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TUF 12.4 Recap: Nerds That Talk Like Robots

(…Only I didn’t say "fudge." I said the word. The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. The f-dash-dash-dash word

Team GSP is basking in Michael Johnson’s victory, and Mike Tyson is in a reflective mood. Iron Mike says the fight game is about who’s smarter. "Confidence breeds success, and success breeds confidence…confidence applied properly surpasses genius." Also, how you conduct yourself in the cage reflects on how you conduct yourself in life. Between him, Greg Jackson, and John Danaher, the team is stacked with philosophers.

After two losses, Team Koscheck is fired up to get revenge on Team GSP. "The harder you work now, the later you get rewarded," Josh Koscheck says, probably meaning to say "the more you get rewarded later." He also pronounces "especially" as "ekspecially" at one point. We’ll see if these Titoisms become a trend. 

During the Johnson/Wilkinson fight, Alex "Bruce Leroy" Caceres was a little too supportive in the bleachers, screaming "Beat the shit out of him! Fuck him up!" to MJ. Some of the guys don’t like how Caceres seemed to wish harm upon one of his housemates. I mean, they’re all in this together, right? They all came to the house to make friends? Anyway, the guys have a little shit-talking session about it. "That’s disrespectful, bro," says Sevak "The Armenian Stereotype" Magakian. "He’s a stupid, ignorant kid," Jeff Lentz says, bitterly.

Leroy overhears the discussion while stalking around the backyard by himself, and confronts his haters, glass of cognac in hand. Things escalate pretty damn fast between Alex and Sevak. After a bit of tough-guy trash-talk, Alex tells Sevak to "eat a dick" and walks away. Now, here in America, "eat a dick" is just something you say to signify the end of a conversation. In Armenia, it’s like the worst insult possible, right up there with "your grandmother fucks goats for the amusement of dock workers." Sevak has had enough. He brutally throws a napkin at Alex and comes at him like the crazy Armenian that he is. Seriously, the dude is ready to kill. Caceres seems to back up a little in terror before Nam Phan very bravely wrestles Sevak away. "YOU ARE NEXT!" Sevak shouts. As long as Sevak can get through his round-of-14 match, at least.

"There has to be someone in the house that everybody loves to hate," Alex says. I guess he’s that asshole now.

Georges St. Pierre wants to avoid confrontation with Josh Koscheck, so he starts parking his car out of prank-range. "So I’m on your mind every day when you come here?" Josh asks Georges. "Yes," Georges says. "You don’t talk much," Josh says. "I do my talking in the Octagon," Georges says. When he leaves, Koscheck does his stupid little GSP-as-robot impression. "We’re losing to a bunch of nerds!" Koscheck tells us. "Nerds that talk like robots!"

Honestly, Josh Koscheck is the most woefully inept bully in the world. His attempts to fuck with GSP never achieve their intended goal, and that only infuriates Josh more — in other words, he’s getting under his own skin. Later in the episode, Koscheck shows up to practice wearing the kind of compression shorts that GSP is known for. "We’re training in speedos today," Koscheck says. (We’re not sure what he means by "we," since he’s the only one wearing them.) "It works," GSP says. Koscheck asks GSP how he looks, and Georges says he doesn’t like to check out other guys. "All those guys in the stands, you like them looking at you?" Koscheck asks. Jeez, this is starting to get creepy. Anyway, the champ brushes it off, leaving Koscheck in his little shorts while Jon Fitch stands around uncomfortably. Hey, there’s another guy whose ass GSP kicked!

In this week’s fight selections, GSP chooses Kyle Watson (his #5 pick) to go against Andrew Main (Koscheck’s #4). Watson (30) is the oldest guy in the house, while Main (21) is the youngest.

Koscheck is nervous; he really doesn’t want to go down 3-0. "I hate losing to anybody," he says. "Ekspecially a French guy." Kos puts the fear of defeat into Andrew, reminding him how awful it would be to lose your first fight in the house then have to live with the guy who beat you for seven more weeks.

Danaher points out that both guys are under tremendous pressure — Main to break his team’s losing streak, Watson to represent well as Team GSP’s unofficial captain. The guy who doesn’t let his anxieties exhaust him will win, he explains. So, Danaher and GSP run a dress rehearsal to help Watson visualize it, telling him he has a great team behind him and the instruction of the best coaches in the world. "You’ll not be alone in here," Danaher says.

