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Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson Have Been Going Through Some Rough Times, You Guys

(‘Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd got nothing on us, baby.’)

Sometimes you have to stop and wonder how people ever dealt with hardship before the invention of Twitter. Before the age when one could broadcast one’s own personal tragedies in 140 characters or less, how did we ever get along? I mean, say you’re a woman who recently went through a miscarriage, as Jenna Jameson claimed on her Twitter account recently. What are you supposed to do with that pain, keep it to yourself? Only share it with close friends and family members? Some life that would be. Your 97,000 followers on Twitter absolutely need to know about this, just like they need to know about the really bad flu your famous pro fighter boyfriend is suffering from, and about your desire to be in an all-girl rock band.

And see, that’s just a couple of days in the Twitter life of Tito and Jenna. A few weeks ago Ortiz raised eyebrows with cryptic messages about how difficult his life had become, prompting all manner of speculation about his health and general well being. Now he tweets that he’s suffering from “the worst ful I have every had [sic]. More IV’s please.”

As he clarifies immediately afterwards, he’s actually referring to a really bad flu (and thank God, because the last thing we need is a ful epidemic in MMA), which he’s suffering from even as his main squeeze deals with the loss of what would have been the couple’s third child. So basically, hard times in the HBBB household. Our hearts go out to them. But how are they holding up, anyway?

The answer seems to be, almost disturbingly well. Just three hours after announcing that she “lost [her] pregnancy today,” Jameson goes off on an extended riff about how badly she wants to be “the new Joan Jett,” before eventually concluding that she needs to become “the singer of an all girl band, that kills it, and shows boys we are in charge!”

They really get over stuff quickly in that household, don’t they?  It’s actually kind of creepy.

They also seem to spend about sixty percent of their time on Twitter responding to people who are trying to antagonize them, and the rest of the time either alluding to how badly their lives have been going lately, or else self-promoting in one sense or another. But with Ortiz laid low by the flu, we can probably put to rest any notion that he might fight on what seems increasingly likely to be a fictional fight card in April.  So much for Dana White’s assurance that Tito is doing just fine.

Cagepotato Comments

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Unabomberman- March 16, 2010 at 10:06 pm
@Seoul Brother:

I guess I'm just not that ambitious.
Seoul Brother- March 16, 2010 at 8:33 pm
@Unabomberman: A few suggestions: 1) Change "anally penetrated by a rowdy catholic priest" (is there any other kind?) to being goatsed by the entire Cardinal College; 2) Change "burning rope" to bungee cord; and 3) while he's doing the back & forth between being turned into The Holy See's personal ass puppet and being shredded by a wind tunnel fan, have people beat the fuck out of him with 2x4s.
Unabomberman- March 16, 2010 at 7:52 pm
@Seoul Brother:

Dude, that's cold. What if he was being anally penetrated by a rowdy catholic priest while hanging from a burning rope atop a giant blender?
Seoul Brother- March 16, 2010 at 5:49 pm
@ben: The assumption there, sir, is that Tito has anything in his skull upon which a tumor could grow. Let's say he mouths off one too many times, gets shanked in a gay bar fight, and Dr. G or Dr. Michael Baden have to do the autopsy. They'd stand a better chance of finding Chocolate Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, and Hostess Snowballs in his cavernous melon than anything resembling a brain.

Sympathy? For that fucking douchebag? I wouldn't have sympathy for him even if his only job prospect was to lick Amy Winehouse for rent money.
Seoul Brother- March 16, 2010 at 5:36 pm
@El Famous Burrito: That's fucking foul, brother. I salute you. Criminy, her lips are looser than Salvatore "Sammy The Bull" Gravano's. Every time she crosses and uncrosses her legs, she creates a flux vortex and Na'vi fly out.
T_Durden- March 16, 2010 at 2:49 pm
I've got my money on the paragraphs below. We should start a pool to see who gets it right. C'mon CP...there's no way I'll ever catch Rampey or even rack up enough chips to enter the prize pools, and I know you have another one of those MMA Warehouse Gear Packs laying around.

