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War Machine Arrested in Vegas

(Shit’s about to get real, son.  Real bad.)

Five Ounces of Pain is passing along a report that everyone’s favorite MMA screw-up, War Machine, was arrested in Las Vegas for battery early Saturday morning.  That’s right, the same guy who recently lost a job opportunity with Bellator for his comments about President Obama, which came after he was kicked out of the UFC for his comments about Evan Tanner/refusal to fight Brandon Wolff.  

To make matters worse, this was apparently a citizen’s arrest, meaning some guy (or woman, we don’t know) on the street grabbed War Machine after he battered someone and then held him there for the cops.  Or, more likely, it happened in a club or casino and security detained him, though I like the first explanation better for the visual imagery it conjures up.

War Machine was already on probation in California for beating up someone outside a gym, so unless he can prove his innocence in this case – and let’s be honest, you knew when you saw the headline that he was guilty – he’s probably going to do some time.

As much as we like mocking those who have aggressively proved themselves deserving of such mockery, War Machine’s life has recently moved beyond pure schadenfreude and into the realm of the genuinely depressing.  Though he did bring it on himself (repeatedly) while demonstrating a complete unwillingness to learn from his past mistakes.  You know where he could make friends who share those fun little traits?  Prison.

Cagepotato Comments

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khare- March 3, 2012 at 1:59 am
Adult link sale
convict- July 29, 2010 at 3:26 pm
So when you first get here you learn the rules, jail politics. You got the Whites, the Mexicans, and the Blacks + others. Whites and Mex share tables for recreation but you only eat show at your designated race's table. You never sit at the Blacks table and vice-versa, but you can talk to them here in County Jail. If a Mex or White fights a Black, all the Mex and Whites are required to jump in. One on one fights are only allowed against your own race and take place in an empty cell. I think it's dumb. I'm not trying to fight anyone and can care less abotu who fights who. I hope no big rumbles happen... I can't afford more trouble. Buttt if you don't help, you get jumped afterwards. Maybe I'll just throw body shots and leg kicks so I don't hurt anyone...
convict- July 29, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Like theres mma experts in prisons..War Machine will be fine its the other inmates that bes keep in check
UFC fan- February 11, 2009 at 12:09 pm
"Ooh, yeah....

I'm just a love machine
And I won't work for nobody but you (yeah baby)
I'm just a love machine
.............. A hugging kissing fiend

Verse # 1
I think it's high time you knew
Whenever I think of you
My mind blows a fuse (baby)

When I look in your eyes
My meter starts to rise
And I become confused

My voltage regulator coos
When I'm sitting next to you
Electricity starts to flow
And my indicator starts to glow (WOOOOOO!)

(I,I,) I'm just a love machine
and I won't work for nobody but you (Ooh, yeah)
I'm just a love machine
(Yeah, baby)....... A hugging kissing fiend

La... La la la la..... La la la la.. La la (ooh ooh do)
La la la la la.. La la la.... La la laaaaaaaaa"

Ouch! That hurts- February 10, 2009 at 7:25 am
Very funny Goog, I laughed out loud. Yes, it would have been easier to type LOL, but as a 40 year old man that is prohibited by law
Anonymous- February 10, 2009 at 7:16 am
What a piece of shit
Aryan- February 10, 2009 at 6:10 am
guy had everything
Prison- February 10, 2009 at 5:56 am
i hear a flexible thoracic cage makes cornholing easier
Goog- February 10, 2009 at 5:50 am
And don't count him out too long. You know he'll only be there two days and he'll say something that gets him thrown out of prison.
Goog- February 10, 2009 at 5:38 am
Warm Ass Sheen.
emptyhandkiller- February 10, 2009 at 5:37 am
I know everyone hates poor ol' War, but a stint in prison just might do him some good... Who knows, once his bung has been stretched a few hundred times, he may become introspective, and vow to change his life! Then all of you haters would be sorry, wouldn't you! Prison Rule #1, War, NEVER turn your back on your opponent! War Machine! War Machine! War Machine! (sung to the tune of Mean Machine! Mean Machine! Mean Machine!)
Ouch! That hurts- February 10, 2009 at 5:34 am
First of all, if the "whore machine" comment doesn't win an effing t-shirt then the world is a cruel, cruel place.

I bet Koppenhaver said to himself "this never would have happened in Thailand" right after he went to the pokie. And now he's figuring out why they call it the pokie. Get it? I made an anal rape joke about prison! Yeah, I'm a wordsmith, I know.
Wandering Wade- February 10, 2009 at 4:58 am
It was at a gay bar too AHAHAHAHAHAHA
Sonny Bono- February 10, 2009 at 4:45 am
This guy needs to find a tree and ski into it.
VegasREW- February 10, 2009 at 2:07 am
... and in response to the "Sad day for the Machine Family" comment. No, they're asses also. I went to school with his older brother, Washing Machine, and he was a real tool.
VegasREW- February 10, 2009 at 1:50 am
WOW! Arrested by citizens for fighting in a gay bar. That should draw in the endorsements!
Stinky Mike- February 10, 2009 at 12:59 am
So...for some reason,I was talking about war machine at work today, go figure he'd be in the news. He has pissed away so much.Two jobs in less than a year and now he's looking at jail. Should have changed his name to dumbass
CugeHock- February 9, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Apparently this all happened at a gay club in Vegas, i'm not making this up. The club was described as "gay ... but very straight-friendly."
Mikey Gilz- February 9, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Come on people.. Whore Machine...... Not that funny
FlamingJesus- February 9, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I could totally see War Machine in an episode of Oz.
Kintama Chikara- February 9, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Whore Machine

should change his name again to Ass Whore Machine
Ozone - February 9, 2009 at 9:04 pm
I havent been this shocked by an announcement since arod admitted steroid use
newotnek- February 9, 2009 at 8:10 pm
REAL STORY*** Mr. Machine tried to fight some teenage girl over a parking space at the gym and got choked out. (again) The cops drove up when the towel guy, who looks up to War Machine cause he has a bad ass collection of medium t shirts with skulls, grenades, chains and gargoyles on them, tried to revive him and had his leg grabbed by a groggy Machine.
Anonymous- February 9, 2009 at 7:56 pm
War Machine is a fucking hunter!
Douche Machine- February 9, 2009 at 7:47 pm
This is a sad, sad day for the Machine family.