Round 1: Main lands first with a punch combo. Watson lands a counter, then a leg kick. Watson fires a superman punch, but gets lit up in the brawling exchange that follows. They clinch, with Main working for a takedown. He jumps on Watson’s back when the opportunity presents itself, and starts punching Watson from the side. Watson isolates an arm, defending the choke. Main gets his arm under Watson’s neck, but loses it. Main with more stand-and-pound. Main gets the arm under again, and Watson bucks to the mat. Main tries to keep some sort of choke going, but Watson slips out and gets to his feet when an armbar attempt from Main doesn’t pan out. Main throws some upkicks. Watson dives in with a big punch. More punches from Watson. Main tries a punch from the bottom. A few more from Watson, who keeps control from the top as the round ends.

Round 2: Main lands a sharp body kick, and follows it up with punches. Main goes on the attack, but Watson shoots and gets a takedown. Watson kind of just chills on top for a while. He moves to side control when Main tries to kick out to escape. Main rolls and gets back to half guard. Main upkicks when Watson gets to his feet, but Watson pounces back on top with punches. Watson transitions to back mount, looking for the choke. He throws some slow punches into Main’s dome. Watson sneaks his arm under Main’s chin and taps him. Team GSP goes up 3-0.

Kos stalks away with the stool and kicks a chair. He’s heartbroken, and upset that Main didn’t listen to the gameplan. ("Sweep, submit, or get off the bottom.") Watson thinks he’s a much beter fighter than he showed, but he’s still happy with the win.

Next: A washing-machine prank by Alex draws the wrath of Michael Johnson. Team GSP is schooled by a guest coach, who I’m pretty sure is Jean-Charles Skarbowski. Jon Fitch hangs out with Team Koscheck. Just what we need — another boring-ass wrestler. Also, Chuck Liddell stumbles in to talk about how he still wants to kick Tito’s ass.

Cagepotato Comments

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The Fresh One- October 8, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Sorry, Chuck. It seemed apropos.
Charming Charlie- October 8, 2010 at 12:06 am
I didn't know that Kos' babbling about nerds was from a movie. I just thought he was the least technically-skilled bully ever, who probably pissed off a TUF video editor who was still a virgin until his sophmore year at uni.
Yazloz18- October 7, 2010 at 12:44 pm
I can't believe I'm going to give Kos credit for being intelligent but the thing he said about getting mad and throwing a fit wouldn't change anything was pretty smart.

Guess the big shocker this season will be GSP shows emotion and not only destroys a door but the entire TUF house and training facility
rlh61- October 7, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Just a couple of musings...

Can Kos actually make a bigger d-bag out of himself? It's truly amazing how he does that. This season is like Tito and Shamrock rolled into one fraggle...I mean, coach.

I wonder if Fitch and Wes Simms ever sleep under the same bridge...

Darciesdaddy...that's beautiful, bro.
Almost North- October 7, 2010 at 11:36 am
Maybe the napkin had SARS on it. Or smallpox.
cecils_pupils- October 7, 2010 at 11:28 am
Sevak "The Armenian Stereotype" Magakian - so true
Almost North- October 7, 2010 at 11:21 am
I'd just like to point out this is probably the first time any Vietnamese guy has been described as "massive", grats to Nam Phan.
NocturnalRob- October 7, 2010 at 11:14 am
Throw a napkin, take the long way around two tables, and only start lunging forward once you have the massive Nam Phan "holding you back." Yeah...frightening.
dranokills- October 7, 2010 at 11:09 am
well heres what I think, I think sevak or clitok or whatever that armeian asshats name is is all talk and bluster. I think Bruce leroy would whip his ass. Do I think "bruce" will win it all? not really but I agree with him, if all you fuckers are gonna do is talk shit then those fighters are dumb as hell. Its been mentioned many times before, they aren't here to make friends. the team thing is just a front, and in the end its 1 contract, one winner. so young Bruce has the right idea, hate him if you want, but hes playing the game right.
Until someone beats him, he has won and lentz is a loser as is all the losers so far. Its not about how many people you can sway in the house or what dumbass cupcake says, its about winning, and so far the winners have won, and the losers have bitched like PMSing women.
perhaps kos should learn from Bruce as to how to get under someones skin.
Almost North- October 7, 2010 at 10:56 am
I almost forgot to mention how much I love "hold me back bro" tough guys. Talk a bunch of shit, pace around, but you don't really want a fight. I wonder if they have frats in Armenia......
darciesdaddy- October 7, 2010 at 10:37 am
When I first read it, I thought he said, "The harder you work now, the later you get retarded."

