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War Machine’s Big House Blog: Musings on Reincarnation, Open Relationships, and His Plan to Save the World

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(If he only knew then what he knows about ‘gay hippy shit’ now…)

Well, War Machine has finally realized what most second graders already know- ‘reading is great’. To think, it only took him being exiled from the UFC, failing at a career in porn, and being sent to jail for felony assault to discover the joy of books.

Below you’ll learn that War doesn’t get down on all of that made-up organized religion crap, preferring to root his beliefs in more time-tested scientific certainties like interdimensional yogis and reincarnation. The good news? While he’s out zipping around through space and time, he totally doesn’t mind if you bone his wife.


May 18, 2011

Reading is great – I’ve been stumbling upon so many ideas and so much research that I never before had any understanding of. My views are changing so much and so fast. I’ve always truly believed that organized religion is bogus and you all know how I feel about politics. I really want to study mysticism in detail. I keep reading about all of these different levels of consciousness, deep meditation, out of body experiences, and reincarnation, and it is awesome. I believe 100% now that there is an “after life” and that we also reincarnate. Previously, I always HOPED an after life existed but never really KNEW. At times I used to think reincarnation may be possible but I’ve been coming across so much documented evidence, it’s just about undeniable. 1st thing that I thought of was how awkward it’d be to die and see all your diff. wives… and worst of all, all your wive’s husbands!? But then I started reading about documented near death experiences and Yogis who could travel to the afterlife realm, and both just always emphasized the importance of love and how every thing and every being are not “separate,” but all part of one huge “consciousness.” Sounds like some gay hippy shit right? Can WM turn into a hippy? LOL… I’d be a damn tough one, maybe a “warrior hippy?” LOL…

Anyway, then I got to reading about dreaming, and that “level of consciousness” and then lucid dreams, where you realize you’re dreaming and can do whatever you want. (I’ve actually done that several times). So, it made me think of jealousy. Like in “real life,” if your wife bones some dude you get jealous/pissed, and you’d probably get mad if you caught her masturbating to pornos of guys that look better/more endowed than you too. So if she had a lucid dream and consciously decides to fuck some dream hunk, then you found out, would you get mad? Jealous? I bet you would! Then I read a study in Curves Magazine that a large percentage of men and women admit to occasionally pretending their partner is someone else during sex. I guarantee that’ll piss you off! So the big question is:  since people are going to pretend their partner is someone else, consciously fuck strangers in dreams when given the chance, masturbate to strangers, AND you are gonna have to “share” her with others in afterlife anyway, AND you love them truly, why not let them do it “for real?” If you love someone you want them happy in all ways right? And since it’s obvious that humans WANT to screw around, as long as they are “safe,” who cares? Thinking about it now, I’d get WAY more upset to know my wife is pretending I’m someone else when we are having sex, than if she just went and did it with some type of pre-discussed mutual understanding. Hmm… before now the idea of “swingers” never made ANY sense at all but thinking of it this way, if you love one another TRULY, it should be in EVERY aspect and you should never be jealous over something that causes them happiness/pleasure.

Okay so now I just stressed for like an hour on how I, or we, can save the Earth. I don’t know if there is really a way? I think we took a wrong turn somewhere along the way. But if we were to try, 1st thing is we gotta get rid of is oil/gasoline and that won’t happen due to the greed of the minority who profit from it and control world politics. Then I started thinking about recycling – I have ALWAYS thought of it & wanted to but I don’t even know how!? In the U.S. it’s HARD to recycle! I recall while in Japan, it was everywhere. Everywhere you went there were 2 trash cans or even 3, each for different types of waste. But if I got out tomorrow I wouldn’t know where to start, it’s something I’ll have to research & figure out where to bring the recyclables. Do government agencies recycle? I know this jail system doesn’t. SO MUCH stuff gets thrown out that should be recycled, the government is letting the world down in this regard. So although the crisis of the world is beyond my resolve, from now on I’m gonna do my part by 1) recycling, and 2) every day I’m gonna walk around the block where my gym is and where I live and pick up trash. Imagine if EVERYONE did that, every day? Our streets, parks, and beaches would be spotless and with only a tiny amount of work done by each separate individual! I know for a fact that I have kicked more cans than have picked up! It takes more energy/effort to kick a can than to just pick it up! Humans are blind! The next thing that popped into my head is how I think I’ll feel embarrassed the 1st few times I walk around with a bag to pick up trash… crazy! Why should someone feel embarrassed to clean up where they live? I dunno, but I know I will feel it. And I can picture now certain people in the area, “Hey have you seen that weirdo who walks around picking up trash every day? Is he crazy? We should start a neighborhood watch program.” LMAO! Tell me I’m wrong! The way we think is so fucked up.

