(‘Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd got nothing on us, baby.’)
Sometimes you have to stop and wonder how people ever dealt with hardship before the invention of Twitter. Before the age when one could broadcast one’s own personal tragedies in 140 characters or less, how did we ever get along? I mean, say you’re a woman who recently went through a miscarriage, as Jenna Jameson claimed on her Twitter account recently. What are you supposed to do with that pain, keep it to yourself? Only share it with close friends and family members? Some life that would be. Your 97,000 followers on Twitter absolutely need to know about this, just like they need to know about the really bad flu your famous pro fighter boyfriend is suffering from, and about your desire to be in an all-girl rock band.
And see, that’s just a couple of days in the Twitter life of Tito and Jenna. A few weeks ago Ortiz raised eyebrows with cryptic messages about how difficult his life had become, prompting all manner of speculation about his health and general well being. Now he tweets that he’s suffering from “the worst ful I have every had [sic]. More IV’s please.”
As he clarifies immediately afterwards, he’s actually referring to a really bad flu (and thank God, because the last thing we need is a ful epidemic in MMA), which he’s suffering from even as his main squeeze deals with the loss of what would have been the couple’s third child. So basically, hard times in the HBBB household. Our hearts go out to them. But how are they holding up, anyway?
The answer seems to be, almost disturbingly well. Just three hours after announcing that she “lost [her] pregnancy today,” Jameson goes off on an extended riff about how badly she wants to be “the new Joan Jett,” before eventually concluding that she needs to become “the singer of an all girl band, that kills it, and shows boys we are in charge!”
They really get over stuff quickly in that household, don’t they? It’s actually kind of creepy.
They also seem to spend about sixty percent of their time on Twitter responding to people who are trying to antagonize them, and the rest of the time either alluding to how badly their lives have been going lately, or else self-promoting in one sense or another. But with Ortiz laid low by the flu, we can probably put to rest any notion that he might fight on what seems increasingly likely to be a fictional fight card in April. So much for Dana White’s assurance that Tito is doing just fine.