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TUF 12.7 Recap: Swing and a Miss

Sako Chivitchian Dane Sayers fence grabbing
(If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t trying…)

The problem with GSP picking favorable matchups all season is that he’s eventually going to be stuck with one that isn’t so favorable. For the last match in the round-of-14, his #7 draft Dane Sayers will automatically be fed to Sako "Psycho" Chivitchian, a crazy Armenian with world-class judo skills. St. Pierre says he wanted Dane to fight last so they’d have more time to work with him. A few weeks might not be enough; Sayers snuck through the elimination round thanks to his heart, but didn’t show a whole lot of skills.

Two lucky losers will soon be getting picked for the wild card fight, and everybody’s jockeying for it, except for Spencer Paige, who’s out of action for three months with a broken hand. Bummer, brah. Aaron Wilkinson is all banged up from his war with Michael Johnson, but he still wants it, and he’s clearly the most deserving. Wilkinson doesn’t think Jeff "Waster" Lentz should get a second chance, since he’s just been sitting around drinking and chewing tobacco. Jeff vows to piss on Aaron’s bed.

Our hero J.C. Skarbowsky returns to advise Dane, "Good is not enough, you have to be perfect." Everybody is calling Dane "Red Horse" this episode. Red Horse is his Indian name; he’s part Blackfoot and Chippewa. (On his mother’s side, we would assume.) Says Skarbowsky: "Koscheck’s not from the States, [Dane's] from the States. Koscheck needs your permission to come here."

Koscheck bumps up into Brad Tate intentionally while walking into the gym, and Brad shoves him back, leading to a verbal standup. And who is Brad Tate? That’s a good question. As Koscheck explains, "he’s a male nurse, and I don’t know why he’s here. Only Georges knows why he’s here." Tate is actually a medic, and sometime soon, he will be rudely grabbed by the throat. "How did you not see my black ass here," Tate asks. "I’m trying to be classy, I’m not trying to stoop down to your level." Koscheck gets his bully on, repeating "male nurse" like a mantra. Don’t worry Brad, it gets better.

Sako used to drink and party, and he was shot in the leg by gangbangers when he was 19, due to "being in the wrong place in the wrong time." He matured pretty quickly after that. Koscheck says that MMA will change your life; the sport teaches you discipline. I mean sure, look at Koscheck himself. The epitome of maturity.

Look alive, folks, it’s Coaches’ Challenge Tiiiiiiiiiiiime! This year they’re at Cashman Field — home of the Las Vegas 51s — doing a little home-run derby. Each coach will get three rounds of ten pitches, scoring points based on how far they crank the balls. We don’t see the cardboard box, but we see the brick of cash: The winning coach scores $10,000, with each member of his team getting $1,500. GSP’s a little nervous going into it, since he’s never played baseball in his life. Koscheck says he’s a little rusty himself.

Koscheck takes the first inning 7-3, and the Armenians are very excited. Sevak gets the prize for loudest/funniest heckler, shouting things like "GEORGES, YOU CAN DO NOTHING!!!" in his heavily accented English. GSP starts to hit his stride a little bit in the second inning, but is still outscored 9-7. The last inning is a total rout. Koscheck picks up 18 more points, while GSP is completely shut out. Final score: 34-10. "I’m very happy with your performance Josh!" Sevak says.

Koscheck says that Georges should get used to the feeling. "What happened on this baseball field is what’ll happen in the fight…swing and a miss, swing and a miss again, bap, I crack a homerun. Lights out." Georges says that he’ll still prevail in the Octagon, and they should play hockey next time."

Sako likes to chill out in nature before a fight. ("It relaxes your brain, bro.") Both he and Dane are 5’11" with a 70" reach. Time to do this thing.

Round 1: Sako shoots, Dane sprawls and grabs a guillotine, falling to guard with it. Sako pulls out and drops punches on Dane against the cage. Dane shrimps and gets to his feet. Sako presses Dane’s back against the cage. Elbows from Sako in the clinch. Dane escapes. Sako tries to clinch up again and Dane shoves him off. Sako chases and presses him up against the cage again. Dane reverses the position and gets in a knee, but Sako bulls him all the way across the Octagon. He works for the leg-trip takedown, but can’t get it. Dane spins him and almost tries for the same takedown. They break. Dane fires a high kick. Sako lands a left hook. Dane shoots and grabs his legs. Sako is warned for fence-grabbing. Somebody loses their mouthpiece. Dane tries for the trip again, but doesn’t succeed. There’s the bell. It was an active round, but not much damage was scored by either side, and both coaches call it a toss-up. 

