(Zombies don’t make eye-contact. It’s, like, way too intimate. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)
Tonight, UFC featherweight champion Jose Aldo returns to his homeland to take on South Korean crowd-pleaser Chan Sung Jung — a name that has become synonymous with fast-paced brawls and insane finishes. Will Aldo end the night embraced in the sweaty arms of his countrymen, or will the Korean Zombie put a gruesome end to the champ’s 15-fight win streak?
Also on the UFC 163 lineup: Phil Davis has the honor of being the only American on the pay-per-view card as he tries to put his hands on Lyoto Machida, and former UFC middleweight title contender Thales Leites returns from four years in exile in a fight against British banger Tom Watson. Plus, Cezar Ferreira and John Lineker gobble up some fresh meat.
CagePotato liveblogger supreme Anthony Gannon will be firing off round-by-round results from the “Aldo vs. Korean Zombie” main card after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and please drop your own thoughts in the comments section.
UFC 163 Preliminary Card Results
- Anthony Perosh def. Vinny Magalahes via KO, 0:14 of round 1
- Amanda Nunes def. Sheila Gaff via TKO (elbows), 2:08 of round 1
- Sergio Moraes def. Neil Magny via submission (triangle choke), 3:13 of round 1
- Ian McCall def. Iliarde Santos via unanimous decision (30-27 x 2, 29-28)
- Rani Yahya def. Josh Clopton via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)
- Francimar Barroso def. Ednaldo Oliveira via unanimous decision (30-27 x 2, 29-28)
- Viscardi Andrade def. Bristol Marunde via TKO, 1:36 of round 1
Greetings, Potato Nation, and welcome to the latest installment of Brazil vs The World. And I’m telling you right now, the Brazilians are kicking the shit out of the world. Since the UFCs glorious return to the land of terrifying ass-kickers, the figures are grim. In fights where a Brazilian fought a foreigner, it’s 33-8 in favor of the home team (not counting UFC 147 seeing as it served as the TUF: Brazil Finale), or about 80%. Now, some of you more cynical bastards have accused the UFC of building mismatched cards to appeal to the fierce nationalism of the Brazilian people. It’s simple logic, really – when Brazilians win their fans go batshit insane. They fall in love with the UFC and become loyal fans with octagon patios like this brilliant psycho.
It’s not an argument without merit. The UFC has made no secret of its uncut hard-on for Brazil. It’s an emerging economy with an expanding middle class that has a few extra ducats to piss away on entertainment. So long as the cards are packed with local talent and they continue to get the better of the world – or as in the case of the Nog/Werdum Fuel event, produce eight freakin’ submission wins – then the sport will continue to grow in Brazil. Certainly nothing wrong with stacking the deck a little.
Okay, now that the divisive hyperbole is out of the way, who’s excited to pay $55 for this one fight card? Anyone? Bueller? Just don’t be judging these fights before they happen, a’ight. Dana White hates that shit, and thinks you’re fucking stupid for it. Never mind that making judgments is how consumers base their decisions on whether or not to purchase products. That’s just an irrelevant detail. If you’re a fight fan, how can you not want to watch Jose Aldo? It matters not that the co-main event is the antithesis of a barn-burner (an ineffective shit-house air freshener, perhaps?), and the rest of the supporting cast is – how do I put this delicately – unknown. But oh, Thales Leites is making his return. So there’s that.
It’s important to realize it’s not about how good the fights turn out to be. This may very well end up being a phenomenal event. But if no one buys the PPV then it doesn’t really matter much. I know the $54 ribeye at The Borgata is heaven on a plate, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to buy it every time I’m there. Because once you account for the bullshit a la carte $16 potato and $23 creamed spinach, your dinner runs north of $100. Maybe I’m in the mood to enrich the casino owners instead, or the independent businesswomen who exercise the ultimate form of supply and demand. Those are the basic choices we make in the world of commerce.
Here we go. The recently retired Brian Stann is filling for Joe Rogan tonight while Joe is off questioning some shit.
John Lineker and Jose Maria Tome
Lineker is a highly touted flyweight prospect. But he has problems making weight. Last night he missed the 126 lb limit by a very substantial three pounds. He also missed weight in his lone UFC loss to Louis Gaudinot, for whatever that’s worth. Lineker opted to pay the 20% fine on his purse rather than desiccate himself in the sauna in a futile attempt to make the weight. Wise choice.
Aside from just a serious record of 33-3, not much is known about Maria. He’s rockin’ an orange Mohawk, and comes in to some bad club music. Let’s see what he’s got.
