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UFC 184 Highlights/Results: Ronda Rousey’s Lightning Quick Armbar, Josh Koscheck’s Face of Death + More

(via UFC on FOX)

As Michael Bisping might say, Cat Zingano didn’t last as long as a virgin on prom night in her long-awaited title bid against Ronda Rousey last weekend, succumbing to an armbar in just 14 seconds of their UFC 184 main event tilt. “Alpha” let her emotions get the best of her, both in the fight itself and in her post-fight interview, and it cost her big time. My heart breaks for the poor woman.

Aside from it’s lightning-quick main event, UFC 184 also saw Josh Koscheck and Mark Munoz get choked within an inch of their lives, Holly Holm pick apart Raquel Pennington (sort of), and Alan Jouban announce his arrival to the welterweight division with a vicious standing hellbow. Join us after the jump for all the highlights from UFC 184, most of which totally aren’t in the form of illegal gifs. (*removes sunglasses*) (*winks*)

(Here’s a full video of Rousey vs. Zingano that definitely won’t be taken down within the hour.)

There’s not much to take away from Rousey’s win, really, other than that she might actually be the most dangerous unarmed person on the planet. In less octagon time than Georges St. Pierre normally spends per fight, Rousey has managed to secure 11 professional wins and two promotional titles, with her past three title fights lasting a combined minute and thirty six seconds. My God. While Jessica Eye and Bethe Correia are chomping at the bit for their shot against Rousey, it’s become more obvious than ever that Cris Cyborg is the only woman left for the champ, and even the 175-pound Brazilian might be in over her head at this point (not that we’ll ever find out, because 175 pounds).

Holly Holm vs. Raquel Pennington

While not being nearly as dominant a victory as the hype she was riding would have predicted, Holly Holm no less managed to stay busy and outwork Raquel Pennington for the first two rounds of the co-main event, only getting briefly dropped in the third. This could only mean, of course, that one of the judges would inexplicably score the fight for Pennington. Honestly, we’re becoming convinced that MMA judges are under the impression that the losing fighter winning one round always equals a split decision.

Jake Ellenberger vs. Josh Koscheck

In what was arguably a loser-leaves-town match for the struggling veterans, Jake Ellenberger pulled a rabbit out of his hat and scored his first submission win since 2006 over Josh Koscheck via a modified bulldog/north-south choke that literally left Kos foaming at the mouth. The slo-mo replay of Koscheck’s “Help Me God” face will almost certainly give you nightmares. Speaking of which…

Roan Carneiro vs. Mark Munoz

It was not a great night at the office for referee Jerin Valel, who not only allowed Derrick Lewis to continue beating on Ruan Potts for approximately 90 seconds after he had given up, but who watched on in silent awe as Roan Carneiro choked the soul out of Mark Munoz. How the fans in attendance, Kenny Florian in the booth, and everyone watching at home was able to see that Munoz was out before Valel did was truly the most mind-boggling takeaway from the night, and one that he will definitely not be held accountable for in this joke of a sport.

Meanwhile, Mark Munoz has been finished in three straight fights without landing a single significant strike. That is an actual statistic.

Alan Jouban vs. Richard Walsh

One referee who actually appeared to know what he was doing over the weekend was Herb Dean, who gracefully called an end to Alan Jouban’s standing elbow massacre of Richard Walsh before the latter took too much unnecessary damage. Walsh was clearly out on his feet at the time of the stoppage, which is why fans were of course complaining that the fight was called too early. Referees, man. They can’t win.

You won’t see the actual finish from the fight here, because the folks at UFC on FOX apparently believe that you will buy the UFC 184 pay-per-view after the fact to check out a sweet finish from the bottom half of the main card, but you can probably find a gif of it somewhere out there.

UFC 184 Results

Main card
Ronda Rousey def. Cat Zingano via submission (straight armlock)
Holly Holm def. Raquel Pennington via split decision
Jake Ellenberger def. Josh Koscheck via submission (north-south choke)
Alan Jouban def. Richard Walsh via first-round KO
Tony Ferguson def. Gleison Tibau via submission (rear-naked choke)

Roan Carneiro def. Mark Munoz via submission (rear-naked choke)
Roman Salazar vs. Norifumi Yamamoto declared no-contest (doctor’s advice)
Tim Means def. Dhiego Lima via first-round TKO
Derrick Lewis def. Ruan Potts via second-round TKO
Valmir Lazaro def. James Krause via split decision
Masio Fullen def. Alexander Torres via split decision

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