MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

‘TUF 14′ Episode 2 Recap: Nervous Nancy


(That’s gangsta. For more gifs from episode 2, check out IronForgesIron.)

As the 16 fighters who survived the elimination round move into the TUF house, some of them hump each other excitedly, while others bury their anxiety in barbecue chicken. Here’s Louis Gaudinot, the green-haired guy: “Dana said the house is 15,000 square feet, but it’ll feel really small; it’s gonna feel like a closet. And I’m already feeling that.” Really? Already? Bro, you haven’t even dropped your bags yet.

After huddling with their assistants to analyze the fighters, coaches Bisping and Mayhem arrive for team selections. The coin-flip lands in Bisping’s favor after a dramatic roll across the room. The Count decides to take first fighter-selection rather than first fight-pick. As we all know, that’s a strategic blunder on par with getting involved in a land war in Asia. The teams break down like this…

Bantanweights
Team Bisping: Louis Gaudinot, TJ Dillashaw, John Albert, Josh Ferguson
Team Miller: John Dodson, Johnny Bedford, Dustin Pague, Roland Delorme

Featherweights
Team Bisping: Diego Brandao, Akira Corassani, Marcus Brimage, Stephen Bass
Team Miller: Dennis Bermudez, Bryan Caraway, Dustin Neace, Steven Siler

Bisping says he got his top four choices for the featherweight selections. “If [Miller] had an ounce of intelligence he’d be picking some of those guys, but he didn’t,” Bisping says. When Miller comments that some of Bisping’s fighters actually look happy to be on his team, Bisping reminds the home viewers that “I’ve won 17 fights in the UFC, he’s a Strikeforce reject.” Bisping has actually won 11 fights in the UFC, 13 if you count his TUF 3 exhibition matches. But who’s counting? He clearly isn’t.

The guys have their first workouts with their new teams. Steven “Last Pick” Siler gets his nose bloodied and has to have his entire face taped up. Afterwards, Mayhem and Ryan Parsons bring their fighters some space-age compression suits, which are supposed to aid recovery, I guess. Team Mayhem appreciates that their coaches seem to be looking out for them.

It’s time for the first fight announcement, and Miller selects Bryan Caraway (his #2 featherweight) vs. Marcus Brimage (Bisping’s #3). It’s pretty obvious what’s going on here. Caraway had perhaps the least-impressive victory in the elimination round, but he’s an adept wrestler, and could exploit Brimage’s lack of expertise on the ground. Mayhem needs to keep control of the fight selections by any means necessary.

Quinton Jackson and Dragon Ball Z are the reason I do MMA,” Brimage explains. [Ed. note: Nick Diaz and Thundercats are the reason I write about MMA.] Sitting at 157 pounds two days before the fight, Brimage is a little nervous about making the weight, but Bisping and his crew guide Marcus through the sweat-suit/salt bath/blanket pile process, and it all works out.

Bryan Caraway is a bit of a head case, which he’s quite aware of. He’s been to a sports psychologist to work on “positive self-talk” and not worrying about bad things that have never happened. He feels like throwing up before he fights. He was called “Nervous Nancy” on his last team. He’s working on not letting fear overcome him. And this is Miesha Tate‘s boyfriend?

Prank #1: Team Mayhem rolls all the training tires into Team Bisping’s prep-room, and arranges it so that a tire is actually blocking the door from being opened. Bisping has to kick his own door open to get inside. And that’s about it. Look, Mayhem’s just getting warmed up, okay?

After weigh-ins, Brimage and Caraway face off, while Team Bisping’s fighters sing the following chant: “Darkness gonna knock you out….Big mistake to call him out…Caraway’s a fucking bitch…Leave his body in a ditch…Darkness, Darkness, Darkness…

Miller laughs it off (“that was the cutest little show tune I’ve ever heard”), but Caraway’s upset that they attacked him personally. And now they’ve awoken a sleeping, nervous giant.

“This is MMA, and people like to see ass-whuppins handed out,” Brimage explains before the fight. “And that’s what I do, hand out ass-whuppins.” He sees the fear in Caraway’s eyes as they enter the cage. Will it matter that Caraway has an eight-inch reach advantage, four inches in height, and tons more professional experience? Time to find out…

Round 1: Brimage starts off throwing jabs, looking for his distance. But before he can get comfortable, Caraway shoots and scores a quick takedown. Caraway with some punches against the cage. Brimage returns a couple off his back. Caraway looks to pass guard and winds up taking Brimage’s back and flattening him out. Brimage rolls, Caraway hangs on, looking for the choke. He locks in a body triangle. Brimage defending the choke the best he can. By way of encouragement, Miller shouts to Caraway, “He’s having Bisping coaching on grappling right now.” LOL. Caraway getting his hands across the neck, but Brimage keeps pulling them off. Brimage’s mouthguard falls out. Caraway almost sinks the choke, but Brimage manages to defend again. Brimage explodes out and rolls to his knees. Caraway is like glue, sticking on his back and sneaking in punches. There’s the horn, and Caraway takes the round with ease.

