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UFC Burns Fedor and Crazy Russian Management

(‘Gotcha, motherfucker!’)

Okay, I take back what I said about April Fool’s pranks being lame.  The UFC – an organization not typically known for its sense of humor – has the best joke of the day so far, and it’s really as simple as this headline on “UFC Greenlights Construction of Russian Stadium.”

Get it?  Because Fedor Emelianenko’s management team allegedly wanted the UFC to build a stadium in Russia as part of their completely unrealistic contract demands?  And so now the UFC is openly mocking those demands simply by pretending to have agreed to them, thus pointing out that they are so ridiculous as to be comical all on their own, while at the same time pretty much eliminating any chance of reconciling with Fedor and bringing him to the UFC!  April Fool’s!

It is at this point that I have to wonder whether Fedor and the boys down at Crazy Russian Management Group, LLC (also an organization not known for its sense of humor) are going to get this joke.  In all the Yakov Smirnoff routines, I don’t recall anything about how April Fool’s Day is different in Soviet Russia, which is weird because he must have covered every other conceivable topic but that one.  

For my own personal amusement I’d like to imagine that Fedor sees this story himself when he goes to today to buy a replica Octagon girl bikini top from the online store.  I can imagine his face lighting up at the news, because it means he can finally stop wearing that Affliction crap and the next time Jerry Millen breathes all over him in the back of a limo he won’t have to smile and be nice about it.  Then one of Fedor’s cousins who is familiar with American culture from that study abroad semester she spent at Ohio State tells him all about April Fool’s Day and also about Chlamydia (the two are inextricably connected in her mind), and he is suddenly filled with a crushing sadness.

Still, it’s like my father always said: a joke isn’t funny unless it really hurts someone.  Kudos, UFC.  I didn’t think you had it in you.


  1. the glza Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 10:57

    lol perfect pic/caption
  2. Anonymous Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 10:58

  3. Jer Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 10:58

    Can't we all just get along?
  4. the glza Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 10:59

    MY hope is that fedor sees how ridiculous his demands were, fires his management, and hooks up with the UFC. is that too much to hope?
  5. Jer Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 10:59

  6. justin Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 10:59

    i can see it now the frist main event at the new russian arena "UFC:134-THE IRISH MOB VS THE CRAZY RUSSIAN MANAGEMENT GROUP
  7. the glza Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:02

    fedor vs. brock! everyone wants it... make it happen ben!
  8. ruckus Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:03

    Meh... Fedor will never fight in the UFC. He doesn't need them, they don't need him. The fact that Affliction is tanking has shown that he isn't a threat to them in the long term as a possible source of competition. His legacy is pretty much set, he doesn't need money and fighting in the UFC would just expose him to possible defeat. The UFC won't waste time chasing after one fighter when they have global expansion in mind. The only situation in which I see them persuing him any more would be if they wanted to make a very big, very fast push into Japan... which I think they have made clear that they do not.
  9. rokabee Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:03

    lol at fucking chlamydia
  10. georgie Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:06

    ahhaha. i love it when a "FIRST!" douche hits enter, only to find himself 2nd.
  11. smashfacekillah Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:08

    Thats some funny fuckin shit
  12. BitchJ Penn Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:12

    While I'm not a Fedor nut Hugger like some of the people around here, But can anyone else see this ending bad for Dana I mean say he's shopping at his local LaSenza picking out a new nighty for Chuck, Then In comes Fedor looking for a lacey little something for his hot pinko commie wife( and after TShirt guy finally explains to Fedor that it was a digg on him) And Fedor LOSES IT! and just obliterates the little Q-tip. Meh I guess the world would be ok without Dana in it? But I'm taking bets now that Dana still lasts longer then Timmay did!!
  13. Criminally Negligent Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:17

    Well played UFC, well played.
  14. Jeffro Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:19

    Clamydia is nothing to fucking joke about! Its bad. Its really, really bad. Ben - I want you to take that back right now!
  15. canadian hoser Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:23

    F the ufc, and f capitalism
  16. Aaron Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:25

    Fortunately Fedor can't read our hu-man alphabet anyway
  17. Darkside Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:28

    In Soviet Russia, April fool you!!!
  18. Anonymous Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:39

    It's true, Fedor would be in UFC if it wasn't for the capitalist mindset where business is more important than the product.
  19. its me fedor Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:46

    suck my balls
  20. El Famous Burrito Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:46

