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TUF 8.04 Recap: Fuckin’ Retards

Junie, Junie, Junie. [*shakes head*]

Last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter started with the guys peacefully watching UFC 84, you know, just minding their own business. We see several highlights of Lyoto Machida beating up on Tito Ortiz. (So Dana White edits this show too? Impressive.) Inevitably, the evening is ruined by Junie Allen Goddamned Browning, who goes through a few bottles of chardonnay with Shane Nelson. Junie starts screwing with Team Nogueira, throws his drink in Kyle Kingsbury‘s face, and then the glass, which breaks and cuts KK’s arm. This creates the major engine in the episode’s drama: Junie becomes convinced that he’s getting kicked out of the house for injuring his housemate, so he might as well self-destruct completely.

Shane Nelson, who “has the alcohol tolerance of a 12-year-old girl,” starts harassing Ryan Bader, then Roli Delgado, then Efrain Escudero; he shoves Roli and Efrain, trying to bait one of them into a fight, but they keep their respective cools. Junie and Shane are the Toxic Twins, feeding off each other’s bullshit, doing their best to out-do the other. They start throwing furniture into the pool.

Eventually, the other guys go outside to observe the damage. Junie gets in K-Sos’s face. “I wish y’all were my size,” he says to the light-heavyweights. K-Sos, the passive-aggressive prankster, gently places Junie’s clothes in the pool after he dives in. When Junie finds them, he’s understandably upset. K-Sos, unlike his last prank on light-heavyweight Ryan Bader, claims ownership for this one. Junie calls him a bitch. K-Sos calmly explains, “You’re the bitch. You are the biggest bitch of them all.” Bader throws Junie’s stuff back in the pool, and Junie drags him in, then kicks Tom LOL’er when him and Bader are pulled out. After a while, he cools off and tells everyone how much he likes them. What a bitch.

Dana White shows up the next morning to lay down the law. “Junie is a punk. And possibly a drunk. Junie, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you have a drinking problem?” Junie says yes, and DW delivers the line of the night: “We give you guys alcohol ’cause you’re grown men.” [Ed. note: O RLY?] But he also explains that the alcohol supply lets him and the producers see who the fuck-ups are. That would be Junie and Shane. DW rips into Shane next: “You’re a drunken retard too.” Shockingly, Dana decides to not kick anybody out of the house. “I’m gonna give you a fuckin’ second shot…don’t make a fool out of me. Be a fuckin’ man while you’re in here. Quit acting like fuckin’ retards.” Junie apologizes, and says he feels like he just dodged a bullet.

Dana suggests to Nogueira that he choose Nelson as the red team’s next opponent. Nog selects the undefeated Efrain Escudero to handle the dirty work. Nelson’s gameplan? “I’m gonna punch his face off.” The night before the fight, Junie starts messing with Efrain. Apparently, the two grappled in practice before teams were picked, and there’s some dispute over who tapped who first, and with what, and where or why or how come. Junie is convinced that Shane — a purple belt in BJJ under BJ Penn — is going to tap Efrain. Efrain smiles and nods.

And then the fight…

Round 1: Both fighters are slow to engage. Shane makes the first move with a short kick to the head when Efrain ducks to shoot, and he gets a knee in when Efrain tries to clinch. Efrain clinches again and throws some knees into Shane’s body. Shane shakes out. Efrain can’t quite find his rhythm on the feet, and he clinches, throwing more knees. Both fighters try unsuccessfully to take each other down. After a punch exchange, Efrain secures a Thai clinch, then gets a takedown, landing in side control. Shane rolls, but Efrain stays on him, moving to half guard. Efrain stands up and kicks Shane’s legs a couple times before the round ends.

Round 2: Shane whiffs on a head kick. Efrain stuffs a takedown attempt, then does his clinch-and-knees thing again into a takedown. Nogueira shouts at Efrain to posture up and start punching, but Efrain sticks on Shane like a blanket. Shane gets up, but Efrain drags him back down. Shane escapes and briefly tries for a heel hook, but Efrain defends. Shane winds up on top. Efrain waits for the right moment to throw on a triangle choke from the bottom, and nails it. Shane panics and tries to roll out, but Efrain winds up on top of him with Shane still in the triangle. Shane taps. And Junie is not happy.

“That’s exactly what the UFC needs, another fuckin’ boring ass fuckin’ wrestler!” Junie shouts. “You’re gonna be next, baby!” Nogueira cools down his boy Efrain, telling him “He’s gonna be the next one you finish.” Junie can’t handle it, so he jumps in the cage and the coaches have to hold him back.

