MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

[VIDEO] Watch a Young Junior Dos Santos Score His Only Professional Submission Victory

Junior Dos Santos Shane Carwin
(Beats your face to a bloody pulp… personally stitches you up after.) 

Most of us tend to forget that UFC heavyweight champ Junior Dos Santos is a BJJ black belt under the Nogueira brothers, probably because we’d like to continue living in a world where we can convince ourselves that a 6’4″, 240 pound killing machine has some discernible weakness other than being a really nice guy when he’s not caving in your face like a Silver Shamrock Halloween mask. That’s right, I just referenced Halloween 3. I’m less a writer, more a prophet.

But unfortunately, the video that awaits you after the jump proves once and for all that JDS is, like me, an absolute master of his trade. In the video, we see a young Junior competing in his second professional MMA fight against Eduardo Maiorino, who sadly passed away from a heart attack just two days ago at the tender age of 33. After opening the fight with a signature flurry of punches, Dos Santos secures a takedown and is able to latch onto a guillotine choke from half guard that seems to be less technique and more Junior using his cyborg strength to vice grip his hapless opponent into submission.

Video below. 

Honestly, if I had the option of tapping to that choke or having my face turned into a Jackson Pollock painting like Shane Carwin did in the header photo…I’d probably take the latter, because then I might at least be able to parlay the beating into a midnight soiree with some big-butted Brazilian honey via some good old fashioned pity. No Brazilian women give it up for a guy with a shitty guard. We know this.

So Nation, are any of you ready to accept the fact that we could see a JDS fight end in something other than a blizzard of concussions? Junior has stated before that he plans on submitting Cain Velasquez if the fight hits the ground; the only question to ask yourself now is if you think he can pull off what fellow black belt Antonio Silva couldn’t even come close to doing.

-J. Jones

Comments

  1. Pen Fifteen Says:

    Fri, 12/28/12 - 08:27


    I love Halloween 3. You are the fucking man, Danga. Until the next time you make a typo. Then you're a moron.
  2. J.Jones Says:

    Fri, 12/28/12 - 09:02


    @ Pen - I totally except those terms. Dammit!
  3. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Fri, 12/28/12 - 03:23


    It just doesn't seem right to crack jokes about Maiorino's terrifying Kahlo-esque unibrow that bisects his skull into two distinct hemispheres now that we know he recently died.
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    Sun, 01/27/13 - 02:18


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    Wed, 01/30/13 - 06:46


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    Sun, 12/01/13 - 12:41


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