MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

UFC 122 Aftermath: No Really, Take It Easy Out There, Guys

Fuck, that was fucking terrible. Last night we got an up-close-and-personal look at what happens when one of the UFC’s notoriously weak overseas cards doesn’t turn out to be better in practice than on paper. And Nation? It was not pretty. When these haphazard, garage-sale-style European stinkbombs don’t catch lightning in a bottle and don’t exceed our already low expectations, all you’re left with are a bunch of lackluster fights featuring guys nobody cares about. That might be fine for Strikeforce, but frankly we expect more from the UFC.

Oh, did we mention this bad boy was on tape delay? Yeah it was, so unless you were able to spend the day studiously avoiding all electronic media you knew who was going to win anyway, in which case you were probably better served to just stay up late to watch Manny Pacquiao beat up that dude with the Dave Navarro beard. Rumor has it that was pretty shitty too. Coupled with UFCs 119 and 120 it’s hard to remember the last time Our Fearless Leader did three shows this uninspiring in such quick succession. At this point, the supercharged midgets of the WEC can’t get here fast enough. Seriously, it’ll be nice to see a few fights where somebody shows a little urgency.


After effectively nullifying each other through the first 10 minutes, Yushin Okami and Nate Marquardt absolutely sleepwalked through the final round of a fight where a shot at the middleweight title was on the line. Okami won (I guess) because he pushed forward and threw some grazing jabs and because Marquardt couldn’t do one damn thing with his takedowns. In a word: Pathetic. Seriously, just have the winner of Anderson Silva-Vitor Belfort cool his heels until Chael Sonnen gets back, because I’d way rather see that juicehead Republican pathological liar get the next shot at the UFC gold than either of these two.

It’s time we all admitted the hard truth about Nate Marquradt. Homeboy is o-ver-ra-ted. With losses to Okami and Sonnen in two of his last three bouts we’re left to contemplate a UFC record which features wins over Demian Maia (one-dimensional) and Martin Kampmann (welterweight) as its biggest highlights. Aside from that, there are an awful lot of Crafton Wallaces and Rousimar Palhareses padding Marquardt’s 9-4 resume inside the Octagon. After “Nate the Great-(ish)” shit the bed against Okami, Dana White didn’t have too many nice things to say about him at the post fight press conference … or about Greg Jackson, for that matter.

“He is a choker, he choked tonight… ,” White said. “This (Greg Jackson) camp, when these guys fight their corner is either telling them they’re ahead or they’re winning. I mean, Nate Marquardt sat here tonight and said that he thought he won the fight. Where the fuck is his corner? You go into the last round and you’re getting out-struck by a wrestler, and you think you won the fight? And this is consistent with the Greg Jackson camp.”

As for Okami, I hope the rest of you were struck with the same terrifying thought as I was while we watched him getting his hand raised: “Oh, shit. What if this guy were to actually become UFC champ?” Fortunately, I don’t think there’s much danger of that happening.

Perhaps the biggest loss of last night occurred hours before the event even started, when Alessio Sakara was pulled off the card with the always fishy-sounding “flu-like symptoms.” Honestly, I’m sure Sakara really was very ill, I just didn’t know Soldiers of the Roman Empire were allowed to call in sick, that’s all. Even for a wrestling apologist like myself, it would’ve been nice to see Sakara and Jorge Rivera break the monotony last night with a nice little pier six brawl. Shame those guys didn’t get  to do it.

No sense in kicking a dead horse too long, but some random notes from last night’s altogether random event: I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least mention the epic clumsiness of Bruce Buffer trying to do his opening spiel auf Deutsch. C’mon Americans, did we learn nothing from John Kennedy? Amir Sadollah looked decent on his feet (set a new record for leg kicks, they’re saying) but the most inexperienced “TUF” champ in history must still be an absolute nightmare for UFC matchmakers … With his lazy eye and stiff, roided-out bodystyle Karlos Vemola is one of the more awkward-looking fighters you’ll ever see. Good enough to beat Seth Petruzelli, though … We got conclusive proof that Kris McCray’s not ready for the Octagon … oh, and good for Dennis Siver. He and Andre Winner put on the most watchable fight of the televised card. Now let’s see him do something with the momentum.

Guess what I’m trying to say is, you know you watched a bad UFC show when the “Fight of the Night” bonus goes to an unaired preliminary bout between two guys named Pascal Krauss and Mark Scanlon. That fight is available for purchase over on UFC.com though, really people, let’s try not to encourage them, huh?

