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TUF 11 Fighter Rich Attonito’s Guest Blog: Episode 6


(Richie Two Times poses with Ol’ Glue-Head. Photo courtesy of the Rich Attonito Fan Page on Facebook.)

In the latest installment of his TUF 11 guest-blog, Team Liddell’s Rich Attonito tells you everything you need to know about hot tubs, cold pools, Chuck’s pre-dodgeball jitters, and the baffling result of last night’s fight. Enjoy.

With Team Liddell up 4-1 on Team Ortiz, we start to see some doubt arising from Tito’s squad. Kyacey felt like Kris may have been over-trained leading up to his fight. McCray seemed to gas-out in the second and third rounds, which raised some concern. Kris’s wind may have failed him, but his toughness carried him through. I haven’t seen a guy take punches like that since Vinny the Chin, the Long Island legend from YouTube.

I remember over-training being a concern in my mind going into the show. If you run your body down too much and don’t give it enough recovery time, you’ll begin to physically break down and become more susceptible to injury. I knew that both coaches would push their teams hard, which is perfectly fine because that’s what we are there for. But the lack of time in between training sessions to rest and the intensity that had to be continuously maintained, day in and day out, was definitely a cause of concern for many people. Trusting the coaches and their methodology of training and experience was critical in this setting.

To combat the effects of hard training and soreness, at night when the practices were finished for the day, everyone would jump into the pool at the house. The pool was pretty much as cold as any ice bath you could take. It was so cold it would burn when you got in. It was tougher for some guys then for others. McCray and Tavares would swim around no problem like they were in an eighty degree pool at a country club. I remember one time Kris was doing the backstroke across the pool and spitting water out of his mouth. Brad would often dive off of the hot tub and into the pool doing can-openers, suicides, and cannonballs. It wouldn’t take long before the rest of the guys starting joining in.


I no longer had to take these measures but I did submerge my swollen hand in the pool and then into the hot tub to help with the healing. My hand was so big and swollen it looked like a balloon and I could barely move my fingers. The other guys would stay in the pool for about ten minutes and then jump right into the hot tub to get the circulation going. Court McGee and Josh Bryant would take a softer approach and go between the hot tub and the pool in two minute intervals. No matter what the method was, this form of therapy was a daily ritual for every one of the guys still healthy enough to be training.

Then came the coaches challenge. This was exciting because not only did the winning coach win ten thousand dollars but everyone on his team won a thousand as well. I remember last season the fighters got fifteen hundred, and at the mere mention of it to Dana, he boosted up the winnings another five hundred for us without blinking.

Needless to say the dodgeball game was anti-climatic as Chuck and our coaches blew through the Team Punishment coaches in three straight games. We were all fired up, not only to win the money but just to beat Tito and his squad another time.

I remember Chuck telling me he was nervous the night before the coaches challenge. He couldn’t sleep well because he really wanted to win the money for us. Chuck remembered back to when fifteen hundred dollars was a lot of money to him and he knew how much it would mean to us. I could see how genuine he was about this and I thought it said a lot about him as a person. To see The Iceman nervous about a dodgeball game because of us, was not something I thought I’d ever witness in my life.

Soon it was time to pick the next fight. Chuck chose Court McGee to go in and take out Tito’s top pick, Nick Ring. At the fight announcement Nick busted out the "oh no you didn’t sister", when it was time for him and Court to square off. That was the first time I’ve ever seen one of those pulled during a face off for a fight, and it was every bit as hysterical as it looked.

The not-so-hysterical side of things was the judges’ two round decision of the fight. I truly felt that Nick won the first round without question. I remember at the time thinking that Court was going to need to win round two otherwise it would be over. I also remember wondering how in the world Court took a shot to the nuts like he did and just gritted through it. Did anyone else catch that?

In round two, Court was the more effective striker, landing the better punches with his boxing. He defended most of Nicks kicks very well and was the more aggressive fighter, coming forward and pressuring Nick for the majority of the round. Although it was a close round, I thought it was pretty obvious that Court had tied the fight up and it was going into sudden victory.

