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VIDEO: Another Khalidov Victory, and the New “Mamed Khalidov Challenge”

(Khalidov vs. Falcao, recorded on a potato for your viewing pleasure.)

We’ve been dick-ridin‘ Polish middleweight Mamed Khalidov for what seems like a decade now, and for good reason. Currently 29-4-2 as a pro, Khalidov has suffered just one defeat in the past four years and has showcased equally impressive knockout power and submission skills (not to mention, spinning sh*t) during his unblemished run under the KSW banner. Even though he already turned down a lowball offer from the UFC in 2012, we named Khalidov one of four European fighters the UFC should sign in 2014 because we are dying to see what this man can do in a promotion known for something more than its hilariously incompetent judges.

In fact, Khalidov has more or less built his fierce reputation on the graves of UFC veterans young and old in recent years, notching victories over Jesse Taylor, Rodney Wallace, James Irvin, and Matt Lindland among others. Khalidov continued with his conquest of all things UFC waste-related at KSW 27 last weekend, submitting one-time Gas Station FC contender Maiquel Falcao with an armbar in the first round of their main event scrap and earning a big pat on the back from the MMA world in doing so.

And that’s the thing; Khalidov has not only been clowning any UFC veteran placed before him since 2011; he’s been doing it quickly. Like, first round quickly. So in light of Bob Sapp’s shocking retirement from the sport, it seems fitting that we should replace the Bob Sapp Challenge™ with something more fitting on this legendary day, does it not?

The new rules of the Mamed Khalidov Challenge™ await you after the jump.

Mamed Khalidov is damn near unstoppable when fighting in his native Poland. In the past three years, TUF 3 alum Kendall Grove has been the only UFC vet to make it out of the first round against him while fighting for the KSW promotion. Falcao was a mere 8 seconds away from doing so before being submitted on Saturday, and even then, lasted longer than Wallace, Lindland, and Irvin did against Khalidov combined. Clearly, a precedent needs to be set here.

So, future UFC castaways who agree to face Khalidov, our challenge is simple: See how long you can last against Khalidov before he inevitably defeats you. Jab and jog. Lay and pray. Pull a Kalib Starnes and just run away until the first round bell rings if you have to. Do whatever you can to make Khalidov truly earn the mountain of Monopoly money he is being paid to outclass you for the delight of his fellow Polish.

To clarify, future UFC castaways who agree to face Khalidov, you shouldn’t try and actually win the fight. You won’t. Kahlidov is too well-rounded for you, and let’s be honest, your best days are behind you. If they weren’t, you probably wouldn’t be traveling to Poland to get served on a silver platter to some mid-level MMA promotion’s standout fighter for less money than your plane ticket cost. You’d probably still be fighting for the UFC (unless you were one of those Jake Shields types).

But every challenge warrants some sort of reward, right? Being a mid-level MMA blog comprised of UFC haters and basement-dwelling troglodytes, we only have so much to give, but we can offer you the following prizes dependent on how well you fare against Khalidov:

Second Round: A CagePotato “Pull No Punches” T-Shirt

Second Round, 2:00: A CP “Pull No Punches” T-Shirt and a copy of Tank Abbott’s masterpiece Bar Brawler

Second Round, 3:00: Bar Brawler, a copy of UFC 91 signed by Randy Couture that I won playing UFC Fantasy League back when it was a thing, and a lifetime’s supply of Corn Nuts (one bag is a lifetime’s supply)

Second Round, 4:00: A gift basket that includes a CP “Famous Hairstyles” T-Shirt, five bottles of assorted Buffalo Wild Wings sauces, a Tater Williams “Five of These Across the Sneeze” bumper sticker, tickets to the red carpet premiere of the Kickboxer remake starring Georges St. Pierre (assuming it has one, which it probably won’t), and a Bud Light beach towel, because Coors Light ain’t paying us sh*t

Third Round (!): A carafe of Gina Carano‘s sweat we obtained from our Black House connection, no questions asked.

Get to it, you guys!

-J. Jones

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