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Twitter Beef of the Day: Apparently Ben Askren Doesn’t Have any UFC Plans Set for the Near Future

(Always the craftiest of the Cabbage Patch Kids, “Funky” would wait until nap time to pounce upon his enemies.) 

Although Ben Askren may be the king of Bellator’s welterweight division for the time being, he certainly isn’t earning any new fans inside or outside of the cage, and in fact is likely losing them in droves. On the heels of yet another tepid, albeit title-retaining performance against Douglas Lima at Bellator 64, Askren returned to his day job as the most successful Serta mattress salesman in the world and decided to start shit-stirring with UFC President Dana White.

It started when DW stated at the UFC on FUEL post-fight press conference that it would be “impossible” to administer random drug tests to the over three hundred members of the UFC’s current roster. The general public’s initial response to the notion was that of skepticism. While it would be incredibly difficult to perform random drug tests on fighters based all over the planet, it would not be impossible, and would help avoid situations like the Alistair Overeem/UFC 146 calamity that the UFC currently finds themselves facing.

Apparently not impressed with White’s view on the matter, Askren took to Twitter and let his feelings be known:

The USOC random tests Olympic athletes in all sports. Dana saying testing his fighters would be impossible is a bold faced lie.

Who knew that the most significant blow Askren ever threw would be to that of his own career?

When the information was relayed to White himself, the UFC Prez proceeded to lay the smack down on Askren’s monkey ass in a few short sentences:

Dana White@thefightweek @benaskren when ambien can’t sleep it takes Ben Askren. The most boring fighter in MMA history. I would rather watch flys f**k

Having been witness to both a Ben Askren fight and the fornication of flies (where Seth is from they consider that Friday night-worthy entertainment) we can assuredly say that we are with DW on this one. Simply put, Askren has been responsible for more cases of nap-induced trauma than narcolepsy and sleep fighting combined. And we’re not referring to his submission game. The man manages to redefine “lay-n-pray” with every performance, to the point that the “praying” aspect of the phrase has become attributable to the audience members who, upon realizing that there are four rounds left of his “fight,” wish upon a star for death. Sweet, untimely death.

He’s not an exciting fighter is what we’re saying.

And apparently he’s not an astute businessman either.

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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ripyourfuckingheadoff- April 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm
I think Dana meant impossible to mean too much of a headache/cost to be practical.

Dana's response however was a classic argument flaw: Ad hominem
Trick- April 17, 2012 at 6:13 pm
I work for a mattress company. This is an incorrect statement that he is the best Serta mattress salesman in the world. Please retract this statement as well. This is now 2 in one week. check your facts CP:)
Bobeke- April 17, 2012 at 5:58 pm
Askren is a crafty attention whore, and seeing how big of a rise he got out of a single tweet, we may have just poked the bear. He may challenge Fitch as the most hated fighter by the end of the year.
MyDonkeyPunch- April 17, 2012 at 4:58 am
That was a funny article.
jizzninja- April 16, 2012 at 7:25 pm
hey cocksuckas!!!
RwilsonR- April 16, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Jon Askren... or Ben Fitch... or whatever his name is... I really couldn't care what he has to say.
amsterdamheavy- April 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Bullshit story, bullshit response by DFW. Dont get me wrong, Askren is BORING as fuck to watch, BUT...saying it would be "impossible" to randomly test all UFC fighters is disingenuous at best, and a outright dirty fucking lie at worst. Of COURSE its quite possible, but DFW either doesnt want the headache, or doesmt want to pay for it all - he wants it to be teh responsibility of underfunded commissions, who, when they try to tax the UFC to not be so underfunded, DFW SUES them. Id also mention that Im pretty damn sure DFW and Lorenzo, and quite possibly Rogan are all on TRT and likely HGH - both quite legal if you have the money; considered "anti-aging" treatment. Look at Dana in 2003, look at him now.
R_Zus- April 16, 2012 at 5:15 pm
I hope that is a lame attempt at sarcasm, bladdiator...
holeeball- April 16, 2012 at 5:05 pm
If DW is juicing this whole CP will catch ball cancer.
towelie- April 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm
I think it's seriously Askren just trying to be mainstream or be relevant to fans. He whined to canadian fans for booing him for his last fight. Just like he helped point fingers at DW for not wanting to test fighters when he doesn't need to, he refuses to develop any striking skills and be exciting even though the rules don't require. Stay gay Askren.
bladdiator- April 16, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Lookat Askren's collegiate and amateur record vs. Dan Henderson's, then compare MMA records for both their 1st ten MMA fights. Askren has much better stats, unquestionably, in what is arguably a much tougher and more seasoned MMA world. It's DW who is the bore here...again. Yawn
towelie- April 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm
stop reading his stats and watching his fights and you might understand.
towelie- April 16, 2012 at 3:20 pm
USOC is also for the US only. being Olympic compliant is probably easier when every competing nation has an agency for this. I'm guessing that DW was meaning that the request is not feasible for the UFC. The UFC is an international company with fighters across the world, but managed privately from within the US and A. Maybe Askren should quit riding the UFC prez's and UFC fighter's twitter coattails and stick to his snoozefest training.
Payday- April 16, 2012 at 3:14 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Too funny! Last time I watched Askren fight it was free...and I still paid too much.
Get Off Me- April 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Dana White has nothing to do with drug testing...hence the botched upcoming HW title fight. Dana White has nothing to do with refs/judges..hence lay n' pray in the UFC. Naive people will think he is not making excuses to test fighters, some may see that Dana/Zuffa does not want to make a heavy investment into drug testing. It's simple, introduce a rule into the UFC(like those 5rd main event non title fights) where fighters who do not advance on the ground inside 60 seconds get stood up. Also the only mainstream news out of the UFC in the past few weeks has been STEROIDS, not Jones/Evans, not UFC in Sweden, Overeem testing positive for steroids. Dana is a great promoter, Zuffa is a fantastic promotion machine, but what's promotion worth when you cannot deliver? What is the opportunity cost of not testing fighters moving forward? If it costs millions to drug test every UFC fighter, pay it now or lose it later.
SethF- April 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm
Damn it, Jared. Those were mosquitoes, not flies. Dumbass.
TheStraightEdge- April 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm
What has Askrens fighting style do with his tweet? He made a point here, and you make fun of him for the bigger part of this blog post, just as DW is avoiding the topic. It seems noone dares to touch this pressing issue - including many of the MMA websites, including Cage Potato. It's sad, and may simply ruin our beloved sport one day.
uzitotinbaby- April 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm
I think the point is that being an exciting fighter allows you certain benefits, like talking shit about your boss. Being a human rug means you should probably mind your words.
ArmFarmer- April 16, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Don't zuffa/ufc/dana have nothing to do with drug testing? Kind of like how they have nothing to do with judges or refs? Isn't it a completely separate entity that takes care of all these things? If that's the case, he's just stating his opinion of something that's outside of his control to begin with. I don't think he's making excuses not to test fighters.
amsterdamheavy- April 16, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Not true, sir. UFC has handled its own testing for foreign events. Im sure they outsourced the actual lab work and the like, but "UFC testing" is how Leben got caught using whinny, IIRC
NomadRip- April 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm
You missed the next part: "@joshuahchalfant Ben makes Fitch look like Wanderlei Silva!!!"
BigPhil- April 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm
I didn't like Askren in college, and I don't really like him know. But, I have to agree with him on this. If the UFC wanted to test their athletes out of competition they totally could. The UFC's drug policy is a joke, especially since they posture like cleaning up PED use is a major concern for them. Also, Dana's fantastically professional response is reason #5629 why he is a piece of shit and a terrible representative of the UFC.