Forgive the G’n'R reference, but I’m really that excited. Click the “more” link and refresh your browser every few minutes for live updates from the “Ill Will” pay-per-view broadcast, beginning at 7 p.m. PT. Good luck to the fighters, the betters, the pickers, and the soon-to-be pukers.
PRELIMINARY FIGHT RESULTS
Carwin def. Wellisch via KO, 0:44 of round 1
Kim def. Tan via TKO, 0:25 of round 3
Yoshida def. Koppenhaver via submission (anaconda choke), 0:56 of round 1
Clementi def. Etim via decision
Sokoudjou def. Nakamura via TKO (Nakamura cannot answer 2nd round bell)
Palhares def. Salaverry via submission (armbar), 2:36 of round 1
Ipecac bet score to this point: 12-10 in favor of CagePotato
Thiago Silva vs. Antonio Mendes
Round 1: Mendes catches Silva with a big head kick that knocks him down, but Silva scrambles back up. A leg kick sends Silva down, but Mendes lets him up. Silva clinches with Mendes against the cage and takes him down. Silva gets the mount and Mendes tries to roll out. Silva landing some good shots from the top. Mendes drops punches until Herb Dean calls it. Silva by TKO, 2:24 of round one. Bet score: 14-13 in favor of CP.
Lyoto Machida vs. Tito Ortiz
Ortiz comes out to “Fight the Power” by Public Enemy. Clever. His banner only says “We support our troops,” and seems to lack sponsorship logos. Ortiz gets some boos when he’s announced; Machida gets more.
Round 1: Machida feeling out Ortiz with leg kicks. Machida dodges some of Ortiz’s shots, and stuffs a takedown attempt. Machida avoids another takedown, and scores a couple leg kicks. Machida appears tentative, but has avoided damage so far. Ortiz whiffs a head kick, and Machida sticks a straight right. Machida connects a head kick to Ortiz’s glove, then a body kick. Ortiz is visibly upset by Machida’s dodging. Machida takes down Ortiz and lands some shots from the top at the horn, earning him the round.
Round 2: Ortiz misses a leg kick, but Machida lands one, then another. Machida stuffs a takedown and lands a head kick. He’s Jardine’ing Ortiz to death right now, sticking and moving. Machida lands a body kick and a leg kick. Ortiz has no answer. Machida with a huge head kick, and then retreats from a takedown attempt. Ortiz lands a body kick but misses a haymaker. Ortiz tries to shoot but Machida sprawls then lands on top of Ortiz. Ortiz stands up against the cage. Machida with a big flying knee to the head, but Ortiz doesn’t seem too rattled. Ortiz mocks Machida for not coming after him, and Machida nails him with a two-punch combo. Awesome. The horn sounds.
Round 3: Ortiz looks a bit gassed, and misses another leg kick. Machida is dodging Ortiz like a matador. Yves Lavigne falls on his ass for no reason at all! Ortiz clinches, but Machida shakes off. Ortiz misses a takedown. Ortiz gets a knee in from a brief clinch. Ortiz lands a heavy punch and clinches. Ortiz getting the better of some dirty boxing, but can’t get Machida down. Beautiful takedown defense from Machida. Machida with a flying knee that sends Ortiz down in agony; possibly a broken rib. Machida in Ortiz’s guard. Ortiz very nearly gets a triangle choke sunk in, then an armbar, but Machida miraculously survives. And the horn. Machida wins by unanimous decision. Bet score: 17-13 in favor of CP.
Over heavy boos, Machida tells Joe Rogan he was thinking “I might die, but I’m not going to tap.” WARRIOR.
Ortiz gives props to the Fertittas, and says the drama between him and Dana White was “all bullshit.” He says that he actually hasn’t decided if he’s leaving the UFC. Huh?!? Ortiz is droning on and on about God knows what, but he thanks them for giving him the mic. His shirt says “I Did It My Way.”
Wilson Gouveia vs. Shane Carwin vs. Christian Wellisch (from the undercard)
We’ll post video of this when it’s up, because it’s gotta be knockout of the night. Carwin chases Wellisch around the ring throwing punches until he finds the perfect one — a right hook that knocks Wellisch’s mouthpiece out. After one shot on the ground, the ref calls it. Carwin wins via TKO in 44 seconds.
