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‘TUF 14′ Episode 3 Recap: It Is What it Is, Man. It Is What It Is. It Is What It Is.

TUF 14 Neace Akira – Watch MoreFunny Videos
(Is there an echo in here, an echo in here?)

Jason Miller saunters into the TUF gym and dumps an armful of long, foam tubes. “Today we’re going to learn the first rule of the Octagon,” he says. “Defend yourself at all times.” He grabs one of the tubes and starts whipping the fighter closest to him. The gym erupts into a orgy of swinging tubes and high-pitched screams. Yes, my children. Embrace the Mayhem.

Meanwhile, Coach Michael Bisping is working on some payback for last week’s tire prank. He and his lackeys remove the tires from Mayhem’s car and arrange them in the Team Miller warm-up room, like so many throw-pillows. “Son of a bitch…ah, you limey,” Miller says when he discovers them. But it gives him a good laugh. Game recognize game, I guess.

(Hmm. Maybe we should do a video list on the Greatest TUF Pranks of All Time. Or the Worst ones. One of the two. If it’s a slow news day, look out for it.)

Team Bisping has a sparring session, and while he calls for 60% strength, some of his guys are out for blood. Akira Corassani says he wants to put fear in his teammates so they know he’s daddy. (Creepy!) Diego Brandao and Marcus Brimage throw bombs at each other like a six-figure contract is on the line, and have to be separated when Brandao starts threatening Marcus’s life.

“I’m from Alabama,” Marcus explains, “I don’t understand many languages besides ebonics and redneck, but ‘I’m going to kill you?’…you from Brazil, you know they got 401k for kidnapping over there.” I don’t really know what that means, but between that and their lack of Internet, Brazil is sounding like a terrible place to live.

Akira is “that guy.” He says he wants to make people’s days go by faster by making them laugh — which he usually accomplishes by letting people smash him in the nuts with pool balls — but his center-of-attention routine is wearing on some of his teammates. Plus, he’s a prankster. He puts rice in the other fighters’ gloves. Dustin Neace has three testicles, apparently, so Akira hides the three-ball inside, with a note that says “I know what you did last summer.” Again, no clue what that means. Obviously, I know it’s Jennifer Love Hewitt’s greatest movie, but I don’t know how it fits in this context. Akira operates according to his own definition of logic.

For the first bantamweight matchup, Coach Miller chooses Johnny Bedford (his #2 bantam) against Josh Ferguson (Bisping’s #4). Ferguson walks up and pulls out a sheet of paper from his pocket that has “Fuck You Bedford” already written on it, which is some David Blaine voodoo street-magic type shit. But it seems to anger Bedford, not impress him. The face-off is intense, and loaded with trash-talk. “You can have all kinds of fun after I knock you out of this tournament,” “I can do everything I want to you, bitch,” etc., etc. Johnny is way bigger, by the way. Josh is another guy who seems better suited to flyweight, if such a thing existed in the UFC. Ah well. Someday, right guys?

One small problem: Bedford messed up his right hand in the elimination round, and can’t really punch with it, so it might not have been a good idea to fight him this early.

Akira’s prankage reaches intolerable levels. A classic water-bucket-over-the-door prank ends in relative failure, and Dustin “3-Ball” Neace has had enough of finding bird-seed in his gloves. So he pours some unidentified food-stuffs all over Akira’s bed, and leaves a note warning him to stay out of his bag. This leads to a bedroom confrontation and an epic bout of “let’s repeat ourselves over and over again,” which you can watch at the top of this post.

John Dodson is on Team Miller, but all his friends are on Team Bisping. Brandao, in particular, is a teammate of Dodson’s from the Greg Jackson camp. Dodson and a few blue-jerseys form an inter-house squad called Death Leprechaun — a magical name that only Johnny Bedford can spell.

And here’s another problem: Dodson starts leaking info about Bedford’s hand to his boys, which kind of makes him a snitch-ass mole. During the weigh-ins, Bisping calls out “What’s wrong with [Bedford's] right hand…looking a little sensitive,” so the cat’s out of the bag on that one right away, pretty much.

Time to fight. Bedford is five inches taller and owns a seven-inch reach advantage.

Round 1: Ferguson wins the first striking skirmish. Bedord shoots, dumps Ferguson, and pushes him against the fence. Bedford with some elbows from the top from Ferguson’s guard. Ferguson gets up and lands a 1-2. Bedford fires a terrible-looking spinning back kick and misses completely. Bedford with a 1-2/head kick. They clinch and trade knees. More knees from Bedford. Bedford takes Ferguson down again, and fires down some punches. He gets to side control, steps over Ferg’s head and attempts a straight armbar. (Miller, from cageside: “Now break it off and make him sing a sad country song.”) But Ferguson manages to escape and scramble on top, punching wildly. Bedford is up, Ferguson has him in a headlock briefly, Bedford escapes. Bedford lands a jab and body kick then a takedown. He takes Ferguson’s back on the mat to clinch the round.

Round 2: Ferguson comes out aggressive, wanting to make something happen on the feet. Bedford lands a nice leg kick. Ferg sticks him with a left. Bedford shoots, Ferg defends, but Bedford stays on it and completes the takedown. Bedford fires punches down against the fence. Ferguson locking him down from below. Bedford gets to side control, smothering him from the top. Ferguson explodes out, gets to his feet, and throws a dramatic flying knee that makes Coach Bisping groan as Bedford catches him and deposits him on the mat once again. Bedford scores with some short elbows and hammerfists from half guard. Bedford stays active to the end, and wins the unanimous decision after two rounds.

“I notice a recuuring theme in the show,” Mayhem says.

