(So at $1,000,000, you payin’ me $4,219 a pound, sucka!!)
Well, Potato Nation, tonight’s the night we’ve been waiting for for months. The question on everyone’s mind will finally be answered: "Is Will Forte really leaving Saturday Night Live?"
OK so maybe that’s not the question on everybody’s mind, but it’s definitely bugging Will’s agent and his parents.
Ben and ReX13 are off schmoozing at the UFC Fan Expo, where I would have been as well if I could cross the border (more on that at a later date, but I will tell you it involves a bar brawl and a Bruce Lee instructional book I’ve owned since I was 13) and Chad Dundas is off the grid attending an Amish wedding, which leaves me here to supply you guys with some play-by play action from tonight’s festivities in Boston.
The co-main event will undoubtedly produce some differing opinions on James Toney’s place in the grand scheme of the UFC’s heavyweight division and the main event should decide whether or not BJ Penn simply had an off night in Abu Dhabi.
Before we get to it, we’d like to announce the winner of our Boston UFC Fan Expo. The winning ticket is #031014. If this is your number, send photographic proof to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll hook you up with a $100 gift card to MMAWarehouse.com.
Here’s a glimpse of our uber-popular booth from the expo. Don’t let VivaHate’s nonplussed expression fool you, everyone had a blast this weekend and we got a ton of footage and interviews from fans and fighters.
Results and play-by-play after the jump.
Strap in and get ready. It’s sure to be a rocky ride.
Preliminary bouts (non-televised):
Mike Pierce def. Almicar Alves by submission (arm lock) 3:11 R3
Greg Soto def. Nick Osipczak by unanimous decision, 29-28 (all)
Dan Miller def. John Salter by submission (anaconda choke) 1:53 R2
Preliminary bouts (on SPIKE TV):
Main card (on pay-per-view):
Toney shows up on the screen talking about rain and left hooks and shaking his head like we know what he’s talking about before Randy sets him straight. Then BJ and Edgar try to jockey for position but talk is cheap and we’ll soon know who’s full of shit.
Davis decides to come in to a Boston standard, House of Pain’s "Jump Around." Goldie points out that this isn’t Davis’ first time fighting in Boston Garden. More than a decade ago he boxed in the historic arena. Davis brought in Dustin Hazelett to mimic Diaz’s lanky frame and BJJ skill set.
Diaz looks focused and has his brother Nick in his corner, so nobody better step outta line.
Diaz is taunting Davis with the Stockton what’s up?! Davis is having none of it as he takes Diaz’s back. But a cut opens up early on Davis’s right brow. Surprisingly Diaz is winning most of the exchanges using his reach. Davis is effectively ducking under Diaz’s punches, but Nate lands in the subsequent exchanges. Diaz throws a left right high kick combo, but for the most part, both fighters are just feeling each other out. A brief clinch is broken up by Diaz with a right hook, right kick combo. Blood from Davis’ eye seems to be affecting his vision as he looks at the clock. Diaz continues to score with jabs and hooks. Davis seems tentative and just can’t connect with any shots of subsequence. Diaz eats a hook and answers with a combo of his own, but he’s still controlling the Octagon, backing Davis up at will. Diaz continues to land at least double what Davis connects with as the round ends. 10-9 Diaz.
Luckily for Davis the doctor asks him if he’s o.k. to continue. Both fighters start the round out on their toes, but Davis wades in with reckless abandon, hoping his left hook can find the button. Diaz clinches and takes Davis to the cage. Davis face-palms Diaz and ducks underneath, circling out of danger. Diaz seems tired now and Davis seems continually bothered by the blood pooling around his right eye. Blood is now flowing from Davis’ nostrils and Diaz’s nose and mouth. Still, both men seem unfazed. Marcus connects with a left and clinches into the side of the cage. Diaz seems to be landing at will, and Davis’ left eye is swelling shut at a rapid rate. Davis seems to be throwing punches like a guy who’s used to fighting on the ground. Diaz continues to land with typical Diaz "rat-a-tat" punches that seem more annoying than damaging. Nate’s had enough of the stand up and is trying to take the fight down to his world, but it’s Davis that gets the takedown. Diaz quickly reverses as the horn sounds to end the round. 10-9 Diaz.
