preview Edition

(Hey, it’s that thing from my nightmares! So weird seeing you during the daytime! / Photo via @bjpenndotcom)

It’s been a while since we’ve tried to convince you fine people of something totally ridiculous. But looking through Saturday’s UFC 137: Penn vs. Diaz card, I feel like playing devil’s advocate on a few things. So keep an open mind, and read on…

Donald Cerrone Should Drop to Featherweight

Donald Cerrone has recently claimed that he’d like to face Nam Phan in his next fight, because Phan beat up his best friend Leonard Garcia earlier this month then allegedly said that if Garcia’s coaches were any good they would have taught him how to throw straight punches. Now, the average observer might say, “Look Donald, you’re on a five-fight win streak — shouldn’t you be more concerned about challenging for the belt at lightweight than chasing personal rivalries with unranked dudes at 145?”

But I say screw it, Cowboy, you do you. Not for the revenge aspect, which is completely silly. But because the lightweight division has too many contenders to the throne, and the featherweight division doesn’t have enough.

Cerrone already seems enormous as a lightweight, but he says he can make 145 by giving up his addiction to Milk-Duds and Hot Tamales, and hiring a nutritionist. If he can pull it off, he’d be an immediate threat in the featherweight division. Already dangerous from all angles, aggressive, and well-rounded, Cerrone would be such a physically imposing presence at featherweight that he could win most fights on reach and power alone. And that’s a good thing, because after Chad Mendes (and maybe the winner of Hominick vs. Zombie), there really isn’t anybody who’s set up to challenge for the featherweight belt.

Plus, if Cerrone loses to Siver on Saturday night, he’s back to square one in a very crowded division. And of course, losing is a very real possibility, despite the fact that Cerrone is already writing the Russian-German striker off as a “one-trick pony.” Such overconfidence could cost him. And if it does, Cowboy’s probably better off starting over in a different division anyway.

George Roop Is Going to Beat Hatsu Hioki

Yes, I’m saying that the world’s #31-ranked featherweight is going to upset the guy at #7. Is it because I think Roop’s powerful striking will surprise the Japanese grappling specialist and former TKO/Shooto/Sengoku champ? Not exactly. I’ve just lost all hope that a top-ranked fighter from Japan can come over to the UFC and do well.

If there’s anything we’ve learned from the recent failures of Michihiro Omigawa, Kid Yamamoto, Takanori Gomi, and Jorge Santiago in the UFC, and Shinya Aoki and Maximo Blanco in Strikeforce, it’s that any top ranking earned while fighting in Asia is suspect. I hate to sound like Dana White here, but the results speak for themselves. Time and time again, reputations have been made in Japan, and immediately lost inside the Octagon.

Over the last three years, Hioki’s most notable win was his decision against Marlon Sandro, and Sandro has since been exposed while fighting in Bellator. So this argument isn’t based on the matchup, or George Roop’s momentum coming off his win over Josh Grispi. It’s just based on an undeniable trend. We’ve seen this a dozen times before, and we already know what happens.

Nick Diaz Will Beat BJ Penn, but Never Win Another Fight in the UFC

Here’s how this is going to go down: Diaz is going to slice Penn apart standing and take the fight out of him completely by the third round. Penn will eventually collapse under the onslaught — like so many before him — and Diaz will throw down strikes until the ref stops it. Penn won’t lose consciousness, because Penn doesn’t do that, but it’ll be a convincing, demoralizing stoppage loss, and it’ll signal that Penn can no longer hang with the top welterweights in the division.

Diaz will get a title shot against the winner of St. Pierre vs. Condit, which will be GSP. Now here’s where things get tricky. Before he returned to the UFC, Diaz built up a ten-fight win streak in EliteXC/Dream/Strikeforce, but he did so mostly against other strikers. He’s completely forgotten what it was like to face a tenacious wrestler, and St. Pierre is going to remind him, winning a five-round unanimous decision mostly on the basis of top control.

Diaz will be pissed. He’ll insult GSP afterwards for not coming to fight, and blast the point-fighting strategy that has taken over the sport. He’ll threaten to move to boxing again. But now that he’s served his purpose for the UFC — as another body to throw at St. Pierre — Dana White won’t have to put up with Diaz’s bullshit anymore.

If Diaz insults the UFC in interviews, he’ll be put on ice. If he ditches press conferences, he’ll be taken off cards and not given A-list replacement opponents. And when he does return, he’ll be offered a fight against Jon Fitch, take it or leave it. If he takes it, he’ll be humped to another unanimous decision loss. If he leaves it, well, who knows where the Nick Diaz story goes from there.

Cagepotato Comments

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Willa Ford- March 19, 2013 at 4:06 pm
Wow, the last four paragraphs of this ended up being really weirdly prescient about Diaz's career.
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fatbellyfrank- October 28, 2011 at 6:51 am
@ Highest primate, yes mate, still cleaning up!
Hesh to Steel- October 28, 2011 at 5:57 am
Nobody's getting knocked out in the Penn/Diaz fight. Those guys' have chins that were cut from the same piece of granite. Remember the daley fight? I think Daley KO'd every single UFC opponent until he got ito Koscheck. Diaz took some huge shots from Daley and kept conscious. Daley is a much bigger fighter than Penn, too. I don't like picking a winner in this fight but if you put a gun to my head i'll say Diaz by TKO.

