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TUF 11.1 Recap: Easy Come, Easy Go

The eleventh season of TUF began like many others: With a bunch of tatted-up aspiring fighters checking out the gym, comparing their wild hairstyles, waiting for Dana. But there’s a twist, and it’s a big one. A sudden explosion by the Airdyne bikes interrupts the small-talk, and a banner rolls down the wall. It does not say The Ultimate Fighter. It says Tool Academy. Most of the guys understand what that means, and they’re pissed.

"I’m not a fucking tool, bro," says Nick Ring. "I’m a fighter. I have so much extra testosterone that I have to hole-out bar-skanks at least twice a week. I’m actually doing it for Tammy’s benefit, because if she was the only outlet for my passion, she would literally die, bro." We learn that Tammy is the mother of Ring’s twin daughters.

"When I find my girlfriend, I’m going to strangle that bitch," says Brad Tavares. "Uh, I mean I’m going to do whatever I can to rebuild the trust in our relationship."

Okay, so the real twist isn’t that shocking. Basically, instead of 32 fighters battling for 16 spots, it’s 28 fighting for 14; two eliminated fighters will be chosen by the coaches to fight for a final spot in the quarterfinals, after the round-of-14 is completed. DW shows up and implores the fighters to not leave their fights in the hands of the shitheaded judges. He’s pissed off just talking about it. "Don’t be that fuckin’ guy tomorrow." And then it’s just fights and fights and Chuck screwing with Tito and more fights.

Jamie Yager vs. Ben Stark
Yager is cocky, reps Pasadena, and has a huge afro. Stark is the guy who was “a practitioner of the Orthodox Jewish religion until the age of 6.” Yager’s kicks are nasty. He knocks Stark out with head kicks through Stark’s gloves. One would be tempted to describe Yager as "athletic and explosive."

Jordan Smith vs. Brad Tavares
Smith considers himself a wildman, a crazy person trying to act normal, yet he looks as soft as the lead singer of Vampire Weekend. Hawaiian Brad Tavares comes out strong and puts him out with a knee/right hook combo.

Cleburn Walker vs. Kris McCray
McCray ends the fight quickly with a judo toss that seems to dislocate Walker’s shoulder. McCray backflips off the cage in celebration. Savage, all day, gettin’ it in.

Norman Paraisy vs. James "The Sledge" Hammortree
When you have a last name as badass as "Hammortree," you really don’t need a cheesy pun-based nickname. But whatever. Paraisy is an ATT product and vows to change people’s outlook about French people. Obviously, he surrenders after the first round. John Hackleman and Howard Davis beg him to keep going, but whaddya gonna do, he’s French. Hammortree is so happy with the win that he hugs Herb Dean. The coaches are stunned. “That’s embarrassing,” says Chuck. “It’s amazing to me that a guy would do something like that. It’s like tapping to strikes — wait, I think Tito did that once.” Chuck needles Tito about it, but Tito doesn’t bite. Trash talk score: Chuck 1, Tito 0.

During an "Inside the Octagon" segment, Dana White claims that if Anderson Silva beats Demian Maia next week, he will have cleaned out the middleweight division except for Vitor Belfort. (Sorry, Chael.) Also, the winner of Quinton Jackson vs. Rashad Evans is next in line for a shot at the light-heavyweight belt.

The fights come faster now…

Nick "The Promise" Ring picks apart Woody Weatherby and finishes him by TKO. An impressive start for the man with the gayest nickname in MMA history.

Kyle Noke‘s elbows from the top open a gusher on Warren Thompson. It’s a bloody one-sided beating and Noke takes it via unanimous decision.

Court McGee comes out on top of a slugfest with Seth Baczynski. The fight goes to a sudden victory round after the first two end in a draw; McGee steals the final frame with his wrestling.

Chris Camozzi picks up a decision win over Victor O’Donnell in another three-rounder. O’Donnell leaves the gym on a stretcher with broken orbital.

Kyacey Uscola quickly drops Brent Cooper and finishes him on the ground.

Joseph "Leonidas" Henle pulls off a late armbar against Constantinos Philippou after getting beaten up for most of the fight.

Rich Attonito grinds out a unanimous decision against Lyle Steffens.

Josh Bryant edges out Greg Rebello via majority decision.

Charles Blanchard punches Jacen Flynn in the back of the head so many times that he goes temporarily blind. Could have been a DQ, but Blanchard is in the house.

Clayton McKinney defeats Charley Lynch via cartoonishly broken nose.

The coaches, Dana, and the fighters themselves are all impressed with the level of talent in the house. Scenes from future episodes show that the set’s cardboard doors have it particularly rough this year. What did you guys think? Any early favorites?

Cagepotato Comments

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SuloevSuperstar- April 2, 2010 at 4:04 am
I remember Jose Aguillar giving up a the end of rnd 1 against Junie Browning, and he wasn't more destroyed than Paraysi.

but no “There’s no quitting in MMA,” lessons
no "Hyspanics are pussys"
no 5 minutes of people talking how humiliating it is.

He get smashed, gives up, and everybody congratulates Junie, end of the story.

Enjoy your extra american TV bonuses french guy !!

CheckHisPee- April 1, 2010 at 6:44 pm
@ Harry Nips: +1 for the Dumb and Dumber quote.