On the next episode: Will Junie get kicked out, or does he get a third chance? (I’m reminded of Dana White’s line “you don’t vote him off, you fuckin’ beat him off.” So maybe Junie’s there to stay.) Also, Anderson Silva visits the house to kick the living crap out of the guys. “He’s so cool!” gushes John P.

***

Addendum 1: At least Junie has a sense of humor about his disruptive behavior. In his latest blog post for UFC.com, he writes

I got into it a bit with some of the light heavyweights, and people think I was crazy for doing that, but I still would – I guess I have a little bit of a small man’s complex. But really, I was just trying to help the 205ers practice. When I front kicked Tom (Lawlor), everyone had this misconception. I was helping him defend front kicks. The next day we spent the whole day working on front kicks. I was also doing pull-ups on (Ryan) Bader’s shirt by the pool – I wanted to work on my biceps – and I was defending people getting my back. They just edited it wrong, we were just practicing.

Addendum 2: CP commenter “Old, Bald & Irish” will be failing competing at the 2008 East Coast GrapplersQuest tourney in New Jersey on 10/18. If you can predict how badly he’ll do in his first match, you could win a CagePotato “Hall of Fame” t-shirt. Go here for all the details.

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Middle Finger Bandit- October 12, 2008 at 8:38 am
*Recalls: What was Junie's thoughts about entering the house in the first show this season?*

Oh yeah, he said that he heard there was free drinks in the house. He must'a been looking forward to making an ass out of himself all season since he can't hold in liquor like a man. Ah, he a which trash piece of shit who won't last more than a few shows anyway...
Kimbo's Lice- October 10, 2008 at 6:41 pm
^ ^ ^ I believe he just described frat boys as "real men"

"even drunk Junie dumbass browning knows that hes in a house with a group of guys who wont touch him cause they don’t want to blow a chance at a job.

Now if this house of guys was just a frat house or something Junie browning would be a mangled corpse on the nightly news, cause real men are NOT gonna let some no dick little puss-weight guy push them"

I do believe UFC fighters are more manly than frat boys. Ftw. -.-
UFC fan- October 9, 2008 at 2:05 am
whats make me laugh so hard is the fact that even drunk Junie dumbass browning knows that hes in a house with a group of guys who wont touch him cause they don't want to blow a chance at a job.
Now if this house of guys was just a frat house or something Junie browning would be a mangled corpse on the nightly news, cause real men are NOT gonna let some no dick little puss-weight guy push them, and kick them, and let me tell you, it is hard, damn hard to resist putting a cocksucker like him in the hospital in any other situation.
All those guys that he pissed off are a little bit smaller than me, and applaud all the 205 ers the restraint was amazing, I woulda broke every bone in his body, and told Dana I was afraid for my life , I snapped and nearly killed him before my friends pulled me off.
trust me this little douche don't pull that in Kentucky with a group of bigger guys, he may be a MMA fighter, but about 3 or 4 big old country boys laying the boot to his ass will "ace" that little turd. he wouldn't live long in the south pulling that shit!
LukeTheDuke- October 8, 2008 at 5:16 pm
dude from what it looks like in a matter of episodes the whole house is gonna beat the living shit out of this junie CHARACTER. (cos thats all he his a CHARACTER) ....fuckin reality TV assholes make me sick.
Aaron- October 8, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Junie makes the former TUF fucking retards, Leben and Taylor look like saints. I think it would be good to have each 205er who Junie was trying to fight grab a different appendage and pull hard on the count of three. That could be a great way to boost sales during the next PPV. UFC 99- Drawn and Quartered. Didn't anyone tell Junie it is against all of the commandments of drinking: Thou shall not mix box wine and Cuervo. That is a deadly combo also known as trailer trash kool aid. DW must have known about this dangerous concoction, since there is no other possible reason to stock the TUF house with chardonay.
ovrbomb- October 8, 2008 at 4:59 pm
After knowing woody (junies close friend) personally...i belive him when he says.. "come december we'll see whos in the octogon" Although i truly belive he dosnt belong in this caliber of fighting (UFC) due to his immature antics i will still say...."dude can fight" and he has the heart of a lion...so...lets all wait and see what happens. I personally think Mr. Browning needs to grow up a bit and respect the sport that may pay his bills one day...

