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UFC 165 Medical Suspensions: Jones, Gustafsson Somehow Come Out of Their War Relatively Unscathed


(Something something Jon Jones looks like a California Raisin in this photo. Via @AlexTheMauler.) 

The Ontario Athletic Commission released their official list of medical suspensions for UFC 165 earlier today, and in direct defiance of everything we know about the human body’s ability to absorb damage, neither Jon Jones or Alexander Gustafsson suffered major injuries in their five round war at UFC 165. Yes, despite early reports that Jones was fighting through “a shattered foot” on Saturday night, both the champ and his Swedish counterpart received just two month suspensions pending a CT or MRI scan. Jones will additionally require an x-ray of said foot before it can be broken off in Phil Davis’ insolent ass.

The full list of medical suspensions is below. There aren’t many surprises other than the main eventers, but what the hell else am I going to write about: The Gracie Breakdown of Brendan Schaub’s D’arce choke that takes place on a hotel room bed? Bob Arum would not approve, you guys.

-Jon Jones: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI, plus x-ray before return.
-Alexander Gustafsson: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI before return.
-Eddie Wineland: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI before return.
-Matthew Mitrione: Suspended 30 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI before return.
-Mike Ricci: Suspended 30 days. Additionally, needs x-ray before return.
-Chris Clements: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI before return.
-Renee Forte: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI before return.
-Nandor Guelmino: Suspended 60 days. Additionally, needs CT scan or MRI before return. 

Poor Nandor Guelmino. He’s probably one of the scariest looking dudes to ever step into the cage and has been completely unable to physically back it up in his first two mainstream appearances. Kind of like how I am the least intimidating man to ever step foot in a Montreal stripclub yet am never allowed to step foot in a Montreal strip club again. I’ll fill you in on the details as soon as my lawyer gets these bogus kidnapping charges dropped.

-J. Jones

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