Ron “H20″ Waterman. Justin “Nsane1″ McCully. Jorge “The Naked Man” Ortiz. Just a few examples of why MMA fighters should never, ever be allowed to give themselves a nickname. And now, the latest and perhaps most tragic entry into the Bad Fighter Nickname Hall of Fame: TUF 19 finalist Corey “Beastin 25/8″ Anderson.
Beastin 25/8. Beastin 25/8. I’ve said it aloud at least a dozen times already, placing emphasis on a different beat of the phrase each time, and I still haven’t cracked the code. Of all the combinations of all the words and numbers possible, he came up with fucking bee sting 25/8.
How have we allowed this to happen? I mean as, like, a collective species of likeminded individuals. I feel cold and ashamed and confused and cold and also ashamed.
There’s no way he’s always had that nickname, right? I know he’s only been competing a few years, but please, someone tell me that Corey Anderson has not been allowed to carry on with that nickname for this long.
Do you think Corey came up with it himself? Or do you think at some point during his training camp, one of his teammates saw him really cranking out those last few squats and was all like, “Man, you so tough, you don’t train 24/7, you train 25/8! You a beast, man!” and then Corey stopped dead in his tracks and was all “What did you just say?”
Can you imagine how Bruce Buffer is going to sound pronouncing this verbal diarrhea while channeling the power of Thor’s hammer with his voice? Do you think this will be the nickname that makes him finally crack and just burst out laughing like Steve Harvey on Family Fued? Bad enough Bruce is whoring out his vocal skills to set fighters voicemails these days, but now he has to be subjected to this?
Why, oh why have you forced me to rack my brain like this, Corey? Is this some kind of next level trolling, or did you serious think this was a snappy, original nickname? SOMEONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS.
I would just like to point out what several redditors already have, which is that Mr. Anderson’s nipples appear to have been photoshopped out and replaced with those of a pregnant steer. He also appears to have earned all 4 of his professional wins by neither submission, TKO, or decision, which says alot about his skillset as fighter. I almost want to root for him in his fight against whoever the other TUF 19 light heavyweight finalist is at the show’s finale this Sunday (?), but I simply can’t in good conscience.
Good luck, other TUF 19 finalist whose name I do not feel like looking up. I am in your corner.