(Is that who we think it is? No wonder Guillard always chose “Thong Song” as his walkout music.)
Tonight marks the UFC’s fourth biggest debut on a television network, so how appropriate is it that I, CagePotato’s fourth or fifth best writer, would be assigned to such an…assignment? Damn it, I really had something for that. Anyway, both Melvin Guillard and Jim Miller will be looking to rebound from tough losses and reestablish themselves amongst the UFC’s ever-growing 155 lb. division in tonight’s main event. Elsewhere on the card, Pat Barry and Christian Morecraft will likely be fighting for their jobs, and Jorge Rivera is calling it a career regardless of how his battle with Eric Schafer goes. Everyone raise your glass of Dos Equis in his honor.
So whether you’re watching the fights from your local watering hole or the privacy of your two story, five bedroom & three bathroom brownstone in the sky, join me, Jared Jones, as I recap the action round by round starting at 9 p.m. ET/ 6 p.m. PT, all whilst trying to find the perfect balance between Maker’s Mark, Yellow Tail, and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Allow me to preemptively apologize for any grammatical errors, delayed updates, and possibly racist, anti-semitic, or chauvinistic remarks that may or may not find their way onto this liveblog as a result. LETS DO THIS!!!
-Nick Denis def. Joseph Sandoval via KO (Jordan Mein-esque standing hellbows) 0:22 of round 1
-Daniel Pineda def. Pat Schilling via submission (rear-naked choke) 1:37 of round 1
-Fabricio Camoes def. Tommy Hayden via submission (rear-naked choke) 4:03 of round 1
-Charlie Brenneman def. Daniel Roberts via unanimous decision (30-27 x2, 29-28)
-Habib “The Nurm” Nurmagomedov def. Kamal Shalorus via submission (rear-naked choke) 2:08 of round 3
-Jorge Rivera def. Eric Schafer via TKO (punches) 1:31 of round 2
In case you guys haven’t heard, apparently Sean McCorkle isn’t a fan of our particular brand of comedy. And the man makes a good point, fighter bashing is a cheap, classless form of entertainment. It would be like joking about Brett Rogers beating his kids on a live radio program. Thank God neither of us have ever been involved in something so horrible. But hey, even he must admit that we’re still better than BloodyElbow. SO SUCK ON THAT WORLD.
Anyway, here we go…
Pat Barry vs. Christian Morecraft
Jon Anik says Morecraft will have to be “crafty and more to get past Pat Barry.” Mauro Ronaldo just threw himself into oncoming traffic. Herb Dean is our referee.
Round 1: Morecraft gets ahold of Barry’s leg and takes him down early, then starts working a rear-naked. Barry fights out of it and gets to his feet. Leg kick drops Morecraft momentarily. Nice jab by Barry. Morecraft shoots a single…is that Barry attempting a guillotine?!! Morecraft takes advantage, gets Barry to the mat and mounts him again. Morecraft goes for an armbar AND BARRY DEFENDS IT. Barry just misses a head kick. A looping left hook drops Morecraft, and Barry swarms him. Barry finishes Morecraft off with some brutal ground and pound ala Yvel/Rizzo.
Barry def. Morecraft via KO (punches) at 3:38 round 1
Barry showed some much improved submission defense, but will need to add some takedown defense if he wants to put together a real win streak. And he celebrates by planking on Jon Anik’s foot. Love him or hate him, you can’t deny that Barry is one entertaining SOB. Morecraft looks…rough.
Mike Easton vs. Jared Papazian
These two are not fans of one another, and are jawing from across the cage. Was that a Haiduken by Easton in the introductions?
Round 1: Both men come out trading like Frye/Takayama, minus the mustache glory. Easton pins Papazian against the cage. Yamasaki breaks it up near the halfway mark. Leg kick by each man. Papazian wings a huge right hook and catches nothing but air. Leg kick by Easton is answered. Left hand counter by Easton. Easton tries a knee from the clinch. Then a spinning back kick that partially lands. Nice leg kick from Easton. Both men trade some knees and punches until the round ends. 10-9 Easton.
Round 2: Papazian lands a few punches including a superman, but Easton walks right through them. Solid left hook from Easton. Both guys are swinging for the fences, but Easton is getting the better, who decides to clinch. Now they are fighting for underhooks against the cage. Now Papazian tries the spinning back kick, and Easton clinches. Easton gets a takedown and into half guard. He momentarily gets side mount, but Papazian is able to stand back up. Knee Easton. Papazian shoots but is reversed and taken down. Another close round, but Easton took it with takedowns.
Round 3: Both men are trading back and forth with bad intentions. Papazian gets the clinch, but Easton reverses again. Mario splits them up. Papazian recovers briefly from a knee to the groin. Jab Papazian. Three punch combo by Easton. These men have some chins, folks. Papazian is coming forward Diaz style, constantly pressuring Easton with punches in bunches. Leg kicks from both fighters. Easton follows a trip with a right hand. Easton gets the Thai plum and throws a couple more knees. Uppercut Papazian. Easton answers with a right and Papazian goes for a double as the bell rings. Great fight.
Mike Easton def. Jared Papazian via majority decision.
Duane Ludwig vs. Josh Neer
This was my original pick for FOTN, but it’s going to be hard to top Papazian/Easton. They’re using the NFL theme as background music, a sickening reminder that I have to watch Tom Brady yet again come Sunday. I’m not one to wish harm on another person, but I really hope someone spears Brady directly into Bill Belichick, permanently disabling them both in the process.
Round 1: Both men pawing with the jab. Neer clinches after Ludwig catches him coming forward. Nice balance by Ludwig, who throws a knee. Neer lands an overhand right. Ludwig with a knee to the body that momentarily backs up Neer. Ludwig lands a few nice shots, and Neer is just eating them up. Neer grabs a single and manages to get Ludwig down. Neer snags a guillotine in the scramble, and that shit is DEEP. Ludwig goes limp shortly thereafter. Nice win for Neer.
Josh Neer def. Duane Ludwig via submission (guillotine) 3:05 round 1.
Now they’re previewing the Diaz/Condit fight, calling Diaz “the most enigmatic fighter in the UFC.”A thousand dollars says Diaz can neither spell that word nor knows what it means. Then again, dictionaries are for trick ass punks and punk ass tricks, homie.
Melvin Guillard vs. Jim Miller
Miller comes out to “Bad Moon Rising” by CCR. BOSS.
Round 1: Guillard tries an “explosive” flying knee early. Then another. Guillard catches Miller with a left, and Miller clinches. Guillard throws another knee, then whiffs a head kick. Miller drives him into the fence but can’t get him down. Guillard with a right, then yet another flying knee, but Miller manages to take him down. Miller quickly gets into mount, Guillard tries to stand, and Miller leaps into a rear naked choke. I’ve seen this movie before. Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnndddd it’s over. Blackzilians are officially 0-2 in the octagon.
Jim Miller def. Melvin Guillard via submission (rear-naked choke) 2:04 of round 1
Chalk up another win for the Gambling Enabler, folks. Well, just like many first times, this liveblog was shockingly quick and mostly pain free. I thank those of you who decided to keep me company on this cold evening, and hope you all have a great weekend. Peace and love, Potato Nation.