Round 2: Dane comes forward attacking but gets flipped to the ground, then punched in the face when he gets up. Sako takes Dane down again and falls into half-guard. Sako looks for arm triangle but can’t find it and throws down an elbow instead. Sako is told to advance his position by his coaches and the ref, but he’s just kind of hanging out on top, and Dane eventually escapes. Sako clinches again. Dirty boxing from Dane. Sako tries the trip, doesn’t get it. Sake throws a knee into Dane’s leg. Dane reverses, and again Sako defends a takedown by grabbing the fence. Cheap bastid. Sako tries the trip, and Dane defends, so he goes back to knees to Dane’s legs. Sako stalls against the fence as the round ends.

Koscheck is convinced it’s going to a third round, but it doesn’t. Sako takes the unanimous decision, bumping the final score of the round-of-14 to 5-2 in favor of Team GSP. Dane made an impressive showing, though, defending the takedowns of a high-level judo practitioner and staying in the game the whole time. Could Red Horse be a dark horse for the wild card? GSP promises Dane that he’ll do all he can to get him a second chance.

St. Pierre, Koscheck, and Dana White meet to hash out the wild card match. Koscheck says Aaron Wilkinson was the most impressive out of all the guys who lost, with Marc Stevens as his second choice. Kos says that Stevens has the skills to win the entire show, even if he got caught in that embarrassing 16-second choke. GSP agrees with putting Wilkinson in the wild card, but would like to see Dane Sayers go back in, since he’s such a fast learner. Dana wants the two best fighters, team allegiances aside.

And the wild-card match will be…Aaron Wilkinson vs. Marc Stevens. The quarterfinals will have three yellow-team members, guaranteed. Dammit. Dane is heartbroken. The white man lied to you again, eh buddy?

On the next episode: It turns out that Dane Sayers isn’t even Indian, it was just shit he made up in his head.

Cagepotato Comments

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gator roll- October 28, 2010 at 10:18 pm
Hey so who else thinks that Sako Cheated? I mean he prevented takedowns in 2 rounds by grabbing the fence! WTF. Josh Rosenthal fail for sure.
gator roll- October 28, 2010 at 10:17 pm
Nah The coaches challene wasn't biased, There are baseball diamonds everywhere in Quebec. It actually the the top three sport in terms of participation in Canuckistan along with Soccer and Hockey. Montreal was a major league city not long ago.
PurplePancake- October 28, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Am I the only one who thought Dane was super shitty? He had no offense whatsoever. And to those praising him for being able to nullify Sako's Judo, it is only because his Judo was shitty too. That whole "fight" was a huge pile of shitty shit.
nickyroose- October 28, 2010 at 12:09 pm
What Lakota would call himself Sioux? Anyways Sako is a cheater and White is a dumbass. Getting caught in a guillotine by a guy who only wins with guillotines means your ass don't deserve shit. Honestly that is bullshit.

MoTropolis- October 28, 2010 at 10:11 am
Another highlight last night was the first commercial spot before the fight started was an EA MMA ad. Did anyone else get that?
Yazloz18- October 28, 2010 at 10:07 am
@ Burrito
I'm glad someone else caught that, that may have been one of the funnier moments of the season

I do think Dane was robbed in the wildcard. Stevens got in on what he may be able to do,he said himself he hasn't even spent 30 seconds in the cage all season.
PortlandMMA- October 28, 2010 at 9:51 am

Sako definitely got lucky, those fence grabs weren't just incidental minor grabs, they avoided the take down both times! I like Rosenthal but that was horrible not to deduct a point.
tnbp- October 28, 2010 at 9:37 am
Nothing surprises me out of Koscheck anymore. Nothing. He knows he can't beat GSP. Beating his medic is the closest he'll come.

You do have to give it to Koscheck, though, for knowing how to create interest-- I've never seen someone want to get beat down so badly in my life. I hope GSP gives him the Fitch treatment, where we'll get to see Koscheck just get outclassed and mashed for 25 minutes.

Also, I couldn't believe that Sako didn't lose a point for that second fence grab. Generally, I'm ok with Rosenthal but that mistake cost Sayers the match.
PortlandMMA- October 28, 2010 at 9:36 am
@ videorome

I like them most of the time, they're just old-school sports journalists who won't open their eyes to MMA. The only reason they talk about it is because its so popular they have to. I also watch it because I tape it and its the greatest show ever to watch on DVR because there is a clock and the topics on the screen so you know exactly how long they are going to talk about something so you can fast forward through all the Brett Favre, Tiger Woods and Roger Clemens stories.


That would be a good idea, I think Wilbon would get on board but I think Kornheiser is too much of an old stubborn bastard.
Canadian Chronic- October 28, 2010 at 9:27 am

Awesome! Can't wait to spit venom all over that FB page! Yeah Buddy! I appreciate the connection, ever since 911, gettin across the border with the sticky icky is fraught with as much danger as say, stickin yer dick anywhere near Jenna jamieson. If you make it up to the Toronto show in April, gimme a shout and you can test out some Ontario Hydro, we'll kiss the muddrfawkin sky!

