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TUF 11.2 Recap: The Barbarian Invasion


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After last week’s battle royale, we’re left with 14 middleweight hopefuls, who run up in the TUF house like speed-freaks in a blackout. Is it just me, or is the house nicer than usual this year? It looks like somebody’s actual home, not a reality show barracks. Where are the TapouT bunk beds? Man, is it going to be sweet when they wreck the place.

Not all the fighters survived their qualifying fights completely intact. Chris Camozzi is dealing with a mouth infection from a broken tooth and Clayton McKinney is nursing a jacked shoulder.

It’s time to choose teams, and the coin toss goes Tito Ortiz‘s way. He opts to take the first fighter, which will allow Chuck Liddell to pick the first matchup. The picks go down like this…

Team Punishment: Nick "The Cock" Ring, Kyacey Uscola, Kris McCray, Jamie Yager, James "The Ball Peen" Hammortree, Clayton McKinney, Chris Camozzi
Team Liddell: Kyle Noke, Rich Attonito, Charles Blanchard, Josh Bryant, Brad Tavares, Court McGee, Joe Henle


Tito thinks Chuck made some questionable picks for his team, as several of them look smaller than natural 185-pounders. Big-ass James Hammortree comments on their shortness. Dana White is baffled, too. He says that Tito got every guy who won their fight in the first round the day before. But it’s cool, because Chuck did research on the guys beforehand, and is confident that he has some serious competitors. Is there a method to Chuck’s madness?

We meet Liddell’s assistant coaches — some of them, at least. Liddell’s longtime trainer John Hackleman is in the house, and so is ATT boxing guru Howard Davis Jr. We see Jake Shields lurking in the background, but the Strikeforce middleweight champ doesn’t get any lines.

Tito quickly establishes himself as a very amped up, hands-on coach — more a drill sergeant than a celebrity advisor. When Clayton is slow in practice and complains about his aching shoulder, Tito jumps on his back and rides him around the cage, berating him for making excuses. Not exactly a caring nurturer, this guy, though he does later buy new running shoes for every member of his team. Along for the ride on Team Punishment are Ortiz’s longtime trainer Saul Soliz and jiu-jitsu ace Cleber Luciano.

It’s fight announcement time. Chuck picks his #1 selection, Kyle Noke, to knock off Ortiz’s sixth pick and possible weakest link, Clayton McKinney. It’s a matchup that almost guarantees victory for Team Liddell — but is it wise to waste your top guy in a squash match?

Brad Tavares, Kris McCray, and Jamie Yager are already a clique, based on their shared brown-ness and slight asshole-ness. Using the airhorns that just happen to be included with the house, they go around blasting everybody awake in the middle of the night. Kyacey is pissed off, ready to crack heads. McKinney also fails to find the humor in the little prank, and gets into it with Yager at breakfast the next morning.

Clayton gets an MRI to see what’s wrong with his shoulder. Turns out there’s no rotator cuff tear, no muscle tear, nothing that would cause permanent injury, but there is a contusion and some fluid collection on the humerol head (or something like that, I’m not a doctor). A deep bone bruise, basically. It gives Tito license to keep ragging on McKinney for being a pussy: "You’re crying like you have a broken arm, I just need you to suck it up a little bit." McKinney says he has a groin pull as well. Oh man. There’s one in every season, huh?

Kyle Noke is originally from Australia, and trains with Team Jackson. He used to do security for the "Crocodile Hunter," Steve Irwin. There’s an obvious joke here about throwing yourself in front of a flying sting-ray, but I’m far too classy to make it.

Chuck used to think of his scheduled third match with Tito Ortiz as a "tune-up fight," but after Tito accused Chuck of being an alcoholic who needed an intervention from Dana White, the Iceman is motivated to take the fight seriously, and smash the HBBB at all costs: "He might get dropped here…and knowing Tito, he’s that big of a pussy, he might press charges." Later, when asked when Liddell vs. Ortiz III will go down, Chuck says, "Usually it’s a week after the show…if that bitch actually fights me." FORESHADOWING?

Tito brings in cupcakes for his birthday, as well as a Chuck Liddell piñata, stuffed with money. His guys are slightly surprised to see that the bills are all singles.

McKinney is agitated before the fight. Maybe it’s the weight cut, maybe it’s nerves, but he’s snapping at his own teammates, and can’t seem to click with anybody. He weighs in at 185.5, with Noke at 186. It’s time to throw down…

Round 1: Noke lands a hard leg kick, and McKinney returns the favor. McKinney with two more leg kicks. Noke with a nice teep. Ortiz screams punch combinations to McKinney, but neither guy is really pulling the trigger. McKinney grabs Noke’s back after Noke charges in with a punch, and drags the Aussie to the ground. Noke goes to work from his back, setting up a triangle choke…and sinks it.

McKinney is furious, and begins to storm out of the gym, but Tito begs him to come back and give him a minute of his time. McKinney returns, and Tito immediately shows him how to defend the triangle that tapped him. McKinney feels humiliated having to go over the technique right after a loss, but Tito says "Please? Please? Please?" until McKinney completes the drill twice. Afterwards, McKinney is despondent on the mat, and Tito says "Please stand up. Humility’s a motherfucker, but it makes us men." Whoa. Ortiz may have lost the first fight, but so far he’s the more impressive coach.

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themcgraw- April 9, 2010 at 10:32 pm
answered once i read the fucking post....
themcgraw- April 9, 2010 at 10:30 pm
is that Jake Sheilds who appears in both camps during episode 2?
Yeti Stomp- April 8, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Tito schmito. I saw him coaching against Shamrock, and he was a good, effective coach then as well. That doesn't mean he's not a douche though. Also, being a good coach doesn't make one great at the sport. Case in point, Vince Lombardi. Great coach, but not a great QB or running back, y'know?

