Justin Wren vs. Wes Sims – Watch more Funny Videos
(The sad ending of Wren vs. Sims.)

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter began with Matt Mitrione tweaking his shoulder while rolling with Titties. Back in his football days, he would just take a cortisone shot and get right back into action. But Rashad tells Matt that he ain’t getting no damn cortisone shot, because of the damage it’ll do in the long run. He’s just going to have to suck it up and deal.

Marcus Jones is itching to fight next, and asks Rashad — who still has control of the picks — to give him a match. Rashad keeps it mysterious, telling Big Baby he very well might be fighting next; who can say, really? Jones interprets it as a promise, and gets hyped up: "It was like I was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, you know what I’m sayin’?"

Rampage is understandably bummed out by the fact that his team still hasn’t won a fight. Losing messes with Rampage’s sex life, which doesn’t need any more setbacks. The team practices aren’t doing much to encourage him, either. Zak Jensen is unable to perform a drill where he has to shimmy to the cage with a guy on top of him. He’s a good wrestler, apparently, but shuts down when he’s on his back; even Kimbo controls him from top position. Scott Junk says that Zak talked himself up so much when he first arrived at the house, but he’s just a "turd" at practice. Rampage won’t get his hopes up if Zak is picked to fight.


Wes Sims shows up for the first time since episode one, complaining about the "family of Jensens" he nearly slipped on in the shower. (Semen! How we’ve missed you!) "I stepped on a big ol’ pile of fermented mayonnaise," Wes says. "I did blow my nose in the shower, but I did not do what Wes accused me of," Zak says. The whole house congregates in the living room to rag on Zak for beating off in the shower, while Zak (as McSweeney puts it) "moops in his room."

Despite his sore shoulder, Mitrione wants a chance to prove himself. Rashad can’t get a read on how serious his injury is. Mike Wessel thinks Matt’s trying to stall so he can fight last against an easy opponent. Mike Van Arsdale shows Rashad his bizarrely-positioned collarbone to demonstrate the difference between an injury and an "owie." At this point, the coaches view Matt as a liability — an obstacle to the sweep. Rashad gets seriously pissed when Mitrione tries to skip a conditioning drill to ice his arm. If his shoulder keeps bothering him, Mitrione will just rip it off and replace it with Ram Man‘s or Cringer‘s.

During Team Rampage practice, Zak is put to sleep by a Wes Sims triangle choke, and has to get oxygen when he returns from the spirit world. Another bad sign for Zak’s chances on the show. Sims is nicknamed "Murdock" by Kimbo. "If some shit’s already going on around the house, he’s that guy that’s gonna keep it stirred up." Crazy white man, in other words. Rampage calls Wes a kid in a grown man’s body.

For fight #5, Rashad picks Justin Wren vs. Wes Sims, staying squarely within my guidelines for success. Rampage thinks Sims will turn it around for his team. Big Baby is furious. "You gave me your word," he tells Rashad. "No I didn’t," Rashad says. "You said that."

Wren is from Fort Worth, TX, and trains out of Travis Lutter BJJ. He sees the fight with Sims as a Youth vs. Experience matchup. Wren thinks his ground game and wrestling pedigree are superior, and he doesn’t think Sims has evolved as a fighter. Kimbo says Wren is "some kind of Greco-Roman wrestler, whatever the fuck that is." Sims, a longtime member of Hammer House, trains with Mark Coleman and Kevin Randleman. "We’re an elite group," he says. Wes vows to win viciously or lose devastatingly.

Wren, in his pretty purple panties, weighs in at 247.5. Sims, in his black bikini-briefs, comes in at 251. No homo. (Well, maybe just a little.) Dana White points out that chubby Justin Wren isn’t built like a heavyweight fighter — not that Sims has the most impressive physique himself, but at least he’s gigantically tall. Sims will have a seven-inch height advantage and six more inches in reach. And it’s go time…

Round 1: Wren clinches right off the bell, pushing Sims against the cage. They get into a foot-stomping match. Wren lands a knee in the clinch before Sims pushes him off. Wes throws a teep kick and Wren clinches again, easily dragging him to the mat. Wren effortlessly passes guard and sets up an arm-triangle choke. Sims goes out. Herb Dean lifts his arm to see if he’s alright. Sims doesn’t respond; he’s not moving his feet or his free arm. Herb lets the choke go on for about ten more seconds, then checks Sims’s arm again. HE’S CLEARLY FUCKING OUT, HERB. Finally, Herb stops the fight, saving Sims from further brain damage. 5-0 Team Rashad, bitches.

Was this really the "shock result no one saw coming"? Sims has been living under a bridge for the last year; we kind of expected his skills to be somewhat deteriorated. And Wren looked good. He shares a well-deseerved belly bump with fellow fat-boy grappler Roy Nelson after the match.

Once again, Rampage and his coaches don’t bother to check on their fallen homey, so Rashad does it for him. "It bothers me to no end that Rampage and his guys don’t show his guys that respect," Rashad says. But Rampage is too shellshocked to do anything but stare into space. "Am I cursed? That just killed me inside, that just killed my spirit." Dana White officially begins comparing him to Ken Shamrock on TUF 3. Wes Shivers explains that Rampage is a fighter, not a coach. That explanation isn’t good enough for Rashad, who gives Rampage grief after the fight for not supporting his fighters. Rampage tells Rashad that he knows what he’s doing. Rashad tells Rampage that he doesn’t, and furthermore, he’s setting up for a whuppin’: "I can fight you with your style, and still beat your ass," Rashad says.

On the next episode: Is this the week that Kimbo replaces an injured fighter? Who will make money off of Zak Jensen’s nervous breakdown? And who will be the sixth Team Rashad fighter to score a victory?