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Jason Statham- August 21, 2011 at 8:02 pm
the match is terrible, these 2 guys now are history.
jason statham workout
ThrashingMad- November 16, 2010 at 4:00 pm
"It’s time we all admitted the hard truth about Nate Marquradt. Homeboy is o-ver-ra-ted. With losses to Okami and Sonnen in two of his last three bouts we’re left to contemplate a UFC record which features wins over Demian Maia (one-dimensional) and Martin Kampmann (welterweight) as its biggest highlights. Aside from that, there are an awful lot of Crafton Wallaces and Rousimar Palhareses padding Marquardt’s 9-4 resume inside the Octagon."

Yikes. Sherdog style stupidity.
Mir please break Brocks neck- November 15, 2010 at 9:56 pm
I thought the card was whore-able. Re-dick-ulous. NOBODY would have paid for that on PPV. but we should have ALL gotten FREE coupons for Hooters so this next weeks fight can be ON the UFC! Okami VS Silva? I agree with the others here........ I'd rather see Chael fight Anderson again. And while Im here....... Belfort should just retire....and fight......I dunno..lets say Phil Baroni or something. And Tank Abbott should be a ring-girl in a leotard..... and Allessio Sakara SUCKS. The ONLY reason he even gets call backs from the UFC is because the douch-bag twins of Frank and Lorenzo want an Italian fighter in the ring. The guy is NOT entertaining whatsoever. And why does Lorenzo have to stick his little faggot face in back of the 'main events' and in the octagon? Why are you wearing a PRIDE t-shirt? I love MMA. I dont like either of the Fertittas. I want Dana White to start another league and drop those two tampons. Connecticut power!!!! Am I right Dana? :)
Charming Charlie- November 15, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Chad Dundas, I may not agree with your vehemence, but I respect it. Start signing your articles if Ben will let you. Readers can tell when Ben is writing, but they seem to be lumping you in with Mrussal whenever you write something negative. And that's bad.
KINGMADE- November 15, 2010 at 3:23 pm
I am a huge UFC fan, since the beginning. Those that are calling this a decent card are on a whole other level of being stuck up the ufc's ass. Every other forum is calling it a shit card not just the potato. You know why? Cause it was shit. For the first time in my life I found myself talking to friends during the fights. This was an absolute first.
RwilsonR- November 15, 2010 at 10:25 am
Wasn't my favorite night of fights, but I don't get the attitude that the UFC has been exposed for handing out lackluster cards, or that the UFC somehow owes us something because it wasn't as enjoyable as other events, whether you paid to watch it or not. Not a great night of fights, in my opinion. That is all. If you enjoyed it more than I did, I can understand that too. It doesn't need to represent some larger argument everyone seems to want to have about the UFC, or the current state of MMA's excitement level, or anything else. Just wasn't the best night of fights to me.
WrenJoRo- November 15, 2010 at 10:19 am
Pacquiao fight was pretty awesome. Sounds like someone has daddy issues to me.
Videodrome_NOW- November 15, 2010 at 5:17 am
Man I missed a whole slew of hate flying around here. Note to self: Do not get stoned and forget to check the forums.

I don't know if anyone else had this happen, but I actually fell asleep during the fights. That's never happened and I can assure it was not the date rape drug that was the culprit. By the end of the Ludwig fight I found myself drifting heavily after "Slick" Nick sucked the damn lifeforce out during the third round. I just couldn't recover. I woke up for the Okami fight and just like that, back into dreamlan.....

CaptainBackslap- November 15, 2010 at 4:47 am
The writer musta lost a lot of money on Nate....
Chin In Eye- November 15, 2010 at 4:00 am
Eugh, buh bye Cagepotato with write ups like this and that fucking new guys tendency to type out all the dialogue to a video and call it an article, I'm done. I'll try to remember you as fondly as I can.
WalksInTheDarkness- November 15, 2010 at 3:40 am
@ Dranokills: Amen at your last post. Free on Spike. I don't get Spike in the UK. I have to pay for my broadcasts of the UFC.

The only perk about being able to watch the WEC guys on the UFC will be that I get to watch it on my big television instead of on delay on my PC!

And fuck it, I love the Potato and will always be reading their stuff...