As far as Kongo/Mitrione goes, Mitrione has looked better every subsequent fight, but I hope he has tiny testicles. Why, you ask? Because he WILL get kneed or kicked in the groin in this fight, and the smaller his stones are, the less likely they are to take a lot of damage.
Todd M- October 27, 2011 at 10:19 pm
Yeah this is bush league journalism at best. Cerrone at 145 is a good idea? No way he makes 145 and carrys the power or cardio with him and Hoiminick/Jung winner as the next title shot because there is no one else? ah Eric Koch, Dustin Poirier?
intercept440- October 27, 2011 at 9:56 pm
well said drano...well said indeed
dranokills- October 27, 2011 at 9:48 pm
yeah yeah yeah, all that fantasy shit while it is entertaining, just isn't the truth.
The truth is Diaz has been in the UFC before, he was a cuntmouth back then just like he is today. He ran his mouth and Diego Sanchez shut it for him. B.J. Penn destroyed Diego, who is waaaaaaaay fucking more aggressive than pitty-pat Diaz, and there is nothing new about Nick that says B.J. won't completely demolish Prick Diaz. his nuthugging fan-base are delusional to think otherwise, and the UFC won't ever mention his past fights in the UFC so newbies will be pumped up for a fight they have no historical knowledge of. Good job promoting this is top bill but in reality it could be a PPV opener that's how truthfully little a chance Diaz has. I will say right here that Penn will Knock Diaz out in a bloody heap in the 3rd round.
I also think kongo will KO Mitrione, or at least I hope he does, I think Matt is good but could use some humility. I think it will help him grow more than what he is doing now.
I think Big Country will throw crow-crap on his ass, lay on him till he turns red then either pound him into a bloody pulp or submit him, at least before the half way mark of the 2nd round. I think FINALLY the crotian windbag will go raise his children, and I hope for him he does what his wife says or she could probably be the next person to knock him out....followed quickly by his preteen kid accidentally bumping into him and knocking him out.
Jawbreaker_46- October 27, 2011 at 9:24 pm
I could absolutley see both those scenarios playing out.
El Guapo- October 27, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Not that it's bad shit, but the style is different from the usual suspects is all. I can defintely see the Diaz scenario panning out. Peppers the Prodigy to a porridge-like consistency, gets wrestlefucked(Trademarked Sexy Rexy, 2011)by Rush.
The Highest Primate- October 27, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Jesus Frank you are up bloody north.. you must have copped a bit of Yasi up there eh?
jfjjfjff- October 27, 2011 at 5:42 pm
wow LOL, that was a very entertaining article. i pray that the diaz bit comes true to the letter.
fatbellyfrank- October 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm
The greatest thing about UFC137 is that my local pub has decided to show the fights!! head to "Ye Olde Gordonvale Hotel" for an afternoon of fistic fury and frosty adult beverages!!!!
Clyde- October 27, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I thought Diaz did remember what it was like facing a strong wrestler which is why he left the UFC in the first place.
intercept440- October 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm
dont lie you laughed at it
Fried Taco- October 27, 2011 at 3:27 pm
@ReX - thanks for wasting my time with another one of your memes. does it count now if I dream of him after seeing the picture? although I'm pretty sure he's the guy that always hits me in the nuts in my dreams.
JohnnyBlaze- October 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Entertaining? that shit is completely lame and Jason Moles would shit on you.
TheWarsawExpress- October 27, 2011 at 2:41 pm
WRONG! DIAZ WILL GOGO ST PIERRE STRAIT BACK TO FRANCE! All while giving the audience a double dose of the one finger victory salute. You heard it here first.
intercept440- October 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm
i have a diffferent version of events that will take place on saturday night with diaz vs. penn.
pen will knockout diaz within 2 rounds, and diaz will threaten to go back to boxing. and hell curse something , or mumble something dana doesnt like, then hell be shleved for a while.
as he is shelved he does what nick diaz always does, hell do triathalons and such, but right before shark week premiers for umpteenth season he will be attacked by a great white, and lose one of his appendages. and will be featured on the hit program as a attack survior, and find a new life as a millionaire by inventing a special thc infused wetsuit which repels sharks..
his resulting status will propel him international fame.
Bj's story though will just be Baby jay doing what baby jay always does.
after the win he will lick his gloves and contract a previous unknown version of Hep c and will forever regret his post fight ritual.

i mean shit, if your going to make up fantasy at least make it entertaining.

Jason moles did you right this?
BONGTAR- October 27, 2011 at 2:12 pm
WRONG!! Diaz and Penn have a great fight worthy of a rematch. Afterwards, Diaz earns back his title shot, Diaz pulls a Serra on GSP and takes the title, setting up a rematch for Diaz and Penn.
El Guapo- October 27, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Hate to be that "who wrote this shit?" guy, but... Y'know.
SethF- October 27, 2011 at 1:53 pm
What makes that thing an especially unpopular pinata is that when your child breaks it open, there's no candy. There's just a lawyer's note accusing your child of being rubbed down with Vaseline.
RB- October 27, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Hahaha... it'd be pretty fun to watch Diaz get frustrated beyond Hell as Fitch Fitch's him for 3 rounds...
Kimbos Bread- October 27, 2011 at 1:50 pm
That thing should be called "A blowable BJ".
ReX13- October 27, 2011 at 1:46 pm
oh my god...

you dream this man too?