When they announced that they had come to a decision after two rounds I was confused. I didn’t see how it was possible. Guys on our team were saying we had the fight won after two rounds, but I didn’t have the same feeling. I thought it was pretty clear that Nick won the first and Court won the second. I started to wonder if I had missed something. Then the judges announced Nick the winner.

Nick did a good job so you can’t take anything away from him, but I thought they should have gone another round. It would have been interesting to see how the rest of the fight played out. It really is true what Dana says about not leaving the fight in the hands of the judges. This was just another example.

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Gladheateher- May 6, 2010 at 11:35 pm
"I remember last season the fighters got fifteen hundred, and at the mere mention of it to Dana, he boosted up the winnings another five hundred for us without blinking."

Thats strange. Kris Mcray posted a guest blog on BE and claimed "The Minority Report agreed to share the money. Me and Yager actually got $500 each from Tavares and Noke"

I guess Tavares and Noke just gave up $500 each, since DW decided to bump the winnings.
ghostboner- May 6, 2010 at 11:10 pm
@SexyRexy13 - Fags definitely do party like it's 1999. One of my top 5 outings was at a gay bar. Queers cut loose like nobody's business, and I'm pretty sure the drinks were cheaper there too.

To follow up pokeyaoki...

What do you call a gay bar with no stools?

A fruit stand.
HokeyPokeyLikeAoki- May 6, 2010 at 10:08 pm
@ Rex:

I can appreciate that experience since I worked at a few retail stores in nyc while attending college. That being said, a gay co-worker told me this jewel: how do u seat 4 fags at a bar? Turn the stool upside down!
Shatski- May 6, 2010 at 10:01 pm
Mr_Misanthropy, you are killing it on this post. The short (and sweet) story was great, but your response to 1inchdick was also gold. I guess that could be the poem to your previous short story.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 6, 2010 at 7:24 pm
TUF 11 crystal ball predictions:

Nick "flaming gay homosexual nicknames" Ring gets caught in the janitor closet sensually massaging Tito's enormous head, among other things. Chuck textes Jenna a video text captured from one of the 700 hidden video cameras that are secretly installed in every possible nook and cranny of the TUF house and training facility because Dana likes to stay up all night masturbating to a constantly shifting stream of half naked dudes showering and getting Shiatsu. When Jenna gets the disastrous video, she goes on a "Rampage" and ends up in the back of a dirty biker bar in San Bernardino getting gangbanged by unwashed and uncircumcised illegal aliens (you decide what variety). All of the un-lubricated stabbing and pounding rubs her raw to the point that she has to track down War-Machine to score some Oxycontin as after years of treating her Vagina like a public school cafeteria Tylenol just don't cut it anymore. Tito catches the HIV from Nick Ring and ends up hospitalized while Jenna goes on a tear fucking every sweaty illegal Mexican she can get her hands on. Tito gets released from the IC and finds out that Rosa the maid is raising his children and she has moved sixteen members of her immediate family from Honduras into Tito's master bedroom, and yes, indeed, the Bentley is on blocks in the front yard. Rich Franklin is brought in because everybody agrees that his impressions of Ace Ventura and The Mask are simply to die for. We find out "wild card" is whoever can beat Nick "the prolapsed colon" Ring at a game of cross-dresser strip poker. Everyone suffers crippling and debilitating injuries and the Tuf Finale is settled by a spirited round of roux sham beau, best two out of three takes her. Dana gets so frustrated that he runs right through several walls and doors in the Tuf training facility. The final shot of episode 12 is his head, protruding through a large hole in one of the saltine cracker walls, not unlike a giant penis at a truck stop glory hole,. covered in cracker crumbs and screaming "Oh Yeah!" like some violently deranged beluga whale.

*edit* alternate ending: ...covered in cracker crumbs and screaming "Oh Yeah!" like some violently deranged Kool-aid Man filled with hot curdled horse(whore's?) milk.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 6, 2010 at 7:18 pm
That's called the button-hook.
dranokills- May 6, 2010 at 6:46 pm
Mr_Misanthropy..man I was with ya, I was like yeah, yeahhhh, come on now thats it..... then you said beluga whale...noooooooooooooo.
man if you had said Like a deranged kool-aid man busting down a wall" I was gonna roll on the floor.


