Josh Koscheck vs. Chris Lytle
Round 1: Lytle whiffs on some big punches and a kick. Koscheck staying “elusive.” Lytle taps a leg kick and lands a body kick. More swinging and missing from Lytle, who’s being the aggressor. Kos ain’t pulling the trigger. Kos throws a head kick, falls on his ass, then pops back up. Lytle gets a body kick in; Kos takes Lytle down but almost falls into a guillotine. Koscheck in Lytle’s half-guard. Lytle kicks Koscheck off, but Kos dives back on, in Lytle’s full guard. Koscheck landing a couple strikes from the top. Lytle rolls, Kos briefly takes his back, then Lytle rolls again and Kos is back in his guard. A couple hammer fists from the top from Kos as the round ends. A slow and uneventful round that the judges probably gave to Josh.
Round 2: Leg kick from Koscheck. Koscheck goes for the single-leg takedown, gets it briefly but Lytle springs up and takes a knee in return. Koscheck takes Lytle down again and almost gets caught in a guillotine again. Koscheck pops out and throws some shots down on Lytle against the cage. Lytle’s cut. Koscheck with a slashing elbow from the top. More shots; things are looking bad for Lytle. Koscheck is just teeing off; Lytle’s blood flies onto a camera lens. Yeesh, that’s distasteful. The cameraman wipes it off as Koscheck continues to rain down damage. Lytle’s face is Stevenson-esque. Koscheck drops about a dozen light punches into Lytle’s head as the round ends. Lytle has trouble getting to his feet, but his corner tells him “you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine Chris.”
Joe Rogan remembers Marvin Eastman‘s cut as “like a goat’s vagina.”
Round 3: Lytle is wobbly. Koscheck shoots in and pushes Lytle against the cage. Koscheck takes Lytle down, Lytle again goes for the guillotine, Koscheck spins out. Lytle tries for it again, Kos gets out again. Koscheck puts Lytle against the cage again and throws down more elbows. This is one of the bloodiest UFC fights of all time. There are big puddles on the mat. There’s no way Lytle can see through it. Koscheck’s elbow is covered in gore. A couple more punches, and Yves Lavigne stands them up. Barbarian! Everyone thought it was going to be a stoppage. Lytle swings hard and almost gets Kos in trouble with punches. They clinch, Koscheck trying to ride out the clock. Yves separates them against the cage and Lytle throws every punch he has left at Koscheck. Kos survives it. The horn sounds. Fucking bloodbath.
Josh Koscheck wins the unanimous decision, and is booed loudly by the crowd.

I was referring to Aurelio as “Almeida” in the 2nd round of the Griffin fight? Cripes. Fixed now.

Joe Stevenson vs. Gleison Tibau
Tibau comes out to “Iron Man.” Props. And he looks huge for a lightweight.
Round 1: Stevenson sticks Tibau with a jab. He lands another punch, dives on and almost sinks on a guillotine. Tibau gets out, and almost gets an anaconda choke. Back on the feet, clinching against the cage. Tubau takes Stevenson down, but Stevenson gets back up. Stevenson dirty boxes his way out of the clinch, then rushes back in for a double-leg takedown. Tibau working his guard, and clamps on an omoplata. Joe’s in trouble. Tibau throwing some punches at Stevenson’s head. Stevenson is just sitting there in a stalemate, waiting for a good moment to pop out. Stevenson can’t do anything, but he’s not getting submitted. He rides the clock out.
Joe Rogan says “chess match” like three times.
Round 2: Tibau lands a left hook. Stevenson rushes forward and pushes Tibau against the cage. Tibau takes Stevenson down briefly, but Joe bounces back up. Tibau gets another takedown and passes into side control, then full mount. Stevenson bucks to get out, and does. Back on the feet. Tibau gets a takedown, but falls into an arm-in guillotine. Joe uses his Daddy-strength to crush out a submission despite the arm. Wow.
The official call: 2:57 of the second round. ‘Bout time we had a stoppage. Stevenson shouts out his son and said he had a bone-bruise coming into the fight.

Patrick Cote vs. Ricardo Almeida
Cote says he doesn’t care if Almeida trained “with Gracie, or the Pope, or whoever.” Yes, because the Pope is notorious for his ground game. Almeida comes out to “Fortunate Son.” Double-props.
Round 1: Almeida goes for a flying guillotine, and pulls Cote into his guard. Damn! Almeida seems to be looking for a gogo, but Cote gets out and to his feet. Almeida ties Cote up, looking for a takedown. Cote tries to shake out, but Almeida is tenacious with his clinch. Finally, he gets the takedown. Almeida on top, throwing some shots, with Cote trying to keep some distance with his legs. Almeida in Cote’s half-guard, punching Cote in the ribs. Cote attempting to upkick after pushing Almeida off, but Almeida closes the distance, lands a couple punches and returns to Cote’s full guard. Almeida returns to his feet, throwing shots down from a distance. The horn sounds; the round was all Almeida.
Almeida’s glove is torn, and is re-taped. It’s not good enough. Finally, Herb Dean says it’s cool.
Round 2: Cote pops Almeida with a punch. Almeida drags Cote to his guard, and into “crackhead control” (feet around Cote’s neck), but Cote slips out and gets up. Almeida is dropping his hands a bit too much; bad opponent for that strategy. Cote lands a nice right straight from a clinch. Cote pushing the pace with punches, and winning the round. Almeida clinches and falls to the ground, but Cote avoids. Almeida with another clinch against the cage; the crowd gets antsy. Almeida tried for the flying guillotine after a clinch, but Cote gets out. Cote bumrushes Almeida, who falls to his back after taking a punch, and the horn sounds.
Round 3: More clinching. Cote snaps a leg kick after they separate. And another hard one that staggers Almeida. Almeida is not looking great in this fight. Cote misses on a punch combo, then eats a jab. Good leg kick from Cote, and another. Slow round, but Cote’s on his way to winning the fight. Almeida lands a punch, and absorbs a leg kick. Cote pushes forward, fists first. Almeida chases back and hits air, but he scores a takedown. Cote pushes off, but Almeida attempts a choke. Cote gets on top as the round ends. Kind of a tossup, but it may go to Cote for aggression.
Talk about a fight that didn’t live up to the hype. Both men are far from ready for Anderson Silva.
The scores are 29-28 Cote, 29-28 Almeida, and 29-28 Cote. Cote takes the split decision.

