Oh man, you thought last week’s Rumor Funhouse was grossly irresponsible? You guys have no idea what’s in store for you. Today’s installment features five warm ‘n fuzzy tales, all about the romantic bond. Four of them have been completely made up, either by us or by other people. One of them is actually legit. Can you separate the bullshit from the chicken salad? (That’s what they say down South, right?) Read on if you dare. Actually, don’t. Just move along. You’ll be a lot better off for it…


— Alistair Overeem recently had a threesome with Marloes Coenen and kickboxer Krista Fleming, and filmed it. How do I know this? Because a notoriously sketchy industry figure showed me about nine seconds of the sex tape on an iPhone last weekend at the MMA World Expo in New York. And let me tell you, they don’t call him "The Demolition Man" for nothing. Seriously, those poor women. The sketchy industry figure is currently trying to find a buyer for the complete video.

— When not spending quality time with his wife and kids, UFC president Dana White belongs to a secret society of sex-tourists called “The Smasher Group” that travels the world banging hot women. Annual membership to belong to the Smasher Group? $250,000. But apparently you get your money’s worth. Wherever Dana travels, a hand-picked roster of hot chicks are waiting for him. Everything is very discreet. There are less than 100 members, and they all have a "TSG" ("The Smasher Group") tattoo somewhere on their bodies. DW’s is actually kind of prominent. Girls Gone Wild kingpin Joe Francis once belonged to the group, but was expelled after roughing up a couple of the ladies. Also, Dana is banging Kenda Perez.

— Contrary to popular belief, it was Randy Couture, not his ex-wife Kim, who caused the breakdown of their marriage. Things fell apart when Kim found out that Randy was grounding and pounding a female employee. The mistress in question used her unique position to land a high-level gig in the Xtreme Couture organization, which should have been a dead giveaway, considering she didn’t exactly have any relevant experience. She no longer works for the company.

— There was this new kid training at the HIT Squad (we’ll call him "Nick") who was known to have very hot girlfriend. Matt Hughes asked to see a picture of her, so Nick showed him one on his phone. Hughes asked Nick to e-mail the picture to him. Nick refused, but Hughes badgered him until he finally relented. Hughes printed out the photo of Nick’s girlfriend at home, laid his dick on top of it, photographed it, then printed that photo. The next day, Nick walked into the locker room and saw that Hughes had posted this photo-treatment for everybody to see, with a caption too awful to even print here. When Nick confronted Hughes about it, Hughes’s only response was "I didn’t know you were coming in to train today."

— BJ Penn has been with his girlfriend Shealen for three-and-a-half years, and they had a daughter together in October 2008, but they haven’t gotten married yet. That will change this spring…when she finally turns 18.