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‘TUF 14′ Episode 5 Recap: Well, You Should Have Broken That Sh*t

(The end of Dustin Neace vs. Akira Corassani…OR WAS IT?? Gif props: IronForgesIron)

After Dustin Pague’s victory last week — which brought Team Mayhem up 4-0 on the scorecard, FYI — Dustin asks his team if they could do a quick “Glory to God” cheer, which Jason Miller actually participates in, even though he’s a die-hard atheist who usually loves to mess with religious people. That just shows what kind of coach Miller is. He let his fighter have his moment, and he didn’t even make Pague participate in a “Glory to Science” cheer afterwards.

As the fighters return to their prep-rooms, Diego Brandao is in Murderous Brazilian Mode (what else is new), and starts to yell at Steve Siler for some reason. “I’m gonna take you head off, bidge!”, etc. Michael Bisping explains that he’s unstable and just wants to fight. Fortunately, he’s in a welcoming environment for that sort of thing.

Mayhem gives Dustin Neace a cowboy hat with a B on it, which stands for “Beast,” his nickname. Josh Ferguson — previously known as “the dude in the cowboy hat” — lays down accusations of swagger-jackin’. (“Come on man, I got one thing going for me here, and you gotta rip it off?”) Oddly enough, Ferguson’s hat also has a ‘B’ on it, even though his nickname doesn’t start with that letter. Unless one of you knows its actual significance, I’m just going to assume it stands for “bumpkin.”

Siler tells Mayhem that John Dodson has been the mole on their team, feeding the fight selections in advance to Team Bisping. Mayhem decides to use it to his advantage. The plan is to make Team Bisping think that he’s picking Siler vs. Brandao next, when he’ll really be picking another house-rivalry, Neace vs. Akira Corassani. “Akira’s gonna be fat, Dustin’s gonna be in shape, and Diego’s gonna be really pissed,” Miller explains.

Dodson takes the bait when he sees Siler act like he’s trying to cut weight for a fight. Meanwhile, Neace is cutting in secret, like a teenaged daughter of divorcing parents. Wow. I kind of feel bad for that one. Anyway, the plan works, and Team Bisping starts getting Diego ready for war.

Under the cover of darkness, Team Blue steals Neace’s cowboy hat in retaliation for his swagger-jackin’. Neace can’t find it later, assumes Akira is fucking with him again — even though it wasn’t Akira’s idea — and he’s like a race car in the red. He loads up a garbage bag full of garbage, and…I’m not sure what he intends to do with it. But back at the gym, he scatters Team Bisping’s gear all over their room, so there.

When he discovers the mess, Bisping thinks it was a team prank that Mayhem put his guys up to, and starts making wild, derogatory assumptions about the cleanliness of Miller’s house. Neace and Akira shout at each other for a while. Akira wants to fight him right then, bare-knuckle, in the garden (?). Neace responds in his usual style: “We’re going to fight soon. We’re going to fight soon. We’re going to fight soon. We’re going to fight soon. We’re going to fight soon. We’re going to fight soon. We’re going to fight soon.”

And yeah, they’re still running that Tiger Schulmann’s MMA commercial where Louis Gaudinot claims to be ranked #11 in the world. I think he meant “on this particular reality show.”

The fight selections are chaotic. Neace and Akira are at DEFCON 1, jawing at each other during the lineup. They’re so angry that they start ripping off famous Mike Tyson quotes. Dustin Neace (Miller’s #3 featherweight) vs. Akira Corassani (Bisping’s #2 featherweight) is made official for the next match. Akira immediately walks up on Neace and gives him some forehead to forehead contact. Neace reacts by shooting on him. The coaches have to jump in to separate the fighters, which leads to some shoving and shouting between Miller and Bisping.

John Dodson: “All this happened ‘cuz of me. Hey, shit happens.”

After the melee, the teams compose themselves and Miller announces next week’s fight, even though he hasn’t won this week’s fight yet. Maybe Bisping is just too pissed to care. But really, no matter who wins, it’s pretty much assumed that Steve Siler (Miller’s #4 featherweight) would be fighting Diego Brandao (Bisping’s #1 featherweight) anyway. And now it’s official. Brandao does wind up getting screwed a bit by Mayhem’s trickery; he already cut to 151 pounds, and now he has to wait a week to fight.

