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[VIDEO] The “Albanian Assassin” Has the Meanest Mean-Mug in the History of Mean-Mugs


From a writer’s standpoint, there are a couple ways to approach a fight video as clownshit crazy as the one you are about to witness. The first is to provide a play-by-play breakdown of the action in a noble (but ultimately futile) attempt to try and make sense of the lunacy you just witnessed. The other method involves coming to the realization that your words are indeed ultimately futile and that the fight video should simply be digested as is.

It’s safe to say that when this happens before the fight even begins, you must follow the latter method.

Apparently this fight took place on October 29th, 2011, at an event named…you know what, it doesn’t matter. All you have to know is that Ken Shamrock apparently rage-fucked an illegitimate child into existence during his downward spiral into woman beating. A child that, lacking a fatherly presence to steer him in the right direction, took to cat strangling and misdemeanor arson to quell the ever-present anger boiling inside him before making the move to MMA.

He goes by Euraldi “The Albanian Assassin,” because fear does not have a last name. His victim, who apparently stumbled into the ring thinking it was a spinning class, went by Andy Grayby. That’s right, went. 

He never stood a chance.

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When attempting to contact Euraldi, his likely butchered family, or the one friend all serial killers typically have, we came up with nothing. In fact, we could only secure an interview with a former doctor of his, who stated the following:

I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the devil’s eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply…evil.

Chilling stuff.

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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unknown123- November 10, 2012 at 10:16 am
You guys are all pathetic talking shit about albanians. Just because you saw this video and this kid was "fucked up." Take a look at how many Americans kill their own families, because their fucked up. Or kill everyone at their school to not reveal their homosexuality, I've seen this on TV numerous times. How many of us Americans rape lil kids? Yeah you never hear of Albanians doing anything like that. I've lived in Albania and I speak the language they are great welcoming people, so all of you shut the fuck up, and check out some real albanian fighters like, Nuri Seferi, Ilir Latifi, Sefer Seferi, Kreshnik Qato, Ervis Jegeni, Luan Krasniqi, or RIP Besim Kabashi, one of the greatest kick boxers of all time. You people are all disgusting, I hope one day you realize your ignorance.
itsgalf- September 21, 2012 at 8:03 pm
I visited Albania for 2 weeks in 2010. Full of strange guys, but I don't think I saw a single ugly chick there. They must have euthanized all their fatties or something.
Austin3210- September 21, 2012 at 6:30 pm
First off, that fight was nothing of note. The GIF of the t-shirt freak out pretty much covered anything of note from the video itself.

Second, I spent part of this past summer studying in a small town in Italy that had a number of Albanians. I learned that Italians hate Albanians and that Albanians are some of the weirdest mother fuckers you will ever meet.
DARKHORSE06- September 21, 2012 at 6:15 pm
I thought Albanians had white hair and pink eyes.
Inigo Montoya- September 21, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Was that ref that kruschev sp? guy from TUF???
Alan K- September 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm
So why did I watch that?
El Famous Burrito- September 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Mr. M. - Bret Hart is grandfathered in, so Hitman can go away too.
danomite- September 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Laugh all you want, but submitting Andy Grayby is no easy feat. I saw him fight live once at Friday Night Sissy Fights. Dude's got a killer rear naked choke.
Mr_Misanthropy- September 21, 2012 at 1:23 pm
I bet his opponent could have done better but you know how much black people hate ghosts.

He should do his walkout with a kewpie doll.
Mr_Misanthropy- September 21, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Where does that leave 'hitman'?
El Guapo- September 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Albanian Assassin my ass! That's none other than the Mongoloid Kid. The missing chromosomes are a dead giveaway..
El Famous Burrito- September 21, 2012 at 12:35 pm
How about a CagePotato ban (or at least a moratorium) on any nickname containing the word 'assassin'

'Pitbull' is also borderline unacceptable.
Mr_Misanthropy- September 21, 2012 at 1:24 pm
I am seconding a previous motion for a moratorium on the invisible comment reply
paperplane- September 21, 2012 at 11:35 am
I know a lot of Albanians. They're all sort of fucked up..
Darkside- September 21, 2012 at 11:27 am
Was that ref wearing a tuxedo t-shirt?
Fried Taco- September 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm
Why yes, yes he was. That's how classy of an event this was.
Buster Hyman- September 21, 2012 at 11:01 am
damn i thought that black chick was going to get the KO with those kill shots. all praise to the t-shirt.
Gobbleston- September 21, 2012 at 10:45 am
You know what? I've decided that the shirt was actually filthy, so beforehand he coated it lightly with some Tide and water, and was old-school style beating the stains out of it. This would explain the knee rubbing/wiping at the end. Innovation people; laundry and MMA, finally together at last.
crappiefloper- September 21, 2012 at 10:38 am
The Albanian Assclown vs Tater with a bucket of fried chicken on the line, with those damn cripple fights as the undercard. Biggest draw in UFC history.
NomadRip- September 21, 2012 at 10:37 am
Did they line that cage with the plastic from Arjen Rudd's office?
crappiefloper- September 21, 2012 at 10:26 am
Let him try to defend a bucket of fried chicken against the Tater. Epic.
Gobbleston- September 21, 2012 at 9:38 am
Two things. 1: There was nothing particularly special about that fight except for the obvious "special" t-shirt temper tantrum. 2: That dude was wearing a straight-up athletic supporter as his fighting "shorts." Nasty.
ArmFarmer- September 21, 2012 at 9:25 am
@fried taco I don't know, he didn't appear to inflict that much damage. He got a couple good slams in but he just couldn't seem to pull of the two handed knee pull submissions at the end. Still have to give him the unanimous decision though, as the tshirt showed now effective offense.
Fried Taco- September 21, 2012 at 9:16 am
Dang, I'd hate to be a t-shirt against that guy!
ragner- September 21, 2012 at 9:08 am
dude why do you guys keep ripping off middleeasy