Steroids in MMA
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UFC Not So Sure Karo Parisyan Will Show Up

(Karo suddenly remembers that "Overboard" is on TNT tonight, and immediately wishes he had stayed home. Oh, that Goldie Hawn.)

When we made reference to Karo Parisyan’s physical and mental troubles as reasons why he might not be in optimal shape against Dong Hyun Kim on Saturday, we were partly speculationg and partly joking.  But you know who doesn’t joke around?  The UFC.  And just in case Parisyan burns them again with another late withdrawal in the hours before fight time, they now have a back-up plan.

MMA Mania says the UFC has 7-2 Rick Story (just think of the nickname possibilities, such as "Bedtime" or "Cinderella") waiting in the wings to step in as a replacement for Parisyan if needed.  It would be Story’s first UFC appearance, though he does have a couple of quality wins against guys like Brandon Melendez and Jake Ellenberger under his belt, so he’s no chump.  

But if Parisyan really does pull out on extremely short notice again, you’d have to think that would spell the end of his UFC career.  The fact that the UFC is worried enough about it to have a replacement on hand is already a sign of their complete lack of faith in him.  

On the flip side, it also means that expectations are so low all he really has to do to exceed them is step in the Octagon on Satuday night without freaking out.  This is one of those few times in life where just showing up is enough, much like your wedding day.  And the creeping sense of dread and regret that follows?  You can just push that way down in your subconscious for years until it finally boils to the surface.  So come on, Karo.  Keep it together.

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UFC fan- January 30, 2009 at 9:50 pm
OBI you are a good guy, one of the few on here who doesnt act like a complete tool, so I say this with trepidation , as I would tell a freind........." DAMN dude I wouldn't have told that fuckin story ya know?"

I still don't give a shit for karo regardless, he hasn't got half the respect you do. I still pick him to win if he shows up, but hes always gonna be a douche, he was a douche BEFORE all these excuses, he will always be one after.
ecgrappler- January 30, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Karo does need to get his stuff together. I'm pretty sure he can come back with a few more wins. I know there's a bunch of sick fighters in his weight class right now. He either needs to drop or figure out something. This guy has some talent and I know his judo is up to speed with everyone. I like the way this guy fights -- so stay with it Karo.

-Your homeboy ecgrappler.
IfYouSeekAmy- January 30, 2009 at 6:42 pm
my eyes hurt....
Old, Bald and Irish- January 30, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Yo Bootylam!,

I don't know what to tell ya. Talk to a doc and try to get on some meds.

Half my friends are on something for depression, anxiety, whatever. The other half are on the same drugs but they just won't admit it.

On a serious note, which is fuckin' rare from me, there is lots of stuff out there that can help with anxiety attacks. You don't have to live your life like that. There are alternatives. I know, I's a pain in the ass, but I know several people in my life who made the choice to not go through their entire life being a slave to their psyche. You can do it too. Don't end up in your 60's looking back on your life saying "I shoulda done that." Do it now. Life is to be enjoyed, not feared.

Also, you will be able to ENJOY recreational drugs instead of needing them to get through the day. With today's tough economy, keeping stoned and drunk is not cheap.

Wow...I guess I learned that Cage Potato can do a lot more than be the headquarters for vicious homosexual tainted name calling and comments.

...I feel so grown up...
Anonymous- January 30, 2009 at 3:16 pm
yeah those crazy armenians are fucked up from all that sun exposure, makes em crazzzzzzzy
Bootylam!- January 30, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Damn OBnI! That's rough. But what do you do if [like me] you're just like that all the time, no meds? Actually, I self medicate [the green, alcohol] and it seems to keep me on an even keel. Too bad Karo has to test or he could try it. My question is why would he pick a career where being in the public eye is required? I don't even go into the 7-11 if there's more than one car in the parking lot. Unless I'm REALLY drunk or high. Which is always. Maybe that's why Karo is such an asshole. Like me.
Surfin Dave- January 30, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Watching Overboard on LSD is awesome. Or so I've heard...
Bibo- January 30, 2009 at 12:25 pm
It's all about Goldie Hawn's daughter now...
F'n Clownshoes- January 30, 2009 at 12:06 pm
OBI, Throw in around 10 joints and you can cut your cig intake in half. You are also correct in that food and LSD don't go hand in hand. Oh and either does very busy wallpaper, or bubble gum, or crazy glue. I repeat...NO CRAZY GLUE. LSD is like any other physical activity just stay hydrated and breath properly.

Wyatt, thanks for the info about the meds. I was completely ignorant of the process and everything you said made logical sense.
Old, Bald and Irish- January 30, 2009 at 11:41 am
@ Kadumel

Dude, don't get me started on my LSD stories...most of them are hallucination and food related. Ya know, stuff like a piece of cake walking off my plate, opening up a big tin of canned ham and it looks like corpes on top of corpes, smashing food into peoples faces followed by hours of uncontrolable laughing...