“Just because the guy’s won a couple fights, he thinks he’s won the show,” Bisping tells us. “The guy’s living in a dream world.”

Miller savors the victory with his team in the warm-up room. You know who doesn’t look thrilled? Johnny Bedford himself. In fact, he looks like a man with a broken hand. Hopefully he’ll have enough time to recover before his next fight in the bantamweight semi-finals.

Cagepotato Comments

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ReX13- October 7, 2011 at 11:21 am
great season so far, really enjoying it.
i tend to agree that Miller will defeat Bisping, and that Bisping's coaching is substandard. Calling out Bedford's injury at weigh-ins was an Olympic-level display of dumbassery.
And Jennifer Love Hewitt's best movie was Can't Hardly Wait, followed closely by Heartbreakers. Any fool knows that.
J3t- October 6, 2011 at 9:22 pm
No doubt in my mind Mayhem will beat the snot out of Bisping. You should check out some of his fights, dude is a beast...I guess that is why he can be so goofy. Besides Bisping has ZERO power...he couldn't even finish someone off after illegally kneeing them in the head
XENOPHON- October 6, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Ok, I was thinking down the same lines, yet thought I would be alone on this one. Yet, not having seen many of Millers previous fights outside of the show where he punked out some teen bullies or getting jumped into the Diaz Brothers gang.
Seeing Bisping slip farther down the ranks, and closer to three strikes would not bother me one bit. Since some here are across the pond, of the Brits, Hardy and all others is by far classier than Bisping.
frndlylion- October 6, 2011 at 12:04 pm
@XENOPHON I absolutely think Mayhem will smash and then submit Bisping. 2nd round by rear naked choke.
When Bisping is pressured ie: the Dan Henderson fight, he makes mistakes. Stupid mistakes like walking right into the power side of someone known to have devastating knockout power. (Again Henderson) Those mistakes will be capitalized on by Miller.
XENOPHON- October 6, 2011 at 11:03 am

Do you or anyone else think Mayhem will defeat Bisping when they meet in the ring?
Shatski- October 6, 2011 at 10:25 am
Bisping is a fucking repeating parrot, too. Everything Mayhem said at the weigh in, Bisping would rephrase it as, "I guess we WILL..."
Example- Mayhem: "We'll see at the fight." Bisping: "I guess we WILL see at the fight." Take anything Mayhem would say and that was Bisping's style. "I guess we WILL Bisping is a dickhead. Wait..."
XENOPHON- October 6, 2011 at 9:36 am
I believe you...that whole show now competes with Jerry Springer minus the beads. I watched the try outs online and there is no doubt a preference for selecting fighters who can bring the drama and do the outrageous....I stopped watching the show.
Shifty-Eyed Dog- October 6, 2011 at 8:48 am
I feel exactly like Mayhem when he said, "Team Bisping, I'm sorry. He's failing you."

I have nothing against anyone on Team Bisping, but it's unfortunate that they ended up there. Not only do they seem to be getting inferior coaching, but I want every single one of them to lose just because they're on his team.
KarmaAteMyCat- October 6, 2011 at 8:44 am
Their like Wisconsins biggest kept secret. Honest to god amazing fighters who both also tried out for the Ultimate fighter and got through the Grappling and striking portion and were told they'd either be called or not called.. Rough beats. Considering they took the two loud brothers over the two really skilled guys who honestly would have gone to the finals if not the semis, Like I shit you not when I say if they'd of been on that show you might have seen Warrior 2.0 in the finals of the UFC Ultimate Fighter Finale.. Just saying...
El Famous Burrito- October 6, 2011 at 8:17 am
What's the story of The Thao Brothers?
beef_kurtains- October 6, 2011 at 8:01 am
Isn't Akira the guy who hit his opponent in the face 155 times before he could drop him then proceeded to strut around like it was a one punch knockout? Can't wait to see that douche get KTFO. It will be sweet.
dranokills- October 6, 2011 at 7:30 am
You ever noticed the biggest jokers who always say they want to keep everyone happy by being the prankster guy always ends up the one who gets butthurt about someone pranking him back. It's as if they all sit down and signed a piece of paper saying there was limits and you couldn't cross each others holiest of holy lines. SHEAAHHH RIGHT!
So what happens? A guy gets tired of his shit, and pranks him back and sure enough a bed is off limits but equipment is NOT...who fucking knew right?
So what does this really say about Akira? easy, it says Akira's a stupid cunt who can dish it but can't take it. I hope Neace gets his chance to pound his fist into Akira's face.

Another thing I noticed was that pisspenis is the same kinda stupid that Akira is molded from, he keeps on encouraging his fighters to do stupid shit and say stupid shit during a weight in or pre fight each time, and each time Mayhem gets to rub his face in a steaming pile for it. Brit boy never learns and then gets sand in his vagina cause Mayhem dares to call him on it each time his team pummels his teams fighter. I have no idea whos gonna win it all and if its gonna come from pisspenis team or mayhems, but I know that as long as dumbass pissy-brit keeps up wasting time learning new cute saying to poke mayhem with instead of actually training his team, he will keep getting beat....which is fine with me I hope Mayhem wins every fight, and in the end knocks pissy out and or puts him to sleep.
KarmaAteMyCat- October 6, 2011 at 7:28 am
The fact that the Thao Brothers, two guys with a story and way better skill sets then the Ferguson brothers got trumped over them by Producers and UFC Higher ups is disappointing.
Fried Taco- October 6, 2011 at 7:16 am
I know what you did last summer is obviously referring to Dustin's favorite summer pasttime.
Master_Betty- October 6, 2011 at 7:13 am
It's a house full of tiny dudes with chips on their shoulders. Small man's syndrome at its most obvious.