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Barely-MMA Gossip-Rag Update: Jenna Jameson Tests Clean for Drugs

(I was going to say "work it out for the kids," but for God’s sake, look at those little monsters. You’re better off putting them in an orphanage and cutting your losses at this point.)

Casting doubt on Tito Ortiz‘s claim that baby-momma Jenna Jameson "relapsed" on OxyContin, TMZ reports that Jameson tested clean for 10 major drugs the day after their little domestic abuse misunderstanding:

We’ve learned the results of the test, administered Tuesday by American Toxicology Inc. in Las Vegas, show Jenna’s urine tested "negative" for the ten major drugs they were screening for, a list that included cocaine, weed, meth and oxycodone — the major ingredient in OxyContin…Now, after receiving the results of the test, Jenna is reaffirming her claim telling us, "I am definitely not addicted to OxyContin or any drug.”

Jenna’s powerhouse attorney Ronald Richards added, "The lab tests clearly exonerate Jenna Jameson of any hint, iota, or suggestion that she ingested or was under the influence of any opiates or controlled substances…Statements made by anyone to the contrary are completely impeached by the results from this prestigious testing facility.”

The Ortiz camp is sticking to their guns about Jameson’s addiction. Said Tito’s lawyer Chip Matthew: "We have witnesses and evidence. She underwent private rehab at home, and family and friends participated."

Related: One of Tiger Woods’s alleged mistresses, porn actress Joslyn James, claims that she witnessed Ortiz abusing Jameson on three separate occasions, though keep in mind that Joslyn James is a batshit attention whore.

Cagepotato Comments

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jelvis- April 30, 2010 at 11:42 am
she probably hid a midget in her vagina who took the test for her.
Mr_Misanthropy- April 30, 2010 at 4:51 am
blar blar blar vagina blar Rob Lablaw Rob Lablaw Rob Lablaw
David_Banner- April 29, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Years of Vaginal destruction Hahahaha..
HighAss- April 29, 2010 at 3:57 pm
drug tests are pointless. oxycoton stays in your system for about 3 days, only marijuana will stay in your system for a long enough period of time to seperate the adicts from the once or twice a year users.

the cannabinoids in marijuana starve cancer cells, in effect killing cancer. The united states food and drug administration has known about this since the 70's.
Kimbos Bread- April 29, 2010 at 2:50 pm
@ReX13, imabigfan, ghostboner

Needless to say, you're all welcome, welcome, welcome.
ghostboner- April 29, 2010 at 2:26 pm
@supeflat & Kimbo's Bread - my new heroes. That was great. and so was the towel baby comment someone made earlier.

I'm with Rex on this one, I just can't get enough of this stupid stupid story! I gotta know what really happened! Also, was not Jenna carrying both the kids in that video where she and her dad were loading up the trunk? I will have to go back and watch, but that would sure ruin her little shoulder/elbow injury story...
Lex Talionis- April 29, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Didn't she leave for Vegas right after all this happened? The drug accusations didn't come until after Tito posted bail and held his little press conference. I totally agree the test is easily beatable but I don't see whats so suspicious about the time line. Turning around and going back to HB just to take the test would seem a little more suspect than just doing it in the city your already in. Well other than the fact any drug test administered in Vegas should be a little suspect to begin with.
HotPotato- April 29, 2010 at 11:37 am
Dagnut- April 29, 2010 at 10:59 am
Someone's tested for syphilis but? That shit gets to the brain you can go batshit crazy...look at the face and tell me she's not crazy.
Stinky Stinky Whore bag.
failingev0lution- April 29, 2010 at 10:58 am
also, anyone else notice the kid on the right has the Louie Anderson look going for him?
Nealio- April 29, 2010 at 10:55 am
If there weren't stories like this on CP, then we wouldn't have such a plethera of comments I can waste my time reading... :)
imabigfan- April 29, 2010 at 10:38 am

For truth. There's gold in them thar posts. The Nostradamus post made me get looks from students in the library. Much appreciated, Bread De Los Kimbo.

iDestroy- April 29, 2010 at 10:12 am
I was gonna make a Josh Barnett joke, but that ship sailed hours ago. I've gotta get my priorities straight. I'm quitting my job so I can regularly comment on CP. I'm sure my wife's substitute teacher salary will be enough to get us through.
Japanadian- April 29, 2010 at 9:48 am
Did she tear her shoulder or elbow lol, either way that arm should be in a sling.
Drug test or not, I still believe Tito simply because you can't trust anything a whore says.
I bet she hurt her arm smacking Titos big head
1on1- April 29, 2010 at 9:33 am
Uh yeah... on two seperate occasions I've cleaned out for a walgreens drug test after having smoked the day before, its not rocket science.

Niacin + lots of water, plus about 50 other ways you can do it.
MitchDeCoste- April 29, 2010 at 9:24 am
you can just drink alot of water and pass a piss test. it will come back in conclusive.
MaximumSpaniard- April 29, 2010 at 9:23 am
The thing that I find strange is that Jameson waited a day and took the drug test in Vegas, not her home town. And yeah, given enough time you can flush all that out of your system, and I'm sure Jenna is very knowledgeable in that since she's a former addict.
GenZod- April 29, 2010 at 9:22 am
when Orellia said Varo's children were to live with her family in the hills this isn't what I had in mind...
BalkanToni- April 29, 2010 at 9:10 am
How can you NOT want to know about this? I'm totally hooked! I wanna know the TRUTH!
El Famous Burrito- April 29, 2010 at 9:09 am
It's burrito night?
Payday- April 29, 2010 at 9:05 am
Lose some more weight Jenna, that skeleton look is HOT!
imabigfan- April 29, 2010 at 9:01 am

Head! Pants! Now!

great effing movie
ReX13- April 29, 2010 at 8:58 am
imabigfan Says:
"Now, I will sit and wait for someone to say something funny. At least we still have plenty of that around here. Posters and contributors alike."

Kimbo's Bread is 2 for 2.
Kimbos Bread- April 29, 2010 at 8:56 am
@ superflat

Didn't Nostradamus make a prediction about that?

I think he said something like:

"When the two-legged tiger finds to gaping abyss, the end is secured. The skies will bleed red with unicorn blood and the planet will soon be destroyed by disease-ridden, slutty, mulatto golfers; Miley Cyrus and famine..."
imabigfan- April 29, 2010 at 8:55 am
Since opinions are flying around like farts on burrito night, here's my squeaky little offer. I don't care. Not about them, the posts, or the inability of some readers to deal with things. I'm just the same as I was before I opened CP to find this update. And here's the funny thing: I'll be the same tomorrow whether there's another update or not. I get that these sounding boards are just for whargarhble and type-fests, both funny and not. I'm just saying, we'll all get through. Not to say that I'm unsympathetic to the real people involved (ie kids).

I think I must have gotten a bag of the mellow last time. I suggest some others do the same. Now, I will sit and wait for someone to say something funny. At least we still have plenty of that around here. Posters and contributors alike.