"After contracting HIV, it is true that some people will have symptoms of a condition known as either acute retroviral syndrome (ARS) or primary HIV infection. People with primary HIV infection can experience a wide range of symptoms similar to those of the flu. These include:

sore throat
swollen lymph nodes
joint pains and muscle aches
weight loss
neurological symptoms, e.g., memory loss

These symptoms appear 2-4 weeks after infection and can last anywhere from a few days to a month."
Bleak- March 16, 2010 at 2:45 pm
AAAAAH my eyes. Why did I read this? God, WHY!?!
ghostboner- March 16, 2010 at 12:33 pm
@ El famous burrito - Oh shit. Comment of the year so far. Purple Pickle has some competition.
skeletor- March 16, 2010 at 12:08 pm
I wouldn't worry to much about it. They probably would have found a brain tumor when they were fixing his cracked skull.
justscrappin- March 16, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Jenna's arm looks like the baby arm on the guy from scary movie. Please stop trying to serve me mashed po-tatas Jenna! Oh wait..that's left over dna from your movies.
parchy mcthirst- March 16, 2010 at 11:47 am
flu symptoms eh? the HBBB has teh AIDS...or at least maybe (along with his mannequin wife). Those artificial fucks, are they even real people anymore? Or are they humanoid robots in disguise?
superflat- March 16, 2010 at 11:13 am
@cecils_pupils: You think it's possible that a nice girl like Jenna would have contracted an STD and passed it on to Tito? Really? I just can't believe that.
robthom- March 16, 2010 at 11:08 am
"...we're all going to feel really guilty about dissing his verbal dyslexia."


No I wont.
ReDx- March 16, 2010 at 10:46 am
Tito goes through rough times every time he fucks Jenna, that tunnel of scar tissue some can argue is a vagina must be a pain.
Viva Hate- March 16, 2010 at 10:37 am
@Get Off Me,
Thank you for pointing our her arm, makes you start to wonderwith her career path and this amazing weight loss, wonder if the rumors should start, the letters maybe Tito didn't mispell flu, maybe ful was hiv, the letters are pretty close together. I guess we will know if Tito comes out for his next fight to "Streets of Philidelphia" instead of Eminem.
ben- March 16, 2010 at 10:37 am
 @ skeletor:If it turns out that Tito has a brain tumor that's been affecting his speech for the last few years, we're all going to feel really guilty about dissing his verbal dyslexia.
Get Off Me- March 16, 2010 at 10:27 am
Get a load of Jenna's left arm in the photo.....that's about the most compelling point of interest in this whole article.
Hopefully this is it for Tito as a fighter, the last thing I want is another fight that Tito does half decent in the first round, slows in the second and out right loses the third(no mention of 4th or 5th round, because those rounds are for championship fights) and have to sit through another post match interview and hear about how he has had the flu and that he would like to see someone step into the octagon with a 101 temperature, fractured skull, spinal stenosis, herniated disc, slipped disc, blood clot in the leg, heart murmur, high blood sugar/low blood sugar blah blah.
El Famous Burrito- March 16, 2010 at 10:27 am
Miscarriage my ass.

That's called loose lips, big head, and gravity does the rest.
robthom- March 16, 2010 at 10:19 am
@ videodrome, gosh tell us how really feel.
Nut Puncher 9000- March 16, 2010 at 10:14 am
Thats it Jenna, throw that hanger away and move on. There is a girl band out there that needs your help. Clean up the blood and get moving.
Videodrome_NOW- March 16, 2010 at 10:09 am
I'm not going to be a dick and and tell you, Ben, how to run your site; but I'll probably be an ass and ask why anything Tito or Jenna is being put on display? It's not like WAR MACHINE, who carries more emotional baggage than all the patrons of this site. It's TITO for hell's sake! A guy with an IQ of a jelly bean, man. I don't care if Tito set himself on fire and pissed on himself to put the fire out. He is irrelevant and is getting way more attention than he ever needs/deserves. Of all the people who have come and gone in the UFC, I desperately wish that anybody(Tim Sylvia included) would have been brought back in before Tito.
There. I feel better now.
robthom- March 16, 2010 at 10:03 am
So we've been discussing, contemplating and theorizing for a week about tito's ful.

I've got to go take a scorching hot shower and scrub myself with tsp now. I feel like I've been raped.
skeletor- March 16, 2010 at 9:50 am
I heard allot of things from it is in fact a tumor(in his head), to Marcus Davis AIDS voodoo actually got Tito by accident. I'm glad it's just the flu because i don't think man kind could go on without these fine upstanding pillars of society.

There is also the conspiracy that Dana poses these illnesses via vague twitter campaigns to raise the likability stock in his more unpopular but still monitarily viable stars (Brock Lesnar). The only real question here is whos next?
ReX13- March 16, 2010 at 9:36 am
Good to see that CP feels the same way i do about Jenna's amazing bounce from "good cry" to "ZOMG we need to start a girl band!!!!1!".

Second, WTF is going on with Ortiz? Did he complete the show? Is he still on for the Liddell fight? Did he ref the apparently fictional KOTC Uppercut event?

cecils_pupils- March 16, 2010 at 9:36 am
I am still going with Hep B for Tito (props to Rex13). He's probably going through some blood transfusions or something. Seriously, the "flu" is not gonna "seriously impact a fighters future". Bullshit - this ain't no flu.