Round 2: Caraway lands a counterpunch as Brimage comes in attacking. Brimage fires a superman punch but misses. They swing punches then get into a scramble, and Caraway deposits Brimage on the mat again. “Say good night-night, Darkness!” Miller shouts. Caraway looks for the choke again but Brimage escapes and they’re standing again. Brimage lands a stiff knee to the head as Caraway shoots. Brimage stuffs another takedown, but Caraway keeps at it until he brings Brimage to the mat. Brimage with an acrobatic somersault escape. He gets to his feet and Caraway chills on his back for a few seconds, taking a breather. Brimage doesn’t want to return to the mat, so he kicks Caraway’s legs a couple times then lets him up. Brimage whiffs a head kick and Caraway takes him down again. Once again, Caraway takes Marcus’s back and flattens him out. Finally, he sinks the choke and Brimage taps.

Bryan Caraway def. Marcus Brimage via submission (rear-naked choke), round 2, and advances to the featherweight semi-finals.

Brimage managed to swell up Caraway’s eye with punches from his back in the first round. Still, he feels like he let down all of Alabama. Bisping says the win “put a stupid little smirk on [Miller's] already stupid-looking face.” He says they’ll win the next one, but doesn’t really sound convinced.

On the next episode: Brimage gets into it with one of his teammates, and a mayonnaise prank goes too far.

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evilgoo- September 30, 2011 at 7:54 am
I think Miesha's boyfriend is Hott!
weioooo- September 29, 2011 at 4:29 pm
http://tinyurl.com/3ulbsty
Del Fuego- September 29, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I thought the fight would be a lot closer. I thought Brimage would be explosive enough to stop the take down, or at least get back up once taken down. Caraway is a sticky dude.
MonsterMaulingAss- September 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm
No NomadRip, Fuck you
Cheeseburger Eddie- September 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Is working for TUF the only thing Tiki can do???
Shatski- September 29, 2011 at 11:54 am
As soon as I heard it, I really thought that "Man, F*ck Naruto," would be the title for this recap. Good to see it got the gif treatment, though.
agentsmith- September 29, 2011 at 11:02 am
^ That cracked me up. It's Spike TV, no fucking way are they editing out fart gags.
MyDogAteKarma- September 29, 2011 at 9:29 am
Oh and best part of the entire episode was The brimage interview where he's talking about what he's gonna do inside the cage and half way through it he rips one and the mic picks it up. He knows they heard it so he outs himself.
MyDogAteKarma- September 29, 2011 at 9:20 am
Didn't Mayhem tell Bisping that some of the guys "don't look very happy" to be on his team? How does that sound anything like "Miller comments that some of Bisping’s fighters actually look happy to be on his team,"
hhynike- September 29, 2011 at 9:12 am
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Broken- September 29, 2011 at 8:28 am
@omunto well i cant argue with the facts. bisping is an idiot.
fifthandlast- September 29, 2011 at 8:26 am
The first door casualty already, that didn't take long.
omunto- September 29, 2011 at 8:10 am
@Broken
He still can't count. Before the weight cut he says, "You're at 157? and we only need to get you to 146? So 12 pounds to go."
Now granted I get that he was counting to 145 as that is the normal weight without the one pound allowance however in the previous statement he specifically says 146, ergo you friend still cannot count thus proving the authors original point. (trollface)
Broken- September 29, 2011 at 7:48 am
whoever wrote this article is an ass, you got so much wrong. for example, bisping said he's fought 17 ufc fights not won them. second, caraway was called nervous nelly, not nancy. nancy is negative dumbass.
NomadRip- September 29, 2011 at 7:46 am
That was a neat somersault escape, but otherwise: Fuck Dragonball Z.
ksgbobo- September 29, 2011 at 7:17 am
lol...where does this come from Taco Frito? lol
Sloppyspray- September 29, 2011 at 6:51 am
Cmon Fried Taco, thick not long. I bet it's actually a chode.
Fried Taco- September 29, 2011 at 6:31 am
Brian Caraway must have a long dong.
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