Mayhem confronts Dodson and explains that he caused a lot of issues with the team. And that’s pretty much it. There really aren’t any consequences, though you wonder how the rest of the team is going to treat him after this. And I mean his actual team, not Team Death Leprechaun.

Akira’s takedown offense is a little bit off, so Tiki Ghosn works with him on getting up off the mat. Good screen-time, Tiki!

Bisping no-shows the weigh-ins, just like he no-showed the fight-selections in last week’s episode. His fighters look pretty bummed about it. But hey, at least he hasn’t missed one of their fights yet. He finally shows up, lifting a big paper bag as explanation. It is never explained what’s inside the paper bag.

After the weigh-ins, the big ‘M’ that denotes Mayhem’s parking space is placed in the handicapped spot of the gym’s parking lot. Just wait, that will become very important later.

Neace says he won’t tap to a submission, but he might hold a choke a little longer. Akira wasn’t impressed with Neace’s double-leg at the fight-announcement. And here we go…

Round 1: Akira lands first with a leg kick, a hook, and a body kick. A spinning back kick misses, and Bisping scolds Akira for trying the fancy stuff. Neace scores with a leg kick, and another, but Akira returns some punches. Neace stalking. He whiffs a backfist and some follow-up punches, but lands a counter when Akira swings on an overhand right. Neace’s reverse kick is caught, and Akira dumps him on the mat. Akira enters his guard and throws down a big elbow. Neace tries to lock him down, but Akira sneaks in another nice punch. Neace looking for an arm. More punches from Akira. Neace grabs a heel hook and cranks it. Akira taps — I mean, very clearly, he taps — but Herb Dean doesn’t see it. So when Neace eases up, thinking the fight is over, Akira keeps fighting, and escapes to his feet. Team Miller shouts “HE TAPPED” in unison, but it’s too late now. Neace scores a takedown. Akira gets to his feet and lands a hook at the end.

Round 2: They trade hooks. Akira is on the move, attacking forward with punches, then clinching against fence. A short elbow from Akira, followed by some knees to Dustin’s legs. They separate. Both guys miss backfists. (Seriously guys, it’s enough already with that shit.) Neace goes to the body with a punch and a kick. Akira drops Neace with a punch, and throws down big shots at Neace against the fence. Akira stays on top, punching down, smothering Neace. Neace looks for a triangle, but can’t get it. He desperately tries to make something happen from his back in the round’s closing seconds, but Akira stays out of danger, keeps busy, and keeps his position.

Before the decision is even read, Akira goes over to Neace’s stool and basically does this to him. There’s another near-scuffle, and Miller (I think?) shoots water at Bisping. Keith Kizer has to step in and be an adult, telling Akira to get his shit together unless he wants to be suspended and kicked off the show. Akira Corassani def. Dustin Neace via majority decision, which implies that one judge gave the first round to Dustin on the basis of, you know, ending the fight.

And so, Akira scores the first win for Team Bisping, in the most bullshit way possible. But that’s life. Sometimes you win, sometimes a tow truck comes to drag your Mustang out of the handicapped spot.

Cagepotato Comments

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KarmaAteMyCat- October 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm
I as well Have not heard the word Choad in a while so A for effort in that department HOWEVER. I have only recently mentioned I'm a fighting in any recent article only in reference to breaking a limb if I have a hold or to just Shout out the event I'm fighting at no other time have I really mentioned I'm a fighter as of late.. others have been doing it enough for me why should I?
nickyroose- October 23, 2011 at 2:25 pm
@Nintend and Xenophobe

Let's not suck each others dicks yet gentlemen. I will say I respect your now curtailing foppishness. However because my reading comprehension is what one county employee called phenomenal and I have studied something called symbolic logic I was able to deftly read this statement,

"I do get annoyed with the 3 fight amateurs talking rad hotsauce about the fight game like they know. Half the cats I train with have 10-15 amateur fights under their belt, yet it is always the new fighters with 1-2 fights that talk about it like they were part of the Tet Offensive. Not sure why that is."

And according to my Phd training where trying to say this...