    Ha ha... You know that the real Yakov Smirnoff died homeless and alone in a coccoon of old newspapers and his own piss and shit, clutching a cheap bottle of Popov vodka? The moral of the story: In Russia, you're either Fedor, or you're a crazy, Hep C, drunk. And there's only one Fedor.
  21. Angled Dangle Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:47

  22. Craig Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:50

    Good burn, as much as I hate to admit it. I have to agree - neither side needs the other. Shame for us as fans, but that's what it is.
  23. Brock Lesnar Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:54

    I have a wiener on body.
  24. @ Canadian Hoser Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 11:57

    canadian hoser Says: Wed, 04/01/2009 - 11:23 F the ufc, and f capitalism Yah...eff us and our free ideas. God forbid we have the ability to capitalize and think for our selves. Hey buddy, just stay a sheep and we wont nip at your heels when you get outa line. I dont give a god damn if your beer is tastier and if hockey is awsome and your "canadian bacon" taste great with pinaple on a pizza.... Donuts fucking rule and so does a free market. America..fuck yah buddy.
  25. Kaibo Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 12:26

    Put those sneaky fucking russians in their place.
  26. Biohazardone Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 12:37

    LOL....Kudos to Dana White....this shit is funny as hell. This is no surpise because everyone knows DW's morbid sense of humore.
  27. jdavis Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 12:44

    "You know that the real Yakov Smirnoff died homeless and alone in a coccoon of old newspapers and his own piss and shit, clutching a cheap bottle of Popov vodka?" Yakov Smirnoff owns his own theatre in Branson Mo. and is also a college professor at Missouri State. The real "non-April Fools" story here is that if you want your own stadium then perhaps you should move to the US :D "America: What a country!"
  28. Little Dan Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 12:50

    I'm kind of surprised that the UFC was this funny. I would have expected a video release of Dana shocking people with his beloved shock pen for April fool's.
  29. NateGetsIrate Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 12:52

    What's interesting is that and not CP made a fake story. Wait... is this a fake story about making a fake story cuz in actuality, their website is lame. Ha! Fool me once Ben, shame on me!
  30. Bubba Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 01:31

    Wannabe mma purest always say the same shit “UFC don’t have top contenders”. How many people from Pride and other no named organizations got owned once they stepped into the octagon? And the few who didn’t became top contenders or title holders. Let Fedor keep his clean record I am sure he is making money off fighting washed up bums.
  31. O I C Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 01:59

  32. War Machine's Dad Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 02:14

    Fuck all you "first" fags. That's some Koppenhaver shit right there...
  33. Dmonicideals Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 06:11

    Cool is a fag. Cool is a fag. Oh, and Cool is a pussy ass, bitch, motherfucking earwax-licking slimeball ,shitcovered whorebag, douchemonkey, jizzcovered-hairball, dickwart, fag. But that article was fucking hilarious. I haven't seen the headline yet cuz werkpwnt for "violence and bikinis and entertainment", but I was curious about the "ufc builds russian stadium" thread links on teh front page of other less reputed MMA sites.
  34. SiDeBuRnZ Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 06:43

    In the US, you prank Soviet Russia. In Soviet Russia, you no see family or children again.
  35. Smeewa Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 08:17

    Darkside Says: In Soviet Russia, April fool you!!! Angled Dangle Says: IN SOVIET RUSSIA - YOU FUCK DANA LMFAO!!!
  36. Smeewa Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 08:21

    i want to see Fedor punch lesnar right in the cock. not that lesnar will be fighting anyone big after Mir destroys him. im sure no nickname Kirwin will out glove him too..
  37. Danal White Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 08:48

    I think you are forgetting that its Crazy Jews Management Group. C'mon, you cant take a crap without hearing about the chosen people, dont be shy now: they're crazy money loving hebes. Who you gonna trust with youre money? Sleazy wops and wiseguys wannabees or the people who love money more than life itself? Finkelkraut or Finkelberg knows the green. Right now Anal White is acting like the guy who asked the hot chick out and she turns him down so he calls her a lesbian. The homos here are the geeks snorting and chortling, just happy that theyre not teh ones being picked on. Now, all together in harmony.... "havard nagila havard,,, you give me money or Ill Madoff your azz!!"
  38. Anonymous Says:

    Wed, 04/01/09 - 10:58

    HOMO Alert
  39. Darkside Says:

    Thu, 04/02/09 - 02:30

    Angled Dangle Says: IN SOVIET RUSSIA - YOU FUCK DANA wow...pretty gay, dude.
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