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TUF 18 Episode 5 Recap: Well, At Least We Know Where Ronda Gets Her “Crazy” From

(The shirt says “Fighting is in my DNA,” just in case you guys didn’t get the message. Photo via

After winning control of the fight picks and securing their first victory last week via dive bomb KO, Team Rousey has selected that roommates and BFF’s Davey Grant (Team Rousey) and Louis Fisette (Team Tate/Lives With Parents) will do battle this week.

Episode 5 starts off with Grant and Fisette shooting the breeze about still being friends after they fight and all that noise, then switches to Roxanne coping with her loss by bawling her eyes out in the fetal position, then switches to Raquel Pennington discussing what it was like coming out to her parents. Non sequiturs FTW!!

Anyway, Grant is our first featured fighter this week. He speaks in what I like to call “Terry Etim English,” in that I can only understand one out of every thirteen words he says. I think he’s missing his children, but he could just as easily be talking about buying his mum a caravan.

At the TUF house, a few members of Team Tate, including “friends with benefits” aficionado Julianna Pena (Author’s note: I’m a really good listener if you ever need one, Julianna. Just sayin’), start to play truth or dare. I shit you not. The first “truth” that comes up: Who’s the hottest guy in the house? Sarah “Cheesecake” Moras votes for Anthony “Sharkbait” Gutierrez. Pena strongly disagrees, labelling him the ugliest guy of them all. Choose your words wisely, Julianna, because if Gutierrez catches wind of his ugliness he will buwn this whole house to da gwound.

Josh Hill is up next and chooses dare. He is given the challenge of using a cheesy pickup line on Roxanne Modafferi. He chooses “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?” It should be noted that Roxanne is not wearing shoes at the time. She didn’t say “No,” though.

Anthony’s turn at the wheel. He chooses truth and is asked to out the weakest fighter in the house. He selects Louis Fisette (which, considering he lost his qualifier bout, makes sense), then tell the cameras that “If you play truth or dare long enough, someone’s going to get offended.” If this bit lasts any longer I am quitting my job.

It’s training time for Team Tate, which gives us a chance to learn something about Fisette other than the fact that he is a bum who still lives with his parents.

Turns out, he’s a Canadian who still lives with his parents. He got into MMA through a friend when he was 18 and blah blah blah this dude still lives with his parents let’s all point and laugh.

Fresh off his victory over Chris Beal in episode 3, Chris Holdsworth is struggling to stay away from the plethora of junk food that the TUF house has to offer. Gutierrez is in the same camp, but has yet to fight. Looks like we might have Gabe Ruediger 2.0 on our hands, Nation. Someone get the tissues for his breakdown when he inevitably misses weight.

Back to the gym for a Team Rousey training session, which can only mean that Momma Rousey is in the building (bow chicka wow-wow). Ann Maria has already criticized MMA fans and The Ultimate Fighter in general for their portrayal/treatment of her daughter, and right from the get-go she seems…perturbed. She calls out members of Team Rousey, including Jessica Rakoczy (who just fought last week) for putting in enough effort. Ronda talks about how she used to intentionally send her to tournaments injured, bringing new meaning to the phrase “crazy like a champion.” I’m pretty sure Mick went easier on Rocky.

After her little pep talk, the Rousey’s make a surprise visit to the house to give Grant a further pepping. Momma Rousey talks about how having kids makes you stronger or something and I have the weirdest boner right now.

Fight time!

Round 1: Grant starts off with a strong outside leg kick, then lands a nice combo that backs Louis up against the cage. Fisette reverses Grant but can’t get him down, allowing Grant the opportunity to fire off another three punch combo. Grant grabs a leg and Fisette tries an Yves Edwards, single leg flying knee only to be slammed to the mat. Grant stacks him up and lands a few decent shots. Louis tries for a kneebar but is soundly denied. Grant snatches up a kimura then leaps into an armbar but Fisette is able to escape. A scramble ensues and Grant winds up back in Louis’ guard, landing some nice elbows thereafter. Grant’s size/reach advantage are winning him the day here, and he piles on an onslaught of elbows and punches until the round ends. A bloodied Louis was saved by the bell there, which Rousey makes sure to point out.

Round 2:  Louis immediately shoots for a double at the start of the round and pushes Grant into the cage. Grant picks up Louis and delivers an effortless slams, winding up in side mount, then full mount, then back control. Punches reign down from above before Grant flattens Louis and secures a fight-ending rear-naked choke.

Damn. For a British striker, Grant has an incredibly solid ground game. In a show of good sportsmanship, Fisette hugs Grant then hoists him onto his shoulders to carry him around the ring. Uh, dude, you were supposed to use those grappling skills during the fight.

After jumping out to an early lead, Team Tate has now dropped two straight, evening things out between teams. If there was ever a time for Bryan Caraway to try and secure that threeway, it is now.

With Team Rousey still in control, Jessamyn Duke (Team Rousey) is selected to take on Raquel Pennington (Team Tate) next in a matchup that pleases both coaches. Like I said, Bryan, the time is now.

Next week: It’s sexy, slow-mo pool party time with the Hooters girls! Seriously. Plus, Julianna uses her makeover skills to turn a couple of her housemates from drab to fab (*double snaps*).

Team Rousey Women
Shayna Baszler (eliminated by Julianna Pena in the quarterfinals, episode 2)
Jessamyn Duke
Peggy Morgan
Jessica Rakoczy

Team Rousey Men
Chris Beal (eliminated by Chris Holdsworth in the quarterfinals, episode 3)
Davey Grant
Anthony Gutierrez
Michael Wootten

Team Tate Women
Julianna Pena
Sarah Moras
Raquel Pennington
Roxanne Modafferi (eliminated by Jessica Rakoczy in the quarterfinals, episode 4)

Team Tate Men
Cody Bollinger
Chris Holdsworth
Josh Hill
Louis Fisette (eliminated by Davey Grant in the quarterfinals)

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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Nippletwist- October 6, 2013 at 9:14 pm
Album drops this summer
Thumblaster- October 3, 2013 at 5:47 pm
"dr." Rousey is a fucking freak, this show is making me hate the rousey family and hate carraway less, that pisses me off.
Thumblaster- October 3, 2013 at 5:43 pm
War nippletwist
Nippletwist- October 3, 2013 at 10:14 am
Volume II
Nippletwist- October 3, 2013 at 10:13 am
Return of nippletwist