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Tuesday Afternoon Rumor Funhouse: True Romance Edition

Oh man, you thought last week’s Rumor Funhouse was grossly irresponsible? You guys have no idea what’s in store for you. Today’s installment features five warm ‘n fuzzy tales, all about the romantic bond. Four of them have been completely made up, either by us or by other people. One of them is actually legit. Can you separate the bullshit from the chicken salad? (That’s what they say down South, right?) Read on if you dare. Actually, don’t. Just move along. You’ll be a lot better off for it…

Alistair Overeem recently had a threesome with Marloes Coenen and kickboxer Krista Fleming, and filmed it. How do I know this? Because a notoriously sketchy industry figure showed me about nine seconds of the sex tape on an iPhone last weekend at the MMA World Expo in New York. And let me tell you, they don’t call him "The Demolition Man" for nothing. Seriously, those poor women. The sketchy industry figure is currently trying to find a buyer for the complete video.

— When not spending quality time with his wife and kids, UFC president Dana White belongs to a secret society of sex-tourists called “The Smasher Group” that travels the world banging hot women. Annual membership to belong to the Smasher Group? $250,000. But apparently you get your money’s worth. Wherever Dana travels, a hand-picked roster of hot chicks are waiting for him. Everything is very discreet. There are less than 100 members, and they all have a "TSG" ("The Smasher Group") tattoo somewhere on their bodies. DW’s is actually kind of prominent. Girls Gone Wild kingpin Joe Francis once belonged to the group, but was expelled after roughing up a couple of the ladies. Also, Dana is banging Kenda Perez.

— Contrary to popular belief, it was Randy Couture, not his ex-wife Kim, who caused the breakdown of their marriage. Things fell apart when Kim found out that Randy was grounding and pounding a female employee. The mistress in question used her unique position to land a high-level gig in the Xtreme Couture organization, which should have been a dead giveaway, considering she didn’t exactly have any relevant experience. She no longer works for the company.

— There was this new kid training at the HIT Squad (we’ll call him "Nick") who was known to have very hot girlfriend. Matt Hughes asked to see a picture of her, so Nick showed him one on his phone. Hughes asked Nick to e-mail the picture to him. Nick refused, but Hughes badgered him until he finally relented. Hughes printed out the photo of Nick’s girlfriend at home, laid his dick on top of it, photographed it, then printed that photo. The next day, Nick walked into the locker room and saw that Hughes had posted this photo-treatment for everybody to see, with a caption too awful to even print here. When Nick confronted Hughes about it, Hughes’s only response was "I didn’t know you were coming in to train today."

BJ Penn has been with his girlfriend Shealen for three-and-a-half years, and they had a daughter together in October 2008, but they haven’t gotten married yet. That will change this spring…when she finally turns 18.

Cagepotato Comments

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hoolycnd- April 3, 2012 at 1:14 am
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knee2dahead- November 23, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Fuck a rumor
stopdrinkingpee- November 18, 2010 at 12:29 am
alicks: yes.
Mofo- November 17, 2010 at 10:47 pm
And CP is still in a class by itself. Other mma sites, I've read em all for years, and they are booooooo-riiiiiiiiiing. They go out of their way to AVOID the inherent hilarity that constantly pops up in the MMA world.

And I'm really fucking tired of hearing about "old dad" -- who gives a fuck, he's not here, and the stuff he's writing at other sites is boooooooo-riiiiiiiing these days so fuck him, he shouldn't have left cuz he sucks now. How can any of you rave about him when he's writing the same boring "serious" pieces as Iole, Grosse et al.

So, we're allowed to complain about a gay TMZ post, but it doesn't mean CP isn't a good site. It just means, don't be lame homey.
Mofo- November 17, 2010 at 10:39 pm
By faaaaar the gayest post ever on CP. Nick Ring gay!

And the most entertaining comments thread in months!

So much hilarity and animosity, like a car crash I couldn't look away from. A hilarious car crash with Reem fucking a goat (did I paraphrase that right?)

@MRuss - that really was tacky to come on and be all "homie let me send you some crap in the mail because you my friend are the big winner here". Danomite's was a funny comment, for sure. But frankly - where the fuck is my crap in the mail for my awesome caption contest nonsense?

The caption contests are more enraging than this stupid rumor mill because they get everyone involved, and some poor sap feels like "I'm the big winner today" but all you're doing is accepting advertising dollars for some shit movie or bogus clothing line or whatever. Randomly pick some entries, send out some swag, collect some ad dollars, wick wick wack. Sure I've set it up for you to say "we didn't give you a prize because you weren't funny" but fuck that, the winning entries were pathetic and I know you guys know enough about comedy to know that.