I take issue with him being allowed to push and market his Team Punishment shit on the show. It's not Team Punishment, it's Team Ortiz. If I were in the Zuffa legal team I'd be sanctioning his ass all over the place for that.

Also, if I were a fighter on the show and not a mid-30's soldier of fortune, I would refuse to wear any Team Punishment apparel, support the label or endorse it in any way. I would further remind Tito that the show is not the forum for him to do his own merchandising. He can do that shit on his own time, not mine or Dana's or TUF's either.
MoonBelly- April 8, 2010 at 3:41 pm
@Jim "If he wins, he can't readily leave, likely due to some sort of Champions Clause."

I'm nearly certain SF doesn't have this clause like the UFC does. Dana was saying he'd be signing Shields win or lose and Shields has been saying he'll be a FA after this fight, no caveats.
peckawoodd- April 8, 2010 at 3:28 pm
I have not read the article or any of the comments but I'm going to guess by the girth of his midsection that the cheemachonga under the mask is chuck liddell
CZ- April 8, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Chuck is definitely the better coach and I can't believe Dana Banayna even questioned him. Chucks point was, he watched the kids fight that he picked. Tito picked people who finished quickly. Some were skillful, some were lucky.
Chuck wins the season
ghostboner- April 8, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Nick "the cock" Ring. Classic. I thought the same thing when I saw him with that gay ass "The Promise" name. I also thought of "Let Freedom", "The Bearer of the", "The Onion", "The Phone", and Nick Ring "Worm". As stupid as they are, they are all better than "The Promise".
Durden- April 8, 2010 at 11:44 am
I agree that Tito seems to be a pretty good coach but, at the sametime he's trying way too hard to get on their good side. It's a bit awkward at times..
Steffmeister- April 8, 2010 at 10:59 am
About the Douche Trio... More like slight brown-ness and complete asshole-ness...
rlh61- April 8, 2010 at 10:49 am
As usual...good call ReX13...good call!
cecils_pupils- April 8, 2010 at 10:36 am
Every time I think ReX13 is just being silly, he proves me wrong. Dude, you are fuckin' hilarious...
sevvi- April 8, 2010 at 10:07 am
@ReX13 Funny stuff :D
jimbonics- April 8, 2010 at 9:57 am
lmao Rex. ^5.
Versus Vs IndirectTV- April 8, 2010 at 9:32 am
A "Tito's Head" pinata full of singles can go a long way at the Spirament Rhino
knucklesamitch- April 8, 2010 at 9:30 am
Rex13 = hilarious.
ReX13- April 8, 2010 at 9:20 am
Jimbo>> Be careful! She's sneaky-dangerous from her back. It happens everytime: i'm in her guard, pounding away to what i am sure will be a glorious victory, and then something unexplainable happens. i wake up and i'm all, "what happened? is it over?" Technical submission via mommaplata. Again.
Kid Clam Curtains- April 8, 2010 at 9:16 am
Tito doesn't give a fuck about anybody...he's just playing it up for the cameras. Like he thanks the troops and shit after he fights. He thinks he knows what will endear fans to him and pretending to be this giving, caring coach is part of his scheme. He's really just a big headed washed up turd.

I'm trying to think of one fighter at 205 in the UFC that wouldn't beat him...hmmmm...bonnar? Maybe? He shouldn't even be in the UFC at this point let alone coaching on TUF against a guy that's raped him twice. Oh well though, I guess hating him is one of the reasons I watch TUF.
iDestroy- April 8, 2010 at 9:16 am
It's clear to me that Tito's team is gonna take this. His team has all the awesome nicknames.

Nick "The Cock" Ring... Gold.
rlh61- April 8, 2010 at 9:15 am
@mothercruncher...you are spot-on. Tito came across as a pretty good coach on the last go around. I still can't stand him. Honestly, I think that Ken Shamrock was an even bigger d-bag than Tito and actually made Tito look good.

However, once that season was over, he went back to his typical style which made most of us hate him all over again. We will have to see how this season plays out, but I suspect the cycle will repeat.
jimbonics- April 8, 2010 at 9:13 am
Team Franklin FTW.

And I wanna gogoplata Rex's wife. Or full mount. Or some sort of choke whilst naked.

Yeah OBI, I think he wants out of Strikeforce. If he wins, he can't readily leave, likely due to some sort of Champions Clause. Either way, I'd put lots of money on Henderson. If I had any money.
Captain Cannabis- April 8, 2010 at 9:05 am
...
sevvi- April 8, 2010 at 9:05 am
@mothercruncher i was thinking the exact same thing reading the article and comments. I guess you beat me to it. But there is no excellent coaching in the world that is going to make me like him. Go team Lidell.
Captain Cannabis- April 8, 2010 at 9:04 am
@superflat

I wouldn't put Tito and Serra in the same category...
fACE7biter- April 8, 2010 at 8:57 am
I know everyone has a hard time believing Tito might be a nice guy, but I think there's a difference between a guy being nice, and one who says dopey/douchey things constantly. I put Tito in that category. I met him when he was doing the Celebrity Apprentice, and I can tell you for a fact that he is truly nice and appreciative towards the fans. What he did at the end there for McKinny was straight class. Instead of making it about himself and his team losing like Rampage always did, he genuinely wanted McKinny to learn from the loss. With that being said, expect some really cringe worthy comments to come out of his mouth throughout the season.
knucklesamitch- April 8, 2010 at 8:49 am
I love the fact that Ortiz told his fighter to stop being a pussy and making excuses with injuries. If I recall correctly, in his post fight interview after the 2nd Griffin fight he gave Joe Rogan about 3 injury excuses in about 12 seconds...including a "Cracked Freaking skull."

He's a moron, but does seem like a legit coach.
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