Junie, Junie, Junie. [*shakes head*]
Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter started with the guys peacefully watching UFC 84, you know, just minding their own business. We see several highlights of Lyoto Machida beating up on Tito Ortiz. (So Dana White edits this show too? Impressive.) Inevitably, the evening is ruined by Junie Allen Goddamned Browning, who goes through a few bottles of chardonnay with Shane Nelson. Junie starts screwing with Team Nogueira, throws his drink in Kyle Kingsbury‘s face, and then the glass, which breaks and cuts KK’s arm. This creates the major engine in the episode’s drama: Junie becomes convinced that he’s getting kicked out of the house for injuring his housemate, so he might as well self-destruct completely.
Shane Nelson, who “has the alcohol tolerance of a 12-year-old girl,” starts harassing Ryan Bader, then Roli Delgado, then Efrain Escudero; he shoves Roli and Efrain, trying to bait one of them into a fight, but they keep their respective cools. Junie and Shane are the Toxic Twins, feeding off each other’s bullshit, doing their best to out-do the other. They start throwing furniture into the pool.
Eventually, the other guys go outside to observe the damage. Junie gets in K-Sos’s face. “I wish y’all were my size,” he says to the light-heavyweights. K-Sos, the passive-aggressive prankster, gently places Junie’s clothes in the pool after he dives in. When Junie finds them, he’s understandably upset. K-Sos, unlike his last prank on light-heavyweight Ryan Bader, claims ownership for this one. Junie calls him a bitch. K-Sos calmly explains, “You’re the bitch. You are the biggest bitch of them all.” Bader throws Junie’s stuff back in the pool, and Junie drags him in, then kicks Tom LOL’er when him and Bader are pulled out. After a while, he cools off and tells everyone how much he likes them. What a bitch.
Dana White shows up the next morning to lay down the law. “Junie is a punk. And possibly a drunk. Junie, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you have a drinking problem?” Junie says yes, and DW delivers the line of the night: “We give you guys alcohol ’cause you’re grown men.” [Ed. note: O RLY?] But he also explains that the alcohol supply lets him and the producers see who the fuck-ups are. That would be Junie and Shane. DW rips into Shane next: “You’re a drunken retard too.” Shockingly, Dana decides to not kick anybody out of the house. “I’m gonna give you a fuckin’ second shot…don’t make a fool out of me. Be a fuckin’ man while you’re in here. Quit acting like fuckin’ retards.” Junie apologizes, and says he feels like he just dodged a bullet.
Dana suggests to Nogueira that he choose Nelson as the red team’s next opponent. Nog selects the undefeated Efrain Escudero to handle the dirty work. Nelson’s gameplan? “I’m gonna punch his face off.” The night before the fight, Junie starts messing with Efrain. Apparently, the two grappled in practice before teams were picked, and there’s some dispute over who tapped who first, and with what, and where or why or how come. Junie is convinced that Shane — a purple belt in BJJ under BJ Penn — is going to tap Efrain. Efrain smiles and nods.
And then the fight…
Round 1: Both fighters are slow to engage. Shane makes the first move with a short kick to the head when Efrain ducks to shoot, and he gets a knee in when Efrain tries to clinch. Efrain clinches again and throws some knees into Shane’s body. Shane shakes out. Efrain can’t quite find his rhythm on the feet, and he clinches, throwing more knees. Both fighters try unsuccessfully to take each other down. After a punch exchange, Efrain secures a Thai clinch, then gets a takedown, landing in side control. Shane rolls, but Efrain stays on him, moving to half guard. Efrain stands up and kicks Shane’s legs a couple times before the round ends.
Round 2: Shane whiffs on a head kick. Efrain stuffs a takedown attempt, then does his clinch-and-knees thing again into a takedown. Nogueira shouts at Efrain to posture up and start punching, but Efrain sticks on Shane like a blanket. Shane gets up, but Efrain drags him back down. Shane escapes and briefly tries for a heel hook, but Efrain defends. Shane winds up on top. Efrain waits for the right moment to throw on a triangle choke from the bottom, and nails it. Shane panics and tries to roll out, but Efrain winds up on top of him with Shane still in the triangle. Shane taps. And Junie is not happy.
“That’s exactly what the UFC needs, another fuckin’ boring ass fuckin’ wrestler!” Junie shouts. “You’re gonna be next, baby!” Nogueira cools down his boy Efrain, telling him “He’s gonna be the next one you finish.” Junie can’t handle it, so he jumps in the cage and the coaches have to hold him back.
On the next episode: Will Junie get kicked out, or does he get a third chance? (I’m reminded of Dana White’s line “you don’t vote him off, you fuckin’ beat him off.” So maybe Junie’s there to stay.) Also, Anderson Silva visits the house to kick the living crap out of the guys. “He’s so cool!” gushes John P.
***
Addendum 1: At least Junie has a sense of humor about his disruptive behavior. In his latest blog post for UFC.com, he writes…
I got into it a bit with some of the light heavyweights, and people think I was crazy for doing that, but I still would – I guess I have a little bit of a small man’s complex. But really, I was just trying to help the 205ers practice. When I front kicked Tom (Lawlor), everyone had this misconception. I was helping him defend front kicks. The next day we spent the whole day working on front kicks. I was also doing pull-ups on (Ryan) Bader’s shirt by the pool – I wanted to work on my biceps – and I was defending people getting my back. They just edited it wrong, we were just practicing.
Addendum 2: CP commenter “Old, Bald & Irish” will be failing competing at the 2008 East Coast GrapplersQuest tourney in New Jersey on 10/18. If you can predict how badly he’ll do in his first match, you could win a CagePotato “Hall of Fame” t-shirt. Go here for all the details.
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*Recalls: What was Junie’s thoughts about entering the house in the first show this season?*
Oh yeah, he said that he heard there was free drinks in the house. He must’a been looking forward to making an ass out of himself all season since he can’t hold in liquor like a man. Ah, he a which trash piece of shit who won’t last more than a few shows anyway…