(‘I’m telling you kid, with your wholesome image, my brains, and this Russian fellow’s team of upstanding businessmen, God himself couldn’t stop us.’)

I’ll say this much for you East Coast MMA fans, you are not above begging, pleading, and even offering sexual favors if you think it might get you tickets to a UFC event.  After sifting through an unhealthy amount of jokes about steroids, homosexuality, and Aleks Emelianenko’s rumored Hepatitis issue, often all wrapped up into one entry, we finally arrived at a winner for our UFC 101 Caption Contest who could actually make it to Philly by Saturday night.  It wasn’t easy, especially after Horror Fighter’s overwhelming desperation helped set a new record for the sheer number of captions submitted, but we did it.  

Before we get to our big winner, however, allow us to thank the good people at Fight Magazine for making this giveaway possible, and also to give a nod to a couple of attempts that fell just short:

What?!?! Proactiv is on the banned substance list? Damn you, Jessica Simpson!!!!  — Glowskuls

Barnett sporting his new leather jacket, free with 6 2a-methyl-5a-androstan-3a-ol-17-one miles. – Ray Finkle

And finally, the winner:

Josh Barnett announced that he signed a lifetime contract with Condom Depot’s rival sponsor, Herpes. – Lebowski1976

Well, there it is.  The rest of you may now begin your bitchin’ and moanin’.  As for you, Lebowski, shoot us an email at feedback@cagepotato.com and let us know your real name, address, and phone number and we’ll get you those tickets.  And since the event is in two days and the tickets are currently in another city altogether, you should probably do that soon.  Like right now.