Davis’ eye is swollen shut. The replay shows that the punch, although slicing, was not by any means powerful. It’s clear that Davis’ vision is playing a role in his not being able to judge distance as his punches seem to whiff by Diaz continually. Diaz wants to take this fight to the ground and clinches at every turn. Dirty boxing, Diaz slips away from Davis’ reach. Diaz continues to land and Davis is switching to defensive mode, just looking to survive at this point. Blood is pouring from Davis’ Rocky Balboa-esque hematoma. Diaz finally gets Davis to the ground and Marcus’ vision is all but non-existent. Diaz sinks and arm-in guillotine and Davis indicates that he’s o.k. before going unconscious.
Nate Diaz def. Marcus Davis by submission (guillotine) 4:02 R3
Maynard seems to be the bigger of the two despite having a two inch height disadvantage. This is going to be a great scrap.
Florian comes out pushing the action but Maynard isn’t fooled by his low stance. Both fighters opt for the feeling out process rather than wading in with reckless abandon. Florian tries to bridge the gap with kicks but Maynard shrugs them both off and presses forward. An overhand right by Maynard misses. Both fighters seem content to compete in a bob and weave competition. A minute and a half in and nobody has scored. Kenny’s brother, Keith, screams his head off for Kenny to do something, and Kenny obliges with a right hook that wobbles Maynard momentarily, but he recovers immediately. Florian is sporting the GSP manties and they seem to be effective, as he avoids a Maynard takedown, but Gray is persistent and finishes with a slam, landing in full guard. Maynard has wrist control and is avoiding Florian’s elbows with a thai-type clinch, but cannot take advantage of the position as the round ends without much fanfare. 10-9 Florian.
Florian seems flat footed as Maynard circles around looking for an opening. Gray is cognizant of Kenny’s power hand and razor-sharp elbows which is why he continues to circle to the right, out of danger. You wouldn’t know that the winner of this fight will earn a title shot by the pace these fighters are keeping. Maynard clips Florian on the top of the head, but it doesn’t seem damaging. Gray is able to finish a double leg and turn the corner, but Kenny pops right back up attempting a wizard. Maynard trips and lands in side control. Gray is leaning on Kenny’s chest and uses his weight to prevent Kenny from escaping. As Kenny postures up Gray stacks his hips and presses him into the cage landing shots from the top and opening up a gash over Kenny’s left eye. The round ends with Maynard in top position pounding on Florian. 10-9 Maynard.
Both fighters attack but neither lands. Maynard is blocking everything Florian throws at him. Florian tries a spinning back kick a la GSP, but it doesn’t land. Maynard shoots land completes a takedown, and presses Florian again up against the cage in full guard. Living up to his nickname, Maynard bullies Florian into the fence and continues to punish him, scoring in the process. Florian seems lost, unable to escape from Gray’s onslaught. In spite of Keith’s shrill instruction, Kenny does little more than shrimp against the fence. Kenny is able to regain his feet, but Maynard turns the corner and takes him down again. Kenny attempts an omaplata, but Gray shrugs it off and regains full guard. He tries it with the other arm, but Maynard again shrugs it off and regains his feet to demonstrate he’s still in control. 10-9 Maynard.
