("I don’t need a passport, bro. I’ve got something even better.")

The artist formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver was inexplicably allowed to leave the country this weekend and on Saturday celebrated by defeating Zach Light via first-round rear naked choke at BAMMA 3 in Birmingham, England. Now it seems like he’s having some trouble getting back, according to his Twitter. (Editor’s Note: You go ahead and keep him, England. Seriously.)

Fellow UFC washout (and the first fighter to snatch away the veil to reveal Kimbo Slice‘s canliness) Seth Petruzelli also got a win, locking on an arm bar just a minute, seven seconds into his fight against Ryan White. Petruzelli billed himself as "The Kimbo Conqueror" for this engagement, apparently hoping ships bearing news that Slice is now officially washed up had not yet arrived from The New World.

Matt Horwich was not as lucky as his fellow "TUF" alums, dropping a unanimous decision to Tom Watson in the evening’s main event. Horwich was a late replacement for some other dude, who was judged unfit to fight by BAMMA doctors.

It was War Machine‘s first bout since his arrest for assault in San Diego back in March. Shortly thereafter, he allegedly tried to sell some internal organs to pay his legal fees and was reportedly shocked to discover that was illegal. With the win, it’s nice to see such a nice young man get back on track. Expect a meltdown in three … two … one …