I think my version makes more sense.
ccman- October 7, 2010 at 10:28 am
I honestly hope Kos's team does not win a fight the whole season but still has to sit around and watch the rest of the event, immediately followed by Bruce Leroy getting the equivalent of curb stomped so they have to wire his mouth shut.

Seriously, he won but was man handled right up to the submission he snuck in, how do you trash talk after that?
Almost North- October 7, 2010 at 10:21 am
I am starting to feel bad for making fun of Kos. He is slow.
DazedNConfused- October 7, 2010 at 9:58 am
haha great re-cap, you guys had me laughing numerous times.

Seriously Koscheck is a retard, but he makes this TUF pretty amusing, and I was hoping Leroy was going to get fucked up there. But Sevak got held back, sadly. I can see both those Armenians going far. Leroy on the other hand fuckin sucks and got lucky he had such an easy opponent, who was kicking his ass anyways.
intercept440- October 7, 2010 at 9:34 am
I thinks its funny mike tyson was talking about the pitfalls that they could fall into , while leaving out the pitfall He Fell into.....

"deres a lot of stuff that you constantly gots to be aware of...Like don kings massive hair stealing my money, hell i even fell into desireee johnsons pussy without her permission, and oh yea i fucking ate holyfields ear off. you guys have to watch out for the negative aspects of da game"...oh yea and the time i fucked a 1976 buick skylark cause it was fucking wit me, or when i told dat reporter in vegas ill fuck you till you love me mutherfucker, or when i told that reporter on espn in 1991 i wana have seks wit you and yur mutha"

thats how the speech should have went.. HAHAHA

fucking hillarious
BONGTAR- October 7, 2010 at 9:13 am
Great re-cap and subsequent posts. I halfheartedly love you CP.

Guys, Kos is a fighter, not a smart guy who does all kinds of smarty things, so leave him be. You cant fix stupid.
The Fresh One- October 7, 2010 at 9:10 am
"You just got your asses whooped by a bunch of god damned nerds. NERDS!!! Well if I was you, I'd do something about it. I'd do something in the name of my father, my maker, and my coach!"

danomite- October 7, 2010 at 8:42 am
The armenian wasn't going to do shit. He was just hoping someone would hold him back so he could act like a tough guy. Did anybody else notice how once he got up to LeRoy he basically just froze until someone grabbed him and pulled him away, and then he starts up with the yelling again?

Also, I shouldn't have doubted my douche-dar when I said Bruce Leroy seems like a nice guy. He apparently is just a shit talking a-hole.

And am I the only one who gets the impression that Chuck Liddell hates GSP? He just happens to stroll by and give support to the opposing team? Wasn't he also the snitch that started greasegate? There was also something else that made me think he didn't like GSP but i can't remember it right now. Does he hate him because GSP beats up all his friends or is it something else?
snoop dog shit- October 7, 2010 at 8:31 am
"your grandmother fucks goats for the amusement of dock workers."
Awesome, literally loled.
NocturnalRob- October 7, 2010 at 8:06 am
All I know is...the harder I work now, the later I get rewarded.
imabigfan- October 7, 2010 at 7:59 am
brilliant caption. Well played, sir. Well played. Koshcek is unintentionally hillarious. His attempts to get GSP riled up go over like a fart in church. However, nerds that talk like robots is pretty funny.
Fried Taco- October 7, 2010 at 7:57 am
If Koscheck wants to make fun of someone, he should let John Danaher know he's got a huge bald spot. May need to take a picture of it to convince him it's true.
Videodrome_NOW- October 7, 2010 at 7:53 am

Watch the documentary "Tyson".

Man, slow Thursday or what??
mma samurai- October 7, 2010 at 7:47 am
I never thought I'd see the day that Iron Mike had something intelligent to say but he was actually pretty right on with what he had to say.
Biffmiester- October 7, 2010 at 7:42 am
"He brutally throws a napkin at Alex..."

Friggin' hilarious. That whole segment was comedy gold, bro.