sorry woody...i know he's your boy...but dude needs A.A. :)
MKXii- October 8, 2008 at 4:51 pm
I predict a loss 2 minutes and 36 seconds into his first match.
Fedor's dad- October 8, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Is Junie's dad Nick Nolte?
SiDeBuRnZ- October 8, 2008 at 3:03 pm
are you serious?!?! BEAT HIM OFF?!?! his jizz would be half JD, half coke...
BIG CHRIS- October 8, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Even after all of this stuff i still pick Junie to win this thing....None of those other 155ers can touch him, I just hope he calms down a little bit, cuts back on the drinking and then dumps that rage out on whoever he is the cage with. He could really do well in the UFC. In my opinion.
JesseL- October 8, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Wow... that looks insane. Thanks for the help and also for not making me feel stupid.
Kevbo- October 8, 2008 at 1:38 pm
“you don’t vote him off, you fuckin’ beat him off.” That's like the question; "If you had a fag on your back would you tell someone or beat him off?" Unbelievable that DB DW said that and he still tries to laugh at other MMA orgs.
Sodak- October 8, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Calf cutter. kinda triangle there knee and crush they're calf against your shin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKqe3mQ33gI
emptyhandkiller- October 8, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Junie the IDIOT reminds me of Mike Tyson... a bully, a buffoon, telling everyone what he will do to them. I believe it will end the same way. Junie the DRUNK will finally get in there with someone who is tough and skilled, and Junie will be sent packing. I hope that there is still room in that Kentucky trailer when the halfwit is sent home. Junie, when you are home, just get blitzed on moonshine and cut down a forest with your teeth!
Slapout- October 8, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Hey dick, if you don't like it don't watch it and don't read it, you'll be ok. Lay off the juice my friend.
Woody- October 8, 2008 at 1:29 pm
At the end of Junies blog he writes..
"It’s funny, but I went on the forums after last week’s show, and I didn’t think that week’s episode was that bad – I thought it was sorta goofy – and the reaction was pretty crazy. This week, I don’t know what they’re gonna say. It doesn’t bother me though; as long as they’re talking. Love me or hate me, they’re saying my name." HAHA So keep talkin and letting the world and MMA world know who Junie Browning is. I would be willing to put money on that no matter what, after everything he's done for this seasons show he will be in that octagon come this December. While you guys are all sitting on your couches thinking about something clever to write on a forum. I'll be the first to admit the dude is crazy as hell, but honestly what MMA fighter isn't?
MCgRAw- October 8, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Junie " TRUE WHITE TRASH, NOT ENOUGH HUGS AS A KID" Brownig
DW- October 8, 2008 at 1:28 pm
GUYS WHY WOULD I KICK THESE PUNKS OFF MY SHOW??? YOU BITCHES ARE WATCHING IT AND TALKING ABOUT IT, IT MAKES GREAT TV AND I'M GETTING LAID AND PAID..."NOW DO YOU GUYS WANNA BE FUCKING CAGE POTATO'S OR WHAT?"
In The Clinch- October 8, 2008 at 1:27 pm
^^ it was a calf-cutter.

Also, one of the possible reasons why Dana didn't kick Junie off the show for the drunken melee was that the 205ers really were trying to bully him around like he was saying.
I encourage everyone to read Krzysztof Soszynski's latest blog at Sherdog.com.
He admits that they fucked with Junie until he snapped.

That doesn't excuse Junie's actions, but it shows that he's not completely to blame.
RTS- October 8, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Screw kicking the guy off. I want to see him get pummeled since he walks around and acts so tough. I want to see how he reacts when he loses. If they kick him off then he can still boast about how he would have won it all, was the toughest... Watch him lose and send him back to the trailer park.
JesseL- October 8, 2008 at 1:17 pm
What was the submission Junie said he used on Efrian? A catscratcher? Maybe I heard wrong.... So I am bracing myself for the dumbass comments. What is that I have never heard of it.
Tuf Guy- October 8, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Tuf Is sick nastay!
J- October 8, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I'm guessing Dana didn't kick either of them out simply because he felt bad , bad for the rest of the house if they didn't get a chance to destroy the shit talking drunks.
Sodak- October 8, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Dana nailed it, kids a punk, when you start bragging about "subbin" someone in fuckin practice your a D-bag.
DICKS MUM EATS TURDS- October 8, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Too busy sniffing glue to watch TUF hey Dick, or too busy getting boned by your sister with a 10 Inch strap-on... "Dont f**k with my show punk!!!" DW
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