My advice: Don't dose and eat. It never works out.

Maybe I should tell ya about this one time when I was trippin' like crazy and me and two of my friends had to literally dive out of the path of a drunk-driver speeding car as it smashed into the concrete wall we were standing in front of. I still remember the glass and pieces of metal hitting my back as I rolled on the ground expecting to see my two friends sandwiched between the car and the wall. Turns out they were both fine (they did the same thing as me). We looked at the smashed car with smoke trailing out from under the hood, saw the two drunk girls holding their heads and saying that ther moms were gonna freak out...

...and then me and my buddies started laughing our asses off.

Stupid bitches trying to be cool damn near killed me. They were drunk and trying to show-off in their mom's '77 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme V-8.

Sweet car. Dumb broads.

And make sure you have plenty of cigarettes. I went through 3 packs in one night once.
Old, Bald and Irish- January 30, 2009 at 11:17 am
@ Payday

See, that was one of the worst parts; I didn't even REALIZE what I said until later, so I never really got to enjoy the moment. Instead, I just fet like an ass.

...well, just more of an ass that usual.
Anonymous- January 30, 2009 at 10:57 am
I enjoy watching Karo fight, but sh*t, if he pulls another one, f*ck his arse!

Payday- January 30, 2009 at 10:54 am
That is a crazy story OBI...damn! On a positive note that had to be liberating as hell to tell co-workers they are stupid and their ideas suck.

I think if Karo doesn't show, Matt Arroyo will just stand in as a body double.
Wyatt- January 30, 2009 at 10:54 am
I got popped after a fight for taking my xanax for my anxiety disorder. When you're getting a second rate drug test (lets face it, this wasn't UFC level) they test your urine for certain chemicals that signs of taking drugs. Just the same as your body just breaks alcohol down to sugar and you piss it out, they're basically testing the waste from your system. It takes a blood test to really see what you're on. Also, even if you tell them you're taking it, they start really monitoring the levels of the chemicals and it becomes really subjective as to how much is normal, and could it be covering something else. It is a collasal pain in the ass honestly

Also, the pills for anxiety or panic attacks usually have a little touch of pain killers or muscle relaxers in them because feeling hurt or too tense can set off attacks in severe cases. Just like OBI said up top, those panic attacks can be vicious and confusing and the meds tone your ass down any way possible. You can also be prescribed vicodin for certain disorders and you damn sure can't have that when you fight, not fair to the other guy!

I'm not a doctor or anything so I don't know if he's fighting a chemical imbalance or just emotional and psychological issues. Panic attacks are also a symptom of post concussion stress syndrome so I hope he's had a CT scan and all.
Kadumel- January 30, 2009 at 10:52 am
The moral of OBI's story - Stay away from LSD...
CWR- January 30, 2009 at 10:44 am
Damn, OBI. That sucks.

As for Karo, I do not respect him. He has yet to stop complaining about losing his title shot.
F'n Clownshoes- January 30, 2009 at 10:21 am
Jesus H Christ, OBI, That shite is tough. I respect the hell out of Karo and his judo and mma game. I hope he can overcome.
Related, does anyone know why he can't be on meds for this stuff before the fight.
I mean can't they screen test him knowing what the meds are or are they a type of steroids that will make him pop positive for other shite....just curious?
Kazanski13- January 30, 2009 at 10:20 am
If Karo doesnt show up the name for rick would be "second story"
LoneWolf- January 30, 2009 at 10:11 am
FFF I really hope he fights, If he doesn't they better put the Fitch v. Gono fight back in the PPV line up!!!
mayhem420- January 30, 2009 at 9:59 am
"Overboard" is on TNT tonight??? Really?
That movie makes me think back to when I was a kid and Goldie Hawn was hot.
Love the bathing suit she wears in that movie. She had some ass back then.
Oh wait.... umm... yea so.... who wants a beer?
Danny F- January 30, 2009 at 9:57 am
Dong Hyun Kim?
Wyatt- January 30, 2009 at 9:53 am
I actually feel bad for Karo. Social anxiety is a complete bitch and you can't take the meds for it before a fight because you run the risk of failing your drug test. Something about the way your body metabolizes it...anyway I hope he gets that under control, his no gi judo is outstanding.
agentsmith- January 30, 2009 at 9:35 am
I wonder if he'll still show up to be in Manny Gamburyan's corner.
MC Obscene- January 30, 2009 at 9:34 am
If it is that bad with Karo they should just kick him out now reguardless. What the hell is his problem? Maybe they need to match him up against Nate Diaz to get his juices flowing.
walrus- January 30, 2009 at 9:29 am
Armenians are pricks