I’ve never really done something without expecting something back in return. Like, there is always some sort of alterior motive. Well, this will be the 1st time I continually take my own time from the day, to just try and give something back to the world. Anyway, enough of that talk! Now I’m fired up! “Next Friday” is on TV. I hate weed and never smoke it, not since 8th grade, but this movie just makes you wanna blaze it, huh? LOL. This movie brings back so many memories. When I was 20, and up and moved to San Diego, to try out for The Lion’s Den, I was piss poor. All I had was my blanket, my TV, and a DVD player with one movie, Next Friday. I watched it every night for months! LOL. Those days were hard but sweet at the same time. I was so hungry for MMA, for making it. Man, I really feel that hunger again! So sick! My come-back is gonna be legendary. Watch and see!
Jon Koppenhaver #10754342

Cagepotato Comments

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SheLikesBJJ- May 24, 2011 at 12:52 am
War Machine, this bowl is for you!
jyveturkey- May 23, 2011 at 8:38 pm
Cheeseburger Eddie- May 23, 2011 at 1:32 pm
hahahaha, WM reads Curves magazine, gotta keep that girlish figure
iadyn- May 23, 2011 at 10:55 am
@Rwilson: TVs, refrigerators, and light bulbs don't have much to do with oil. The energy that is produced for electricity does not come from oil, it's mostly nuclear energy and coal, in some places water energy. Oil is used for fuels, agricultural products and other derivatives..
Fried Taco- May 23, 2011 at 8:57 am
I had a lucid dream that War Machine was fucking my wife, but my wife was Arianny. Boy was Tiki pissed!
GistoftheFist- May 23, 2011 at 7:17 am
Captain Planet everybody.
Mongrel- May 23, 2011 at 6:28 am
Although he loves to overly philosophize, I'm finding his writings quite interesting. However, I can't help but cringe every time I see a 'LOL/LMFAO' with multiple exclamations.
His writing style is a little like this:
I read a book some professor wrote, and he spoke about how we can gain spiritual insight by clenching a grape in-between our butt-cheecks. It sounds like a load of shit, but I tried it and it works LMFAO!
intercept440- May 22, 2011 at 8:45 pm
ok...i know the last round of WM bighouse blogs i laid odds on 4 months before he is back in prison....

im changing those odds now, im shaving a month off.. this guy will be back in prison within three months....

bat shit crazy would be a complement to this guy..nuttier than a shit house rat is more appropriate
k-onda- May 22, 2011 at 6:07 pm
why doesn't he just tele-transport himself out of there in a dream already? We need him to show us futuristic recycling techniques, then we can happily offer him our wives.
Old_Bald_and_Irish- May 22, 2011 at 5:35 pm
...just drop the soap already, okay?
sakurabasear- May 22, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Is he going to change his name to warrior hippy now?
bescaredhomie- May 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Hi. I just wanna say that i didn't read this.
rpn452- May 22, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Yep, anything that requires less energy/resources to recycle than to make from scratch will have monetary value in itself, like scrap metals. Though it would certainly be good if there was less garbage laying around. I pick up pieces of garbage sometimes when I'm in a good mood, but usually I just mentally say "fuck you" to whoever left it there and vow to continue fucking with anyone that I see littering. The former is definitely the more productive option. As with the Broken Window Theory, the more garbage there is on the street, the more likely people are to treat it as their own personal garbage dump.

Jon's sounding even crazier than usual here, but if he sticks with it the world will probably be a better place with this version compared to the old one.
SnallTrippin- May 22, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Energy wasted vs material is usually a losing proposition.
WK- May 22, 2011 at 12:08 pm
He must be licking the rusted bars of his jail-cell to get high or something.
Guy's insane.
RwilsonR- May 22, 2011 at 12:07 pm
And that damn minority that profits from oil! We'd all get off of it if they didn't lure us in with all their fancy electricity for stuff like TVs, refrigerators, and light bulbs.
Your Dumb- May 22, 2011 at 12:03 pm
So... War Machine and his cell mate have agreed to see other people?
RwilsonR- May 22, 2011 at 12:01 pm
He's got a point - I don't even know how I would begin recycling. Where do you even start? And how come I have this big blue trash can, when I have my normal gray one? What's that even for?
Eyes red as Fedor- May 22, 2011 at 11:41 am
I guess he's cool with his chick tossing my salad while he's away then.
fishsticks- May 22, 2011 at 11:35 am
Enlightened....but still a douchebag
DARKHORSE06- May 22, 2011 at 11:34 am
What a fucking douchebag. I quit two sentences into it. He looks like one of those Afghani Jingle Butt Boys in that picture.
irish brawler- May 22, 2011 at 11:29 am
and is he starting to go by jon koppenhaver instead of war machine again? because he signs his name at the bottom jon koppenhaver instead of war machine
irish brawler- May 22, 2011 at 11:28 am
once again, war machine makes me read another entire article of his... how does he do it?
Tim Sylvia 1 P4P EVA- May 22, 2011 at 11:27 am
Best Writer on C.P

Sad New Yorker- May 22, 2011 at 11:04 am
Seems like a pretty cool guy. I'd hang out with him.