Ballkick- October 28, 2010 at 9:21 am
I am seriously considering contacting the Web Site Urban Dictionary to include a picture of Josh Koscheck on the page listing the definition of Asshole.
Failing that,... Wikipedia could include his picture for the page defining Clowns.

Sako "Psycho" Chivitchian, looked pretty well adjusted and tame considering his ring name.
Dane "Red Horse" Sayers, fell victim to the Josh Rosenthal syndrome, the out-takes look for Josh R. to visit Koschecks dressing room after this fight for a grease of the palm.
Rosenthal is fast becoming one of my most hated Ref's in the UFC.

P.S. GSP can't hit a baseball very well,.. but he can hit assholes in the face extremely well.
MoTropolis- October 28, 2010 at 9:15 am
I dont even feel bad for that medic. Its one thing to say you dont wanna stoop down to their level with the trash talk but to just stand there, being visibly upset, taking angry sips from your water bottle and let Koschek gets his kicks on you is even worse. Talking shit is not that hard. When Koschek says "Your a male nurse, why are you even here?", you say "Im the guy that nurses people like you back to consciousness when you get KTFO by people like, say Paulo Thiago. So how has your team been taking all the losing?"

edit: Boom, roasted.
jimbonics- October 28, 2010 at 9:05 am
You fuckers link me to Jersey Shore one more time and I'm going to torch the place.
ReX13- October 28, 2010 at 8:35 am
EFB >> "Baseball court" was pretty funny. Someone explain how GSP didn't win that competition, please-- "He's never held a baseball bat," says Dana. Wow, no shit?

And how is it possible that Koschek found a whole new level of assholishness by picking on a fucking medic?
RwilsonR- October 28, 2010 at 8:30 am
LOL @MoTro - "...young Eugene Levy..."

same goes for EFB and the Turtle Mountain Band. Good stuff.
BONGTAR- October 28, 2010 at 8:21 am
Bongtar from Huge Cockawa Tribe.
Mofo- October 28, 2010 at 8:19 am
Rosenthall spat warnings about the fence like Rain Man.

Fence... don't grab the fence... not the fence... definitely don't grab the fence... I'm a very good driver...

Man up and DEDUCT A POINT!!
Videodrome_NOW- October 28, 2010 at 8:07 am
Those guys at PTI seems like total tools. Is it actually legit?

@Canadian Chronic
Join the "I hate Josh Koscheck" facebook page and direct that hate there. I'll gladly hook you up with some homegrown if you ever venture to the states, because, unfortunately, California weed is a little better than what I've had from BC where most stuff comes from up there. But, since you appreciate the fine delicacies of the THC, that one will be on me, free of charge for nice Canadians.
knucklesamitch- October 28, 2010 at 7:59 am
As far as PTI is concerned...I hate their view on MMA...It reminds me of when Wilbon bashed the Pro Bowlers Tour, then did the celebrity AMP Energy thing on ESPN and he seemed to respect it a little more...Maybe Dana should get them some free tix to a live event and they'd realize what they're missing.
PortlandMMA- October 28, 2010 at 7:55 am
I tape PTI everyday, but when Kornheiser talks MMA it sounds a lot like Bob Reilly talking MMA. Kornheiser was trying to criticize the UFC a few days ago for not being able to promote its stars because guys like Kimbo Slice couldn't make it in the promotion lol. Then whenever boxing gets brought up they verbally suck its dick for 90 seconds.
Canadian Chronic- October 28, 2010 at 7:47 am
Bullshit! Fuckstick should NOT have been able to get both wild card slots!!! That's horseshit! You lose more than the other guy and get more 2nd chances! Fuck you! Yknow if the shoe was on the otyher foot Fraggle fuckstick would be cryin like the bitch he is. Goddamn Canucks! We're too fuckin nice foir our own good! Fuck!
omunto- October 28, 2010 at 7:41 am
Vision Quest reference?! CP you just started my Thursday off right! Now I'm gonna go listen to Red Rider - Lunatic Fringe while wearing my plastics and try to hold my mud.
knucklesamitch- October 28, 2010 at 7:41 am
Wait, so PTI leaked UFC-related info before they had the chance to announce it themselves...I wonder how Wilbon and Kornheiser are going to handle that expletive laden phone call they're about to receive from Dana.

Videodrome_NOW- October 28, 2010 at 7:39 am
Wtf is an ITG alert?? I'm also pretty sure it's Blackfoot. There is a Dave Chappelle stand-up in which he refers to himself as Blackfeet, when he talks about meeting a Native American in a Wal-Mart.

Motrop- Word.
MoTropolis- October 28, 2010 at 7:36 am

CP is not your buddy, guy.