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The Ultimate Fighter 9.4 Recap: “1, 2, 3, F**k ‘Em!”

TUF 9.4: Nick Osipczak KOs Mark Miller – Watch more Funny Videos
(Nick Osipczak puts Team U.K. on the board with his head-kick knockout of Mark Miller. Cheerio, bitches.)

In the battle of personal property defacement, Team U.S. is routing the Brits by a score of 2-0 — if only they could be that dominant in the Octagon. Last night’s episode of TUF 9 featured the show’s first quarterfinal match, with well-rounded beanpole Nick Osipczak drawing first blood for Team U.K., thanks to a highlight-reel knockout of the much scarier-looking Mark Miller.

The episode opened with the coaches introducing us to their assistants. Michael Bisping has flown in his own trainers at Wolfslair — Mario "Sucata" Neto (wrestling/submissions) and Dave Jackson (striking) — who will now be acting as his helpers. Dan Henderson is rolling a little deeper with Heath Sims (wrestling), Cyrille Diabate (Muay Thai), Ricardo Feliciano (jiu-jitsu), and Gustavo Pugliese (boxing).

Team U.S. is at a disadvantage because they just had to go through their elimination fights; Team U.K.’s took place two weeks prior. Hendo chooses the relatively unscathed welterweight Mark Miller to represent the Americans first against Nick Osipczak, who didn’t look like much in his elimination match against Tommy Maguire. "One to us," Bisping says of the pick.

Bisping and his coaches watch tape of Miller’s fight with Kevin Knabjian and pick apart the American’s weaknesses: He predictably throws sets of three jabs, drops his hands when he kicks, backs off when pressured, has a suspect chin, never throws knees, and generally seems like a one-dimensional striker. Bisping tries to mimic Miller’s style in a sparring session with Nick. We learn that Nick. was one of Bisping’s southpaw training partners for his fight against Chris Leben. But Nick is ambidextrous and decides he’ll switch to orthodox stance for the Miller fight, because he fought lefty against Maguire.

By contrast, Miller doesn’t formulate much of a game-plan. (In a moment that will haunt all of them later, Diabate tells Miller that Osipczak isn’t much of a kicker.) Still, Dana White predicts that Miller will win the match, and Jason Pierce calls Miller "the toughest guy on our team by far." Another thing about Miller: His nickname is "Meat Missle." Basically, he was having breakfast with his grandmother, she asked what his fight nickname was, and he told her "the meat missile" as a joke. (Ed. note: You’re gonna say that shit to your grandma, bro? Gross.) The name stuck.

So, the pranks begin. Items left in common areas are fair game, though the guys are still sticking to the "no bodily fluids" rule. Demarques Johnson finds Dave Faulkner’s Team UK shirt, writes a tally on it ("Team USA: 1, Team UK: 0") and leaves a ransom note on the front door. Haw haw, big laffs. Later, Ross Pearson‘s wrestling shoes are nicked, and an updated tally is written on them, along with limey-specific taunts like "cheerio, bitches."

Ross is pissed, demanding to know "who wrote on me boots." The prank aggravates Bisping, who advises his team to rise above the childish bullshit. "Too much spotted dick for Bisping," Frank Lester says, in the most annoying fake British accent ever.

But wait: There’s a late change to Nick’s gameplan. After doing further research on YouTube, Bisping and Jackson say that Nick’s best bet is to take Miller down because he’s got no ground game.

It’s fight time. In an eerie, kind of depressing moment, we see Charles "Mask" Lewis finding a seat in the background.

Round 1: Osipczak goes for the takedown right away after a clinch, and gets on top, in Miller’s guard. Miller goes for armlock, but loses it.  Osipczak moves to half-guard, but Miller slips out when Osipczak tries to trainsition to mount. Miller gets up, then scrambles back into Osipczak’s guard. Osipczak reverses, they get up and exchange knees in a clinch. Miller lands some punches, and throws Osipczak to the mat, but Osipczak finds his way on top. Miller gets up and Osipczak lands some punches, then a knee in the clinch. Then it’s Miller’s turn to land some heavy blows, and Osipczak shoots to stop the abuse, taking Miller to the ground. After some weak GNP, Miller kicks him off and Osipczak grabs a guillotine and falls backward with it. Miller goes to tap, Herb Dean doesn’t see it, Miller thinks better of it. Miller lands an elbow and some punches from the top. Osipczak slips out, upkicks Miller, and scores a takedown at bell.