I think CP made a good point that the UFC ships half baked cards to the rest of the world (unless you're the home of one of their major investors!) I see better, more exciting cards than that at my local shows. Yet some poor shmuck buys the PPV or goes to the event just because it's the UFC. Congratulations to the UFC for spreading the sport to the rest of the world. I applaud that. Just don't spread the rest of the world with this crap.
ashkenaziTROLL- November 15, 2010 at 1:13 am
PRIDE RULES - but fuck the media too .. CP is written by 15 year olds .. had enuf sarcasm? or is that the only way djou know how to roll? get fuckin serious mate
Mr_Misanthropy- November 15, 2010 at 12:54 am
2010 sucks. The end.
Mr_Misanthropy- November 15, 2010 at 12:50 am
*Damn that shit was way too long.*
Mr_Misanthropy- November 15, 2010 at 12:46 am
WEC 52 was awesome and it was free-ish.
ThisSiteSucks- November 14, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Fuck whoever wrote this HORRID piece of shit. Seriously, you're not a fan of MMA you're a fan of highlight reels. It was a FREE fucking card. A FREE MMA EVENT and you're gonna bitch about it? Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
azsundevl82- November 14, 2010 at 11:34 pm
Worst MMA related article I've ever read, peroid. Where the fuck did you go to school? You need to...

A.) Demand your money back
B.) Return immediately for a course higher than ENG 102
or
C.) Kill Yourself

Seriously, when did the "Just Bleed" guy start writing articles for CagePotato?
stopdrinkingpee- November 14, 2010 at 10:19 pm
*yawn* Another predictable post bashing anything that airs for free on Spike. CP's primary goals lately seem to be discouraging globalization of the sport with these shows, canceling TUF, and generally keeping MMA restricted to as small a group of fans as possible -- or maybe just having fewer fights, period. STHU, it's gotten boring. Shit, at least pretend you like MMA. I come here for news and opinions about the sport and for the funny. They've both been in short supply recently.

UFC 122 wasn't the best event I've ever seen, but it certainly wasn't the worst, not worth complaining about at this length and so whinily. Especially since you didn't have to pay for it. I don't think Okami has looked half bad recently; I'm excited to see him fight Anderson or Belfort.

Man, you've just taken this Jake Shieldzzz thing and run with it, haven't you? Funniest shit you've ever seen, right? Let's just continually accuse fighters of being boring, that shit's hilarious! Bro, you're a male nurse.
HaidaNation- November 14, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Nate lost the motivation. Next Saturday better make up for this shit.
KarmaAteMyCat- November 14, 2010 at 8:39 pm
No that doesn't make it a PPV for us just for them. I don't see the problem?
kaaoss- November 14, 2010 at 7:36 pm
This story is terrible, I enjoyed this free night, delayed? so what, it is good to spread the MMA to other countries, I am willing to just watch it when it comes on.

"But do us all a favor and don't try and talk for US again."
dranokills- November 14, 2010 at 6:59 pm
teerav1986 Says:
Sun, 11/14/2010 - 20:33

it wasn't a PPV, dummy. and it was an awful card if you can't admit that you were a little disappointed then somethings wrong with you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you and those others who keep saying it wasn't a PPV need to stop smokin dog turds. Wake up stupid fuck, just cause it wasn't charged HERE in the USA , it was still charged in Europe and everywhere else in the world. Another words you dumbass it WAS a PPV.
And if you hated that card you are pampered flower smelling cunt.
And as for the douchebag who told me I was TRYING to talk for all of us, you also need to stop smoking dog turds.
Under Banga- November 14, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Dunno if anyone else witnessed this but
I heard Greg Jackson tell Kyle Noke do not go to mount stay in side control !
Safety first eh ?
Fuckin huggers .
Banga
DazedNConfused- November 14, 2010 at 5:39 pm
holy shit buddy, just can't stop typing or what?

Boring card, but I watched it in the afternoon and it helped pass the time. The prelims were exciting, and I enjoyed Sivers fight. I wouldn't say it was the worst, but this post did make me laugh. Karlos Vermola is a beast.
Harry Nips- November 14, 2010 at 4:36 pm
What fucking asshole judge scored the Osipczak/Ludwig fight 30-28 for Osipczak?!?!?! That fuck should've been fired before the next fight even started. It's impossible to justify giving the 3rd round to Osipczak. Judging is fucking pathetic. These cocksuckers gotta start being held accountable for the shit-ass scorecards they turn in.
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