Keith Jardine vs. Wanderlei Silva
Jardine comes out to a scary didgeridoo dirge into some bagpipes. Very multicultural. Don’t you let me down, you bastard. Jardine is barking to psyche himself up. I’m convinced. Wanderlei comes out to his signature jam, the gay club staple “Sandstorm.” Mike Goldberg thinks that Silva’s last three losses were to “Henderson…uh…Jackson, and Liddell.” In the face off, Jardine seems to be grinning, and taps Silva in the chest.
Round 1: Silva gets some shots, then a huge one that sends Jardine down, and GnPs the FUCK out of Jardine. Holy Christ that was fast. Jardine is still down. For those who care, the ipecac bet ended in a 17-17 tie, since we predicted the same outcome for Sherk/Penn. Hilarious. Silva by TKO in 36 seconds. Muthafuck Jardine.
Rousimar Palhares vs. Ivan Salaverry (from the undercard)
Round 1: Salaverry lands a head kick but Palhares takes him down directly after. Palhares secures the mount, then gets back control with a body lock. Palhares looking for a rear-naked choke. Salaverry bridging to create some room. Salaverry tries to bounce up to escape and Palhares snatches an armbar and gets Salaverry to tap at the 2:36 mark.
BJ Penn vs. Sean Sherk
Sherk gettin’ some boos when he enters the cage. Penn is received like a hero.
Round 1: BJ stuffs a takedown and lands some punches. Sherk swinging for the fences. Sherk lands a couple of hard shots, and Penn fires back a couple jabs. Sherk doesn’t look willing to take it to the ground. Both guys lands punches, and Sherk gets in a leg kick. More boxing. Penn lands two sharp punches, and absorbs a leg kick. Exchange of knees in a short clinch. There’s the horn; BJ’s slightly better striking accuracy may have won him the round, but it was a close one.
Round 2: Penn and Sherk both land shots in a fierce flurry. And another clinch, with some hockey-punching. The crowd is chanting STEROIDS! Sean rushes in and lands a couple, but is brushed off. Sherk is sporting a big cut under his right eye. Penn working the jab well. Sherk lands two hard jabs. Penn’s precise punches keep finding their mark, and Sherk is bloodied pretty bad. BJ lands a leg kick, then stuffs a single-leg takedown. And the horn. Again, the round was likely given to Penn.
Round 3: Sherk still throwing strong punches, but few are hitting their mark. BJ tries for a takedown and is denied, but lands some punches. Both guys land shots in a flurry. Big leg kick from BJ, who lands a nice right hook shortly after. Sherk lands three leg kicks in a row. Penn rushes in and lands some punches then NAILS Sherk with a flying knee. Penn mobs Sherk on the ground and batters him as the round ends. The horn blows, but Sherk is demolished, and the ref calls it. Penn is your lightweight champion.
BJ Penn to Sean Sherk: “Come by anytime.” It’s all love from Penn, who gets the TKO in 5 minutes of the third round. Officially, the puke bet ends 19-19.
Aaaaaand that’s about it. Apologies to everyone who wanted this night to end with the promise of barf, but them’s the breaks, and you can’t be too disappointed with a card as kickass as this one was. We’ll be posting sporadically through the weekend — have an awesome weekend and come back Tuesday morning as we come back atcha Full Force. Oh shit, they’re showing Koppenhaver vs. Yoshida…
Round 1: Yoshida judo-tosses War Machine like a heavily tattooed rag doll and grabs a guillotine. Yoshida transitions to an anaconda choke and Herb Dean calls the fight when Koppenhaver passes out…right out of his UFC contract, probably. Yoshida gets the submission victory in 56 seconds.
And here’s Sokoudjou vs. Nakamura, which we know ends with Nakamura not being able to answer the second round bell. And if Nakamura wasn’t such a damn bitch, Harkness would be preparing an ipecactini right now.
Round 1: Sokoudjou lands some hard leg kicks and a body kick. Sokoudjou misses a Superman punch but lands a knee directly after. Flying knee from Nakamura, then lands a hard right hand. Nakamura tries a Superman punch. Sokoudjou gets a punch in. In the closing seconds, Sokoudjou lands a leg kick then a right hand to the jaw; Nakamura falls on his leg in a very unfortunate way. The horn sounds and a groggy Nakamura ambles back to his corner. He’s in no condition to continue, and the fight is called.
Submission of the Night goes to Rousimar Palhares. We’ll let you know about Knockout and Fight of the Night when they’re announced.