Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

The Tuesday Afternoon Rumor Funhouse

(Ortiz and Liddell will settle their grudge once and for all on New Year’s Eve…OR WILL THEY?? / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

One of my weekly MMA must-reads is the "Sunday Morning Rumor Mill" column on MiddleEasy, which features a bunch of juicy stories that just might be true. In homage to our pals, we’d like to start a similar feature on CagePotato — except ours will work a little differently. Of the eight items you see below, seven have been pulled directly out of our asses. The other one is absolutely, positively, 100% true, and has been confirmed by inside sources. Which one is it? We’d rather not say, due to legal reasons. You’ll have to figure it out yourself…

– Vinicius Quieroz wasn’t the only fighter who was caught by the UFC’s independent drug-testing at UFC 120. There was a second guy who pissed hot for the same steroid, but the company decided to let him off with a private (but very stern) warning. Hint: Main card, but not main event.

Arianny Celeste has been dating a former UFC fighter for the past year, but has kept the relationship hidden from the public, in order to protect the fantasy that she’s "available" to her fans. We can’t reveal her boyfriend’s name, but his initials are Tiki Ghosn.

- Thanks to his alcohol-aided loose lips, many MMA fans in Alaska already know that Cody McKenzie has guillotine-choked his way to the TUF 12 finals. As punishment, Cody might be taken out of the fight, and replaced by the guy he beat in the semi-finals. "Knee injury" will be the official story.

– Directly after threatening to "fuck [me] up worse than [I've] ever been fucked," Dana White attempted to use a certain political connection to put my name on the TSA’s "No-Fly" list.

– The real reason Ed Herman and Ryan Schultz left Team Quest? Unwanted sexual advances from one of the camp’s principal trainers, whose "down-lowness" is one of the worst kept secrets in MMA.

Chuck Liddell vs. Tito Ortiz III has been booked…as the main event of Dynamite!! 2010 in Japan on New Year’s Eve. Official announcement will come next week. (Yes, Tito has been released by the UFC.)

Aleksander Emelianenko does not have hepatitis. He has the other thing. The even-worse thing.

War Machine has been in protective custody the entire time he’s been in prison. Every story he has ever told in his blogs that involves interacting with other prisoners is a complete fabrication. The bologna sandwich thing is true, though.

Cagepotato Comments

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LET IT RAIN- November 10, 2010 at 9:45 am
i googled and found out the Arianny one is true. She has dated Tiki for four years it says on his wiki now. Brittney Palmer just got hotter to me, and Arianny's pretty face doesn't compensate for her flat booty no more.

i also see that Sherdog had a similar rumor about a second person testing hot at 120. That page link is no longer a valid thread. Don't be scared homies. November 9, 2010 at 9:33 pm
This article SUCKS. Satirical stories are fine, but trying to mix rumors with truth is lame. I hope you don't mistake these negative comments for having engaged and loyal readers.

sterling- November 9, 2010 at 7:45 pm
Tito Ortiz has been released is the safe bet, but I don't think Chuck is going to fight anywhere else. I think he's said he doesn't want to fight anywhere else.
budsellers- November 9, 2010 at 7:23 pm
if the steroids test fail is the true rumor, hardy is the easy target, but i doubt it... also, considering his age and potential, hathaway is far more valuable to ufc long term.
McBastard- November 9, 2010 at 6:37 pm
If the TUF one is true, Dana will probably bring in Marc Stevens to replace McKenzie...
ashkenaziTROLL- November 9, 2010 at 5:37 pm
just like the jew media .. mixing lies with truth
Mike Russell- November 9, 2010 at 5:15 pm
 I believe he was insinuating that he was French....
bodysnatcher- November 9, 2010 at 4:59 pm
Insinuating that Aleks Emelianenko has AIDS? Stay classy, cagepotato.
PortlandMMA- November 9, 2010 at 4:30 pm
That's not cool guys are assholes
darkfall- November 9, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Well I did own 1 copy of playboy... pity i threw that in the fire
methsmoker- November 9, 2010 at 4:12 pm
ur gettin sued for this!!!!! EPIC FAIL!!!!
dedflesh- November 9, 2010 at 3:14 pm
everyone knows tiki is dating rampage
Lysol- November 9, 2010 at 2:36 pm
The Vinicius Quieroz/Team Quest rumors are just realistic enough to make me wonder...

The Cody McKenzie one made me think it may be real at first, but Kimbo revealed he'd be fighting in the TUF Finals with no harm done. Hell, Alaskans would know he's in the finals just by hearing he's in training camp for a fight, so that one can't be true.

And the War Machine one gave me a good laugh. There's no way it can be true, yet it still made me wonder simply because War Machine is that messed up.
MoonBelly- November 9, 2010 at 2:33 pm
It's gotta be steroids, TUF finals, or War Machine.
See if you were able to confirm either of the 1st two it would be huge MMA news so I'm not sure why others wouldn't have already reported it.
War Machine is a freaking sociopath so that wouldn't surprise me.

The others just seem like BS.
Get Off Me- November 9, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Arianny is dating Roger Heurta, so if it's Tiki that one's false.
By process of elimination I would have to go with TUF spoiler.
MoonBelly- November 9, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Which one is the truth? There has to be a reveal at some point or this article is just a f'n MMA soap opera.
MoTropolis- November 9, 2010 at 2:21 pm
It's obvious the false item here is that this will become a weekly feature. We all know CP is not capable of doing anything on a regular basis.
thej6m- November 9, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Next time you're at the Palms in Vegas and a beautiful brunette walks passed you that you could swear you've beaten off to before with a little brown dude who looks like TYSON GRIFFIN and hes complaining to her about how that china guy at the bar last night didn't knock him out you can think of me!

JacobsenJ02- November 9, 2010 at 2:01 pm
ksgbobo- November 9, 2010 at 1:57 pm
MR...I can't look at that website at work!

Plus, the Arianny one is obviously false because she spends her time here in Florida with me! Now go make me some biscuits and gravy!
Fried Taco- November 9, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I know which one is true! It's the Alexander Emelianko one. Of course, it also depends on what CP considers is the even-worse thing.
Mike Russell- November 9, 2010 at 1:45 pm
 There's a rumor that I'm watching live MMA from Israel right now...hxxp://
Koeikan- November 9, 2010 at 1:44 pm
@DangadaDang: No.
Viva Hate- November 9, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Do me a solid, when you get the email can you shoot me a damn message and let me know what is up.

I think Ben should do a big reveal on the FB fan page that still exists out there somewhere.
DangadaDang- November 9, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I'm conflicted, here I hope Cody has guillotined his way into the finals, but there's no way they actually REMOVED there?