(Major props to Stan Horaczek for the find.)
Meet Alan “45 of these across the sneeze” Kahn, a self-described “frustrated drummer trying to get a work out” who is here to transport you back to the cocaine-filled fairy tale that was 1985 via the power of DeBarge’s “Rhythm of the Night,” which Alan will be rhythmically accompanying on his trusty 8×5 speed bag with a beat that will get you laid yesterday.
You see, our buddy Alan here is kind of a guru when it comes to the long lost art of rhythmic-speed-bag-punch-drumming. He has released an instructional DVD on the concept, boldly and somewhat blasphemously titled “The Speed Bag Bible,” which you can purchase on Amazon for the low, low price of $19.77 (Free Shipping!). He also runs the website Speed Bag Central, a Texas-based you are already clicking the link, aren’t you? I don’t blame you; I’ve already ordered five copies of “The Speed Bag Bible” and plan on handing them out as Christmas gifts this year to the ones I hold dearest.
The speed bag is to Alan Kahn what a secretive mix of 11 herbs and spices was to Colonel Sanders, and his Youtube hits need to start reflecting how truly innovative this man is. If a 17 second clip of a sneezing baby Panda can attain over 150 million views, then this clip of Alan punch-drumming the Mortal Kombat theme should easily be able to reach into the hundreds of billions. So head over to the official speed bag Youtube page and check out all of Alan’s videos, which include covers of everything from Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust” to The Who’s “Pinball Wizard.”
After the jump: Meet the rest of the punch-drumming gang through an And1-style mixtape that will instantly make you want to burn all of your old And1 mixtapes. Advanced warning.
If the stare that comes at the 46 second mark does not cast a chill down your spine, chances are you’re already paralyzed from the neck down, in which case we apologize for bringing such a sensitive issue to light.
So can we bring Dan Severn out of retirement to fight this dude? It would look like the final scene in The One, only with twice the grit, twice the mustaches, and a shitload more
racial slurs rabbit punches.