Yep I'm still pissed about that. Now please excuse me while I go stroke my pussy because who would whine about such a thing but a bitch.
WalksInTheDarkness- November 17, 2010 at 11:36 am
To be honest, there's nothing that this site hasn't written or printed before that would stop something that Matt Hughes' mind came up with so I think that one could be a fib...
cecils_pupils- November 17, 2010 at 9:57 am
Long live the taters, and fuck the haters!
RwilsonR- November 17, 2010 at 9:42 am
I can't wait to see the new overhaul of the site and the exciting changes coming for CP that were hinted at during the last Bum Rush! Especially since everything has died down since the last big changeover when CP added new writers.
MoTropolis- November 17, 2010 at 8:04 am
What the hell does "ranckle" mean?
ReX13- November 17, 2010 at 7:59 am
Geez, i hope ringgirl didn't see the disgusting things i said about Stephanie Ann Cook. 
ringgirl- November 17, 2010 at 7:49 am
uhh the one without the "entertaining" links - and matt's douchery isnt even funny...
Sudos KFC- November 17, 2010 at 7:25 am
@lysol reread please. I know I had to do it via my phone but I was clearly talking about the middleeasy rumour mill. I would blame the lack of puncutation but you were the only one confused
Bruces_Shoe_man- November 17, 2010 at 7:16 am
This is utter coin operated toilet pig dog humour. Come on CP, you're better than this.
ReX13- November 17, 2010 at 5:57 am
In all fairness, Ben DID warn you guys not to read this. 
ArmFarmer- November 17, 2010 at 5:32 am
"Here's another fun observation you can maybe convert into more "clicks" for your new MMA blog's piggy bank:

Tuesday Afternoon Rumor Funhouse: True Romance Edition


Scott Coker Talks Co-Promotion and Negotiations with Fedor, But is Conspicuously Mum About CBS Negotiations


and as for that observation..

A. Nobody commented on the Coker article because the article doesn't fucking say anything. You guys wrote an article about Scott Coker having nothing to say about anything, so what's there to comment on?

B. Having 72 comments on an article is not a good thing when 62 of them are to tell you that the article is retarded.

ArmFarmer- November 17, 2010 at 5:25 am
Anyone who works for cp should be embarassed and ashamed that this article exists. It's an mma site, not a gossip magazine. This article is garbage.

That's what I think about this article, and you know what.. if you don't like my comment don't fuckin read it. Go find another mma blog's comment section to read if you don't like what you see here.

How do you like them apples? Flipped it on you bitches..
Kimbos Bread- November 17, 2010 at 4:49 am

And the best part about pulling the bitch move with the t shirts is that the said mod doesn't realize that the fact that the site is going down the shitsmakes the shirts all the more worthless.
Jack Bauer- November 17, 2010 at 4:00 am

You're a stupid post.
Jack Bauer- November 17, 2010 at 4:00 am
@ Sudos KFC

I'll try my best to sidestep all your condescending and juvenile raging, because it'll only cause more mouth-frothing on your part, and neither of us want that (I assume.)

Does generate revenue from advertisements? Yes. Does that make it a capitalistic enterprise? No.

blog [bl??] — noun informal Full name: weblog
a journal written on-line and accessible to users of the internet.

To call yourself a "customer" of someone's thoughts is so absurdly self-righteous. If you legitimately think that you have any claim on what gets posted here because of the laughably small cashflow needed to keep the web server running and buy BG and MRuss a steady supply of Ramen noodles, then I must reiterate my earlier invitation to start your own MMA blog, where the goal is to make money at the expense of your reader's time and "clicks". If you don't enjoy the content, it's your right as a member of a free society to express it, but don't think for a second you can censor or degrade the opinions of others because of some grossly overestimated financial value you have to the author.

Here's another fun observation you can maybe convert into more "clicks" for your new MMA blog's piggy bank:

Tuesday Afternoon Rumor Funhouse: True Romance Edition


Scott Coker Talks Co-Promotion and Negotiations with Fedor, But is Conspicuously Mum About CBS Negotiations


itsgalf- November 17, 2010 at 12:19 am
wow...I just took a shit and it didn't spray everywhere
BryanF- November 16, 2010 at 10:57 pm
The Arianny rumor is true. Tiki just recently stated that he's the best boyfriend she's ever had who's never made her orgasm.
macreadysshack- November 16, 2010 at 9:49 pm
This article didn't ranckle my feathers at all but I like the dissenting voice in here because it pretty much exactly reflects my ideas about this site. It's not just this site, either, it's gotten more personal. I think I might actually hate Mike Russell. I hate a lot of people but they are almost always people I come in contact with daily and I usually only hate them temporarily with varying frequency. In a way, I hate the entire human race, too. It's just so rare for me to actually hate some lame assed narcissistic douche writer on a formerly awesome, and now just above middling, mma site.

I'm not talking about 'old dad' or anybody at CP. It's just you. And, yeah, I still haunt this site but it's about 1/20th of what I was doing. WTF, though, CP's got the numbers. I hope they know what they're doing.

Darn, it, Mike, I just don't think we're gonna be friends. Not even temporarily with varying frequency. :(

Some funny shit in this thread, though. Wish I was funny. Well, at least I KNOW I'm not funny. I guess that's something.
disastras- November 16, 2010 at 9:34 pm

I was at this bar and bouch42's story isn't accurate. The story went like this: There was a balding guy with a handlebar mustache and big gut that bouch42 kept calling "Chuck". The guy looked at bouch42 like he "was retarded", but bouch42 bought the guy a drink, so "Chuck" was pretty cool to him the rest of the night. There was one hiccup when bouch42 asked "Chuck" about an upcoming fight. The guy had no idea what to say, so bouch42 felt like an a$$hole. Oh, and they dry grinded each other on the dance floor for a few songs. I left after that. HA!
Lysol- November 16, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Sudos KFC Says:
Tue, 11/16/2010 - 13:37
This recurring column idea is just stupid. There I said it. Once is a good satire on middleeasy, poking fun at their total lack of standards/trolling every sunday every week is just plain retarted.

Except this column is published every TUESDAY.
Sudos KFC- November 16, 2010 at 9:00 pm
@t_durden well said' this feature has just become the example of a larger trend.