Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Update: Luke Cummo Is a Now a Passionate Opponent of MMA, Still Drinks Disgusting Stuff

(Props: LukeCummo13. You’ve got some competition, Quinn.)

By Matt Saccaro

Whatever happened to that guy?” is a common question MMA fans ask about retired or forgotten fighters. Usually, the answer is boring and mundane — except when Luke Cummo is involved.

Cummo’s exploits outside the cage have gotten consistently more entertaining as time has gone on. One day he’s getting busted for a DWI, the next day he’s snorting urine. Now, he’s reforming (and hating) the sport of mixed martial arts.

“It’s called MMA but it’s very dangerous. Trust me. I’ve been there. It’s damaging — to children…As a parent, I would never recommend fighting for somebody’s baby,” Cummo said in a recent video on his YouTube channel that you can watch above. “It’s a mindless, stupid industry profiting from the spilled blood of the innocent, honest to god.”

Cummo took issue with MMA gloves and how they don’t protect people from knees and elbows, as well as the inherent violence in MMA.

“You have to put on gloves…but then you’re gonna kick and you’re gonna knee and you’re gonna elbow the other guy — somebody’s baby. There’s no padding on those things…and that’s another living being over there, a precious life. I feel for you as a soldier. I used to be one. You’re not a stupid beast. Nobody is. You’re not a programmable killing machine. You are, still, now and for all time, your parent’s baby to be cherished and nourished, not to kill or be killed. That’s old school, we’re cutting edge over here.”

He stated that we’re all someone’s child so often that I wonder if he was trying to reference “Grift of the Magi” — an episode of The Simpsons where a greedy company says all their profits are going to kids since we’re all someone’s kid. But given the sometimes-frantic tone of Cummo’s voice throughout his vlog, I doubt it.

Cummo continued about how he wanted to change MMA.

“It’s called Against the Cage and we are reforming the current system of martial arts practice to be more safe and enjoyable for all ages and experience levels because your practice over here…it could be fun, it could be really fun, seriously. But up to this moment you could’ve been locked in a cage, unfortunately, and taught that it’s OK to hurt someone else — or worse. But it’s not. You’re a living being and your life is worth far more, far, far more than what has been acceptable in the past in this promoted live-hard, die fast lifestyle. No. We’re going to live long and prosper, baby!”

Enter Cummo’s solution to the MMA killbot factory: A point-fighting martial arts tournament called League of Assassins — not the one from the comics (unless Luke Cummo is, in fact, Ra’s al Ghul and it’s been Lazarus, not piss, that he’s been snorting this whole time). Here’s what he had to say about it in another video:

“Getting punched in the head is not healthy, trust me. I did it for years and I’m messed up because of it. That’s why I’m telling you, it’s for everybody’s best interest. Don’t let those babies do MMA. If they are, if you’re dead set on practicing martial arts which I think could be a beautiful thing, what I do is called the League of Assassins…We don’t do knockouts, that’s silly. Why would you want to do that? Then it’s game over. Don’t break any bones, that’s not good either.

When we do our training in the league, we say it’s only one league, all one. And we’re doing it together; we don’t want to hurt anyone. We want to build up value. And every time you do a technique, you get more value and we can rank up. In this league, there’s some mythical beasts instead of belts. It’s a whole system.”

The belt-rank system based on animals sounds amazing. Do you reach the rank of T-Rex when you defeat Luke Rockhold? Did Snoop Dogg become Snoop Lion after running up his XP meter?

Cummo had lots of other stuff to say. The topics he covered were far too numerous and nebulous to cover at length here, but suffice it to say that he mentioned how counting wasn’t natural, how he drinks  baking soda mixed with orange juice (the “cutting edge of science,” he called it) and how fighting “demineralized” him. Now that he’s got your attention, check out the rest of Luke Cummo’s fascinating videos right here.

Cagepotato Comments

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Cora_Corral- May 23, 2013 at 4:55 am
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dipsetkilla316- May 21, 2013 at 12:02 am
@dranokills the only thing Mythical this is Brain lololololo. He's a fool I mean every thing he said was horrible ignorant.
dipsetkilla316- May 20, 2013 at 11:59 pm
Wooooooooooow there just too many thing to say. I actually liked him on TUF, he looks like he's on speed. What fucking rock did his bitch ass crawl out under, hay homo...I mean cummo how does bob arums dick taste?
dranokills- May 20, 2013 at 8:55 pm
fucking pathetic I use to think this guy was kinda out there in a good way when he came upon the scene, then he disappeared, and now he hates the sport that MADE him? sad. pathetic. moronic. Damn Luke just cause your little pussy self couldn't handle MMA doesn't mean everyone else growing up can't. The only thing mythical is his brain.
RwilsonR- May 20, 2013 at 7:28 pm
A T-Rex is not a mythical beast. Stupid creationist. Everyone knows that the League of Assasins' ranking system goes like this: Easter Bunny --> Jackalope --> Chupacabra --> Yeti --> Manbearpig --> Griffon --> Chimaera --> Cris Cyborg's vagina --> Kraken --> Cthulu.
darciesdaddy- May 20, 2013 at 6:28 pm
League of Assassins sounds like something I want my baby involved in. Do they take 6 month olds?
creepy- May 20, 2013 at 3:58 pm
"I would never recommend fighting for somebody’s baby,” Yeah, I don't know where he was fighting, but you're supposed to be paid in money, not in children.
Alan K- May 20, 2013 at 2:39 pm
Hey, it's one of the guys from Bleacher Report who doesn't suck. Neat.
algiersheadkick504- May 20, 2013 at 2:37 pm
What a pussy he really has the most immature stupid reason " that's someone's baby" are yu kidding me no one is forcing these people to fight honestly the worst thing yu can say is there are some mismatches (any bob Sapp fight) but its a competition of one of the most natural instinct we humans have..fighting. most mma promotions don't make too much money the profit statement is ridiculous
Mr_Misanthropy- May 20, 2013 at 2:28 pm
Blah blah blah I couldn't focus on the crazy talk because I was distracted by that faggy ass hat and scarf combo. And the fact that his jaw was grinding like he's been up on ecstasy for two days.
cman- May 20, 2013 at 1:33 pm
Foil hats optional.
SnakeJake- May 20, 2013 at 12:24 pm
This just in. His children have been removed from his care. No joke.
Grandmas Nutmeg- May 20, 2013 at 12:48 pm
I think it was his guru Dr. Jubb that got his kids removed, he fashioned his son a brace out of chopsticks after the kid broke his ankle.
Fried Taco- May 20, 2013 at 12:23 pm
Great, there goes my new MMA school where we were going to use actual babies instead of focus mitts and grappling dummies.
cman- May 20, 2013 at 12:21 pm
I grew up playing hockey. And my inner hockey player just said, awww did ums get a booboo? Rub some dirty on it nancy.
Grandmas Nutmeg- May 20, 2013 at 12:16 pm
Luke Cummo is the reason parents take an active role in their children's lives and warn them about the use of Jenkum.
SnakeJake- May 20, 2013 at 11:53 am
He says he's messed up in the head, because of all the punches he took and I believe him.

I follow this dude on Facebook and he's nuts! For real! He promotes every crackpot theory he comes across and even went to shaman school recently. He talks about not hurting kids, but feeds his own kids cannabis without really knowing the consequences.
I think this started after TUF when he got involved with that David Jubb who let him drink his own urine and fast for three days before a fight.

And does he look like a picture of health after years of eating 'lifefood' and drinking urine and what not?
JayJitsu310- May 20, 2013 at 11:46 am
I think he's snorting more than urine.