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Barely-MMA Gossip-Rag Update: Jenna Jameson Tests Clean for Drugs

(I was going to say "work it out for the kids," but for God’s sake, look at those little monsters. You’re better off putting them in an orphanage and cutting your losses at this point.)

Casting doubt on Tito Ortiz‘s claim that baby-momma Jenna Jameson "relapsed" on OxyContin, TMZ reports that Jameson tested clean for 10 major drugs the day after their little domestic abuse misunderstanding:

We’ve learned the results of the test, administered Tuesday by American Toxicology Inc. in Las Vegas, show Jenna’s urine tested "negative" for the ten major drugs they were screening for, a list that included cocaine, weed, meth and oxycodone — the major ingredient in OxyContin…Now, after receiving the results of the test, Jenna is reaffirming her claim telling us, "I am definitely not addicted to OxyContin or any drug.”

Jenna’s powerhouse attorney Ronald Richards added, "The lab tests clearly exonerate Jenna Jameson of any hint, iota, or suggestion that she ingested or was under the influence of any opiates or controlled substances…Statements made by anyone to the contrary are completely impeached by the results from this prestigious testing facility.”

The Ortiz camp is sticking to their guns about Jameson’s addiction. Said Tito’s lawyer Chip Matthew: "We have witnesses and evidence. She underwent private rehab at home, and family and friends participated."

Related: One of Tiger Woods’s alleged mistresses, porn actress Joslyn James, claims that she witnessed Ortiz abusing Jameson on three separate occasions, though keep in mind that Joslyn James is a batshit attention whore.


  1. Nealio Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:41

    You gotta be high to marry a dude with the noggin the size of Tito's
  2. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:43

    C'mon guy's enough already with this shit
  3. VisitingDeadAncestors Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:45

    thank god for years of vaginal destruction, or those babies would've had to be H-Sectioned out.
  4. BENedictArnoldFOWLKES Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:45

    That kid on the left is going to have Tito's head. Hope he has a strong neck that lil fella.
  5. Viva Hate Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:45

    The test was done the day after? So she went to GNC, bought some Gold Seal and 2 gallons on water and cleared out her system then took the drug test, easy! Given 24 hours anyone can pass a drugs test if they were so inclined.
  6. jimbonics Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:47

  7. knucklesamitch Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:48

    Is that kid on the left dressed in a dish towel? WTF???
  8. knucklesamitch Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:49

    We do HTML here now?
  9. thisredengine Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:51

    @fatbellyfrank, for once you and I agree. Nealio, tone it back. It is an awful situation that hasn't been resolved yet. As I said from the Tito story on BE: "The real point though is that all these comments are fucking bullshit and I’m seriously offended by a lot of them."
  10. D Piddy Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:51

    @ Viva hate Very true. I once got called at 5 am for a court-ordered drug test and they gave me until 9 am to take the test for drugs/alcohol and that was plenty of time for me to take a boatload of niacin and drink lots of water to get the pills and alcohol out of my system.
  11. Ballentine Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:51

  12. ReX13 Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:56

    Jimbo>> LOL at "LOUD NOISES!!!" "I don't know what we're yelling about!!" *** That said, i'm willing to admit that i am interested in this story. Trainwrecks and schadenfreude keep me going through this dreary life. Incidentally, i think "Trainwrecks and Schadenfreude" would be a great title for the first album from War Bones.
  13. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:56

    Umm, littleredcunt, I wasn't referring to Nealio's comment, people can say what they like, both these trash bags deserve whatever shit rains down on them, I was calling to BG and Gusbuster to just spare us from these Tito/Jenna updates, enough is enough,if we want this shit we'll watch Oprah. Time for CP Tito/Jenna ban
  14. jimbonics Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:57

    Hey red. No offense or anything, but we don't care to have your BC posts rehashed here.
  15. halfbreed23 Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:57

    It's easy to beat a drug test especially if the tester is not present in the room. In my state only law enforcement and military situations are cause for the tester to watch the urine flow. I've beat a many test with THC in my system by carrying clean urine into the test with me. Wait a second...Who gives a shit?
  16. cecils_pupils Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:02

    I'm interested, too. So some of us do like to read about this trashy couple. A little note for thisredengine, tone it back homie, CP doesn't have Forum Police and they are not hiring you for that job either. Give it up and just enjoy the show. Reeeelaaaax.
  17. Get Off Me Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:09

