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‘TUF 10′ Episode 5 Recap: A Big Ol’ Pile of Fermented Mayonnaise

Justin Wren vs. Wes Sims – Watch more Funny Videos
(The sad ending of Wren vs. Sims.)

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter began with Matt Mitrione tweaking his shoulder while rolling with Titties. Back in his football days, he would just take a cortisone shot and get right back into action. But Rashad tells Matt that he ain’t getting no damn cortisone shot, because of the damage it’ll do in the long run. He’s just going to have to suck it up and deal.

Marcus Jones is itching to fight next, and asks Rashad — who still has control of the picks — to give him a match. Rashad keeps it mysterious, telling Big Baby he very well might be fighting next; who can say, really? Jones interprets it as a promise, and gets hyped up: "It was like I was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, you know what I’m sayin’?"

Rampage is understandably bummed out by the fact that his team still hasn’t won a fight. Losing messes with Rampage’s sex life, which doesn’t need any more setbacks. The team practices aren’t doing much to encourage him, either. Zak Jensen is unable to perform a drill where he has to shimmy to the cage with a guy on top of him. He’s a good wrestler, apparently, but shuts down when he’s on his back; even Kimbo controls him from top position. Scott Junk says that Zak talked himself up so much when he first arrived at the house, but he’s just a "turd" at practice. Rampage won’t get his hopes up if Zak is picked to fight.

Wes Sims shows up for the first time since episode one, complaining about the "family of Jensens" he nearly slipped on in the shower. (Semen! How we’ve missed you!) "I stepped on a big ol’ pile of fermented mayonnaise," Wes says. "I did blow my nose in the shower, but I did not do what Wes accused me of," Zak says. The whole house congregates in the living room to rag on Zak for beating off in the shower, while Zak (as McSweeney puts it) "moops in his room."

Despite his sore shoulder, Mitrione wants a chance to prove himself. Rashad can’t get a read on how serious his injury is. Mike Wessel thinks Matt’s trying to stall so he can fight last against an easy opponent. Mike Van Arsdale shows Rashad his bizarrely-positioned collarbone to demonstrate the difference between an injury and an "owie." At this point, the coaches view Matt as a liability — an obstacle to the sweep. Rashad gets seriously pissed when Mitrione tries to skip a conditioning drill to ice his arm. If his shoulder keeps bothering him, Mitrione will just rip it off and replace it with Ram Man‘s or Cringer‘s.

During Team Rampage practice, Zak is put to sleep by a Wes Sims triangle choke, and has to get oxygen when he returns from the spirit world. Another bad sign for Zak’s chances on the show. Sims is nicknamed "Murdock" by Kimbo. "If some shit’s already going on around the house, he’s that guy that’s gonna keep it stirred up." Crazy white man, in other words. Rampage calls Wes a kid in a grown man’s body.

For fight #5, Rashad picks Justin Wren vs. Wes Sims, staying squarely within my guidelines for success. Rampage thinks Sims will turn it around for his team. Big Baby is furious. "You gave me your word," he tells Rashad. "No I didn’t," Rashad says. "You said that."

Wren is from Fort Worth, TX, and trains out of Travis Lutter BJJ. He sees the fight with Sims as a Youth vs. Experience matchup. Wren thinks his ground game and wrestling pedigree are superior, and he doesn’t think Sims has evolved as a fighter. Kimbo says Wren is "some kind of Greco-Roman wrestler, whatever the fuck that is." Sims, a longtime member of Hammer House, trains with Mark Coleman and Kevin Randleman. "We’re an elite group," he says. Wes vows to win viciously or lose devastatingly.

Wren, in his pretty purple panties, weighs in at 247.5. Sims, in his black bikini-briefs, comes in at 251. No homo. (Well, maybe just a little.) Dana White points out that chubby Justin Wren isn’t built like a heavyweight fighter — not that Sims has the most impressive physique himself, but at least he’s gigantically tall. Sims will have a seven-inch height advantage and six more inches in reach. And it’s go time…

Round 1: Wren clinches right off the bell, pushing Sims against the cage. They get into a foot-stomping match. Wren lands a knee in the clinch before Sims pushes him off. Wes throws a teep kick and Wren clinches again, easily dragging him to the mat. Wren effortlessly passes guard and sets up an arm-triangle choke. Sims goes out. Herb Dean lifts his arm to see if he’s alright. Sims doesn’t respond; he’s not moving his feet or his free arm. Herb lets the choke go on for about ten more seconds, then checks Sims’s arm again. HE’S CLEARLY FUCKING OUT, HERB. Finally, Herb stops the fight, saving Sims from further brain damage. 5-0 Team Rashad, bitches.

Was this really the "shock result no one saw coming"? Sims has been living under a bridge for the last year; we kind of expected his skills to be somewhat deteriorated. And Wren looked good. He shares a well-deseerved belly bump with fellow fat-boy grappler Roy Nelson after the match.

