As we recently learned, the next season of The Ultimate Fighter will be coached by a grumpy mountain man who probably won’t spend any more time on set than he absolutely needs to, and a Brazilian dynamo whose grasp on the English language is limited to simple phrases like “I believe too much in my boxing” and “tub you are a cold — so we’re not expecting a verbal rivalry on par with Tito/Ken or Rampage/Rashad. Still, it’s TUF, so somebody’s gonna get told at some point. Can this season’s insults possibly stack up to some of our past favorites?
#5: “You’re like an expert swimmer who’s never been in a pool.”
Matt Serra’s epic dress-down of Marc Laimon was his star-making moment — and a firm bitch-smack to every sideline-hater who talks tough without any intention of actually backing up his words. A year later, Serra was coaching that damn show.
#4: “Bro, you’re a male nurse.”
Like a Katy Perry song, it’s annoying as hell, and yet you can’t get it out of your head. “Bro, you’re a male nurse” — I say that to all my friends now, no matter what their professions actually are. And it aggravates them too.
#3 (tie): “I’m gonna smash your little head.” / “Shut up, monkey.”
Ken Shamrock‘s attempts at keeping up with Tito Ortiz‘s head-games were sad, embarrassing, and oddly endearing. Tito’s head is actually quite large, but Ken decided to go the other way with it for some reason. The “monkey” thing was spot on, though.
While Shamrock’s taunts were laughably weak, the “titties” thing represented one of the most brutally effective re-brandings of a human being ever seen on television. When I say the name “Darrill Schoonover,” you automatically think “titties” thanks to Rampage Jackson. Schoonover actually wound up snapping on ‘Page and was within inches of throwing down. (On a coach!) And you can’t blame him. Rampage ruined that dude’s life.
#1: “You fatherless bastard.”
Ouch, Bobby. You really know how to hit a guy where it hurts. Meanwhile, Josh Koscheck cackles in the background and mocks Leben to the other guys, knowing full well that he’s a…well, you know.