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War Machine, Petruzelli Pick Up Wins in UK


("I don’t need a passport, bro. I’ve got something even better.")

The artist formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver was inexplicably allowed to leave the country this weekend and on Saturday celebrated by defeating Zach Light via first-round rear naked choke at BAMMA 3 in Birmingham, England. Now it seems like he’s having some trouble getting back, according to his Twitter. (Editor’s Note: You go ahead and keep him, England. Seriously.)

Fellow UFC washout (and the first fighter to snatch away the veil to reveal Kimbo Slice‘s canliness) Seth Petruzelli also got a win, locking on an arm bar just a minute, seven seconds into his fight against Ryan White. Petruzelli billed himself as "The Kimbo Conqueror" for this engagement, apparently hoping ships bearing news that Slice is now officially washed up had not yet arrived from The New World.


Matt Horwich was not as lucky as his fellow "TUF" alums, dropping a unanimous decision to Tom Watson in the evening’s main event. Horwich was a late replacement for some other dude, who was judged unfit to fight by BAMMA doctors.

It was War Machine‘s first bout since his arrest for assault in San Diego back in March. Shortly thereafter, he allegedly tried to sell some internal organs to pay his legal fees and was reportedly shocked to discover that was illegal. With the win, it’s nice to see such a nice young man get back on track. Expect a meltdown in three … two … one …

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ccman- May 17, 2010 at 6:55 am
You do not need visas to travel anymore except to work. How he got there? Passport, Easy. How he worked? Just needed a sponsor (bamma) now what's blocking his return could be interesting.
Hammer Fisting- May 17, 2010 at 6:19 am
FAIL
Ratel- May 17, 2010 at 5:14 am
umm, who lifted the koppenhaver/war machine ban? it certainly wasn't me. also, has the board convened with a decision on whether or not we're combining Frito Ortiz into this ban, or will he have his own independent one?
ghostboner- May 17, 2010 at 4:30 am
Uh Billy Bob Thornton really was super in Monster's Ball, but I think his best work was in Sling Blade.
ytrebil- May 17, 2010 at 4:22 am
How the hell did he get a travelling VISA to the UK with his criminal record? That is ridiculous.
whitey- May 17, 2010 at 1:54 am
"why yes i did just move in as a matter of fact. oh you want to see my most prized possession in the world? well it's right here in the kitchen. grab your camera and follow me, you're gonna want to remember this day!"
Tai-Pan- May 16, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Was anyone else thrown off when they found out Riley Steele was not a dude? Dude's got some pretty serious latent homosexual tendencies, brah.
whitey- May 16, 2010 at 10:26 pm
i love fear and loathing. depp's best role he ever played.
Dr Garbo- May 16, 2010 at 10:09 pm
@ Mr Misanthropy

He would be perfect for gay porn...there are never enough assholes on set!
Mr_Misanthropy- May 16, 2010 at 9:34 pm
When you have the distinguishing privilege of being America's wang, you can use whatever stupid names you want.

It would be much more appropriate if they changed it to The General or El Presidente, or something in that vein, however. Florida does sound pretty stupid. (Hey baby, whydonchu come over an talk to meester Florida tonight?)
Almost North- May 16, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Is there any name the state of Florida won't approve? Ochocinco, War Machine....this is just one wing of their sweeping state campaign to attract the most psychotic celebrities. They probably called OJ up mid-trial to invite him down.

TheArtof8Limbs- May 16, 2010 at 8:50 pm
I liked him better wearing the spit bag
wifey- May 16, 2010 at 8:33 pm
that dude is a prime example of what not to do.... ever.
513- May 16, 2010 at 8:32 pm
war machine is a Ken Shamrock wanna be
PurplePickle- May 16, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Mr_Misanthropy,

Quote the good Doctor of Journalism again and I might have to kiss you.
Bad craziness and devil ether indeed.
k-onda- May 16, 2010 at 7:47 pm
"Allowed to leave the country." Oh yeah, that was no mistake, flushed down the toilet that is merry ol' england like a pet crocodile. Now they can dispose of him, good riddance and good luck wit dat.
jimbonics- May 16, 2010 at 6:51 pm
I blame the judge that allowed this impressionable youth to legally change his name to a comic book character.

Ida been like.. "Naw fucker! You can be Jon God Damn Koppenhaver, mmkay?"

Robocop Didnt Tap- May 16, 2010 at 6:18 pm
Ah War Machine...your misadventures always give me a good chuckle.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 16, 2010 at 5:53 pm
After he gets his ass kicked by a kangaroo in Australia expect him to try his hand at gay porn, one of the few industries he will still be allowed to work in. How this guy avoids serious prison time is mind boggling. I assume he sucks a mean dick.
Mr_Misanthropy- May 16, 2010 at 5:49 pm
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
HokeyPokeyLikeAoki- May 16, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Nice update, but no photos? Dumbas.
Nut Puncher 9000- May 16, 2010 at 5:46 pm
...BOOM!
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