    Caption- "Barnett ain't got piss on me" I think Overeem and Barnett should be especially interested in this article with fights on the horizon.
  18. Truth2Pwr Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:12

    Me coming to Tito's defense is kinda breaking the 7th seal of the apocalypse, but still I can't help thinking that: A) If a 200+ lb former MMA champion actually physically abused that rank scabby 100 lb sperm receptacle, you could probably dab up what would be left of her with half of a tampon. B) What could Tito possibly do to that brainless hag that she hasn't already done to herself? I mean this is someone who has willingly allowed hundreds of complete strangers to stuff every orifice of her body with anything(s) that would fit in them, film it, and show the images to the world. What exactly do you have to do to someone like that to degrade them so bad it makes them cry "abuse"!... ...cause whatever it is, I wanna see the video, damnit!
  19. El Famous Burrito Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:12

    Come on, like Jenna Kameson doesn't have like 20 guys' pee in her at any given time.
  20. Viva Hate Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:12

    @D Piddy, Exactly! My buddy did about everything you could imagine, he got called for a drug test for a job, he passed with flying colors, if she said the drug test was done while she was in the hospital form the "beating" it is one thing, but 24 hours later. I just have one thing to saySHENANIGANS! SHENANIGANS! SHENANIGANS!
  21. BENedictArnoldFOWLKES Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:13

    @ knucklesamitch, just like Michael Jackson's kid that is named blanket now Tito has one we can call Towel.
  22. Big E Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:14

    So, I looked at the kids and said to myself "Hmm, Jenna must be a real blonde". Then I realized I already knew that.
  23. failingev0lution Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:17

    "I was going to say "work it out for the kids," but for God's sake, look at those little monsters. You're better off putting them in an orphanage and cutting your losses at this point." ahahahahahahahha. awesome. I would add: Look at the size of that boy's head! I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick. That's a virtual planetoid; has it's own weather system. He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.
  24. Bunk Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:27

    In this photo we see Jenna Jameson sporting Tito's new walk out of the county jail shirt from Team Punishment...
  25. Knee 2 tha Face Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:30

    I call shennanagins! Why would she go from HB Cali to take a drug test in vegas? Also how does she carry kids with a torn rotator? She had the iggy, tito wouldn't kayfabe it and now she's pullin face. Bullshiz with a Z....
  26. Ratel Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:31

    Please - I can see reporting on Tito business because of TUF 11. Other than that, I gotta support the Tito ban just as much as I support the War Machine ban. Seriously - whatever he does or doesn't do to Jenna Jameson in or around a bathtub means nothing to me. She could piss Mr Clean out for all I care, and he could be claiming reverse spousal abuse from when she tried to bash his gigantiskull in with a platinum dildo - it doesn't matter, and reporting on any of their shenanigans perpetuates the media monster machine that they are. Also, child services needs to scoop those kids up, change their name to Reynolds and give them to a suitable family in Wyoming or somepalce safe.
  27. HokeyPokeyLikeAoki Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:33

    What I don't understand is why people wanna assassinate the JFK's of the world, but leave trash like these 2 untouched...
  28. Kimbos Bread Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:37

    Here's the actual, much longer excerpt from Tito's lawyer: Tito's lawyer Chip Matthew said: "Unfortunately we have witnesses and unfortunate evidence. She unfortunately underwent private rehab at home, and unfortunately family and friends participated, unfortunately."
  29. ccman Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:39

    *YAWN* oh are we on this again?
  30. ccman Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:39

    *YAWN* oh are we on this again?
  31. Cock_Chestnar Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:40

    Those kids look like recently found dumpster babies.
  32. superflat Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:42

    God, I hope Jenna cheated with Tiger Woods. The moment the worlds of golf and MMA become intertwined, there's no turning back.
  33. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:42

    Seems a little unfortunate
  34. MentalyptiC Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:53

  35. imabigfan Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:55

    Since opinions are flying around like farts on burrito night, here's my squeaky little offer. I don't care. Not about them, the posts, or the inability of some readers to deal with things. I'm just the same as I was before I opened CP to find this update. And here's the funny thing: I'll be the same tomorrow whether there's another update or not. I get that these sounding boards are just for whargarhble and type-fests, both funny and not. I'm just saying, we'll all get through. Not to say that I'm unsympathetic to the real people involved (ie kids). I think I must have gotten a bag of the mellow last time. I suggest some others do the same. Now, I will sit and wait for someone to say something funny. At least we still have plenty of that around here. Posters and contributors alike.
  36. Kimbos Bread Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:56

