MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Wait, Did James Toney Just Call Rampage Jackson a “Slave to the White Man?”


(Equinso Ocha: Always holding the black man down.) 

We could be wrong, because he speaks with a comprehensibility that would give a stenographer an aneurysm, but it definitely sounded like boxing great/MMA not-so-great James Toney just called former UFC light heavyweight champion Quinton “Rampage” Jackson a “slave” in a recent interview with EsNewsReporting.com. Granted, he also claims that the UFC paid, and is still paying him, a grand total of 1.5 million dollars for his UFC 118 “fight” against Randy Couture, a notion that we know is complete and utter bullshit, but listen to what he had to say when asked about Rampage’s recurring plight with the UFC:

That’s what you get for being a slave to the white man. Don’t be scared. Step up and speak for yourself. That’s why I got paid the million-and-a-half dollars and am still getting paid by the UFC. You know what I’m sayin’? The highest paid fighter ever. You feel me, fat boy? Me. And you been there…what, twenty years and you’re getting paid pennies? While I make millions?

Rampage, if you wanna fight me boy? Come on down to the gym and I’ll give you a job first. …you could be the sparring partner. I pay $50 for a sparring partner.

First off, if you supposedly got paid $1.5 large at UFC 118, why is it that you only pay your sparring partners a measly fifty dollars? Who looks like an asshole now? You, Mr. Toney, that’s who.

Considering Rampage has used almost the exact same language, figuratively speaking, to describe how the UFC has treated him, you can’t imagine he’ll be too offended/pissed off by old Mushmouth’s criticisms, right?

Toney had a lot more to say, go figure, and some of it was almost understandable. We tried our best to transcribe and translate the rest of it, and we’re pretty sure it gave us cancer. So enjoy.

On Rampage’s chances in a sparring session: “Who? Unahgigitkncokedout anddatbelt. Hes goin’ get *suffers small stroke* Comebehimenuniswill….comenuniswill, right? Comenunis…you, YOU, Kele calamari express. You watchen sparrin, UC howa, no how hard I hit. Waswalleybefor.”

[Translation: I predict that if us two gents were to have a rousing back-and-forth duel under Marquess of Queensbury rules, I would emerge victorious, thanks in no small part to my vastly superior striking and brilliant display of handwork. You've seen me fight, haven't you, sir? Cheerio.] 

On why his freak show fight with Ken Shamrock never happened: “…the most dangerous girl in the world. They had ‘em atheythey couldn’t afford me ’cause they had money (?) and some bullshit motherfuckin Ivalo Gutier, you know Ivalo?”

[Translation: Ken Shamrock is a ninny little ray of sunshine. The fight promoters could not afford to pay me such a daunting commission because they lacked the proper funding to do so. Also, boxing manager Ivalo Gotzev, whom you are familiar with, correct?] 

On what would have happened if they had fought: “yuyuknow he’d get knocked out. You know, he know, you know, why he got scared asitizz. He scared. That mofuka….*indescernable* I don’t play. I mean bidness.”

[You and I both know what would happen, good sir knight. He is rather intimidated by me, that wretch is. I am not here to tussle my tallywacker. I am a professional.]

-J. Jones

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Camilla9- April 19, 2012 at 11:19 pm
I like different kinds of sport,fighting also.But fights with Rampage Jackson are so interesting to see, I think he's great!
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NinjaVanish- March 29, 2012 at 8:11 pm
lol @ the guy in the background throwing up gang signs at the :39 mark.

I seriously listened to that whole interview, the only thing I could understand was "You know what im sayin?"
Kimbo Lesnar- March 29, 2012 at 6:47 pm
Wow! MRuss leaves and Danga steps up? This was funny and well written!!! Who did it for you? Be honest.
Irishwolfhound491- March 29, 2012 at 5:58 pm
@danomite i think he needs to get punched in the head some more.
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El Guapo- March 29, 2012 at 4:18 pm
Let's not forget that Mumbles did in fact make half a mill for his wrassling match vs The Natural. (Pause for you to stop laughing/gagging)And that's only what the UFC disclosed, si I wouldn't be suprised if he pulled in a good chunk more. (Pause for you to finish crying/kicking your dog)So yeah, as stupid as Toney sounds, he got the last laugh. Or as he would say, "Hims who've lass laughed, lass bets.... nawmsayin montrucker?"
HandsofGold- March 29, 2012 at 6:40 pm
This is true but I also bet that he is broke due to A. He has back taxes to pay or B. Revert to Antwon Walker story....
Ricardo Guitardo- March 29, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Wasn't there some other article about blacks who get upset when people think they are stupid?
HandsofGold- March 29, 2012 at 3:40 pm
There is one thing that I acutally do like about James Tony and its that...... wait fuck i forgot.....
danomite- March 29, 2012 at 3:37 pm
this guy needs to stop getting punched in the head
Nintendong- March 29, 2012 at 3:25 pm
I am really getting sick of extremely high paid black people making slavery comparisons to their lucrative ass careers.
Susanoo- March 29, 2012 at 3:04 pm
This post was hilarious. Funny transcription and translations
The_Dead_Cow- March 29, 2012 at 2:57 pm
"I am not here to tussle my tallywacker."
humblablabla- March 29, 2012 at 2:33 pm
People are starting to look at me funny. Probably because i'm laughing uncontrollably at a laptop.
Snitches_get_stitches- March 29, 2012 at 3:25 pm
haha I hear ya man, people are looking at me the exact same way in my office.. Good stuff CP!
shitbag- March 29, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Kele calamari express is going to be my new mantra.

Kele calamari express for lyfe!!!!!!!
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