Once again, Rampage and his coaches don’t bother to check on their fallen homey, so Rashad does it for him. "It bothers me to no end that Rampage and his guys don’t show his guys that respect," Rashad says. But Rampage is too shellshocked to do anything but stare into space. "Am I cursed? That just killed me inside, that just killed my spirit." Dana White officially begins comparing him to Ken Shamrock on TUF 3. Wes Shivers explains that Rampage is a fighter, not a coach. That explanation isn’t good enough for Rashad, who gives Rampage grief after the fight for not supporting his fighters. Rampage tells Rashad that he knows what he’s doing. Rashad tells Rampage that he doesn’t, and furthermore, he’s setting up for a whuppin’: "I can fight you with your style, and still beat your ass," Rashad says.

On the next episode: Is this the week that Kimbo replaces an injured fighter? Who will make money off of Zak Jensen’s nervous breakdown? And who will be the sixth Team Rashad fighter to score a victory?

Cagepotato Comments

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UFC fan- October 16, 2009 at 3:18 pm
welcome to the wonderful world of dumbasses.
Don't get your panties in a bunch over armfarmer, he never was that smart to begin with, but acts like it.
seriously there are soooooo fucking many things better to get all up in arms about.
Wait till you have to deal with the REAL trash of this site like 831 son and HAL ( wonder where that douche has been recently).
nut shot- October 16, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Thanks for picking up on that Lateral.

I have experience with reality tv so I was offering to help people lighten up. I didn't expect it to turn into a shoving match, but atleast now I know how self righteous people can be here.
ArmFarmer- October 16, 2009 at 4:18 am
I took it as him implying that the fight was rigged, that it was a fix for kimbo to lose which is obviously rediculous.

Either that or he meant it was scripted in such a way that Roy got matched up with Kimbo for those reasons, and it was just expected that Roy would win and prove all the casual viewers wrong.

But either way I can assure you, Dana would not script anything that would put kimbo the cas cow in jepordy. That would be counter productive to what he's trying to do with Kimbo.

Lastly I don't agree that all reality shows are "scripted". Creative editing, being given suggestions on how to behave or what to say in certain situations.. that is always going on with reality shows. But it is not scripted to the point that it's completely fake. That would require a group of really good actors and that's one thing mma fighters are not. If it were really THAT scripted we would be able to tell because every word would sound like bad acting.. kind of like every tv show on MTV. Now that shit.. that's scripted.
Lateral Drop- October 15, 2009 at 5:22 pm
In defense of nut shot:

If you read his post again, he may have been trying to say that the show's producers were trying to portray Big Country as a weak fighter that you shouldn't respect, because they are trying to attract the less-informed television watchers. That would be so that Roy beating Kimbo is a suprise, which is what it's all about.

The same can be said on the NFL conditioning comment. Perhaps the producers of the show wanted to emphasize the difference in conditioning levels to make new watchers go "Wow. MMA guys are better athletes than NFL guys."

Don't be smug.
Beef Merciful- October 15, 2009 at 4:47 pm
@ homoplata

i'm not saying i agree with you about the midwest, but you can definitely find a whole shitload of juggalos here.
NateGetsIrate- October 15, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@ nut shot:

You should be. You sound exactly like the 13 year old you probably are.
nut shot- October 15, 2009 at 3:30 pm
oh god I'm so embarrased!

NinJay- October 15, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with all of you Rampage fans. The two that stand out in my mind are UFC Fan and Nut Shot.

Nut Shot, your mma knowledge is embarrassing. You honestly didn't know how good Roy Nelson was before TUF? He has been the odds on favorite to win it all the second he agreed to do the show. I watched that fight he had against Kimbo with the mindset of "He should destroy Kimbo, but what if something crazy happens". That's the great part about MMA and sports in general.

How Rampage acts when Sims lost was tragic. You are supposed to go into the cage and pick your man up off the mat and help him out. Evan's team was classy enough to do it when they saw how Rampages team was reacting.

Do I like Evans? No, like Rampage I think he is a arrogant loud mouthed fighter who isn't as good as they think they are. That being said evan's has come away looking far more intelligent, motivated, and classy.
nut shot- October 15, 2009 at 2:03 pm
oh antfarmer you know me so well. Let's hear more about how hard pole vaulting is.
ArmFarmer- October 15, 2009 at 1:35 pm
@nut shot

Did you just start watching mma because kimbo is on tuf? Why would any of the things you just said be a surprise?

"You think it's a coincidence that some fat guy that we aren't suppose to respect beat kimbo,"

That statement right there shows that you have no business being involved in any discussion about mma... ever. The only person that doesn't respect Roy is you, and the only person that would ever think Kimbo would beat Roy is you. Learn something about the sport before you go posting gibberish about it.

" or that NFL players are shown to have weak conditioning compared to MMA?"

