(Sandals at the ballpark? Oh, you California kids.)

Behold, Urijah Faber throws out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game last Friday.  We’re just busting his balls with the headline.  His throwing motion is acceptable for a fighter, though the intense look of concentration on his face reminds me of a six year-old playing Nintendo, suggesting that Faber really did not want to screw this whole first pitch thing up and look stupid in front of literally dozens of people at the Stockton Ports game. 

The Ports (what the hell kind of name is that for a baseball team, anyway?) went on to beat the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes 8-7, presumably after Faber lit a fire under them with an inspirational speech that enouraged them to "go out there and hit or whatever so we can get out of here and go to the strip club."

And in case you’re wondering how Faber fell so far as to get assigned minor league duties while Miguel Torres got to work a Chicago White Sox game, don’t worry.  Urijah will step up to the bigs later this month to throw out yet another ceremonial first pitch, this time for the Oakland A’s.  Don’t screw it up, meat.