As for the premiere of TUF 11, I think I've already garnered as much entertainment from this 1 episode as I did all of last season. Seemingly stacked with quality up-and-comers with lots of heart (less that sissy from France) and potential, can't wait to see how it all turns out. Also, I'm a fan of the 'wild card' idea. I mean, they've pretty much been doing it all along (bringing people back), so why not make it official and give us something else to talk/bitch about?
Randy Pan- April 1, 2010 at 5:38 pm
So one of these guys is "the next Anderson Silva"? I doubt it, bro!

I thought it was funny how the guy with the severely broken nose told his opponent/training partner/friend "I love you bro" two times after they fought. That made me LOL.
BryanF- April 1, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Hahaha...Nick Ring is my instructor in Calgary. A bunch of us from the gym loaded onto 2 party buses that a gym member donated and packed into a downtown club.

Nick managed to pack close to 100 people in there and then got completely shitfaced!

I'm thinking he must've done good if he partied that hard and promoted the TUF premiere on the radio.
pfan11- April 1, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Wasn't that dude yager with the big afro on that horrible iron ring show?
ghostboner- April 1, 2010 at 1:40 pm
@cecils pupils - Bingo.
Yeti Stomp- April 1, 2010 at 12:59 pm
These fighters make this season look a damn sight better than the last one. You know, the house full of guys that had one or more of the following symptoms of douchebaggery:
- fought semisuccessfully in the past, but currently living under a bridge.
- internet sensation with zero ground game and no cardio
- former NFL player with no cardio but lots of size
- 12 samich eatin' case o' pepsi cola drinking fat sumbitch who actually can fight, but will be crushed into oblivion when he fights a real competitor in the UFC
- big, slow-talkin' semiretarded asshole who writes in his little gay journal all the time about how all these big bad men are picking on him allatime
... and so on.
The only thing to make this season better would be for the sound to be muted every time Ortiz opens his mouth. That, and for him to be kicked in the balls eleven times at the start of every episode.
Kid Clam Curtains- April 1, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Did anybody else think that the matchups were a little misguided? I felt like some of the best guys had to fight each other whilst the cans got to fight other cans. I wonder if its a blind draw or if they try to rank the guys before the first fight. Guaranteed there are some turds that got in while some tough guys barely lost to slightly tougher guys.
Bill C.- April 1, 2010 at 12:27 pm
I thought it was good episode overall. I'm looking forward to this season.
TheKCB- April 1, 2010 at 11:03 am
I guess I understand the wildcard rule; my question is does someone who doesn't even get into the house deserve a spot in the quarterfinals over someone who gets into the house but has to fight again (and possibly lose) in the prelims?
cecils_pupils- April 1, 2010 at 11:02 am
Frenchy is a perfect example of why stereotypes exist in society - they tend to be true more often than false.
Nut Puncher 9000- April 1, 2010 at 10:05 am
I want to know who forgot to tell that frenchman that MMA includes being punched in the face...

Way to show us how tough they are though.
cecils_pupils- April 1, 2010 at 10:00 am
Jamie Yager = The Real Afro Ninja
agentsmith- April 1, 2010 at 9:11 am
I see the Bens wisely decided to rewrite the original half-drunk/illiterate post.
agentsmith- April 1, 2010 at 9:09 am
"Jordan Smith considers himself a wildman, a crazy person trying to act normal, yet he looks as soft as the lead singer of Vampire Weekend."

I thought he looked more like a member of the Beach Boys, myself.
sevvi- April 1, 2010 at 8:35 am
"The guy is a complete...... Doorknob"

Funny comment and accurate.
sevvi- April 1, 2010 at 8:24 am
I thought it was a good episode and the guys showed alot of heart and talent. I'm kinda excited about this season.
Patrick- April 1, 2010 at 8:20 am
It's odd to me that out of everyone you guys picked Ring to say "I'm not a fucking tool, bro,I'm a fighter. I have so much extra testosterone... blahblahblah.."

I dunno if you noticed, but Ring was pretty much the only one who WASN'T a self-righteous, loudmouth douchebag....

Get with it Bens...
Harry Nips- April 1, 2010 at 8:16 am
"Paraisy is an ATT product and vows to change people's outlook about French people. Obviously, he surrenders after the first round."
Aspen? I don't know Lloyd the French are assholes.
Titos Head- April 1, 2010 at 8:12 am
Um (hand raised) sir...when is fightpicker gonna be updated??
BackbaconBilly- April 1, 2010 at 7:59 am
House of Douchebags part 11, after last seasons dismal showing I think I'll just skip this shit...enjoy!
jimbonics- April 1, 2010 at 7:50 am
Cheese-eating surrender monkeys.
MoonBelly- April 1, 2010 at 7:25 am
It will be interesting to see if Yager has any ground game. He just crushed that guy with kicks.
One of the losers invited into the house has to be Constantinos. Late arm bar ruined his night.
MMA Mafia- April 1, 2010 at 7:22 am
The season looks promising despite some facts we already knew. The French were, are and always will be pussys. The TUF doors are strictly for "show". Chuck and Tito still hate each other. Anybody else notice the top of Tito's head? Almost like he's going bald, has cancer, ect.....
winklepicker- April 1, 2010 at 7:01 am