Round 1: Maria opens with a lot of movement. Lineker goes for an overhand right to start off. Inside leg kick by Maria skims the pills. Lineker is okay. He blasts Maria with a huge overhand right, drops Maria, but he’s up. Maria shoots, kind of a half ass attempt, comes nowhere close. Oh, Marai with a nice spinning backfist, and he’s stumbling, Maria lands another few nice shots. Lineker is wobbly. Maria is letting him off the hook. Lineker kicks to the body, Maria takes him down, moves to half guard. Lineker is up. Now they’re clinched, and Maria knees Lineker in the nuts. The ref stops it, but the tape shows it going to the stomach. Here we go again. Maria throws a spinning back kick, it’s blocked. He shoots on lineker, it’s stuffed. The trade knees in the clinch. Overhand right by Lineker. Maria gets taken down to end the round. 10-9 Maria
Round 2: High kick by Maria, blocked. Lineker with a knee to the body. Maria shoots, misses. They’re up. Linekr lands a big shot that rocks Maria, he’s down and Lineker is pounding away. And it’s over. The ref steps in and calls it. It was a buckled knee, it appears, that dropped Maria, and Lineker swarmed.
Lineker wins via TKO at 1:03 of round 2.
Thales Leites vs Tom Watson is up
Unless you follow the local Brazilian and Swedish MMA circuits you probably haven’t seen Leites in a quite a while. He was cut by the UFC in 2009 following back-to-back losses to Anderson Silva and Alessio Sakara. Much like the horrible lays of your life, it’s impossible to forget a really bad fight, and both of those fights were pretty disgusting. The horribleness of the Silva fight is well documented, but the Sakara fight was pretty awful too. It was so bad actually that the judges gave Sakara a decision that by normal MMA judging standards he shouldn’t have gotten – because, presumably, they blamed Leites for the visual carnage that is seared into our souls like a vicious case of the crabs.
That being said, Leites is 6-1 since then, with four submission wins. And, ya know, the past being the past and all that jazz, the man deserves another shot.
Watson is 1-1 in the UFC, and in his last fight against Stanislav Nedkov, he won both the Fight and Knockout of the Night bonuses to put a cool 100 large in his pocket. And aint shit bad about that.
The only way to scientifically break down this fight: The Mongo factor.
Both of these guys have fought Jesse “Mongo” Taylor, and much like the statistical methodology of having a Wikipedia page, the Mongo factor is infallible. Both fights took place under the MFC banner in 2010, in Alberta, Canada. Watson lost by unanimous decision, Leites won by first round triangle choke. By the power of MMA math that means that Leites should win by flying armbar in the second round as Mongo jerks off in the ballroom to nude photos of Miss Scarlett with a rope around his neck like David Carradine.
See how that works, simple mathematics.
Watson rolls out to The Backstreet Boys wearing a gorilla mask.
Round 1: Leiteds wants to touch, Watson is having none of it. Leites rushes forward with a combo, initiates the clinch. He’s working for Watson’s back, and drags him to the mat. He’s got a hook in, working for the second. He’s got it. Ah shit. Leites looking to lock Watson’s arm down and choke him. Watson defending well. Lot of time left though. Leites has that arm trapped. He’s bashing Watson in the side of the head too. Sucky position for Watson. He’s got his arm free, and they’re battling for wrist control. Nice shots from the back from Leites, good power generated from that position. Watson tries to explode to his feet, aint happening. Leites is glued to his back. Now he’s on top, and Watson escapes, delivers a knee in the clinch. They trade leg kicks. Watson with another. And another. And again. Left hook by Watson, answered by Leites. Head kick by Watson as the round ends. 10-9 Leites
Round 2: Watson opens with a leg kick. Leites punches into the clinch, can’t tie him up. Watson grabs Leites’ neck, and Leites takes him down. He’s in half guard delivering some short shots from the top. Leites is looking for an arm triangle, Watson escapes. Watson gets up, Leites takes him down again. He’s got Watson’s back with hooks in again. Leites is high on Watson’s back, now working for an arm. He’s got it, but Watson is defending well, has Leites stacked up against the cage. Watson is free, and they’re up. Leites with a nice jab, Watson answers with a couple knees. They trade jabs, and Watson’s has more pop on it. They clinch, and Leites with a knee. And another. Watson lands a left hook, Leites responds with a decent combination. Watson lands a knee and an elbow. Close round. 10-9 Leites
Round 3: Leites lands a big left, and Watson’s eye is a bloody mess. Leites clinches, and his back is covered with blood. Leites going for a takedown, not happening. But he’s controlling the fight by pushing Watson up against the cage. Leites has Watson’s back again, looking to take this down. Watson is free, and lands a good elbow. Leites lands a jab, then sticks a takedown. Leites is mounted. Watson rolls to his side, Leites taks his back. Watson stands up, gets dragged back down. Leites with back control again, delivering some punishment to the side of the head. Leites looking for the arm triangle, he’s just got to jump to side control. Watson is a hard dude to choke. Leites can’t get it, but dominates the round. That’s that.