And wifey see you can be funny to all you need to do is lighten the fuck up, maybe go ride the bologna-pony a few times and you and I can be chill as ville again.
ReX13- May 6, 2010 at 6:41 pm
C-Bus Allstar Says:

"Honestly, the only people that I have ever known to NOT enjoy a good gay joke, are gays."


I used to work in restaraunts, in a city with multiple colleges, including an art school. I can tell you that the best gay jokes come from gay people. Also, they party like nobody's business. One of my craziest nights out was to a gay club with my girlfriend and some other friends. There are no pictures, so don't ask.

fatbellyfrank- May 6, 2010 at 6:22 pm
@ Mr Misanthropy and HokeyPokey, I'm too busy laughing my fucken ass off to try and think of anything remotely funny
You guys are da bomb, I'm just gonna read and laugh
wifey- May 6, 2010 at 6:17 pm
the appropriate term is "fag hag." Has a much better ring to it than "female fag defender."

:)
Mr_Misanthropy- May 6, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Bow down. I bet it looks like a short stack of dimes in the winter time. When you pee do you have to wear a bib on your balls?
1inchdick- May 6, 2010 at 4:50 pm
all praise the 1inchdick
ghostboner- May 6, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Mr Misanthrope - +1 billion and 1.

Almost North - same. I never thought there would be a place where I could get gay jokes, mma, and Helen Keller jokes.
Ratel- May 6, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Misanthropy's novella was awesome, and yet i find myself enjoying HokeyPokeyLikeAoki's

Nick "Fling your Thing up his Big-Bada-Bing" Ring

just as much.
Almost North- May 6, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Bottom of the fith and the score is one to EEENNNHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
failingev0lution- May 6, 2010 at 2:14 pm
ugh. No C-Bus. A good gay joke would be:

What's the difference between a faggot and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull out your meat.

Putting a dumb phrase between "Nick" and "Ring" does not equal a good joke. That's like playing slow pitch softball with Helen Keller keeping score.
Ratel- May 6, 2010 at 2:07 pm
i wonder how many more of frito's fighters are gonna gas in the the 2nd and 3rd rounds?
Almost North- May 6, 2010 at 2:04 pm
+1 billion for Mr Misanthropy
C-Bus Allstar- May 6, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Honestly, the only people that I have ever known to NOT enjoy a good gay joke, are gays. Speaks volumes about "failingev0lution" doesn't it?
HokeyPokeyLikeAoki- May 6, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Nick "The Dick Lick" Ring.

Nick "Fling your Thing up his Big-Bada-Bing" Ring
Tai-Pan- May 6, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Nick 'Licks Dick' Ring will move on, but Court probably will too judging from the injuries and wildcard positions. Court didn't even have a black eye after going two rounds.

More Nick 'the gay name' Ring jokes the better.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 6, 2010 at 1:27 pm
I had to repost:

Why do fags prefer ripped condoms?

-Better traction in the mud.
Almost North- May 6, 2010 at 1:26 pm
I think we all agree Nick "gay joke" Ring got lucky in this one. Shouldn't be surprised though, its not like MMA judges ever make good decisions.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 6, 2010 at 1:26 pm
^^this guy, somewhere up there

Man, give a guy a name like "Nick da "O" Ring" and the jokes write themselves. I don't know if you had noticed, but this website is carefully and skillfully crafted around its feeble attempts at immature humor. I think it's safe to say we are fairly easily amused around here and any burning desires for high-brow intellectual stimulation will merely be met with poop, dick, and fart jokes with the odd bit of completely biased slander and a touch of racism to even it all out. It's what I like to call an "eclectic" mix.

It takes almost as much time to type whiny shits as it does to make funnies....
Ratel- May 6, 2010 at 1:24 pm
shoulda gone to round 3.
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