"I have superior experience than Karma and the level of fighters I train with have much more and superior experience to him as well. It is an example of his inferiority that he shows his fights on here while my eight years of Tae Kwon Do go unnoticed."

Therefore in conclusion, you are still a total asshat for clowning Karma then mentioning you "train".

@Xenophon -- I believe Jon Jones is descended from one of those african tribesmen that were declared to be the lost tribe of Israel.
Nintendong- October 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Not going to lie, I got a laugh out of that one. +1
XENOPHON- October 22, 2011 at 11:38 am
Choad...hahah I haven't heard that in quite a while
Great, this place is full of kiss asses, cry babies, and complainers..its good to hear someone has the balls to go with that 9-10 Dong...
I got a keen suspicion there are several dyke-chick bitches masquerading as men on this site, and likely a few sword fighters as well.
Nintendong- October 22, 2011 at 10:09 am

You obviously have no reading comprehension, get real. Find at point in my post where I claim to fight? I have trained as a hobby at a large gym for a little over 8 years. I could give two shits about racking up fights, not my career of choice. Eat a dick.

Also the reason most of us get on Karma has nothing to do with his fight ability and everything to do with his inane comments and the fact that he is always trying to name drop and remind us that "he is an amateur fighter, bro". I wish him all the luck in the world in the fight game and I am sure he could go far if he wants, I just think he's a choad.
XENOPHON- October 22, 2011 at 5:32 am
Of course you didn't get on the has nothing to do with your total fight record meeting minimum requirements, we all know that Dana knows you work for CP, and hence the ban is in effect, right. (BIG GRIN)

Dam, 125 pounds. It's time to ditch the medium sized shirts bro. Anyone who wears one of those gay ass Affliction or TapouT MMA shirts from the Little Folks Shop can't get upset for being slapped around with the stroke of a pen. Remember the three "C's", Calm, Cool, and Collected wins most every time. Especially if you throw out some trollage with a dash of salt.
@Nintendong - I got to agree with you to a certain extent. On the flip side, even the best trained troops don't make the Soldier of Fortune cover with only 3 bursts. Cut the kid some slack, not everyone has the same level skills or talent. Once he has logged 10,000 hours, then there are no excuses.
@Nickyrose - Where are all the Jewish MMA fighters...Ive only ever seen one, and he had a bad day?
The Fresh One- October 21, 2011 at 12:38 pm
This ;-P usually means a joke.
madcowboy- October 21, 2011 at 12:34 pm
What a dumbarse, Neace has the man locked up and he doesnt hold it until the ref grabs him!!! he should have won... break it next time
nickyroose- October 21, 2011 at 10:52 am
Hahah I thought @ccman got jacked but it's an imitator.

Who are you fucking guys anyway? You must be new.

@Nintendong I am also irritated by guys with only like 3 fights at my GYM where I TRAIN MMA with a bunch of dudes who are like the toughest dudes ever. You've never heard of any of them or the gym or the town that it's in but trust me they are so good. I never have had an ammy fight or been in a real fight but the guys I roll with are always like, "Man you are the best guy in this whole gym no one has ever heard of, and I should know I have 10-15 ammy fights."

KarmaAteMyCat- October 20, 2011 at 10:19 pm
Thank you.
Redping- October 20, 2011 at 10:05 pm
yeah nah Karma is a decent poster, you guys mustn't have much of a life to even try to judge him based on his posting quality and insult him for being a fighter. I mean I know it's tough watching fighting and not being a fighter, but the amount of penis-envy Karma gets is just not fair, dude is going to be so big-headed from you guys giving him the attention.

Dude is an amateur fighter and he comments on his opinions as a fighter sometimes, it's one of the few names where I see it and actually read the comment because its at least slightly relevant to MMA. Unlike when somebody just insults Karma in a thread about something else, just to be like 'hey everybody i have a small penis!' on the internet. I don't see the point guys, show some respect to mma fighters of any level, if you're a fan of this sport. if not, go to wwe or cycling or one of those fake ones
KarmaAteMyCat- October 20, 2011 at 8:48 pm
if you four like it or not*
KarmaAteMyCat- October 20, 2011 at 8:47 pm
This isn't the WWE and I am not Chael Sonnen. I normally always have something insightful to say you just enjoy trolling. Not to mention nobody cares who you train with.. My dad can beat your dad up.. Not to mention I'll be continuing to post regardless of whatever the outcome of my next fight is regardless if four like it or not.
newly sober- October 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm
Karma gets no love. I think it sounds like a loser leave town kind of bet on his next bout coming up.