Gray Maynard def. Kenny Florian by unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28)
Demian Maia vs. Mario Miranda
Maia comes out the aggressor as he presses Miranda against the fence and punishes him with knees to the body. As Miranda regains his feet, Maia trips him back to the canvas and continues to score with shots to the head as he sneaks in behind to take Miranda’s back. Miranda is able to stifle the choke attempt but eats a handful of punches in the process. Maia is working for a body triangle but just can’t connect his knee to his ankle. Miranda explodes to escape, but Maia rolls and takes his back and works for an armbar. Miranda escapes and both men regain their feet. Miranda seems to be leery to strike knowing that Maia is looking for a shot. They clinch and Maia lands a combination as he ducks under a counter by Miranda. Miranda seems content to land with lead leg kicks, but it’s obvious he’s lost the round. Maia throws an overhand left that misses by inches but Miranda still seems to be on the defensive as the round ends. 10-9 Maia.
Miranda seems somewhat gassed to start the second, and is sweating profusely. Maia on the other hand seems calm and relaxed. Maia misses with a flying knee, but snatches a single leg and transitions to a trip. As Miranda regains his feet Maia seizes a guillotine and uses the positioning to take Miranda down. Working from half guard, Maia nearly gets mount but is content to just land shots with Miranda pressed against the fence. Maia lands in full mount and tires Miranda out by pressing his weight on the bottom man’s chest. Working for an arm triangle, Maia postures up and lands with elbows and Miranda’s only defence is to throw up his arms. Maia is in complete control now, landing with punches from the mount, and working for an armbar on Miranda’s right arm, but quickly relinquishes the hold to further punish his opponent. Sneaking his right leg under Miranda, he works the body triangle and pulls off an armbar attempt, that Miranda rolls out of, utilizing his slipperiness to escape. The round ends with Maia on his back and Miranda kicking him ineffectively. 10-8 Maia.
Miranda lands another lead leg kick, but his second one is his undoing, as Maia grabs it and sinks in both hooks to take his back. Flattening him out, Maia gives up on the choke and softens him up with punches and works for an arm. Maia continues to punish him with body shots and hammer fists to the head. He’s looking for an armbar now, but can’t get Miranda to extend his arm to block. Miranda steps out and reverses and takes Maia in a headlock in North-South position, but backs up and takes his feet again. Maia is obviously tired and flops to his butt, but Miranda is having none of it. Both men seem spent, but Maia is surprisingly more active, as he takes Miranda down yet again, and swiftly moves to full mount. Passing a foot by Miranda’s head, he telegraphs the armbar, but Miranda defends and he relinquishes, then takes it again, but Miranda spins out and regains his feet. The buzzer sounds to end the fight. 10-9 Maia.
Demian Maia def. Mario Miranda by unanimous decision (30-27 all)
Randy Couture vs. James Toney
Tony is trying to get Randy the stink eye, but Couture has seen this same tactic from Tim Sylvia to Chuck Liddell, and has seen right through it. Randy has adopted the manties of Fedor and GSP, thinking he will harness the power of nut-hugging spandex for his own devices. And here we go….
Randy opts for the low traditional stance and he quickly takes Toney to his back and full mount. Welcome to MMA, James. Like a turtle on it’s back, you’re fucked. Randy suffocates Light’s Out, making sure Toney has no distance to throw punches from his back. Randy is just yanking James, who’s switched to survival mode, to his corner. Toney is demonstrating his remedial grappling skills, as Randy works for an arm triangle. Toney is waiting for a glass of water and his goodnight story before he calls it a day. Couture turns from side control into side choke and sends Toney back to the boxing world as quickly as it takes him to tap. Couture wins.
Randy Couture def. James Toney by submission (arm triangle) 3:19 R1
*During his post fight interview, Couture’s grappling coach Neal Melanson awarded the UFC hall of famer with his Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt.
Frankie Edgar vs. BJ Penn
Edgar seems pumped and BJ seems calm before the storm. Not sure if this means anything, but typically, an angry BJ is a dangerous BJ.
