You may not know this if you are not an American, or if you are a shut-in who reads nothing but MMA news and advice columns on the internet, but the Super Bowl is this Sunday.  It’s the one weekend where even non-football fans pretend to be interested in the game so they can gain access to a bunch of high-calorie snacks that they did not prepare.  Statistically, it’s also a great weekend to get a DUI, be involved in a domestic violence situation, or throw up.  Bonus points if you hit the trifecta.

But if you’re looking for expert predictions on Sunday’s game, don’t ask a bunch of MMA fighters.  Many of them can’t be bothered with pro sports that don’t involve sanctioned face-punching, and others are Brazilian or British or some other damn thing, which means they are barely even aware of the existence of the NFL.  Still, watching Demian Maia do his best to understand the situation is charming in a way.  Watching Frank Trigg pretend that he’s co-hosting the pre-game show definitely is not.  

Instead of trying to figure out who will win, you should probably focus your energy on deciding what to do this Sunday while your UFC 109 hangover is wearing off.  To that end, our friends at Holy Taco have devised a helpful flowchart for you to consult.  And if you need help getting pumped for some serious binge eating, the boys at Greg Jackson’s gym have got you covered after the jump.

In your face, starving African kids.