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‘TUF 18′ Episode 7 Recap: The Great Facial Hair Fracas of 2013 Wages On

(The TUF editors refer to this as the “fearection” shot.)

Breaking from our usual tradition of giving long-winded, play-by-play recaps of each week’s The Ultimate Fighter, I’m going to keep things relatively short and sweet for yesterday’s episode, “Zone In,” which featured a fight between Josh Hill (Team Tate) and Michael Wootten (Team Rousey). It might be because the seventh episode of season 18 contained very few highlights of note, it might be because I am just catching up on the episode as I write this. In any case, I’ve already provided more introspection than I will for the rest of this recap, so let’s get started.

Following her three round war with Jessamyn Duke last week, Raquel Pennington receives a congratulatory talking to from Dana White, who insists that she “Let dem hands go, grrrl” if she wants to win this whole thing. He might have phrased that differently.

It’s father’s day back at the house (and presumably, the rest of the world as well), so you know what that means: DADS HAVING A CRYFEST!! Cody Bollinger is hit the hardest by the sads but Ronda Rousey stops by to give all the father’s shaving kits to make them feel better. Oh, so Team Tate gives Edmund a discount coupon for an eyebrow treatment and it’s offensive, but Ronda can hand out shaving kits all willy-nilly and we’re supposed to commend her for it? SHE-NAN-I-GANS.

Not willing to sit idly by and lose the Great Facial Hair Fracas of 2013, Team Tate puts up some photos of Fallon Fox ”Edmund Rousey,” a unibrowed, half-man, half-woman thing so horrifying that the cameras dare not show it. POINT GRYFFINDOR TATE. Dana White stops by to remove the photos but neglects to check the sauna like a goddamn amateur. Upon seeing the photo DW missed, Ronda immediately pulls the racist card on Team Tate. That’s right, unibrow jokes now qualify as racist. Tell them how we feel about this latest development, Hubert.

Team Rousey has a training session that consists of convulsing on the mat, Dana White hates one-dimensional fighters like Josh Hill, slow-motion walking blah blah blah FIGHT TIME!

Round 1: Being that Hill is a one-dimensional lay-n-prayer not worthy of our praise, he shoots in for a takedown almost immediately. Apparently Hill follows the Michael Bay rule of compromise, and I respect him for it. The rest of the round, however, is boring as shit. Hill fails to capitalize on a rear-naked choke and spends three or so minutes pushing Wootten against the cage. THIS IS WHY THE WOMEN’S FIGHTS ARE GETTING HIGHER RATINGS, YOU GUYS.

Round 2: Ever the contrarian, Wootten starts round 2 by firing off the biggest strike of the fight, a right knee that momentarily drops Hill. Hill gets back to his feet and Wootten takes him down for reasons that are not immediately clear. They become more and more clear, however, as Wootten continues to reign down heavy punches and elbows from Hill’s guard. Hill survives the onslaught and gets back to his feet, only to have Wootten shoot on him. Hill pulls guard and snatches up a guillotine that is a no-go, then Wooten attempts a similarly misguided RNC of his own. Hill reverses and finishes the round with some pitter-patter punches from on top. A much more entertaining round and it looks like we’re going to a third…

Round 3: Hill starts things off with a spinning backfist that misses. After a scramble along the fence, Hill tries to secure another takedown but fails. Another scramble, a few elbows, and Wootten tries for a takedown. Hill trying for a takedown against the fence. Hill trying for a takedown. Hill still trying for that takedown…they break! Hill tries another spinning backfist that is just adorable and Wootten gets a takedown. Wootten stays on top for the final minute and a half, landing a few punches here and there and this one is all over.

Michael Wooten def. Josh Hill via Unanimous Decision.

It wasn’t exactly the barnburner that last week’s fight was, but it’ll do, pig.

Tate congrats Team Rousey on the win, gets flipped off again, rinse, repeat. At the fight announcement, Rousey “picks’ the final two quarterfinal fights: Peggy Morgan vs. Sarah Moras and Cody Bollinger vs. Anthony Gutierrez.

Next week: A recap episode? With no fights? The fuck do they think this is, Twin Peaks?! Yeah, we will not be recapping that.

Team Rousey Women
Shayna Baszler (eliminated by Julianna Pena in the quarterfinals, episode 2)
Jessamyn Duke (eliminated by Raquel Pennington in the quarterfinals, episode 6)
Peggy Morgan
Jessica Rakoczy

Team Rousey Men
Chris Beal (eliminated by Chris Holdsworth in the quarterfinals, episode 3)
Davey Grant
Anthony Gutierrez
Michael Wootten

Team Tate Women
Julianna Pena
Sarah Moras
Raquel Pennington
Roxanne Modafferi (eliminated by Jessica Rakoczy in the quarterfinals, episode 4)

Team Tate Men
Cody Bollinger
Chris Holdsworth
Josh Hill (eliminated by Michael Wootten in the quarterfinals, episode 7)
Louis Fisette (eliminated by Davey Grant in the quarterfinals, episode 5)

-J. Jones

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