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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Video: James Toney Calls 911 to Report Randy Couture’s Murder


(Props: FearNo12012)

…okay, he doesn’t really call 911. He pretends to, as part of an improvisational comedy routine titled "Randy Couture, I’mma Beatcho Ass." It’s kind of amazing, actually, and a lot more focused than Toney’s previous insane YouTube callout efforts. See, when Frank Mir threatens to kill somebody in the Octagon, he loses his WEC color-man gig and is forced to apologize to Brock Lesnar. When James "Lights Out" Toney does it? Pure magic.

Of course, there are a few other things that stand out in the video. First off, Toney is training at the M-1 Global gym in Chatsworth, California — which puts the Dark Emperor just one degree of separation away from the Last Emperor — and yeah, that’s Juanito Ibarra creeping around back there. Toney also mentions that he has a boxing match scheduled against WBA heavyweight champ David Haye on October 1st, just five weeks after the Couture fight at UFC 118. Talk about optimistic. And yes, Toney plans on murdering Haye as well. And getting away with it. And getting paid for it. A lotta money. Mucho dinero. Mucho mugambo. Mmm.

After the jump: Even more of James Toney shouting at a hand-held camera.



(You ever notice how nobody can keep a straight face when James Toney is talking?)

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mikesite- June 24, 2010 at 6:15 am
@ Mad Jock

Sorry brotha my ebonics translator on my web browsier is down, otherwise i would have done the rest for you. ill be sure to send it out to you as soon as its back up
fatbellyfrank- June 23, 2010 at 12:37 am
This video removed by user, oh well, i've never understood anything he said anyway.
ricgaddisjr- June 22, 2010 at 11:43 pm
Finally, "SofaKingNyce", actually sees it for what it is. Toney hits hard and can take anything randy plus his ex-wife could do to him at the same time while he's on roofies and piss-drunk. Seriously though I hope this retires randy, he's been so boring to watch as of late...I've got all the respect in the world for couture but it's time. Should be interesting to see if toney can scramble
dranokills- June 22, 2010 at 9:39 pm
you know the best part of this whole topic?
NONE of the video's work, and I didn't have to sit and watch that mush-mouth fucktard try to talk.
So I give this a 10 for overall lack of james Toney.
I'm not sure if he has signed his contract, all I can do is hope he doesn't and Dana forgets about this loser.
rlh61- June 22, 2010 at 7:58 pm
@El Famous and El Guapo...that's exactly why I keep coming back to CP.
SofaKingNyce- June 22, 2010 at 5:58 pm
I really find it funny how everyone is counting Toney out like he's a bum... lol
If he has learned any TDD whatsoever, Couture is done..point blank.
Jim Harbaugh Scramble- June 22, 2010 at 5:50 pm
I love this fucking guy.

Fucking hilarious.

I'm gonna shit myself when he puts Handy to sleep by faking a side check kick and slapping on the million dollar dream.
Mad Jock McMad- June 22, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Very very amusing Mr Mike. I guffawed out loud at that.

You obviously speak jive. Care to translate for the rest of us just for a laugh..?
noahknows- June 22, 2010 at 3:20 pm
one word Wow!
noahknows- June 22, 2010 at 3:17 pm
lmao! he prolly called at least four or five people
Get Off Me- June 22, 2010 at 2:50 pm
That's actually how they call in a homicide in the D-Block.
Toney looks like a thick 205er who likes to shatter the minds of those who think they know what ebonics is.

@MediumRare
My daughters getting the Chuck Liddell video from good morning Texas if she tells me she wants to get into MMA.
Seriously though, I used to work at the Montreal Airport back in the day and I once saw Arturo Gatti walk right past a Chaufeur holding a sign with his name on it. The Valet had to physically stop him and explain who he was and Arturo looked so beat, this was about a year post Ward v. Gatti 3.
ghostboner- June 22, 2010 at 2:32 pm
I didn't know Randy was talking shit. CP what is the story on this? Is Marble Mouff making this up or did Randy have some smack to say about Toney?
MediumRare- June 22, 2010 at 2:12 pm
James Toney is a cautionary tale for anyone considering a career as a pro boxer. If either of my sons ever express a strong desire to box I will sit them down and show them one of these vids and say, "This is a man with about 80 professional fights."

He has irreparable brain damage.

At least you get knocked out quickly with MMA gloves. Boxers' brains get fucking turned to pudding over time.
ccman- June 22, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Wonder if couture can g&p tooney back into reality and back to having a connection tween his toungue and brain.

Wonder if tooney had a brain to begin with
Ballkick- June 22, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Was JT speaking a bastardized version of Ebonics?
I had to re-watch the first video 3 times and I still am no closer to understanding more than a couple of phrases. Better bring Snoop Dog in for the translation. Fo shizzle!
El Guapo- June 22, 2010 at 1:35 pm
"Without struggle, there is no progress." -Frederick Douglas, on James Mumbles Toney's first speech therapy class.

(continued) "But this motha#%^& right here muss have marbles in his mouf!"
RearNakedPoke- June 22, 2010 at 1:33 pm
@El Famous Burrito....that is some funny deep thinkin stuff! well played Sir!
DaltonSwayze- June 22, 2010 at 1:29 pm
I don't know how many boxing fans there are in here, but those of us who have actually seen Toney fight know that he is not, today, a credible opponent for anyone in the heavyweight division, except perhaps Rolles Gracie, because he sucks.

Toney may have, at one point, been a credible opponent, but I doubt it. He's all slick defense and counterpunching, and even at his peak would've fared poorly against Randy. I know Randy is also past his prime, but this is his sport. If he elects to box with Toney, he'll lose, even up close as Toney is a good inside fighter.

If the Mast of the GamePlan deserves that moniker, he'll take Toney down and sub him, side check kicks and all
El Famous Burrito- June 22, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Oh...Frederick Douglass. With two s's at the end. I don't need wikipedia for that, thanks.

For our Canadian friends, Frederick Douglass knocked out Harry S. Tubman at The Battle of the Boxcar at Underground Railiroad Fighting Championship 17 way back in the pre-Spike TV days. They used 12 Troy ounce gloves made of burlap and straw back then, before the Troy ounce was outlawed by President Washington, a descendent of Spartans, who carried an ancestral grudge towards the people of Troy to his grave.

Frederick Douglass went on to compile a 22-2 lifetime record, with one loss to Whitey Herzog via submission (bullwhip), a loss he later avenged, and one at the tail end of his career to Ned "Bumpy Knuckles" Logan, later played by Morgan Freeman in the movie Unforgiven. He lived out the rest of his days as a speechwriter for Martin Luther King, Sr, but refused to work for MLK Jr, referring to him as "that little shit who broke my flower box."
825IVER- June 22, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Fredrick Douglas wins via emancipation proclamation
Fedor Penn- June 22, 2010 at 1:18 pm
D-Block Bitch!!! KnowutIsayin?
nesbitt- June 22, 2010 at 1:10 pm
it was buster douglas who ko'd Tyson
Viva Hate- June 22, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Lets not forget, James Toney does hold a victory over Evander Holyfied, sure it was 6 years after that would have been an achievement but I'm just sayin.............
RearNakedPoke- June 22, 2010 at 1:08 pm
man i pray Randy punishes this dude! he is the "Black Mongo" from Blazing Saddles
MoTropolis- June 22, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Actually, this site offers a much more in depth look at Fredrick Douglas and his contributions to society...

hxxp://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d47e6a33a5/drunk-history-vol-5-w-will-ferrell-don-cheadle-zooey-deschanel
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