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UFC 102 Caption Contest: Winners!

(The photo that helped set a new record for Jenna Jameson midget porn jokes on CP.)

The good news is, our UFC 102 caption contest has come to a merciful end.  The bad news is, so few of the funnier ones among you seem to be in or around the Pacific Northwest.  Don’t worry, though.  We found ourselves a big winner anyway, and we’ve got some Fight Magazine subscriptions to give away to a couple others that made us chuckle.  Too bad it won’t be in time to get the September issue, featuring a cover story written by a certain dashing young scribe who shall remain nameless.  Better head out and pick that one up this week, available wherever kick-ass MMA publications are sold.

Here are our subscription winners, in no particular order:

Jet Li, a midget, and Tito Ortiz all indicating how many times they’ve brought Jenna Jameson to orgasm. – IrishLobo

For weeks to come, Extreme Couture smelled of Icy Hot, Herpecin, Crab Rangoon, Mediocrity, Nyquill and a little bit of stolen Mojo. – BigCountrysCholesterol

No matter how the hard The Thundercats attempted to blend into human society, Snarf always gave them away. – BrandedtoKill

And the winner of two free tickets to UFC 102 is…

PortlandMMA.  For the combination of these two, which represent a small sample of his many submission:

"Wait! Jean Claude get in here!"


Verne Troyer and Jackie Chan were apparently busy attending a symposium on Nanotechnology.

On their own, they’re just okay.  But the dude was persistent, and we admire that.  Plus, his username is PortlandMMA.  Denying him tickets to a UFC event in Portland would be like denying 831 Son tickets to an anger management seminar in Monterrey.  It just wouldn’t feel right.

So congrats, PortlandMMA.  Send your real name, address, and phone number to and we’ll get you your tickets.  Other winners, send your names and addresses and we’ll get that Fight Mag subscription all hooked up.  Thanks for playing, everyone.  You may now begin complaining about how you totally should have won.


Cagepotato Comments

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Perma- August 25, 2009 at 2:04 am
hey portland i'm curious how good of seats did you win.... i already have my tickets but was just trying to win to maybe get some better seats.
RickyRobbie- August 25, 2009 at 1:38 am
IrishLobo got ROBBED!
KillDozer- August 24, 2009 at 10:35 pm
@UFC fan
+1000 dude, that D&B comment was the funniest shit ever, but yet again Bens chose the lamest comments. I'm getting sick of it big time. Every time they choose some tasteless stupid crap. We gonna have to make our own tshirts since CP keeps rewarding some random guy who isn't even close to being funny.

And the proper wuestion would be "Did s/he died???"

Also, CP, get ur shit together, these comments can't be funny even if u are high as fuck.
UFC fan- August 24, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Mon, 08/24/2009 - 12:24

Where's Hal? Did he die?"

Naww didnt you see the video of the guy dumb enough to break into the TAPOUT gym? That was hal, hes not dead.....YET!

BTW those were some gay wins.... the dude who posted about "Dave and busters and Tito's fun" that was the funniest fucking one dude...send me your name and address and I will MAKE a fucking shirt, the hell with waiting the Ben's to have good taste :)
KillDozer- August 24, 2009 at 6:27 pm
831 son is angry because his boyfriend doesn't let him play fith his little dick when they have steamy flaming butt sex. fact.
meanfinger- August 24, 2009 at 5:03 pm
thats cool shit. enjoy the fights portlandmma. pour a beer on dana white for me. and i coulda swore 831 son said he lived in seaside.. that would explain the anger management problem.
Craigger12- August 24, 2009 at 4:19 pm
congrats. honourable mentions should go to the dave and busters comment. Can't remember who it was, but it got me laughin.
portland mma- August 24, 2009 at 3:27 pm
I saw NOFX a few years ago out here and they said Mary's was the dirtiest strip club they've ever seen in their years of touring...thats pretty impressive.
EzMoNeY- August 24, 2009 at 3:20 pm
i havent been to union jacks, but mary's for sure, i just imagine that like the majority of people who go in their are just stumblin drunk out from china town, i dont think anybody actually ever plans a night out for goin inside of mary's, or at least they shouldnt unless they just want to feel better about themselves lol
scumbag- August 24, 2009 at 3:06 pm
itro6 has it all figured out
scumbag- August 24, 2009 at 3:02 pm
i knew 831 son was from monterrey i said that the other day Ha
portland mma- August 24, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Club 205 is pretty good, the girls are actually pretty cute but if you want a bull dike with a mohawk, tattoos on her head and 7 labia piercings you're going to have to go to Union Jacks or Mary's.
EzMoNeY- August 24, 2009 at 2:16 pm
demetri martin is good, club 205 is great, and even though drunkinmidget187 might be the little guy featured in this picture, i will still fuck you up with a soldering iron, portland people stick together, wooord
Drunkinmidget187- August 24, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I'm going to cut PortlandMMA with a sharpened spork.
Da Spied Her- August 24, 2009 at 1:14 pm
That's okay, my mom said my captions were the funniest, and that you all are just jealous.
ccarter- August 24, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Branded to kill should've won. Thats awesome.
portland mma- August 24, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Thats awesome, Demetri Martin is the man, which strip club did you go to? Please tell me you went to Union Jacks or Mary's Club hah thats the true Portland experience right there.

BTW easy money I'm guessing that Oden is about 39 and his knees are just slightly older since they look worse then Bill Russels legs look now.
NECROPHYTE- August 24, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Where's Hal? Did he die?
Tapout64- August 24, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Funny if ezmoney was portlandmmas dad
ihateemo- August 24, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Man, people are so bitter! I thought my "Chuck Liddell manages to keep his shirt on even though he's with a bunch of dudes" caption was pretty chuckleworthy, but kudos to PortlandMMA! I was just in Portland this weekend...drugs, lesbian strippers and more alcohol than the human body can handle. God bless that town. (And I saw Demetri Martin eating breakfast at the Cup & Saucer on Hawthorne!)

But I digress.

Bens: since the event is reportedly having trouble with ticket sales, how about posting up any information about massively discounted tickets? If the price is right I still want to go...I have to pay rent with this paycheck, but if I can get good seats for a couple hundred Benjamins or less...?
EzMoNeY- August 24, 2009 at 11:59 am
nah, i'm legit, we'd have a good time, considering how small portland is i bet we even know eachother, but to be honest, i'd probably rather take your girlfriend to, so no worries lol
portland mma- August 24, 2009 at 11:55 am
No I think i'd rather take my girlfriend then some guy named EZMoney
DangadaDang- August 24, 2009 at 11:55 am
Damn I really thought i was takin home somethin on this
Congrats winners
EzMoNeY- August 24, 2009 at 11:50 am
heres a scenario ben, since there's two free tickets, you should just give 1 to portland mma and the 2nd tick to another caption contestant in portland (that being, me!), and then we both can just sit awkwardly together in the rose garden for 3+ hours making slightly funny remarks about how old Greg Oden may or may not be, and enjoy ourselves a good old fashion couture v nogueira buried alive match, for free! thanks to Fight! magainze, how about that? and also, these ARE all the guys dana white has fucked since 2002, i shoulda won that contest! FML
Jay Smith- August 24, 2009 at 11:47 am
This shit is definately bias, and not because I didn't win either. Someone said something about Dave and Busters, implied that the midget was Tito's "Fun", and Chuck was going to get his "fun" to join him. I was too lazy to copy and post the comment, but you get the point