Our man Gerald Harris is in Rampage’s dressing room running through some grappling drills. WAR HARRIS!!!

Bangkok Dangerous commercial, yo. Nicolas Cage is in it, and he picks the worst fucking movies to star in lately. This does not bode well.

Quinton Jackson vs. Forrest Griffin
Forrest, as usual, comes out to “Shipping Up to Boston” by the Dropkick Murphys, and the white people in attendance are psyched. Rampage walks out and gets in the face of Wilmer Valderamma, who maybe pisses his pants. War Fes? Griffin smiles in the cage, while Rampage looks deathly serious. David Spade and Mandy Moore are in the audience. Not together, of course. Yves Lavigne is reffing this one. Big responsibility for the Frenchman.
Round 1: Both guys exchange punches. Forrest slips in a leg kick. Forrest throws a head kick off Rampage’s glove. Forrest gets another leg kick, and a body kick, wisely keeping his distance. Rampage whiffs a haymaker. Rampage nails him with a left hook, then a knee. Griffin throws some kicks. He lands two leg kicks. Big punches from Rampage, then a leg kick. Griffin fires back with some punches of his own. Griffin punches out of a brief clinch. Griffin lands a nice left hook, then a leg kick. Rampsge punches Forrest to the ground. Rampage pushes Forrest against the cage on the ground. Rampage in Forrest’s closed guard, landing some punches as Griffin gets to his feet. Punches landed by both men in an exchange. Great first round. Hard to call; Forrest got rocked and knocked to the ground, but he controlled the majority of the round.
Round 2: Griffin fires off two leg kicks that clearly hurt Rampage. Forrest scores two big knees in a clinch and takes Rampage down! Forrest in Rampage’s half-guard. Forrest trying to work some short elbows from the top. Forrest passes to side control, and briefly goes for an Americana. More short elbows. Rampage is lost on his back. Another Americana attempt, then Forrest passes to full mount, dropping punches and elbows. Total domination by Forrest, who’s a relentless blanket of doom on Rampage. The horn sounds. 10-8 round? Rampage lookin’ rough in his corner, getting his bum knee iced.
Round 3: Inside leg kick from Forrest, who then misses a head kick. Rampage gets him with a hard punch and Forrest backs up. Rampage misses some punches, then lands some nasty ones. Forrest misses a leg kick, then gets one on Rampage’s thigh. Rampage catches Forrest with a right. Rampage looking a little better now, finding his rhythm with the punches. Both men clash with punches. Forrest’s leg kicks are looking a little weaker. Good 1-2 combo from Rampage, and a solid body shot. Injside leg kick from Forrest. Rampage tags him with a left hook. Forrest pushes forward with punches, and Rampages blasts right back. Much closer round, that possibly belonged to Rampage.
Round 4: Rampage scores a hard punch combo, and another in a clinch. Forrest goes for a takedown but falls onto his back. Forrest is cut. Forrest going for a triangle; it’s sunk in, but Rampage slams out of it, Arona style! Rampage back on top on the ground. Big cut over Forrest’s eye. Rampage gets an elbow in, but not much else. Forrest gets to his feet but gets caught with a big punch on the way up. Forrest throwing some kicks that miss. Rampage gets in two more big punches. And two more as the bell rings.
Stitch rubs a glob of goo in Forrest’s gaping cut.
Round 5: Leg kick from Forrest, and another. Rampage scores with a punch. Two more leg kicks from Forrest. And another big one. Rampage with a big right hand, and Forrest answers with his own. Forrest brushes Rampage back with a head kick. He’s clearly the aggressor in this round. More leg kicks from Forrest, but Rampage scores a head/body punch combo. Big right hand from Forrest. Rampage gets in his own. Rampage’s leg is clearly bothering him, but his punches still look dangerous. Knee from Forrest in the clinch, and an uppercut from Rampage. And they slug it out in the closing seconds to the bell. Amazing fight.
The official decision, people. 48-46, 48-46, 49-46 all to Forrest Griffin. OPIE IS THE NEW LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! Forrest Jardine’d Rampage to death!
Forrest says that he was never “hurt-hurt,” but every punch Rampage threw “hurt.”
Rampage said “he jacked my leg up. I tried to pretend, I ain’t that good at acting.” He says his leg got a chance to recover when he was on the ground all through the 2nd. Afterparty at Prive! Rampage vows to never take that much time off from the cage ever again, and limps off.

They’re showing the Guillard/Siver fight now. Guillard rocks Siver to the ground right off the bell, but Siver gets to his feet. Two dead-on punches knock Siver to the ground, and Guillard jackhammer-punches him into unconsciousness. By default, he’s getting the Knockout of the Night bonus. “He didn’t even get a chance to say uncle,” Guillard quips.

Submission of the Night goes to Cole Miller for his triangle choke of Jorge Gurgel in the fight’s closing seconds. Well done.

Joe Rogan talks about a Rampage/Wanderlei rematch like it’s already booked. Feel our goosebumps! And that’s the end of the broadcast. So, maybe a solid 3 out of 10 overall, but the main event delivered all it could short of a knockout. Good night, and good luck…