Why is that surprising? I've competed in just about every sport you can name, including football, wrestling, lacrosse, mma, bjj ect. Football takes the least amount of conditioning out of every sport I've played.. except pole vaulting. Football players are big lumbering guys that play in 30 second spurts with a minute to recover. They aren't use to going balls to the walls fighting and grappling for 15 minutes straight, which takes insane cardio and muscle endurance.

Next time pull your head out of your ass.. then post.
ArmFarmer- October 15, 2009 at 1:33 pm
The only thing that I find surprising is that Wes Sims fought Frank Mir twice and didn't get submitted, but got put to sleep by a tuf fighter in under 5 minutes.
Stash- October 15, 2009 at 12:31 pm
The rest of the season: A fighter gets a bump on the head that we edit to make it look worse than it really is, will this be Kimbo's chance to fight again?!
NateGetsIrate- October 15, 2009 at 12:22 pm
A better question would be, why do you need to ask. But your obviously new to America. I assure you that things aren't much different here than in Mexico. If you have a enough money to drive an expensive car (i say drive cuz nobody actually buys a luxury car no matter what they're telling you) and your at least semi-famous... you CAN get away with murder. Shit, and you don't even need any kind of mafia/gang connections either, like you would over in TJ.
Mex- October 15, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Huge question that nobody (as far as I know) has asked:

agentsmith- October 15, 2009 at 10:39 am
@ Jarekov:

I was a bit surprised too, until I actually looked at his record closely on Sherdog. The best fighter he's ever beaten was Kimo, and even that seems like an anomaly... literally every other time he's faced someone who wasn't a complete scrub, he's lost. If you deleted all his opponents who either had losing records or were total rookies, he wouldn't even have a winning record anymore.

It's easy to rack up impressive numbers when you only fight chumps. Just ask Travis Fulton... who Sims also lost to, by the way.
Jarekov The Great- October 15, 2009 at 10:27 am
I actually was kind of shocked that sims got tapped out that quickly. Hes a fucking vet and that was embarrassing i dont care who he fought before, all those fights were against better competition then whoever the hell wren was fighting. Very disappointed i was hoping rampage would actually win a fucking fight but its all good. Because junk and jones are the two left standing.
steampunk22- October 15, 2009 at 9:59 am
the diehard rampage fans are getting a little defensive, eh?
NateGetsIrate- October 15, 2009 at 9:18 am
All i wanna say is that this season sucks, this last episode sucked, the hype commercials are unapologetic lies, and Rampage should've never signed up to be a coach again. However, i'll not only be watching the next episode, but i'll be looking forward to it. Ain't that a B.
agentsmith- October 15, 2009 at 9:11 am
I wonder what Tiki's going to do if Rampage really does retire from fighting. Will we see him listed in the credits of Rampage's movies as "Personal Assistant to Mr. Jackson"? Or will Rampage just pay him to mow his lawn and polish his cars and/or knob?
cliffjitsu- October 15, 2009 at 9:10 am
With Rampage loosing at this rate, pregnant women in Vegas better stay off the road.
google- October 15, 2009 at 9:04 am

Yep, and if it was not for those 7 loses, he would have a 37 fight win streak. WTF?

And if Chuck did not have 7 loses he would have a 28 fight win streak,

Wandy, if it wasn't for those pesky 10 loses you would have a 44 fight win streak.

Nice logic.
agentsmith- October 15, 2009 at 8:59 am
nut shot Says:
Rampage may not be the best couch . . .


And he makes a lousy loveseat too.

Bottom line, Rampage showed himself to be a lousy coach/trainer last time in Season 7, and this time it's even worse, combined with absolutely awful fighter selections. Whether you like Rashad or not, he's right that it's shameful and selfish that Rampage turns his back on his own guys when they lose.
agentsmith- October 15, 2009 at 8:53 am
No surprise that Wes Sims sucks... check his resume, he was on a three-fight win streak coming into the show... except all three of those opponents were scrubs with losing records. Even including those three, he's lost 4 of his last 8 fights. Coincidentally, two of those losses were to a guy named Chris Guillen who one year later was TKO'd by none other than Justin Wren. His last win against someone who actually had a winning record was Kimo Leopoldo way back in 2006... after which he had three wins in a row against guys who were making their pro debut, all three of which have never fought again. Bravo on your impressive record, sir!
nut shot- October 15, 2009 at 8:48 am
I agree with Rashad and his high horse. You can see him looking for a camera in the corner of his eye everytime he tries to out class rampage. Rampage may not be the best couch but his picks( and this could be his trainers lack of assistance) were the worst. In hindsight it almost seems like was destined to lose.

Let's remember this is a tv show, it's scripted. If you think reality tv isn't scripted than you are either 15 or just naive. You think it's a coincidence that some fat guy that we aren't suppose to respect beat kimbo, or that NFL players are shown to have weak conditioning compared to MMA? My point I guess is that Rashad is smart enough to know this and is playing this whole season as if he had a publicist writing his lines.
NateGetsIrate- October 15, 2009 at 8:46 am
"O RLY?"