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War Machine Returning to MMA in April, Still Out His Damn Mind

(Fuck a period of quiet reflection.)

Just a quick note to alert those of you who live in or around Duluth, Georgia that your local crazy quotient may see an alarming spike about a month from now. The fighter/pornographic thespian known as War Machine is going to be taking on Aaron “Tex” Johnson at Wild Bill’s Fight Night on April 17. Before we could even wonder how his training for this fight is progressing, Mr. Machine filled us in via his Twitter: “Hmm…maybe I should train a lil’ for the fight huh? I wonder if I could win if I don’t train…Hmmmm….what if I just dream of training?”

As you see, War is the same as he ever was, and his Twitter account confirms that his mental unraveling is still ongoing. For example, in the last 72 hours he’s posted about what a “bitch” Jamie Varner is, claimed to have gotten drunk and carved his fiancé’s initials into his arm (an update that ended with “Fcuk it so drunk!”), declared “Fuck the US!”,“Fuck Haiti!”, and, in a screed not directed at any particular person, dropped this little Twitter gem:

Let this be a lesson to all of us.  Whatever message you’re planning on posting to the internet at 4:52 am, why not go ahead and wait a few hours to see if it still seems like such a good idea?  Also, in your statement telling the world that you’re not a racist, it’s probably best to avoid using the n-word.

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Opposites Attack- March 16, 2010 at 1:02 pm
seriously though, i really did used to feel bad for him. I did. then he started saying terrible stuff about kids and old people, then gays, then dead people, then black people, then all people besides himself, and then he ran over my grandmother with a golf you see, he had his chance. he had many MANY chances...
Lysol- March 15, 2010 at 8:39 pm
@ OppositesAttack

The poor kid's seen American Psycho one too many times. Mock him at will.


Very good observation. Undoubtedly somewhat true.
nicey- March 15, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Someone said this guy is a has-been. I tend to disagree. To be a has-been, you have to have BEEN somebody. js.
NomadRip- March 15, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Actually, Nogueira fans were giving him a hard time, is all. The I and O keys are right next to each other, ya know.
Opposites Attack- March 15, 2010 at 5:15 pm
I will leave him alone when he does us a favor and leaves the world alone.
Lysol- March 15, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I like to imagine that one day, when helicopters are circling out front of War Machine's gym, an emotionally run down War Machine is going to call his lawyer and confess to all his recent antics that we've been watching so nerviously. The next evening, while inside of an upscale bar, War will talk to his lawyer, who will be laughing at his cleverness, assuming that the voice mail was just a joke. Then, after War Machine frantically tries to inform him that he's being serious, the lawyer, tired of the onrunning joke, is just going to say "Look, John, this isn't funny anymore. I know that the answering machine message was a joke because there's no way that an asshole like War would only use the word nigger once in a public setting." In that moment, War Machine will realize that all the fucked up stuff that goes on in his head is not what's actually going on in reality, and that it's actually far, far worse.

In other words, leave the poor kid alone, Opposites Attack, because he's obviously got mental problems.
mma samurai- March 15, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Let me try this again and don't block me this time CP dammit!!!!

He should fight Cyborg in his next fight being that he's used to beating on women and choking them. Just another day in the life of a reality tv nobody.
mt59801- March 15, 2010 at 4:01 pm
War Machine + Junie Browning + gay marriage + hatian adoption = Reality TV win
Opposites Attack- March 15, 2010 at 2:35 pm
@Wrye Bash

yer silly.
cecils_pupils- March 15, 2010 at 2:31 pm
@ I Know Nothing AND Plan B

You see, War Machine is like a train wreck that you just cant stop watching. CP and may other websites will not stop reporting this stuff... it's just too entertaining. If you guys don't like stories about him - the solution is simple: skip over these gems when vising CP.

See... now everyone is happy. You are welcome. Please drive through.
RwilsonR- March 15, 2010 at 2:13 pm
I hope Junie Browning is taking notes, because War Machine really knows how to take advantage of his TUF stint to do crazy. Junie, please step it up since Mr. Machine has set the bar so high.
Nut Puncher 9000- March 15, 2010 at 1:28 pm
There is only one remaining story about WM that deserves our time and thats when he hangs himself by his cum filled jerk sock and a whip he thought he would use in porn.
AkilleeZ- March 15, 2010 at 1:28 pm
the sad thing is, its only a matter of time before this kid blows his head off with a 9mm.
Shoe- March 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm
He also tried to sell his sperm on eBay
Plan B- March 15, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Can we get a news ban on this guy? Hell, most of the stuff you report on this guy has little to nothing to do with MMA.

As I Know Nothing put it a couple posts above:

"in the world of MMA there are plenty of other fighters who truly deserve space on your page & you do a disservice to them & MMA by choosing to post crap like this."

I second the motion.
Punchmeintheface- March 15, 2010 at 12:50 pm
War machiene blocked me on Twitter. After he posted that people need to get their facts straight, I asked how they were wrong, and he blocked me. Lol.
sevvi- March 15, 2010 at 12:37 pm
@steampunk22 +1 :)
Wrye Bash- March 15, 2010 at 12:34 pm
@Opposites Attack
meanfinger- March 15, 2010 at 11:58 am
war machine vs. toney. we already know war machine eats dick daily so he should make weight in no time
I Know Nothing- March 15, 2010 at 11:46 am
please stop reporting on this piece of sh!t. in the world of MMA there are plenty of other fighters who truly deserve space on your page & you do a disservice to them & MMA by choosing to post crap like this.
steampunk22- March 15, 2010 at 11:37 am
Too weird to live, too rare to die.

bcpjkell- March 15, 2010 at 11:27 am
I cannot help myself from laughing at everything he says and does.

That being said, he is the most sorry excuse of a person I've ever seen. I hope he doesn't ruin MMA in the eyes of the mass media.
Tai-Pan- March 15, 2010 at 11:26 am
I was cool long before I ever picked on the short bus kids or Warmachine - who I think would a agree - Fuck a short bus kids.
Opposites Attack- March 15, 2010 at 11:19 am
Wrye Bash....You obviously do not know enough about war machine. Had you known enough about him, there is no way in hell you would stick up for the guy. he deserves every bad thing that can happen to a human being ten fold. there is absolutely no excuse for his behavior, none. he is just a piece of garbage, plain and simple, a human being gone wrong, a mistake, a waste of precious oxygen.
Wrye Bash- March 15, 2010 at 11:15 am
Um.. he's obviously got mental problems. You guys may as well be picking on the kids that rode the short bus to school. I guess your pretty cool guys.