(This tender moment is brought to you by the word: clownshoe.)
As we mentioned earlier this week, Chael Sonnen is basically the living reincarnation of the legend of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He has the capability to come off as a reasonable individual, but more often than not, he chooses to drink that devilish potion, the proceeding surge of bravado almost always coming at the cost of his sanity. Where as Dr. Jekyll becomes a prostitute murdering madman upon drinking said potion, Sonnen reverts into a compulsive liar on such a ridiculous level — spouting claims of certain cycling legends and PED use — that he all but but erases the belief that he is one of the more intelligent figures in the sport today.
Take his recent interview with Jim Rome, in which he discussed his upcoming title fight with Anderson Silva, set for UFC 148 on July 7th. As he did while on “The Joe Rogan Experience,” Sonnen talked about the perceived danger of accepting the rematch in Brazil (as was the original plan) as well as his claims that Silva is a “fake Brazilian.” But you don’t start to smell the fish, so to speak, until his UFC 117 loss to Silva is brought up. After Rome gives the viewers a quick recap of the fight, Sonnen drops this beauty on us:
I am so happy you brought that up for the viewers who may not have seen this…what had happened was an absolute misunderstanding and misapplication of the rules by me. We’re in the fifth and final round, he locks on a submission, and I acknowledge that he has it tight by slapping my hand on his leg.
I tapped. So what I thought is you go to the cards. I win four rounds, he wins that round. Apparently, if you tap, it ends the entire contest, which I was not ever made privy to.
Jesus f’ing Christ. Words cannot even begin to describe the amount of facepalm that is necessary for that aneurysm-inducing bit of drivel. It is as if he is having a four-year old with a inoperable brain tumor scribble out his interview answers in crayon, knowing damn well that the child does not posses the ability to spell “inoperable” or “crayon.” Bill Clinton could not dream up a more ham-fisted response if you were to give him the third runner-up of Miss Plus America, an empty hotel room, and all the time in the world.
Rome is similarly perplexed by this ludicrous claim to end all ludicrous claims, asking, “Isn’t that what a tap is? You tap out and you’re done.”
“Apparently it is,” Sonnen retorts, somehow managing not to turn to the camera and wink whilst doing so.
But Rome, the brave soul, presses forward. “Chael, come on, you don’t know what it means to tap?”
“Well I do know, but at that time-” says Sonnen.
“But you didn’t before then?” Rome cuts in, a fresh stream of blood now trickling down his nose.
“I gotta plead ignorance on this, Jim. Had anybody told me that tapping would cost me the entire bout, and not just the entire round…
I don’t remember how the rest of the interview goes because I blacked out while typing that last line. Judging by the way the fruit punch I was drinking is splattered from wall to wall across my room, I apparently had a seizure as well.
Not to argue with you, Chael, because its clearly a futile effort, but unless we’ve all been in a coma these past 10 years, we’re pretty sure that the seven other motherfucking people who have tapped you out before Silva should have gotten that notion through your head by this point.
Where any other TV host would have probably stood up and stormed off of their own set, Rome continues to press Chael, and we’ll give him this, he almost manages to make Sonnen admit that he was lying. Almost. That by itself is more of a feat than even the mighty Joe Rogan could accomplish in a good two and a half hours, so a tip of the hat is in order for you, Mr. Rome.
Check out the video below. The pants-shittingly stupid back-and-forth begins around the 4:10 mark.