Round 2: Both fighters look worn out. Bisping yells at Osipczak to keep his hands up, as Miller lands punches and a knee. Osipczak gets a takedown, but Miller has his neck in a guillotine attempts. Osipczak slips out and fires some knees into Miller’s ribs. Miller tries the choke again, Osipczak slips out again and gets mount, but Miller tenaciously pursues the guillotine. Osipczak lands some punches to Miller’s body. Miller rolls him, losing the choke, and spends some time laying on top. Miller sneaks in elbows from the bottom and tries for a triangle choke. After a few more elbows from Osipczak, Herb stands ‘em up for the last minute of the fight. And Osipczak immediately shuts down Miller with a head-kick knockout.

"Look low, kick high, oldest trick in the book," Osipczak says afterwards. Miller barfs into a bucket. Solid episode.

Cagepotato Comments

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AussieJosh- April 24, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Im Aussie! But im 100% Behind the Brits! Im sick of the USA loud mouth bullshit along with the rest of the world. With a lot of them speaking like they think they are some low income homie g drug selling projects living wanna be gangsta!
Next season should be Brazil V USA so the Yanks can go down AGAIN!
SCM- April 24, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Uh Hendo and franklin fought already you douche. Dont be such a dummy in your posts.
did a brit shag your mums ass piece? call springer 5559857- April 24, 2009 at 6:01 am
i like hendo and didnt want to see him fight bisping i would rather him fight franklin i think bisping gona struggle to win with either and i am sorry for the hate. Apart from the hulk hogan fanny pack thing i really meant that. But you NEED people like me so you can point yr FUCKING fingers and say thats the bad guy.
Dizzack- April 24, 2009 at 1:02 am
Because everybody knows the best way to prove your country is the greatest is to have an argument about it on the internet. Way to go everyone!

Anyway.... two things:

1. Why is everyone hating on Dan Henderson? The guy is a respected and grizzled vet of the MMA scene and has come off as a real down to earth guy in every interview of him i have read/watched.

2. Yes that was def Kid Yamamoto sitting next to Dana...i hope he stays injury-free long enough to fight again soon, whether in the WEC or DREAM
Snakey- April 23, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Loving this season
The UK v USA competition adds a new dimension to the show.
This UK/US bashing is dumb kids - keep it to the MMA not WW2.

I think it will come down to personalities more as the show progresses.
I thought Franklin won the decision in the coach fight and think the Bisping/Franklin banter would have added more to an already great show. Henderson, as one of the guys said earlier, looks dazed.

The 1st fight was exciting- both their engines were sapped 2-3 mins in, but it was always anyones fight even though the brit looked the underdog. But why put Miller who had the most resent qualification fight in against the taller opponent.

In training, the US drills look very organized and the UK guys look a bit freestyle in their routines. This might become a factor later, with conditioning and injuries from over-zelous sparring.

Lastly, that Demarques speaks too much, but he reminds me of Riddick and I 'piddy the man' who step in the 8 with him.


Chris- April 23, 2009 at 6:38 pm
I know Mark Miller personally. Did he pull any pranks ? The answer is no He is a solid individual. Don't take your feelings against the U S on him. He was beaten hands down and fought with class unlike those other clowns in the house.
SCM- April 23, 2009 at 6:33 pm
UFC 2009 demo is on Xbox 360 and PS3 networks. Download that shit its tight.

So much for the baddest, toughest dude on the American team.. Got rocked!
The Diplomat- April 23, 2009 at 6:02 pm
way to represent the USA and UK respectfully in the comments section you idiots...go fucking kill yourselves for the sake of both countries
did a brit shag your mums ass piece? call springer 5559857- April 23, 2009 at 5:22 pm
get laid fag
videodrome NOW- April 23, 2009 at 2:51 pm
best comment of the day, you fuckin posers!
videodrome NOW- April 23, 2009 at 2:47 pm
not sure why i even bothered reading all these fuckin comments, but for fuck's sake, is this what every fucking message board comes down to? nothing but fucking racist and overtly boring insult wars?? yay! i'm so glad i have to live in a world where no one is awesome and everyone is loves to be blind to their own retarded way of life. fuck human beings! i'm fucking parting the veil and joining the aliens on the other side!!!!!!!!
Caps lock likes small Thai boys- April 23, 2009 at 1:48 pm
yeah, have to agree about Prince Charles and royalty, bunch of twisted horse fuckers.
did a brit shag your mums ass piece? call springer 5559857- April 23, 2009 at 1:45 pm
and who gives a shit about male pornstars when your knockin one out hahahahaha
did a brit shag your mums ass piece? call springer 5559857- April 23, 2009 at 1:42 pm
i think its an american that owns man united too
manutdfan- April 23, 2009 at 1:38 pm
#1- Being a Red Devil, I will say to both Yanks and countrymen: F*ck you too, you jealous c*nts! Glory, Glory, Man United!