I'll throw it out there. If Karma loses his fight in November he is not allowed to post on Cagepotato. If he wins, which I hope he does,all the talk about him not knowing his business has to stop.
Nintendong- October 20, 2011 at 7:53 pm
I could give two shits how good a fighter Karma is or what weight class he's in. I judge him on that fact that he never has anything interesting, insightful or funny to say any time I am on here.

I do get annoyed with the 3 fight amateurs talking rad hotsauce about the fight game like they know. Half the cats I train with have 10-15 amateur fights under their belt, yet it is always the new fighters with 1-2 fights that talk about it like they were part of the Tet Offensive. Not sure why that is.
KarmaAteMyCat- October 20, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Haha, No respect. I get plenty of that thanks, see what you fail
to understand is I might get KTFO or whatever you want to call it but guess what I'll keep fighting because thats what I do. Thats what most fighters do WE ALL have our ups and our downs now with that in mind let me tell you I honestly wasn't trying to become offensive I simply said that if I get a hold on someones arm,heel,knee or whatever that I would torque it if not rip it off until the referee pulled me off. I did not start this flame so with all that out there and in the open I couldn't give two squirts of piss what you think about me. I love this sport, I'll continue to compete in this sport and I will make it in this sport one way or another. If my opinions cause you to feel the urge to start a flame war then I must be doing something right.
JohnnyBlaze- October 20, 2011 at 3:58 pm
karma is an e-thug. im not trying to troll or anything i genuinely dislike Jeffrey "karmaatemycat" Watts and every once in a while try and get that point across after reading some of his BS comments
ProfessorMMA- October 20, 2011 at 3:15 pm
LOL. glad to see Karma finally getting the respect he deserves on here; i.e.: none.

this kid is a fucking nothing.. i like how he boasts about walking around at 150 like hes a monster or something.

karma i cant wait to see you fight anyone with skill and get KTFO.

you are and always will be a little bitch, so keep on e-thugging brah.
KarmaAteMyCat- October 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Well said sir that made me laugh my ass off.
StinkFacer- October 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm
how come every time i come here, some random is talking shit about Karma. Buddy competes, and has put videos on here proving the fact. Like it or not, hes a competitor. Until you put up a video showing you got the same balls, i recommend you stfu and do you. Everyones tough on the internet. We're all A. Silvas on a keyboard, but i wouldn't be shocked to find out 95% of you are Kalib Starnes in real life.
KarmaAteMyCat- October 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm
It was more of a sarcastic,snide remark.. Not really serious obviously its not going to happen... I accidentally Hurped when I ment to durp MAH BADDD!!!
NinjaVanish- October 20, 2011 at 1:55 pm
@ Karma
Brother did you really just challenge one of the board warriors to a fight? C'mon dude you know that isn't going to happen and only makes you look classless. Brush that dirt off your shoulders.

And seriously, Neace got robbed in a manner that hasnt been seen since Wes Shivers got the worst Robbery of all against McSweeney TUF 10. Akira tapped and talked shit afterwards, I hope his next fight the guy just grinds him out.
KarmaAteMyCat- October 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
I don't wear affliction shirts however I fit a medium fairly snug like, unless by shirts you mean condums and in that case ask your mom.
theberserker- October 20, 2011 at 1:23 pm
I just had the chance to watch the show after I dvr'd it. So, Neace and Akira, huh? Neither one of these guys would have won the contract. Both of their performances were utterly lacking, especially after all the animosity leading up to their fight. Yes, Akira tapped but it ain't over until the ref calls it. Three things: 1) I can't wait until Akira loses the next time he fights and still tries to act all cocky, 2) Has Keith Kizer, or any other official for that matter, walked in and talked about suspending a fighter before now?, and 3) I hope Miller "smashes" Bisping.
The Fresh One- October 20, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Do they make Affliction shirts in small or do you just dry a medium on high heat?;-p Now that's wit.