The official decision is in, and it’s Thales Leites by unanimous decision, 30-27 across the board.
Sergio Moraes and Neil Magny are on from the undercard. I aint calling this shit, we already told you what happened.
Cezar Ferreira vs Thiago Santos is next up.
Cezar is the middleweight TUF: Brazil winner. He hasn’t fought in over a year due to injuries, and the only thing I remember about him is that he throws a shitload of kicks.
Santos is a natural welterweight making his UFC debut at middleweight. He sports a 8-1 record with five finishes, but he doesn’t have a Wikipedia page, which means there’s no way in hell he can win this fight. However, Cezar is a Blackzillian, which evens the odds considerably.
And there’s always someone. Santos comes out to the Rocky theme.
Vitor Belfort smacks the hell out of Cezar to fire him up.
Round 1: Cezar opens with a low kick, misses. Cezar lands a good shot, then goes to the body. Santos is hurt, and Cezar gets the guillotine. Wow, very quick and impressive.
It was a huge left that rocked Santos, Cezar saw it and locked on the choke.
Cezar Ferreira gets the sweet submission at only the 0:47 mark of the first round.
Amanda Nunes and Sheila Gaff get some PPV time.
Lyoto Machida and Phil Davis are up.
If Rogan were around for this event, he would surely describe this as an “interesting fight.” That’s kind of what you say when you’re not quite certain how to sell it. You can’t rightly say,” Hmm, Davis has about a 1% chance to win this thing, and oh yeah, there’s like a 98% chance it’s going to be a suck-ass fight.” So, “interesting” it is.
The two pertinent questions: Can Davis take Machida down? And with two promised title shots already yanked out from underneath him, will Lyoto stick to his tried-and-true formula of waiting until the final round to actually get his piss-drinking ass into the fight?
On the first question, it’s doubtful. Machida had ridiculous takedown defense. Sure, Davis is a great wrestler, and even though Machida is a BJJ blackbelt, I believe Davis is the better all-around grappler. But I cannot see him penetrating Machida’s base consistently enough to earn a victory in that manner.
As for the second question, who the hell knows. When Machida’s aggressive, he’s downright nasty. But he’s rarely aggressive. He should take this fight regardless, but to make a compelling case for another shot at Jon Jones he needs to have like another Rashad type win.
Davis rocking his customary hot pink tights, young as hell too.
Machida had the crowd fired up by coming out to a song everyone seems to know. Must be like the Brazilian version of “Sweet Caroline.”
Round 1: Davis kicks to the body to start things off. Tries again, Machida avoids. Davis goes with the low kick, Machida responds with one of his own. Machida drops his hands, perhaps goading Davis into a stand up exchange. Davis checks a leg kick, goes for the Superman punch, misses. Machida with a front kick to the body, skims Davis. Machida with a high kick, Davis blocks. Machida lands a straight left. Front kick to Davis’ body again. Davis kicks to the body. Machida exploded with a nice combination, ends it with a knee. Davis shoots, sticks a takedown. He’s in side control, and if he can do some damage he can steal this round. Machida gets him to half guard, and the round ends with a few shots to the body. He didn’t do enough to win the round. 10-9 Machida
Round 2: They trade front kicks. Machida kicks to the body, Davis blocks. Machida goes high this time, it’s deflected but still looks like it stung. Davis with the head kick, Machida backs away. Superman punch by Davis, lands on Machida’s chest. Davis clinches, Machida shrugs him off. Machida with a hook, Davis misses a wild overhand right. Davis lands an overhand right. Machida kicks the body. Low kick by Machida. Davis shoots, Machida defends. He shoots again, stuffed again. Front kick misses by Davis. Machida with a straight left. Then a nice right, but Davis scores a takedown. A couple knees to the body. Not much damage, but closer round. 10-9 Machida
Round 3: Davis misses a right to starts off the round. Davis with a kick, Machida with a jab. Two Superman punches by Davis, misses badly on both. Machida blocks a front kick. Davis being more aggressive this round. A shot by Davis I shrugged off. Front kick lands by Machida. Knee to the body by Machida, he ends up on top. Davis stands up with Machida on his back, escapes. Good kick by Davis, Machida responds with a big right. Davis is shrugged off yet again. Machida tries for a knee on the separation, misses. Machida lands a straight right, Davis answers with a nice kick to the body. Davis clinches, shoots, can’t stick the takedown. Machida lands a right to the grill, then a low kick. Davis shoots again, misses. Machida didn’t do much, but he did enough. Machida 10-9.
