(…Only I didn’t say "fudge." I said the word. The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. The f-dash-dash-dash word…)
Team GSP is basking in Michael Johnson’s victory, and Mike Tyson is in a reflective mood. Iron Mike says the fight game is about who’s smarter. "Confidence breeds success, and success breeds confidence…confidence applied properly surpasses genius." Also, how you conduct yourself in the cage reflects on how you conduct yourself in life. Between him, Greg Jackson, and John Danaher, the team is stacked with philosophers.
After two losses, Team Koscheck is fired up to get revenge on Team GSP. "The harder you work now, the later you get rewarded," Josh Koscheck says, probably meaning to say "the more you get rewarded later." He also pronounces "especially" as "ekspecially" at one point. We’ll see if these Titoisms become a trend.
During the Johnson/Wilkinson fight, Alex "Bruce Leroy" Caceres was a little too supportive in the bleachers, screaming "Beat the shit out of him! Fuck him up!" to MJ. Some of the guys don’t like how Caceres seemed to wish harm upon one of his housemates. I mean, they’re all in this together, right? They all came to the house to make friends? Anyway, the guys have a little shit-talking session about it. "That’s disrespectful, bro," says Sevak "The Armenian Stereotype" Magakian. "He’s a stupid, ignorant kid," Jeff Lentz says, bitterly.
Leroy overhears the discussion while stalking around the backyard by himself, and confronts his haters, glass of cognac in hand. Things escalate pretty damn fast between Alex and Sevak. After a bit of tough-guy trash-talk, Alex tells Sevak to "eat a dick" and walks away. Now, here in America, "eat a dick" is just something you say to signify the end of a conversation. In Armenia, it’s like the worst insult possible, right up there with "your grandmother fucks goats for the amusement of dock workers." Sevak has had enough. He brutally throws a napkin at Alex and comes at him like the crazy Armenian that he is. Seriously, the dude is ready to kill. Caceres seems to back up a little in terror before Nam Phan very bravely wrestles Sevak away. "YOU ARE NEXT!" Sevak shouts. As long as Sevak can get through his round-of-14 match, at least.
"There has to be someone in the house that everybody loves to hate," Alex says. I guess he’s that asshole now.
Georges St. Pierre wants to avoid confrontation with Josh Koscheck, so he starts parking his car out of prank-range. "So I’m on your mind every day when you come here?" Josh asks Georges. "Yes," Georges says. "You don’t talk much," Josh says. "I do my talking in the Octagon," Georges says. When he leaves, Koscheck does his stupid little GSP-as-robot impression. "We’re losing to a bunch of nerds!" Koscheck tells us. "Nerds that talk like robots!"
Honestly, Josh Koscheck is the most woefully inept bully in the world. His attempts to fuck with GSP never achieve their intended goal, and that only infuriates Josh more — in other words, he’s getting under his own skin. Later in the episode, Koscheck shows up to practice wearing the kind of compression shorts that GSP is known for. "We’re training in speedos today," Koscheck says. (We’re not sure what he means by "we," since he’s the only one wearing them.) "It works," GSP says. Koscheck asks GSP how he looks, and Georges says he doesn’t like to check out other guys. "All those guys in the stands, you like them looking at you?" Koscheck asks. Jeez, this is starting to get creepy. Anyway, the champ brushes it off, leaving Koscheck in his little shorts while Jon Fitch stands around uncomfortably. Hey, there’s another guy whose ass GSP kicked!
In this week’s fight selections, GSP chooses Kyle Watson (his #5 pick) to go against Andrew Main (Koscheck’s #4). Watson (30) is the oldest guy in the house, while Main (21) is the youngest.
Koscheck is nervous; he really doesn’t want to go down 3-0. "I hate losing to anybody," he says. "Ekspecially a French guy." Kos puts the fear of defeat into Andrew, reminding him how awful it would be to lose your first fight in the house then have to live with the guy who beat you for seven more weeks.
Danaher points out that both guys are under tremendous pressure — Main to break his team’s losing streak, Watson to represent well as Team GSP’s unofficial captain. The guy who doesn’t let his anxieties exhaust him will win, he explains. So, Danaher and GSP run a dress rehearsal to help Watson visualize it, telling him he has a great team behind him and the instruction of the best coaches in the world. "You’ll not be alone in here," Danaher says.
Round 1: Main lands first with a punch combo. Watson lands a counter, then a leg kick. Watson fires a superman punch, but gets lit up in the brawling exchange that follows. They clinch, with Main working for a takedown. He jumps on Watson’s back when the opportunity presents itself, and starts punching Watson from the side. Watson isolates an arm, defending the choke. Main gets his arm under Watson’s neck, but loses it. Main with more stand-and-pound. Main gets the arm under again, and Watson bucks to the mat. Main tries to keep some sort of choke going, but Watson slips out and gets to his feet when an armbar attempt from Main doesn’t pan out. Main throws some upkicks. Watson dives in with a big punch. More punches from Watson. Main tries a punch from the bottom. A few more from Watson, who keeps control from the top as the round ends.
Round 2: Main lands a sharp body kick, and follows it up with punches. Main goes on the attack, but Watson shoots and gets a takedown. Watson kind of just chills on top for a while. He moves to side control when Main tries to kick out to escape. Main rolls and gets back to half guard. Main upkicks when Watson gets to his feet, but Watson pounces back on top with punches. Watson transitions to back mount, looking for the choke. He throws some slow punches into Main’s dome. Watson sneaks his arm under Main’s chin and taps him. Team GSP goes up 3-0.
Kos stalks away with the stool and kicks a chair. He’s heartbroken, and upset that Main didn’t listen to the gameplan. ("Sweep, submit, or get off the bottom.") Watson thinks he’s a much beter fighter than he showed, but he’s still happy with the win.
Next: A washing-machine prank by Alex draws the wrath of Michael Johnson. Team GSP is schooled by a guest coach, who I’m pretty sure is Jean-Charles Skarbowski. Jon Fitch hangs out with Team Koscheck. Just what we need — another boring-ass wrestler. Also, Chuck Liddell stumbles in to talk about how he still wants to kick Tito’s ass.