BJ is first to pounce with a combo. Edgar stifles the clinch and takes BJ down. BJ is utilizing his active guard, and tries for an armbar, but swings back to guard. Penn is controlling Edgar’s strong arm and using butterfly guard to prevent the champ from pressing forward. Frankie tries to pass but BJ sweeps and regains his feet. Penn is pivoting but Edgar is again the more active fighter, circling left and right and jumping into the pocket to land jabs. BJ is cutting off the Octagon, and closing the distance, landing a knee in the clinch. Frankie turns the corner and BJ regains his feet momentarily before being slammed to his back. Again BJ wall walks and gets back to his feet. Edgar is bouncing around like he’s hopped up on sugar. Penn is eyeing Edgar’s face, but can’t connect with his target, as he forces him towards the corner. BJ seems frustrated and his game plan is questionable at this point. The round ends with a flourish of punches and kicks by Edgar. 10-9 Edgar.
BJ seems puzzled as he comes out. Edgar is bobbing around like his mom forgot to give him his Ritalin. Penn tags Edgar’s chin to remind him this is a fight and not a dance competition, but Edgar reverts back to his running man routine. Every time BJ steps in, Edgar bounces around, avoiding any damage. Edgar doesn’t even seem to be sticking and moving, so much as moving and moving, this time around. Why BJ, a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt seems content to box mediocrely, is a mystery at this point. Edgar agrees with the sentiment, and takes BJ down for a moment, before backing up and coaxing the Hawaiian back to his feet, where he has dominated thus far. Still, BJ wants to box. BJ needs to do something if he wants to pull the round, and this fight out. The round ends and so does Penn’s chances of splitting the two opening frames with Edgar. 10-9 Edgar.
Edgar still seems fresh. BJ is by no means winded, but he seems to be cautious at this point. Why he hasn’t tried to take the fight down into his world, remains a mystery. Penn finally lands with a knee, but doesn’t follow up. It may be too early to tell, but the (pardon the pun) "old" dominant BJ Penn may be a thing of the past, as this BJ seems to be stuck in survival mode. Edgar has been way more active the whole fight, and has spent less than 2 to 3 seconds squared off in front of Penn to avoid being struck and to keep BJ guessing, and it has worked masterfully. Unless BJ can pull something out in these final two rounds, he has lost this fight. Edgar shoots for a double, but Penn is able to stand on his feet this time, eating a pair of punches in the process. Someone needs to tell BJ what’s what, and quit hugging his nuts, as his corner seems to be doing. There’s no way he has done anything according to game plan, nor has he won any portion of any round. Now’s the time to pull out all the stops. The round ends, and no surprise, it’s once again 10-9 Edgar.
Enough of this shit. Penn takes Edgar down and immediately passes to half guard, but Edgar retains full guard. Edgar’s looking for a solution from his corner, and BJ is unable to hold the position as Frankie gets back to his feet. Edgar sweeps the leg as he feigns a punch. BJ works from his back into rubber guard, but Edgar swims under and escapes through. Penn tries for high guard, but Frankie postures up, and punishes him for the effort. Back on their feet, Edgar again gets the best of the exchanges, making BJ seem like he’s given up hope. With five minutes remaining, BJ’s hopes of winning are slowly but surely dwindling away. 10-9 Edgar.
Frankie seems fresh, but it’s BJ that strikes first, throwing up a weak guillotine. As Frankie tries to reverse, BJ nearly takes his back, but Edgar ends up in his guard. Penn needs to throw out all the stops if he’s going to win this. He definitely seems tired, regardless of all of his claims of being in the best shape of his life. His guard seems very loose, where as he should be utilizing his flexible high guard at this point. Edgar continues to score with shots from the guard, and BJ has no answer for "The Answer." Penn seems lost. I’ve never seen him so dominated, besides his last fight with GSP, but many argued that that loss was because of the size advantage and he seems to be much bigger than Edgar. Desperation still has not sunk in with 30 seconds left, which isn’t enough time for Penn. Edgar proves that the last fight was no fluke as the buzzer sounds to end the fight. 10-9 Edgar.
Frankie Edgar def. BJ Penn via unanimous decision (50-45, 50-45, 50-45) and retains his lightweight title.