The decision is in, and it’s 29-28 across the board for Phil Davis. Wow.
The fans are not happy. It wasn’t a terrible decision. Shit, Machida just doesn’t do much.
The main event is next, Jose Aldo vs Chan Sung Jung
The Korean Zombie is on a roll. He’s finished his last three opponents, picked up four fight night bonuses in that time, and won himself a legion of fans in the process. But, he’s facing one of the Top 3 nastiest fighters in the world. Jose Aldo is just operating on a different level than anyone else at 145. A perfectly placed shot to the mandible can end anyone’s night, but unfortunately for the Zombie that’s probably not how this will play out. More than likely this will end in a loss and an unimaginable amount of pain in the legs tomorrow morning.
But ya gotta give the Zombie credit for one thing, he sure can talk some shit. His quote from the weigh-ins, “People may think Aldo is the favorite, but I think differently.” Damn, he went there.
Zombie comes out to “Zombie” from the Cranberries. Makes sense.
Some dickhole steals Aldo’s hat on his way to the cage. The champion looks focused and terrifying.
Round 1: Herb Dean is in charge, and the shit is on. Jung throws the first leg kick, misses. Aldo misses a jab. Jung charges forward, misses. Also lands an overhand right. Then a jab to the chest. Jung with a left to the dome. Aldo sticks a jab, misses the following right. Jung with a high kick, too high, goes right over Aldo’s head. Aldo with a leg kick, skims. Aldo with a left hook, finishes with a leg kick. Jung with a low kick of his own. Jung comes up short on a jab. Jung fakes a takedown, comes over the top with a right. Aldo takes Jung down, but he spring right back up in the scramble. Damn, spinning wheel kick from Aldo to end the round. Close round. 10-9 Aldo
Round 2: Jung is stalking Aldo, moving forward. Lands a front kick. Jung charges in, Aldo lands two shots to the chops. The champ misses an uppercut, sticks a jab. Jung hooks, Aldo ducks and lands a couple to the body. Goes to the body again, then a hook to the face. Aldo sticks another stiff jab. Jung with a kick to the thigh, then misses an overhand. Another jab from Aldo. Jung ducks under an overhand right. Another jab by Aldo, stuns Jung. Oh, and jung lands a nice overhand right that knocks the champ back. Aldo shoots and takes Jung down. He’s in side control. Jung gets to half guard, now full guard. The round ends with no damage from the top. 10-9 Aldo
Round 3: Left hook by Aldo. Jung jumps in with a knee, Aldo catches Jung and slams his ass down. Jung trying to wall walk back to his feet, Aldo keeping him in place. Jung with a few shots to the ear, and he’s up. Aldo has him against the cage, looking for another takedown. Gets it, but Jung is back to his knees, working to get back up. Aldo working really hard for these takedowns. They’re stalled, and Herb stands them up. Oof, Jung with a nice combination. Aldo going for another takedown. Jung defending very well. Jung tries to lock on a choke, can’t get under the chin. Jung with some decent elbows to the temple. Aldo is glued to him here. Herb separates them again. Flying knee again from Jung, misses, they both go down. Not sure how to score that one. I’ll guess 10-9 Aldo
Round 4: Jab from Jung. Aldo answers in kind. Aldo misses a big hook. Jung lands a left, misses a right. Three kicks in a row to the shoulder from Aldo, and it appears that Jung’s shoulder separated. Yuck. Aldo takes him down, gets the finish, and Jung is lying there in agony. His shoulder is fucked.
The replay shows the separation, and it’s pretty nasty. Aldo saw it and commenced to kick the shit out of it. That was gnarly.
The official decision is a TKO at 2:00 of round 4 for Jose Aldo. That’s that. I got to roll. Been holding in a deuce since Leites/Watson. Thanks for chillin’, we’ll be back tomorrow to analyze this shit.