    @ superflat Didn't Nostradamus make a prediction about that? I think he said something like: "When the two-legged tiger finds to gaping abyss, the end is secured. The skies will bleed red with unicorn blood and the planet will soon be destroyed by disease-ridden, slutty, mulatto golfers; Miley Cyrus and famine..."
  37. ReX13 Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 08:58

    imabigfan Says: "Now, I will sit and wait for someone to say something funny. At least we still have plenty of that around here. Posters and contributors alike." Kimbo's Bread is 2 for 2.
  38. imabigfan Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:01

    @failinevo Head! Pants! Now! great effing movie
  39. Payday Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:05

    Lose some more weight Jenna, that skeleton look is HOT!
  40. El Famous Burrito Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:09

    It's burrito night?
  41. BalkanToni Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:10

    How can you NOT want to know about this? I'm totally hooked! I wanna know the TRUTH!
  42. GenZod Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:22

    when Orellia said Varo's children were to live with her family in the hills this isn't what I had in mind...
  43. MaximumSpaniard Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:23

    The thing that I find strange is that Jameson waited a day and took the drug test in Vegas, not her home town. And yeah, given enough time you can flush all that out of your system, and I'm sure Jenna is very knowledgeable in that since she's a former addict.
  44. MitchDeCoste Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:24

    you can just drink alot of water and pass a piss test. it will come back in conclusive.
  45. 1on1 Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:33

    Uh yeah... on two seperate occasions I've cleaned out for a walgreens drug test after having smoked the day before, its not rocket science. Niacin + lots of water, plus about 50 other ways you can do it.
  46. Japanadian Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 09:48

    Did she tear her shoulder or elbow lol, either way that arm should be in a sling. Drug test or not, I still believe Tito simply because you can't trust anything a whore says. I bet she hurt her arm smacking Titos big head
  47. iDestroy Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 10:12

    I was gonna make a Josh Barnett joke, but that ship sailed hours ago. I've gotta get my priorities straight. I'm quitting my job so I can regularly comment on CP. I'm sure my wife's substitute teacher salary will be enough to get us through.
  48. imabigfan Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 10:38

    @Rex For truth. There's gold in them thar posts. The Nostradamus post made me get looks from students in the library. Much appreciated, Bread De Los Kimbo.
  49. Nealio Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 10:55

    If there weren't stories like this on CP, then we wouldn't have such a plethera of comments I can waste my time reading... :)
  50. failingev0lution Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 10:58

    also, anyone else notice the kid on the right has the Louie Anderson look going for him?
  51. Dagnut Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 10:59

    Someone's tested for syphilis but? That shit gets to the brain you can go batshit crazy...look at the face and tell me she's not crazy. Stinky Stinky Whore bag.
  52. HotPotato Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 11:37

  53. Lex Talionis Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 02:16

    Didn't she leave for Vegas right after all this happened? The drug accusations didn't come until after Tito posted bail and held his little press conference. I totally agree the test is easily beatable but I don't see whats so suspicious about the time line. Turning around and going back to HB just to take the test would seem a little more suspect than just doing it in the city your already in. Well other than the fact any drug test administered in Vegas should be a little suspect to begin with.
  54. ghostboner Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 02:26

    @supeflat & Kimbo's Bread - my new heroes. That was great. and so was the towel baby comment someone made earlier. I'm with Rex on this one, I just can't get enough of this stupid stupid story! I gotta know what really happened! Also, was not Jenna carrying both the kids in that video where she and her dad were loading up the trunk? I will have to go back and watch, but that would sure ruin her little shoulder/elbow injury story...
  55. Kimbos Bread Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 02:50

    @ReX13, imabigfan, ghostboner Needless to say, you're all welcome, welcome, welcome.
  56. HighAss Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 03:57

    drug tests are pointless. oxycoton stays in your system for about 3 days, only marijuana will stay in your system for a long enough period of time to seperate the adicts from the once or twice a year users. the cannabinoids in marijuana starve cancer cells, in effect killing cancer. The united states food and drug administration has known about this since the 70's.
  57. David_Banner Says:

    Thu, 04/29/10 - 07:54

    Years of Vaginal destruction Hahahaha..
  58. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Fri, 04/30/10 - 04:51

    blar blar blar vagina blar Rob Lablaw Rob Lablaw Rob Lablaw
  59. jelvis Says:

    Fri, 04/30/10 - 11:42

    she probably hid a midget in her vagina who took the test for her.
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