It looks like soccer players and fans alike have joined the growing legion of people that loathe, or at least don’t take kindly to Dana White’s opinion. For those keeping track, the list includes women, homosexuals, Fedor Emelianenko fans, hardcore PRIDE and WEC fans, SpikeTV, the Internet, and the state of Oklahoma, among others. It’s like they say: to make an omelet, you have to break enough eggs to make that same omelet five times over.
Before we get to the challenge issued by former MLS Defender of the Year Jimmy Conrad, let’s do a little backtracking. It all started when White, in his infinite wisdom, stated at the Calgary press conference that the sport of soccer was basically a talentless bunch of nonsense that anyone with basic motor skills could perform. If that wasn’t bad enough, he then declared that he had beaten David Beckham in a game of horse soccer and that Pele was a fraud before farting into the microphone and storming off. Surely this wouldn’t piss off any fans of the biggest sport on the mother effing planet, right?
After hearing these comments, Conrad emerged with the fire of a thousand suns in his eyes and challenged DW to put his foot somewhere else than his mouth for once. The following ultimatum was made while Conrad masked a rage that would turn a lump of coal into a blood diamond between his buttcheeks:
Why would a tough guy like you feel so threatened by soccer that you needed to go off on it unprovoked? Is it maybe because you know the one thing any three-year-old can do is fight? Hell, mine spent a whole year fighting me. But that shouldn’t threaten you. I’m pretty you could hype a fight between two three-year-olds and make it the biggest thing since the “Thrilla in Manilla.” But you wouldn’t do that, would you? Because you know that three-year-olds don’t understand the techniques, or tactics, or subtleties of your sport. Well, same goes for ours…. Here’s what I’m going to do. Because I like you, I’m going to give you the opportunity to join me and a few friends for a game of soccer. Since you believe playing soccer requires no talent, I’m sure you’ll be the star. Unless you’re scared.
Being the gamesman that he is, Dana took to Twitter just a few minutes ago and accepted the challenge:
I said yes you soccer freaks. I’m in LOL, calm down.
And with that emphatic “LOL,” the battle between soccer hooligans and MMA skinheads worldwide hath been declared, for the almighty power of the Triforce, nonetheless. Sadly, the war against broad, sport-based stereotypes wages on, but that is for another day. For today marks the inception of the most epic soccer challenge since the great Kenny Florian/Jose Aldo juggle-off of 2011. So dust off those vuvuzelas, break out your finest face and chest paints, and let the war begin.