#2- Yanks: Calling out Brits by saying manchester United sucks is the same as saying the Boston Red Sox sucks; only people from Manchester/Boston would be offended.

#3- The Brits look better than the Yanks so far, but the Edit Monster is good at fooling people into believing what they want you to.

did a brit shag your mums ass piece? call springer 5559857- April 23, 2009 at 1:32 pm
yes the royal family are fuck ugly but there just a source of income for are country. But comon tell that obhama to stop building a kfc in the white house bloody tree swinger
Caps lock likes small Thai boys- April 23, 2009 at 1:26 pm
To Bovis. Got to agree with you over Bisping after the Hamill fight, but just like the dumb-ass who won his way on to the show due to the kid KOing himself, I think the moment gets the better of judgement in those situations. One error of judgement doesnt make anyone a bad guy in my book. Unless you're caps lock of course.

I never said all Americans where stupid, just caps lock. I like it here, thats why I stayed, but I also like other counties.

Agree with general European analysis (love the Italian one), but the fact is there's cool people, dumbasses, and complete assholes the world over. No country has the monopoly in either.

Dont confuse shit talking with playfull banter - as clearly evidenced by the reactions on the show to Bispings banter, some can take it and have a laugh, some get all upset and angry. If you can't take it and it gets under your skin too bad, but if you can then throw it right back and lets have a laugh. It's the difference between men and playground boys. You've got be able to have a laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously like that dick DeMarcus, or whatever his name is. I think all this message board stuff is a laugh, good fun, I'm not sitting here getting all mad.

Oh, and I dont need braces, never had, other than the couple of teeth knocked out (been doing this shit over 20 years now, sorry I'm not perfect) they're all straight & white. Heck, I even get a gold star from my dentist for flossing. Crazy I know right!?!? But I'll tell him you said I should look into it, next time I go. Yes caps lock, that wont be for another 10 years till I come out of my 13th century cave.

did a brit shag your mums ass piece? call springer 5559857- April 23, 2009 at 1:22 pm
thanks m8 anytime
i am american - April 23, 2009 at 1:17 pm
yes we all suck cocks and we loooooooooove it
caps lock lah- April 23, 2009 at 1:15 pm
@ did a brit- hulk hogan fanny pack. that was pretty funny, I will give credit where it's due. You're still a wanker, but that was funny as shit.
caps lock lah- April 23, 2009 at 1:13 pm
@ did a brit knock out his mum with his cunt- Knock her out with the smell of it maybe....that would be the only way. Certainly wouldn't be the size of it. Guess now we know why there aren't any famous brit male porn stars. Prince Charles doesn't count either, don't try to take credit for him. In America, they lock people up for fucking horses, in England, the royalty fucking marries 'em!
Aaron- April 23, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I read most of the flaming back and forth, but am going to pretend I didn't because it was a total waste. I am glad they brought the Brits over to the US to showcase their talent and their character. Nobody's perfect, but I have been impressed by the UK fighters' demeanor during the first few episodes. Osipczak fought well and showed that a skinny guy without tattoos can still knock you out. Well done.
did a brit shag yr mums ass piece? call springer on 55598577- April 23, 2009 at 1:11 pm
then strangle the twat with her hulk hogan fanny pack
did a brit shag yr mums ass piece? call springer on 55598577- April 23, 2009 at 1:09 pm
how about i just knock your fat mum out with my cock instead
caps lock lah- April 23, 2009 at 12:57 pm
@did a brit- Apology accepted. Now apologize to your mum and your country for turning out to be such a fuckin loser.